Chapter Eighteen
ERABELLA - NOW
The memories of Merrick grinning in the ocean, his strong hands gripping my waist, haunted me, preventing me from getting meaningful sleep after our swim. I simply couldn’t get him off my mind, so instead I had tossed and turned, frustrated by my unrelenting headache.
I wanted him terribly, and I missed it when it was just the two of us—missed when I could freely show him my affection.
I studied Silas as he finished getting dressed for this extravagant ball.
It wasn’t the first one we’d attended together, but it was the only one where I’d seen him completely topless.
I did as he’d said, not pressing on the matter, but my chest ached knowing he’d been brutalized in such a way. My guess was that it was by his father.
I wondered why he never felt like he could open up to me about it. We’d never spoken directly about the horrors I’d grown up with, but he’d seen the bruises Ragnall had given me. Didn’t he know I was safe?
He held his elbow out to me like the perfect gentleman once we were ready, and I took one last glance at my gold and orange gown. The bodice cinched my waist, twisting across my neck into a halter, and the fabric had an almost metallic-like sheen, the skirt spilling out in sheer amber chiffon.
Esther would love this design.
We entered the spectacular ballroom several minutes later, the room filled with people, and Silas parted from me rather quickly.
I met up with El and Edmund and chatted with them for a bit before they went to dance together.
I smiled as I listened to the beautiful music, the melody bouncing off the walls. And then Merrick and Viola walked in.
I tried not to let jealousy get the better of me, but she looked perfect. Her grey gown sparkled as she moved, the shade complementing her dark complexion, and her purple curls and fresh braids were stunning.
And then there was Merrick. His silky, silver hair fell past his shoulders, his dark suit hugging him in all the right places. Places I’d seen before…places I’d kissed.
The two chatted as they strolled in, and then Viola placed a hand on his arm before drifting toward Elowen and Edmund. He looked around the room, and when he spotted me, a smile spread across his face. His gaze slowly raked up and down my body, and when they met mine again, he mouthed, “Beautiful.”
I bit back my grin, turning away from him.
Gods, what the hell am I going to do? How am I going to survive being away from him?
While the music still played, much of the room quieted once Lena entered, a handful of Nereidian servants accompanying her. Valter sure gave her the royal treatment; her ocean-colored, Sea-Nymph-like gown and elaborate hairstyle said as much.
I was expecting him to be the one asking for her first dance, not my husband.
An uneasy feeling took hold as Silas grinned at her…as I saw the way she smiled back. But then my attention shifted as Roland strolled up to me, two glasses in hand.
“Here you go, Your Highness,” he purred as he handed me a cup of spiked punch.
I smiled politely, inclining my head. “Why, thank you.” After my time with Merrick, I almost forgot I was an actual princess.
His hazel eyes scanned my outfit, and he let out a low whistle. “My mom would love that dress,” he commented, sipping his own drink. “In fact, she’d be gawking at everyone here. My sisters, too.”
I took a sip of the sweet liquid, smiling to myself as I thought about her. “I was thinking the same thing earlier. Though I imagine those here would be impressed by her designs as well.”
Roland was an interesting man, a sweetheart, honestly. That much was undeniable. But while I was close to his mother and knew his sisters, I hadn’t spoken to him one-on-one very often. Silas had always kept a distance before, so I’d done the same.
My attention drifted back to him, Lena awfully close as they swayed to the slow music, his hands low on her hips, her chin on his shoulder.
Why were they in the Valley together, just as Merrick and I were? Do they have feelings for each other, too?
I was still staring at them as Merrick approached. Roland waved his glass, now empty, and said with a buzzed smile, “Let’s hope this punch doesn’t leave me hungover as fuck tomorrow.”
Merrick snorted, and with a salute, Roland wandered back to the alcohol. His icy eyes shone with mischief when I tore my gaze away from the pair, and I raised a brow at him.
I grinned widely, however, once Merrick presented me with a napkin, and I realized what was inside.
Two chocolate-covered strawberries.
“You said we’d try it together,” he reminded me with an eyebrow wiggle.
I grabbed the piece of fruit, more excited to watch him try chocolate for the first time than to taste it myself. “Let’s hope it lives up to the hype.”
“My expectations are very high if this is such a classy lady’s favorite.”
I rolled my eyes, and then we lifted the desserts, tapping them together before we both took a bite. I didn’t even focus on the lovely flavor—too eager to see Merrick’s reaction as he chewed.
“Wow,” he mumbled with his mouth full, nodding his head. “That is good.”
“Prove it,” I challenged.
