Chapter 12
Six months ago
Alexandria
Ash Riley
Ishook my head and showed James my phone. Our lunch break was almost over, but Ma had asked me to send her some listings. Partly, she wanted to be involved in my house hunt. Partly, she wanted to get a sense of the situation—if I’d need their help with money and so on.
“Look at these fucking places. One point two mil for that house and no backyard and an outdated kitchen. Nine hundred K for this one, and we’ll hear every train that goes by.”
James eyed my screen and shoveled more food into his mouth. “Yeah, it’s nuts. If you want, I can talk to my neighbor. She’s retiring and moving to Arizona.”
“What kind of house is it?” I looked up at the sky, reckoning we had a few minutes before it started raining. It’d been unseasonably warm yesterday and today, so we’d taken our lunch to the picnic table right outside our office.
No more takeout for me. I was gonna save every penny I could and bring my own lunch.
“A two-story Cape Cod, three or four bedrooms—but the downstairs office can be converted,” he said.
“I think there’s space above the garage as well.
But I’ll warn you right now, the lady who lives there kinda gave up on maintenance when her husband died ten years ago, and I know the kitchen needs a full remodel. ”
I’d still be interested in taking a look. “If I want a good location and all the potential, it’s gonna have to be a house I’ll need to work on.” I could build a kitchen on my own. “In no way can I afford a place that’s up-to-date on everything. Unless I want a two-bedroom.”
I knew James and his husband lived just south of Alexandria, and I was interested in most neighborhoods in close proximity to Alexandria and Arlington.
“I’ll talk to her,” he repeated. “It’s not the cheapest area, but it’s definitely worth it. We’re surrounded by parks, it’s quiet, and we have a good mix of families and retirees.”
“Which parks?” I was ready to hit up Google Maps.
“Huntley Meadows and Franconia.”
Oh. We’d done a job there recently. That was a nice neighborhood.
“Consider me interested,” I replied. Dylan would love being close to recreation areas.
But we’d see if I could afford it. Needing four bedrooms meant the prices skyrocketed.
I couldn’t go over $600K if I wanted to afford the mortgage every month.
Actually, my salary didn’t want me going over four hundred, but I did have two hundred already.
That was what I had left of my inheritance.
Plus whatever little profit I’d made in stocks and bonds.
I could be creative, though. I didn’t need a home office, and I had a teenager who would jump at the chance of having his own space above a garage.
“Theo mentioned you’re movin’ out of your apartment at the end of the month,” James said.
I nodded and finished yesterday’s leftovers when we’d had spaghetti and marinara with meatballs. It tasted better today.
“I’m not wasting rent money anymore,” I answered as my phone started ringing. “I’ll sleep at the house or in my office until I find somethin’. Excuse me.” It was Mikey’s school calling. “Yeah, this is Ash?”
“Hello, Ash, this is Tavia. I’m afraid Micah is struggling with his anxiety a great deal today. Is it possible for you to pick him up?”
Goddammit. “Yeah, of course. Tell him I’m on my way. I’ll be there in twenty-ish.” I cursed internally and ended the call, one Nate and I had received too many times to count. “I gotta go.”
Thirty-five was almost twenty-ish.
One day soon, Mikey would grow too big to sit on my lap in the driver’s seat, but today wasn’t that day.
I squeezed him tightly and kissed the top of his head.
He sniffled and shuddered as he recovered, and he refused to let me go.
“Another deep breath, sweetheart,” I murmured. “Just like Dr. Maria showed you.”
He nodded jerkily but couldn’t inhale through his nose; it was too stuffy, so I told him to breathe through his mouth instead.
In the meantime, I rubbed his chest and tummy, where most of his anxiety pains manifested.
It usually began with nervousness and a stomachache. If things progressed, the pain spread to his chest and shoulders. He’d speak of tingling and prickling until sharper pains took over, almost like a seizure.
We’d been assured several times that it wasn’t anything else, but it didn’t stop me from worrying.
“It’s better now, Daddy,” he croaked.
“That’s great.” I pressed my lips to his hair again. “Do you know what started the bad feelings today?”
He shrugged and sniffled. “I dunno. I didn’t like it when Ms. Tavia turned off the light. We were gonna watch a movie.”
That made sense. He hated the dark. I’d have to call his teacher about that. Honestly, I thought they already knew.
“And you and Daddy weren’t there,” he whimpered.
Jesus, he had my heart in a vise grip.
I held him a little tighter. “Daddy’s here now. Everything’s okay. You did good to tell Ms. Tavia you weren’t feeling well.”
He sniffled some more and nodded a little. “Am I going back to class?”
