Chapter Twenty
ERABELLA - NOW
Ididn’t speak much to anyone after that day.
We’d returned to the castle in Nereida and had informed Lucretia of what we’d learned.
Kismet was convincing in her persuasion of the Supreme, and it was settled that Nereida would join our cause.
The Sea Nymphs had allowed Dani and Valter to return to the mainland, and our group now found ourselves in Temple Ravaiana.
My arms were crossed as Merrick approached me.
“We need to talk,” he whispered. Our group was busy settling in, no one paying attention to our conversation.
I kept my arms tucked tightly against me. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Just…” He released a frustrated breath. “Can you look at me?”
My head pulsed. I refused, not wanting to see his guilt-ridden face. I feared I’d start crying in front of everyone.
He waited for a look from me that never came. “I love you,” he whispered.
An awful pit formed in my chest, hearing the desperation in his voice. I wanted to say it back, but my hurt, my Godsdamn ego, kept the words trapped inside.
Out of my peripheral, I noticed his shoulders slumping, and my brain felt like it started to bleed as he stepped away.
I wanted his touch. His embrace. But not yet. I couldn’t.
“I feel…different here,” Silas said as he gazed out one of the temple’s windows.
Roland stepped up to him, giving him a perplexed look. “You sense something?”
“What do you feel?” Lena asked, and I bit down on the inside of my cheek, my eyes drifting to where she moved toward him.
“Perhaps it’s in my head, but I feel almost a…buzz.” His attention drifted to the words in that ancient language on the walls. “Lena, can you read any of this?”
She fished out the book Dani had given her, attempting to translate the text.
“Do you think it’s safe to stay here tonight?” Merrick asked, glancing out a window. I took a chance at looking at him, my chest swelling as I examined his handsome features. “I fear Ulric will find us somehow.”
“I’m sure this place is as good as any.” Elowen beamed at her brother. “Plus, this is the home of the Goddess of Life. Surely, she’ll be watching over us.”
Hendry’s tall form was leaning against the wall, his mismatched eyes narrowing at the setting sun. “We should gather some wood for our fire tonight. Before it gets dark.”
“I'll go with,” Edmund offered, giving Elowen a quick kiss. When I sensed Merrick was about to look at me, I turned my head away, massaging my temple as another wave hit.
“I will, too,” Merrick muttered.
I wouldn’t look at him, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw his head fall, his shoulders drooping. He trailed behind Edmund and Hendry as they left the temple.
His growing distance clawed at my chest.
Viola started voicing Lena’s translation. “Ravaiana's children are the other Gods? A daughter and son…”
“And Azrae's daughter is the other…” Lena drummed her fingertips on the floor, eyes darting around in contemplation. She stood, stuffing her chalk back into her shirt. “But who are they? Where do we find them?”
“Ravaiana's realm is Oquerene, yes?” Silas asked. “Perhaps they reside there.”
She turned to him, brows pinching. “You think it'll be that easy?
“I don't think getting to Oquerene will be easy, but perhaps once we do arrive, things will get easier for us.” I saw red, my fists clenching as he tucked her hair behind her ear and then cupped her face.
“Come. We've been traveling a lot. You must be exhausted.
You'll need your strength when you bring us back to the mountain in the morning.”
Lena’s eyes softened, then sparkled as she rested her cheek into his palm, gazing at him like he was everything to her.
And that’s when my rage peaked, because the sight forced me to accept the real reason that I was angry.
Not because Silas cheated. Not because Lena cheated with him.
But because I wanted what they had. I wanted love so deep, so passionate, so safe.
And I hated them, but not really. I hated that I didn’t have it for myself.
And my hurt grew, because I knew that wasn’t true. Knew that I had a person who looked at me the way Lena looked at Silas. Knew that I was an idiot for pushing him away.
“It's still so weird seeing you guys like this,” Viola mumbled, and Lena chuckled softly as she glanced at her friend. But her expression sobered the moment our eyes met, and she took in my irate glare.
Lena pulled away from Silas’s embrace immediately, stuffing the archaic text back into her bag, not knowing that my angered face was directed more at myself than at her.
I felt terrible, and it wasn’t just this horrific migraine. I hated myself for being cold toward him. I wondered if he had felt that, too.
But I was done pretending.
I didn’t want to just play with his fire—starving the hearth of his heart with only stolen glances and hidden touches as tinder. No, I wanted it to consume me. I wanted his flames to lick up legs, envelop me in their unforgiving heat, trapping me so I may not run, may not escape.
