Chapter Eleven #2
I choked on a sob, my knees wobbling beneath me.
The rope secured around her neck dug in tightly, the skin surrounding it red and raw.
Her toes just barely brushed the ground, not close enough to save her from her fate, had she changed her mind.
Her blood had settled in her feet and fingertips, the deep violet that pooled spreading upward like a curse.
How long had I been gone?
The sight before me was so morbid, so unnatural, that my stomach rolled.
The most horrific thing, however, was not the sight of her lifeless body.
No, the most alarming part was that for the first time in my life, when using my magic to read someone, I felt nothing.
And I realized then how desperately I wished to feel her sorrow, to feel rage or misery.
How I hated myself for loathing her pain, how I took for granted how much better it all was than to feel nothing at all.
“Mother…” My voice shook as I spoke. But I knew she couldn’t answer. I knew she was gone.
Terror held me still, unable to tear my gaze away. Her body was unmoving, as if frozen in the air.
Why would she do this to me?
How could she do this to me?
Why wasn’t I enough to make her happy? To give her purpose? To bring her joy?
Why wasn’t I enough?
The front door to our house creaked open, but my attention was stuck.
“Merrick!” Torrin called out. “I forgot to give you your arrows!”
I tried to open my mouth, but no words came out. But I knew I didn’t need them with him.
She’s dead.
Only seconds went by before Torrin barged into my mother’s bedroom. His eyes bulged at the sight of her corpse, and as unpleasant a feeling as it was, I was happy to feel his emotions bleeding into mine. To feel something.
Anything was better than nothing.
“Let’s get outside,” He placed a hand on my shoulder. “You shouldn’t see this.”
My blurry gaze shifted to her made-up bed, not noticing until now the small piece of paper on it.
I bit down on my lip, my face finally crumpling as I tore my eyes from her corpse to my cousin. “I have to read it,” I whispered.
He shook his head. “Let me—”
“I HAVE TO READ IT!” I wailed, my composure cracking.
Torrin paled but nodded, his arm hesitantly falling to his side.
It felt as though my blood had turned to lead, and every step closer to reading that note was a step closer to losing a part of myself forever.
I slowly placed the zinnias on the bed before my shaky hands grasped the parchment. Upon reading the ten simple words, I fell to my knees, a sob ripping from my chest.
I love you, Merrick.
I’m sorry for being so broken.
“Oh, Gods…” I wept, gasping for air. “I-I didn’t say I loved her back! This morning…oh Gods…”
“Okay. Have fun.”
I cried harder, picturing her broken smile. She knew. She knew she was going to take her life.
“I love you, Merrick.”
Chills spread across my body, and I began shuddering, the room feeling as though it had dropped several degrees. I pulled my knees to my chest as I sobbed, “I didn’t say it back…I didn’t say it back…”
Torrin knelt beside me, rubbing my back in comfort as I wept so hard that my throat ached.
This is my fault.
I could’ve stopped her.
She didn’t feel loved by me…just like she didn’t by Father.
I did this.
My fault. My fault. My fault.
“Merrick,” Torrin gasped, and I hardly had the sense to register that the floor was veiled in a layer of ice, as were my hands, the cold spreading up my forearms.
Torrin roughly gripped my shoulders and shook me. “This is NOT your fault, Merrick,” he insisted, having read my thoughts. “You have to try to calm down—the ice could kill you!”
I tried to move my fingers, the movement slow, as if I was turning into a statue.
“It’s not your fault,” he kept repeating lovingly. “It’s not your fault, Merrick.”
After giving me time, allowing my breathing to steady, Torrin guided my trembling body upright.
The sadness was quickly being replaced by anger. So, so much rage.
No, it wasn’t my fault.
“It’s his fault,” I growled. “He did this to her.”
“Merrick—”
Torrin didn’t stop me, couldn’t stop me, not as I bolted out of the room, out of the house. He caught up quickly, though, and not just because of his long legs. No, he knew exactly where my destination was.
