Chapter 26
RYDER
She’s screaming in there, and she won’t let me comfort her. I punch the wall outside her room in frustration, my knuckles throbbing as I pull back. Flex stands next to me.
“I should be in there. She’s suffering through this pain because of me, Flex. I can’t fucking stand it.”
“You have to respect her wishes right now, brother. You’ve both been through something really traumatic. Trust me, I get it.”
“Why doesn’t she want me in there? She ran into a burning building to save my life. The least I can do is hold her hand through this.”
“She doesn’t want you to see the burns.”
“I don’t give a fuck about her burns. She’s the fucking love of my life. A few scars won’t scare me away.”
“She’s got to wrap her head around it before she can let you in.”
I hear her cry out again, and my body is vibrating with adrenaline. I know Flex is right. I need to respect whatever she needs right now, but it breaks my heart that I can’t be by her side.
“Come on. Let’s get a coffee. It’s not good for you to be sitting out here listening to this.”
“If she can deal with the pain, then so can I. I want to be here in case she changes her mind.”
“Do you want me to go and grab some of your stuff?”
I pull my keys out of my pocket and toss them to him. “Yeah. Thanks, Flex.”
“I’m going to stop by Aspen’s building to get the camera footage with that asshole who burned down Dulip.”
“I appreciate your help.” Without another word, he turns on his heel and strides down the hallway.
I can’t stand the sound of Aspen in pain. I just want to make it all go away for her, but instead, I’m out here completely useless. I take a seat, dropping my head in my hands, trying to block out her cries.
It’s not until a familiar voice stands at my side that I realize the screams have stopped.
“I brought you coffee from the Attendings’ lounge. It’s way better than the shit you get out of the machine.” Pierce is a welcome face in the agony of our current predicament.
“Thanks, man. I fucking hate this.”
“I know. It will get better. I promise. It’s going to take some time for her to heal, physically and mentally. For both of you.”
“I don’t care about me.”
“I do.” He pulls a pen light from his pocket, doing the standard tests for a concussion. He did it a million times last night. The only reason I got to be at Aspen’s side instead of in a hospital bed myself, was that either Pierce or Freya would come by every few hours to check my vitals.
“I’m fine.”
“You’re supposed to be elevating your leg.”
“I’ll do it when I get my girl home. Until then, I’m sitting here or at her side if she’ll let me.”
“She’ll come around. Hang in there, and if you need anything, give me a call. Freya will come by in a few hours to check on you again.”
“How long are you going to coddle me?” I hate having other people fussing over me.
“Until I’m satisfied that you’re well enough to go home. When are your folks coming?”
“They’ll be here tonight.”
“Good. Maybe they can convince you to go home and get some sleep or a shower. My God, bro, you stink,” he jibes. I reek of smoke.
“She ran into a fucking burning building for me.” He knows this already, but the more I say it, it still doesn’t quite sink in.
“Love will do that to a person.”
“I’ve been so caught up in the whole Dom/sub relationship. It seems so trivial now.”
“I get it, bro. I had to train Freya. I know it’s different with you and Aspen. Freya came looking for the lifestyle. The lifestyle came looking for Aspen.”
“Would you have walked away if you were me?”
“If it were Freya? Fuck no. I would move heaven and earth for that woman. The sooner you just accept that, regardless of the beginning, Aspen is your submissive now, and she needs you more than ever. Recovery like this doesn’t happen overnight. You need to be prepared for that.”
“I’ll do whatever it takes. She is everything to me.” He gives me a solemn nod, knowing that the road we pave from here is going to be hard.
When the nurse finally leaves Aspen’s room, she allows me back in, but I’m not prepared for seeing my girl in silent tears, completely wrung out after her wound care. I can tell by the look on Jude’s face that she struggled to be in here. It should have been me.
“The nurse said you did really well.” I lean in to press a kiss to her forehead, but she buries her head in the crook of my neck, her right arm holding me tight.
“Ry…” She sobs.
“I’m here, baby girl. I’ve got you. You’ve just got to let me in.”
“I want to go home.”
“They need to keep you here until you’re strong enough to go home. A few more days at least.”
“This isn’t what our relationship is supposed to be. I wanted to be beautiful for you. For you to watch.” My heart drops into my stomach. Is this what I’ve taught her? That she’s somehow not worthy of me?
“You are the most beautiful, kind, and brave woman I’ve ever met. Nothing is ever going to change that.” I climb onto the bed beside her, careful not to jostle her. I’m half falling off, but she leans into my chest, her cries softening.