Because that’s what I truly needed, wasn’t it? I needed his embers to make that choice for me, needed them to rob me of my agency, because I was too scared to warm myself. Too afraid of getting burned.
But the fire died out, didn’t it? I was too afraid to strike the flint and steel…and so I’d chosen to lie in the cold instead.
Maybe I deserved to freeze.
But that was the thing about Merrick Astair. Ice never scared him. In fact, he’d loved me through every cold shoulder, every guilt-ridden shout. He’d been patient, kind, and devoted.
He had loved me. Loved and held and cherished me like no other had. More than my husband. More than my own mother. And I had punished him for withholding information, for being put in an awful position.
I rubbed my temples, sighing as my gaze returned to my lap.
I needed to apologize. I didn’t deserve him, didn’t deserve his forgiveness…but he deserved mine. I just wanted to hold him in my arms and hear him to tell me everything would be okay. And I needed to tell him that I loved him, too. Because I did, more than anyone in my entire life.
I didn’t wish for this resentment to rule me. Lena had lied to Silas for years, and he’d forgiven her. Because that’s what you do when you love someone. You forgive.
The minutes passed like hours as I waited for him to return. I’d run, crashing into him as my arms wrapped around his torso. I’d gaze into his eyes, letting him feel my regret, my love, before my words could do it for me. And then I’d kiss him, if he’d let me.
And I wouldn’t care if the others saw. I wouldn’t care if they judged, if I looked like a fool. All I wanted was for Merrick to be happy—for him to know how truly treasured he was.
Bedrolls were being set up, but I was restless, waiting for the sound of his footsteps to announce his return.
And footsteps sounded, alright.
Hurried ones. Panicked ones.
I spun on the bench, my stomach flipping as Edmund bolted up the stairs, eyes wide, completely winded.
Covered in blood.
Covered in blood.
“What the fuck happened?” Roland exclaimed, and Elowen rushed to her lover to check for injuries.
His chest was rising and falling, his breathing labored. “I’m sorry,” his voice broke, his face crumpling. “I-I couldn’t save them…”
Everything stilled.
No.
Viola and Roland rushed to the windows, eyes darting outside to check for threats. “Save them?” Lena asked lowly.
“Where is Merrick?” Elowen’s voice trembled as she grasped his shoulders. The telepath’s face crumpled, and El’s big blue eyes searched Edmund’s face for an answer. “Where is Merrick, Edmund?!” she shouted, shaking him.
“El…t-they slit his throat—” Edmund choked on a sob, and Elowen’s eyes widened.
No.
No.
No.
Lena clutched her chest. “He's dead?!”
I wanted to scream, my sorrow begging to crawl out of my throat.
“No… no…” Elowen collapsed to the ground, a gut-wrenching cry escaping her.
“There was no time,” he insisted.
I wanted to kill Edmund for leaving him.
“NO!” she wailed in agony.
I wanted to run, to find Merrick. To save him.
He had to be alive.
Edmund was wrong.
Edmund was wrong.
“I’m so sorry, El…” Edmund went to touch her arm, and she flinched backward, glaring at him.
“I could have saved him!” she screamed, and ice began to creep up her arms. “You could have gotten me, and—”
“There is no time,” he barked, grasping her freezing hands. “Elowen, we have to go! They are coming!”
“Where is Hendry?” Silas demanded.
Tears coursed down Edmund's cheeks when he locked eyes with the Prince. “They killed him.”
I had to tell Merrick how sorry I was—that it wasn’t fair for me to take my anger out on him. I had to tell him that I understood why he kept those secrets from me, that I knew that he’d never wish to hurt me.
I had to tell him I loved him.
I needed to tell him!
But when I went to move, to fall to my knees and wail…I couldn’t. Pain bloomed in my head and spread through my body. My limbs stiffened, and my muscles refused to move.
“No,” Roland whispered, tearing his gaze from the window. “No. H-he has to be alright—”
“An arrow went straight through his chest!” Edmund cried. “They are both dead! We have to go!”
All I could do was blink, tears pouring down my face.
I would’ve returned to my life where I was beaten blue, kept away from the world.
I would’ve accepted a loveless marriage to a predatory Prince, the one in Eretesia who’d tried to force me, a fourteen-year-old girl, to her knees.
