Chapter 11 #3
After throwing a glance at the RV, I took off on the same path Nathan had taken, and it wasn’t long before I spotted him around a bend. He was getting closer to the part where he could choose left or right, and he opted for left. Into the forest.
I let out a low whistle to alert him to my approach.
He stopped and looked back at me, and he tensed up. “I need a moment, Ash.”
I shook my head. Nah. We weren’t doing that. I wanted to confront him.
“I was more thinking you could fucking level with me for once,” I said, reaching him.
“Come on.” I jerked my chin at the trail we’d walked with Lily yesterday.
She’d wanted to lead a hike, and this one was approximately five hundred feet long and called Bug Trail.
It was also paved, and several of the trees had fun facts for children attached to them.
I made Nate sigh a lot.
Within seconds, we might as well be the only two people on earth, and I saw no reason to walk farther. It was almost pitch black in here.
I turned to face him. “Tell me what you’re thinking—and no bullshit.”
Even in the dark, I saw how his jaw clenched.
“You know what I’m thinking,” he bit out.
I did, but I wanted to hear it.
I waited him out.
Tell me that you miss me and want me back.
He scrubbed his hands over his face, frustration radiating off him.
“Fine.” He let his hands fall again, and he suddenly looked ten years older.
“Of course it hurts hearing you talk about remarrying. We were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together.” He swallowed as his eyes started glistening.
“Now I keep thinking…someone else is going to watch you smoke a cigar. Someone else is going to create memories with you, go on vacations with you, and—and grow old with you.”
Fuck you, Aceyboy. He’s mine.
I took a step toward him as stupid hope rushed through me. “Say the word and I’ll move back in. You think I like any of this? This entire year can go fuck itself.”
He screwed his eyes shut and shook his head. “You can’t say that to me.” At the same time, he planted his hands on my chest—to push me away or to pull me in, I didn’t know yet.
If he was anywhere near surrender, I had to take the chance.
“I’ll say whatever I want,” I murmured, my heart beating faster. I swallowed my nerves. “I miss you, Nathan. I miss you every goddamn day and night.”
He hadn’t opened his eyes yet, but I took it as a good sign when he grabbed at my shirt.
“We could be a family again in a second.” I reached out and cupped his cheek.
“Nothing has changed,” he croaked. “I can’t be with someone who admits to missing a part of himself that he’s too scared to explore.”
I gnashed my teeth but reined it in. “Is the alternative better? Are you happy?”
His shoulders sagged a little, hopefully in defeat.
“Tell me what you want right now.” I inched closer and rested my forehead to his, and I slipped my hands back to his neck. “I can back off…or I can take care of you. Remind you that we belong together—that you’re mine.”
He shuddered violently.
My heart was officially hammering, and I could hear a rushing sound in my ears.
I was so close.
“It’s your choice, baby…” I brushed my lips to the corner of his mouth.
I knew what he was doing. He was trying to convince himself to put a stop to this, just…a little bit more. He wanted to indulge.
It reminded me of back in the day when I’d try to dirty-talk him into calling in sick at work. Fuck delivering pizzas. I’d wanted to have him close to me all hours of the day from the start.
That hadn’t changed.
I cleared my throat quietly. “Do you remember when—”
“Don’t.” He wrenched back with a pained expression, and he shook his head and opened his eyes.
“Remembering isn’t the problem, Ash. It’s that I can’t fucking forget.
” His gaze turned pleading while all hope drained out of me.
“You have to stop. We can’t go down this road again. When you moved out—it broke me.”
Because it’d been the worst decision we ever made! Christ, he had to see that. He had to see we belonged together. He’d ruined me for all others the first fucking day we’d met, when he’d burst out of that office to give a brash scaffolder a piece of his mind for ruining their work environment.
I’d ruined him too. He’d lost his words when he’d seen me. For a moment anyway.
Anger and rejection simmered below the surface, but none of it held a candle to the sorrow that overcame me. He’d made up his mind.
“I’m not doing this to myself.” He scrubbed his hands over his face again. “If it’s taken me the better part of a year to take maybe one or two baby steps forward, I… I just can’t.”