I raised my palm as I halted before Vicsin’s home, and with every bit of pent-up rage, every ounce of heartbreak, I hurled a shard of ice through his front window. The glass shattered upon impact, and Heildee’s scream sounded from inside.
It only took a moment for my father to come rushing out of the brick house. His eyes bulged when he noticed the ice creeping up my arms, up my legs.
I didn’t care about the pain—I couldn’t even register it. It was nothing compared to the ache in my mind. My heart.
Heildee ran out next, her child right behind her. Elowen’s big, blue eyes raked over me as she hid behind her mother’s form.
“Merrick, what—”
“YOU KILLED HER!” I roared, shooting the frozen shards anywhere that I could. My aim was off, my newfound power difficult to grasp, especially in a state like this. I didn’t care if my magic hit Vicsin, Heildee, or even Elowen.
I hated them.
I hated them all.
“Merrick, you have to stop,” Torrin spoke urgently in my mind. I was aware he was behind me and grateful that he was not physically attempting to stop me.
Villagers were filtering out of their homes at the ruckus, gaping at the display. Vicsin stood in front of his new family and yelled to them, “Get inside!”
Elowen was shaking, bawling as she clutched the fabric of Heildee’s dress as shard after shard hurled toward their home. Another window shattered as they ducked inside, and Elowen screamed, the sound high-pitched and shrill.
“Shut up, you fucking brAT!” I howled at her, my voice cracking as my sob broke free.
“MERRICK!” my father bellowed, and he grunted as a large piece of ice slid across his forearm.
I immediately froze, my eyes darting to the river of crimson dripping down his arm. Vicsin’s furious stare bored into mine, and he rushed forward, roughly clutching my arm and hauling me away.
“What is going on?” Igon demanded, his attention shifting to Vicsin’s bloody arm as he hurried toward us from his tower.
“I’ve got it covered,” my father insisted.
I choked out a broken laugh. “You’ve got it covered?!” My broken gaze found Igon. “My mother is dead. Her corpse is hanging in her bedroom.”
Igon’s eyes flared, and when his stare went to Vicsin, my father’s head fell.
My lip curled as I took in his pathetic face. A face that looked too similar to my own. “Go look at her, Father. Go and see what you did to her.”
Igon’s topaz eyes studied me with pity. “Perhaps the boy should come with me.”
“No.” Vicsin tugged me toward Ames’s exit. “We need to talk.”
Igon’s brows lowered at my father, but he nodded, allowing him to drag me away.
“I hate you,” I seethed as we made it into the woods. “I’d rather be dead myself than turn out like you.”
My father halted, whirling toward me. “Feel how you wish about me, son, but Elowen has done nothing to deserve your treatment. She’s your sister!”
I gaped at him, dumbfounded. “Mother’s body is decaying as we speak, and all you’re concerned about is Elowen’s feelings?!” My hands shook as I tugged my arm, breaking his grasp. I desperately wished to pierce his chest with my newfound power.
Vicsin just stood there like a Godsdamn moron.
“That brat is not my sister,” I seethed.
“She is nothing to me.” He went to speak, but I interrupted him.
“And you want to talk about nothing? You left us like it was nothing. Like she was nothing.” I shook my head, hating myself for crying in front of him.
“And now look what you’ve done. Look what you did. ”
He was silent for many moments. “I will admit that I was a terrible husband,” he said calmly. “I have made many mistakes. But your mother’s choice to end her life was just that. Her choice, one she made without considering how it would affect you.”
I laughed humorlessly. “Did you consider how it would affect me when you got another woman pregnant?” I challenged, and my father tensed.
“Did you consider how it would affect me when you left Mother and me to live with her? To be with your new family? Because you never considered us. Not for one moment.” I wiped my eyes, backing away toward our village. “You are selfish, and you disgust me.”
I turned, and my father said, “I will always love you, Merrick.”
I froze, feeling the truth of his words spread across my collarbones.
“And I will always hate you,” I responded, hoping he felt the truth in mine.