I would’ve stayed a prisoner to my stepfather, locked away in that house. In that closet.
I would’ve ended my life right then and there if it meant he would come back.
I wanted to end it anyway.
For the first time in my life, I could say that I truly knew heartbreak—could feel my heartstrings tearing, my sense of purpose vanishing.
Merrick…I can’t live without Merrick…
“We have to go get him,” Elowen wept. “We have to—”
Everything around me began to shift—the room losing its color. Time stilled as an arrow shot through a window, the glass shattering upon impact.
I couldn’t move.
Why couldn’t I move?!
Purple dust began dispersing in the air, and while I couldn’t move my body, I still had the presence of mind to know we were fucked. Completely fucked.
Lena rushed to my side, attempting to grab the blade beside me on the bench. It was as if my body wasn’t my own, that a demon had possessed me as I roughly grasped her wrist, preventing her from taking the weapon.
Her furious eyes bored into mine. “What are you doing?!” she hissed.
I tried my hardest to communicate with my eyes, wanting so badly to scream, “I CAN’T MOVE!”
But I could do nothing as one of the soldiers used the hilt of their sword to knock her unconscious.
It was as if I were trapped in a nightmare, unable to do a thing as my friends were all rendered unconscious by the rough blows to their heads.
The Halstedian soldiers would glance at me, hesitantly, almost, before shrugging or shaking their heads.
They fastened those damned cuffs to each of their wrists.
What has happened to me?! Why aren’t they restraining me, too?
I tried to theorize, to come up with an explanation. But all I could think about was Merrick, and deeper into hell I went, the corners of my vision darkening.
I sat there uselessly as my body drifted into a dreamscape, but there was nothing blissful about this reality. One by one, my friends awoke, only to be met with a blade at their throats. Each looked at me in shock—shock that quickly morphed into rage.
“What’s going on?” Lena hissed when she awoke last.
A soldier replied, “The Princess here let us know of your whereabouts.” He gestured to me. “We’ve been tracking you ever since.”
What?!
“What…how…” She shook her head, her watery eyes finding mine as she glanced back at me. “You didn’t. You wouldn't.”
I didn’t!
“She did.” The man motioned to one of the soldiers, and the one holding a blade to Silas grabbed his arm, hauling him to his feet.
“What are you doing?” Lena demanded. They ordered him to sit in front of the altar at the head of the room.
“Why have you attacked us?” Silas asked, his voice calm despite the circumstances. He was ushered up a few steps and shoved against the wooden altar.
“We have orders from King Ulric.”
Lena bared her teeth, and as she went to stand, the man detaining her pressed his sword deeper against her throat.
“Do not move, Lena,” Silas ordered. Dark shadows swirled at the tip of the sword the soldier beside him withdrew.
Ulric.
“What are you doing?!” Lena repeated.
“Silas La’Rune, you are hereby charged with treason,” the soldier declared, his sword aimed at Silas. “Your punishment is execution.” As he angled his weapon, shadows danced along the blade. Evil, wretched magic. “The Undead’s curse has touched this sword. No witch will be able to save you.”
“NO!” Lena shrieked, thrashing against the man restraining her. “Please, please don’t do this—”
Silas tried to move, to help her, but the man with his blade to her neck said, “Try anything, and we slit her throat.”
But if Silas loved Lena like I had Merrick, he’d rather die than bring her any harm.
“Silas, no!” she cried once she realized he’d given up.
“Don't touch him!” Roland roared.
“Don't!” Viola sobbed.
The male in Halstedian armor that held the cursed blade tilted it, examining the dark magic before his eyes flitted to the Prince. “May the Gods have mercy on your soul.”
I screamed internally, feeling as though my mind couldn’t decide between being awake and asleep.
Move, damn you!
“PLEASE!” Lena begged as she writhed, attempting to free herself from the soldier's clutches. “Gods, kill me instead! I will take his place, please…” She cried harder. “Please, don't hurt him!”
The man only offered a sadistic grin before stabbing Silas in the chest.
NO!
I writhed, kicked, and screamed as loud as I could. But not a sound pushed past my lips, nor did a muscle move in my body.
The tears spilled, though, and the sensation of them sliding down my cheek was the only comfort I had.
As Lena wept, as Silas bled out, as my mind went to Merrick, the same words from my past repeated.
You fail everyone you love, Erabella.
You fail everyone you love, Erabella.
You fail everyone you love, Erabella.
And then my vision went black.