I think it took it out of her—getting through the dressing change—and she slowly drifts off, her breaths evening out as I stroke her hair. I soak her in, the gravity of what she did for me weighing heavily on me as I stare up at the ceiling.
Jude heads out to get us both coffee, and I’m grateful to have someone else who loves this woman as much as I do. “Thanks for being in here with her earlier.”
“This is what she does when she’s overwhelmed. She pushes me away. I guess I was the lesser of two evils today. She’ll come around.”
“How do the burns look?”
“Painful. I hope you know how fucking lucky you are to have a girl like Aspen.”
“Believe me, I do.”
“Good, because if you ever hurt her, you’ll have more than a burning building to worry about. I’ll bury you where no one will find you.” I see why they’re friends. Vicious as hell.
“Understood.”
“I’m going to go home and grab a shower. Do you want me to bring back anything for you? I’ll only be an hour or so.”
“I can hold down the fort. Go. Flex is picking up some clothes for me and some of Aspen’s stuff.”
“Okay. Call me if you need anything.” I reach into my pocket for my phone and hand it to her.
“That requires me to know your number.”
“Smart ass,” she says as she types her number.
“Takes one to know one.” She disappears out the door, leaving me alone with Aspen.
My family is arriving in a few hours. Jude called Aspen’s parents because I have yet to meet them.
I definitely didn’t want it to be under such circumstances, but I want them to know I will guard their daughter with my life from this day forward.
Tears well in my eyes for the first time since I was eight years old and Rocco hit me with a diecast racecar. I almost lost her. She seems so small in this bed. So fragile. Logically, I know she’s anything but. She’s fucking fierce, but I just want to wrap her in cotton wool.
With Aspen safe in my arms, the adrenaline finally saps out of me, and I close my eyes, just for a moment. We’re together, and I will never let anyone hurt her ever again.
“You’re supposed to be taking it easy. Doctor’s orders.”
“It doesn’t count when you get your doctor best friend to impose bed rest on me. I’m losing my mind here.” She’s been trying to clean everything in sight, hurting herself in the process. I finally wrangled her back into the bedroom.
“Of course it counts.” I lean against the door jamb, happy to see her back in our bed.
“How is it going with the insurance?”
“It was cut and dried. We know what caused the fire.” The thought of that motherfucker fills me with rage.
“Will it be able to be refurbished? Is there any structural damage?” I’ve been putting off telling her for the past few weeks.
“It’s gone, baby girl. I’m already looking for a new space.”
“If I hadn’t pissed him off…”
“You did nothing wrong. This is not your fault in any way, shape, or form. I’m the one who broke his nose.”
“All your hard work is just gone.”
“I’ll rebuild. We’ll rebuild it together. Better than ever.”
I move to her side, reaching out to touch her, but she shirks my hand.
Since I saw her burns, she won’t even let me hug her.
We sleep in the same bed, but not as we did before.
She would fall asleep in my arms every night, but since she awoke to me holding her at the hospital, she’s been keeping me at arm’s length.
She needs time, and I can give that to her. I’m just worried that all the confidence she built will be lost to the marks on her skin. She’s stunning to me. She always will be.
“Don’t you have to get going to Rooftop?”
I check my watch, sad to know she’s practically shooing me out the door.
“No. Leonard is holding down the fort just now.”
“What about everyone else from Dulip?”
“I’m still paying them. It wasn’t their fault that the restaurant burned down. Some of them have found new jobs, but they still have a place if they want it when we launch Dulip 2.0. Rick has been asking to come visit. He said you haven’t answered any of his calls.”
She can’t meet my gaze as she starts picking at the sheets. “I just… I’m too tired for visitors right now. I’ll text him.”
“Good, because I think he’s flirting with me via text.” That gets a smile from my girl.
“He’s always had a soft spot for you. You are objectively gorgeous. Not a some-people-agree kind of hot, but an everyone-knows-you-are-hot kind of gorgeous.”
“You don’t seem too happy with me.”
“It’s not you. I’m just processing.”
“I want to help, Aspen. Tell me what I can do for you.”
“You can stop hovering.”
“It’s part of the job description as your Dom.”
“Yeah.” She snorts. “I think we can safely say that’s over.”
“What?”
“I just want to be left alone for a minute. Why is that so fucking difficult to understand?” She’s angry and hurting right now, so I’m going to let it slide.
“I’ll be at Venom if you need me.”
“I won’t.” My heart feels like it’s just been ripped out of my chest.