I checked my watch briefly. “I don’t think there’s any point at this hour.” But I had to text Nathan. “I reckon we’ll tell Daddy not to come pick you up, and then we’ll go grab a snack before we pick up Lily.”
He nodded again and wiped at his chubby cheeks. “Can we get donuts?”
I chuckled and brushed a stray tear from his jaw. “Remember what Dr. Maria said. No sugar on the bad days—it makes the anxiety worse.”
He made a face.
Mikey was the family sugar monkey, and it was something we had to keep an eye on. Other than baseball and riding on his bike, he didn’t care for exercise. Except for family outings, I reckoned. He did like our hikes, mostly so he could find critters and worms.
“I suggest we go get those chicken tenders you like,” I said. “We can share a pack while we wait to get your sister.”
“Not with the spicy sauce?”
“Obviously. The mild for you, the hot for Daddy.”
He finally cracked a grin. “You’re funny when you eat that. You say hoo, hoo, so hot, hoo, and then you eat lots of ice.”
Well, the place didn’t fucking sell milk. So I had to make do.
“And you laugh at me, you little shit.” I poked him in the side.
“Yeah,” he laughed. “S’funny.”
I grinned and gave him another hug. “You know what’s funny? How insanely much I love you.”
I dreaded the day he stopped being our little cuddler.
“I love you too—can we get chicken now?”
I snorted, figuring the moment was over. “All right, let’s get you strapped in.”
“Daddy, can I paint your nails today?” Lily asked from the back seat.
“Uh, sure thing,” I replied. “Pick a good color for me, all right?”
“The best!”
Mikey poked his head out from between the seats. “What’s for dinner?”
“Hey—seat belt, young sir,” I reminded him.
And he was hungry already? We’d had chicken an hour ago.
“But we’re on our street!”
“And some people still drive like assholes here.”
He sat back with a huff and put on his seat belt again.
“We’re making fish and mashed potatoes for dinner,” I added. “That’s why we stopped to get panko.”
He snickered. “Panko. That’s a funny word.”
I smiled faintly and pulled up our driveway. Then I furrowed my brow when I noticed the furniture in the front yard. The chair from our bedroom, the rug from the living room—what the fuck, Lily’s bed? A dresser, too. And black trash bags that were filled.
“What on earth is Daddy doing?” I asked no one.
Hadn’t he worked today?
“That’s my bed!” Lily exclaimed.
I killed the engine and climbed out of my truck, and Mikey was already darting inside.
Lily was hot on his tail once I’d opened the door for her, and I grabbed their backpacks.
I didn’t like coming over here anymore whatsoever, but we had to keep up appearances a while longer. Mikey’s anxiety attack today had served as a good reminder.
Despite that… Our situation was exhausting.
I’d warned Nate that I was looking for a house, and once I’d bought one, I wanted a couple of months to get settled.
After that, it was time to break the news to Lily and Mikey.
We couldn’t postpone it any longer. I was so fucking done with the charade, and it never stopped being painful.
If I wanted to have a shot at any kind of recovery, I needed distance from Nate.
As soon as I entered the house, I could tell Nathan had something big cookin’. The hallway was littered with stuff. Some boxes were labeled Goodwill, some were trash, and one box of old toys had a Post-it with my niece’s name on it.
I heard Nate upstairs, explaining we were making some changes. It’d be Dylan’s room, Hallie’s room, Lily’s little alcove would become Daddy’s home office, and we were apparently putting up an extra wall in Daddies’ bedroom to convert it into two rooms, one for Mikey, one for Lily.
“You see that big box there, princess? That’s your new bed. I’m gonna assemble it after dinner.”
“I’m not sharing with Dylan anymore?” Mikey was one part excitement and one part worry.
“Where are you gonna sleep, Daddy?” Lily asked curiously.
Right then and there, I cast a glance into the living room and spotted a big-ass couch that needed assembling. And it was a pullout. Where was our old couch?
I scratched the side of my head.
“Daddy and I will be downstairs in the living room,” Nate responded. “And we think it’s time you and your brother got your own space.” That was for Mikey, I presumed. Time would tell how he’d react. “This weekend, we’ll go out and pick which colors you’ll want on the walls.”
“I want pink!” Lily exclaimed triumphantly.
“In the meantime, we’ll survive the mess, won’t we? You’ll have a sleepover with Nana and Pop-Pop too, while we get your rooms ready.”
I guessed I had plans this weekend, because in no way was I letting Nate play handyman. I’d seen his work. I’d already stopped him from getting up on the roof to replace the broken shingles.
I blew out a breath and continued into the kitchen. I left the bag of panko on the counter, then sifted through the mail on the island.