His lips curved into a sexy grin as his eyes turned black, and he murmured, “Delicious.”
My collarbones tingled pleasantly, but as his eyes greedily roamed over me, I wondered if it was really the dessert he was speaking about.
Suddenly, his eyes shot wide, his fingers going to his neck. My pulse quickened, my stomach plummeting as the scratchy sound of labored breathing rasped in his throat.
“Are you okay?!” I panicked.
A few more seconds with a fearful gaze, and Merrick chuckled, his hands falling to his sides. “Just kidding.” He winked. “You’re awfully gullible.”
My mouth popped open, and I smacked his arm. “Bastard!”
“What?” He took another bite, licking his lips and that attractive ring. “You faked an allergy, remember? Said the same exact thing, in fact.”
“Wow, my ruse lasted for like a second,” I retorted. “I didn’t pretend I was dying. That was cruel.”
He swallowed, then nodded his agreement, giving me a smug smirk. “You’re right. Lying about allergies is cruel.”
My eyes rolled again, my gleeful smile going nowhere. That was, until the slow music ceased, and I peered over at Silas and Lena, who remained almost in a trance, swaying slowly to the now lively beat.
What the hell?
I placed the end of the strawberry in Merrick’s napkin, and all he got out was, “Era—” before I trudged over to them.
The way their heavy eyes bored into one another…there was no way they hadn’t had a moment like Merrick and I did. A day? Two? That chemistry couldn’t have come to them that quickly.
Could’ve it?
“Silas,” I said as I halted before them, but they didn’t even hear me. I glowered, my hands going to my hips. “Silas,” I repeated. Lena jumped at my more urgent tone, and I shifted my narrowed gaze to her. “I’d like my husband back if you don’t mind.”
“Oh, right, of course.” She bashfully backed up, dusting her dress off.
“Valter wanted to see you, by the way,” I added, darting my gaze over to him. He didn’t tell me as much, but it was obvious to everyone that he was attracted to her.
It seemed every man was.
“Oh! Okay.” Lena turned to Silas and gave him a soft smile. “Thank you for the dance, Your Highness,” she said quietly, and my anger grew as she curtseyed before wandering away.
His eyes were still following her when I questioned, “What was that?”
“What was what?” he mumbled, placing his tattooed hands inside his pockets.
I clenched my fists. “I’m not stupid. That wasn’t just a friendly dance!” I hissed, stepping forward into his view. “You two practically had your tongues down each other’s throats!”
Surprisingly, Silas didn’t rush to defend himself. Instead, he stared off into the distance and said quietly, “We’ve been through a lot. We were just…talking.”
Been through a lot…like in the Valley?
“Do you have feelings for her?”
That made his eyes shoot to mine.
I crossed my arms and pressed, “Do you have feelings for her, Silas?”
I didn’t know why his hesitation hurt me. Didn’t know why the truth in his silence caused pressure to form behind my eyes. I went to move, to go where, I did not know.
Silas grabbed my arm gently. “I’m sorry, Erabella…”
I refrained from looking at him for several moments, but when I finally glowered over my shoulder, when I took in the shame on his face, a single tear broke free. And then he released me from his grasp, and I rushed out of there.
I think Merrick had yelled for me, but I couldn’t say for certain. My fury in that moment ruled me.
I knew my anger wasn’t with Silas, not really. It was anger at myself, at my situation. Anger that I couldn’t be with the one I wanted to. Anger that I was still scared.
Jealousy, too.
“Era!” Merrick called out just as I entered a random room, needing to be alone. My hands went to my temples, rubbing them as I shut my eyes.
Not that it stopped him from following me.
“What happened?” he questioned. “Era, talk to—”
I whirled at him. “Does he love her?!” I demanded, because if anyone knew, it was the Empath.
Merrick swallowed, and with his silence, I scoffed, tears burning in my eyes. “Oh, Gods…you’ve known.”
“Era—”
“WHY HAVEN'T YOU TOLD ME?!”
“HOW COULD I?” he uttered in a pained shout, shaking his head. “Era…people’s feelings are complex.”
Why did this hurt so much?
“Fairytales, that’s what they are, Era. You’ll never break free from here.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, hating myself for being so broken.
No…I can’t think about that.
Merrick stepped closer and tipped my chin upward. “It’s not like he knows how we feel about each other,” he continued, kissing my lips softly.
My anger vanished the second his mouth touched mine. “I’m being a hypocrite, I know,” I whispered. “I just…” I sighed, not knowing what else to say.
“You’re being human. You have every right to be upset.” He paused. “Do you want to go back?” he asked gently. “Dance with me?”