Chapter 14 #3
Dylan was home in the middle of the day, so that was nice. We should ground him more often so we’d see him.
One week to go until he was free again.
A couple weeks later
Arlington
Nathan Riley
This was a good sign, wasn’t it? Ash hadn’t stayed for dinner in ages, but he’d actually accepted when I’d asked today.
I couldn’t help it. I was nosy. Nothing about him was predictable anymore, and I needed to get an update on his life. Sometimes, he sounded upbeat and ready for anything. Sometimes, bone-weary and down. Sometimes, curt and irritated.
I’d heard through the Mclean grapevine that he was slowly but surely reconnecting with his friends out there.
It made me both happy and anxious. The latter because…
it meant he was getting out there, right?
He was moving on. He’d met up with Walker the other day for lunch in town. He’d had a beer with KC after work.
He had also reactivated his Mclean account.
Daddy Dom
Primal Predator
Sadist
Nothing about his status, married or single, available or whatever. Nothing.
I was going to ask him about his renovations too. Dylan and Hallie were over at Ash’s house sometimes to visit, and I knew they’d just received furniture for their rooms. The kitchen remodel was complete.
So, how long until we sat down with Lily and Micah? A month? Two months? A couple of weeks?
“It smells so good in here.” Hallie joined me in the kitchen and forced me to refocus on finishing up the salad. “What’re you making? Ooh, lasagna. It’s been forever.”
Yes, well. It was one of Ash’s favorite meals, and I hadn’t felt like making it since he’d moved.
“Can you grab the loaf of bread on the island for me?” I asked. “Dad should be home any minute, so it’s time to prepare the garlic bread.”
“Yup, yup.” She handed the bread to me.
I smirked a little and side-eyed her. She’d gotten that from Ash.
“Should I tell the others to wash up?” she asked.
Just then, I caught sight of Ash’s truck pulling in. “Yes, please. Thanks, honey.”
I made quick work of slicing the bread and slathering on an obscene amount of garlic butter, and right when Ash walked in, I pulled the lasagna out of the oven. The bread went in immediately after.
“Fuck me sideways, it smells good,” he groaned from the hallway.
“Daddy’s home!” Lily shouted. “Come watch Bluey with me!”
“Oh my God, why are you such a jackass?!” That was Hallie, and I could only assume it was directed at Dylan. They’d been at each other’s throats lately. “Dad! Dylan called me a loser!”
“You can add snitch to the list,” Dylan snapped.
“Whoa!” Ash interrupted and climbed a couple steps up the stairs. “Do I need to come up there? Apologize to your sister, Dylan.”
“She shut my laptop when I was in the middle of a game!” Dylan defended.
At that, Ash peered into the kitchen and locked eyes with me.
“They’ve been at it all day,” I said.
It didn’t faze me at this point.
“Apologize to each other, then,” Ash amended. “And quit callin’ each other names.” He removed his hoodie and dropped it next to the stairs before walking into the kitchen. “Are you making lasagna? Tell me you’re making lasagna.”
I smiled. “I made lasagna.”
“Fuck yeah.” He brushed a hand across my lower back on the way to the fridge. “My mouth is watering.”
That was what I wanted to hear.
Speaking of something smelling fantastic… “Did you buy a new cologne?” I asked.
“Yeah, I thought I’d try somethin’ new.” He rubbed a hand over his jaw and hauled out milk and water.
“Something real quick before we’re ambushed.
” He came closer and lowered his voice. “The guys at Mclean booked a cruise a while back for the end of March, and they have an extra spot. Walker called today and asked if I was interested.”
Oh. Wow. That was…something. He was making plans again. He’d be around kink and friends.
“I already checked, and it’s technically your week, but I wanted to make sure it was all right since we’re flexible,” he added. “If you don’t mind, I plan on telling the kids it’s a work thing.”
We’d both done that in the past for romantic getaways to spare ourselves a slew of “Can I come, Daddy?” and “Why do Daddies get to go on a vacation?!”
I swallowed around a bout of unease. “Yeah, no, of course. You should go. It’ll be good for you. If I need any help, I’ll call my folks.”
“Fuckin’ A.” He grinned and touched my arm briefly. “I appreciate it. I can’t tell you how much I need a break.”
I watched him carry the milk and water over to the table and knew instinctively just how much he needed a break, because I needed one too. A break from myself.
How fucking pathetic could I be?
Here I was, pining after the man I’d inexplicably told I couldn’t be with.