All right.
I took a step back and folded my arms over my chest, and I dropped my stare to the ground.
I was such a fucking idiot.
Yeah, he’d taken baby steps forward. Good for him. I assumed one of those steps included dating some little asshole at Mclean.
Truth be told, I couldn’t stomach the confirmation, so I kept my mouth shut.
Thank fuck we only had two days left on our vacation, ’cause I had a feeling it was going to be a nightmare from here on out.
A week later
Alexandria
Nathan Riley
Given the hour, I wasn’t surprised to see so many work trucks outside the red brick building. People had gone home for the day.
Well, most of them.
Not Ash.
He wasn’t even going to say hello?
I killed the engine and watched Ash give Dylan a quick hug. The entrance to Ash and Theo’s office was maybe sixty feet away; I wasn’t expecting him to cross a desert for me, but this was ridiculous. He usually came over to confirm dinner plans. Then again, that wasn’t happening tonight either.
He’d decided to “work late” since we’d returned home from Maine. Instead, he picked up Micah and Lily from school and kindergarten, spent a couple of hours with them, then lied and said he had to get back to work.
So far, no major issues with Micah’s anxiety, except for sometimes at school when I had to pick him up early.
Ash dropped him and Lily off at my folks’ house, all so he could avoid me.
But I’d made my choice, right?
Tasted like fucking acid, but here we were.
Ash exchanged a few more words with Dylan, who handed over his golf bag to Ash until next time they’d meet up. Then Dylan trailed toward my car while Ash returned inside.
Business was going well, I supposed. When they’d first started the company, Ash and Theo, they had rented the top floor only. Now they had all three. And a big concrete lot for their equipment.
Dylan opened the door and climbed in. “Hey.”
“Hey, kid. How are you today? How was school?”
“I got a C+, so I think I can relax now.”
Oh, that was good. He’d worried about that exam.
“You definitely can,” I say, backing out of the lot. “That’s great, son.”
The boy excelled at sports like football, golf, swimming, rock climbing, bouldering, and whatever else he tried. He was also good with numbers—but history? Social studies? English? Ash and I had lost count of the times Dylan had chucked textbooks at the wall.
A C+ was great, though. It might even up his average.
“We should celebrate,” I said. “What do you want for dinner?”
He hummed and slid lower in his seat. “Uh…Thai?”
Thai. We could do that. I’d just pick up something else for Lily. “Done. We’ll get nuggets for Lily on the way. How was golf?”
“It was all right. We just went to the range. Ash brought James today, and that guy can’t hit a ball to save his life.”
James—I’d heard of him. “He’s the new guy at Dad’s office, right?”
“Yeah. Dad wanted me to meet him because James has a nephew my age, and he’s like…I don’t know, trying to get the guy away from shitty friends.”
Oh. Well, that was nice of James.
“We’re gonna meet up this weekend and play basketball,” Dylan finished.
“You and the nephew?”
“And Dad and James and Uncle Theo.”
Understood. “Sounds like a good time.”
I was going to do my best at re-treating the floor in our living room. The only one in the family who knew construction and handyman work was out of the picture, so it was up to me to give the house a makeover.
Fun, fun, fun.
Frankly, it was making me anxious lately.
Every time I looked at house prices in and around Arlington and Alexandria, I wanted to cry.
The house we lived in was too small and needed too many renovations for me to feel like I could afford something worth settling down in.
The children were getting older and needed their own space, the future house couldn’t be too far away from school, I didn’t want my commute to take up half the day, and they raised tuition every damn year.
How could I give my kids a nice home on one salary in this goddamn state?
Whenever my feet brush against rock bottom, I think back on the times when it was so much easier to turn a bad day into an amazing one.
All it took was…making rent. Going on a date with you.
Cranking up the music and cooking your favorite dinner.
Especially back in Philly or Boston—you’d sit nearby with a magazine and smile to yourself while I bobbed my head to the beat and chopped garlic or… whatever.
“If you shimmy those hips one more time, I’mma come over there and show you how it’s really done, baby.”