“I take it you’re making a big return to Mclean?” I brought the lasagna over to the table and immediately cut a piece for Lily so it could cool down. I flattened it with her fork too and set the ketchup next to her plate. She did like a bit of lasagna to go with her ketchup.
“I don’t know about a big return,” Ash replied eventually. “I have some making up to do, though. I didn’t even know Pen and Ella broke up until a few weeks ago.”
“I heard about that.” I nodded. “A lot has changed.”
“And Ivy, she’s about to pop?”
I smiled. “Last time I talked to her, she’d just found out the baby is a big one. She walks around as if she’s ready to go into labor at any moment, but she has a few months to go.”
“Jesus. I did message August around the holidays, and he said he felt for her because he’d been a ten-pounder.”
I couldn’t even imagine.
“Wasn’t Theo like eleven?” I smirked a little.
“Yup, yup,” he chuckled. “I’ll go and grab the kids. I’m starving.”
Ash, on the other hand, had been the tiniest baby, a little underdeveloped due to his biological mother’s drug addiction. An addiction he’d been born with too. And then…he’d recovered and grown at a rapid rate. Through kindergarten and up to third grade, he’d been the cutest chubby boy.
I showed Micah those pictures sometimes so he wouldn’t feel bad about himself. It was one thing to manage his sugar intake and make sure he ate his vegetables, but he was much too young to get a complex. He hadn’t hit his growth spurt yet.
By the time I took the garlic bread out of the oven, Ash returned with Lily thrown over his shoulder. Micah was right behind them, and Dylan and Hallie followed shortly after, still bickering with each other.
“You know what you could do instead of bitching and moaning?” Ash asked them, helping Lily down. He adjusted the booster seat in her chair too. “You can help me solve a mystery where our prime suspect is this little princess.”
“Me? I’m the princess, Daddy!”
I sat down at one end of the table and pushed the salad bowl to Hallie.
“You sure are.” Ash dug something out of his pocket, then slapped a handful of whatever that was on the table next to her. “Are these yours?”
I leaned closer to see what it was. Tiny resin ducks?
Lily scrunched her nose. “No? I don’t have any ducks on my farm. Can I have them?”
Ash furrowed his brow and sat down at the other head of the table. “Then who the hell do they belong to? I keep finding them everywhere.”
“Some people collect them.” Hallie shrugged.
“Can I have them, Daddy?” Lily demanded. “I repeat myself.”
Dylan and I laughed.
“Oh—well, excuse me, Your Highness,” Ash said. “I didn’t hear you the first time. Yes, you may have them.”
“Yay! Thank you!” She went to line up the little ducks in front of her plate.
“Where are you finding them?” I asked.
“My truck, at work, sometimes in my clothes… I worked a construction gig the other week, and when I went to grab my tool belt, I found one in there too. I don’t get it.”
“Sounds like it’s someone at work,” Hallie offered. “Don’t you have some employees who bring children with them sometimes?”
Ash had doubts. “Mags and Russ bring theirs occasionally when they have office hours, but their girls are, what, twelve or thirteen?” He filled his plate with a big serving of lasagna, and the salad seemed to be more of a decoration. “I guess I can ask them.”
“You have that team-building event coming up too, right?” I wondered. “I talked to Theo—he said you’re gonna go golfing at some nice resort.”
“Which course?” Dylan was suddenly interested in the topic.
“Landsdowne. It’s a spa and golf resort out in Leesburg. If I like it, you and I are definitely going.” Ash ruffled the boy’s hair, which Dylan hadn’t appreciated in years. But he did appreciate going golfing with his dad. “I’m mostly looking forward to the steakhouse and a nice schvitz, though.”
We’d file that under images I didn’t need at the forefront of my mind, Ash sweating it up in a sauna.
Maybe we should go back to discussing ducks.
Maybe I should also get my shit together, come to terms with everything going on, and create more distance between Ash and me. Otherwise, I’d never stand a chance.
I didn’t know if I stood a chance, regardless, but I was getting desperate.
Desperate to become my own person again, and yet…highly fucking unwilling. How many times am I gonna rewatch our wedding video? And how is that going to help me move on?
But I guess it’s all there in my vows to you.
“You’re it for me, Ash. You’re my world too—my coauthor, to borrow your analogy.
The only man I’ll ever love. My best friend and dad to our amazing kids.
I can’t imagine a day I don’t get to come home to you, and I’m glad I don’t have to.
Instead, I’m going to spend the rest of my life fighting for what we’ve built. Fighting for us.”
I swallow hard and sniffle.
Fighting for us.
Jesus Christ, Ash, how can I ever let you go?