Chapter 26 #2
Without another word, I grab my keys and wallet and head for the door.
I decided to walk to Venom tonight. I need to clear my head. The sidewalks of Manhattan have a way of putting life in perspective. I’m just a face in a sea of thousands.
I make a stop at Dulip first, or what’s left of it.
The kitchen has been haunting my dreams these past few weeks.
Coming to after being knocked out, seeing Aspen in the fire, letting herself burn to save me.
I wake in the middle of the night, sweating, my adrenaline pumping.
In the stillness of the early hours, I watch over Aspen, thankful that she saved my life, but gutted that it came at a cost to her.
She will forever be marked by her act of bravery.
I remind myself that she loves me enough to run into a burning building because ever since I brought her home from the hospital, she’s been pushing me away.
She locks the bathroom door when she showers, puts the lights off before scurrying into bed, putting as much distance between us as she can get in the California king.
She won’t change clothes in our closet, instead taking what she needs into the bathroom, behind the locked door.
I fucking miss her. It’s not about sex—I know she needs time to heal.
Obviously, it’s hard not to share that intimacy with her right now, but it’s fine.
I would wait a lifetime for her. But, more than anything else, I miss her playful side and the feisty, outgoing woman I fell in love with.
As much as I try to let her know that she’s still beautiful, without seeming like a shallow prick, it falls on deaf ears.
By the time I make it to Venom, I’m ready for a stiff drink. Everything I built at Dulip is nothing more than ash at this point. It’s devastating, but I’d never say that to Aspen. I walked away with a limp for the next few months and a scar somewhere on my scalp. It’s nothing.
All the usual suspects are in the bar, and it’s nice to see some friendly faces. People who are happy to see me, not shoving me out the door. I signal to Eli for a drink and head over to see my friends.
Flex and Dalton are deep in conversation when I pull up a chair. “Hey.” My tone is flat. Defeated.
“Hey, bro. How is Aspen?” The guys have so much respect for her. Flex saw what she pulled me out of.
“That’s a great question. I wish I knew the answer.”
Dalton’s brow furrows at my observation. “What’s wrong?”
Eli arrives with my drink, clapping me on the shoulder. “It’s good to see you, Ry. The place isn’t the same without you.”
“Thanks. Just keep the drinks coming.”
“Will do. Do I need to take your keys?”
“I walked here, so I can drink until the last few weeks feel like a bad dream.”
“You haven’t answered the question.” Dalton is the friend who doesn’t sugarcoat shit. “What’s wrong between you and Aspen?”
“I don’t even know where to start.” I heave a sigh. “She’s completely shut me out.”
“In what way?”
“She just wants to be alone. We are just two people who exist in the same apartment right now. I just seem to piss her off.”
“You are pretty annoying.” Flex tries to lighten the mood, but I down my drink and signal for another.
“I think she’s happiest when I fall asleep on the couch, far away from her. She hides her scars behind closed doors, as if I’m going to be repulsed to see her. Or maybe it has nothing to do with me, and I’m just a vapid narcissist.”
I down a second drink.
“Apparently, I’m hovering. I told her it’s part of being her Dom. It’s in our nature to take care of those we love. But her answer was that we can safely say that’s over. I didn’t push her to elaborate, but I’m worried.”
“She’s traumatized. It will take time for her to feel like herself again.”
“That’s just it. Does she see herself as a submissive anymore? I got involved in a situation she said she could handle herself, and it set our lives ablaze. I’m losing her.”
“She’s a submissive. It didn’t come out until she met you, but it’s clear to any Dom in this place. Am I right, Dalton?” Flex asks.
“He’s right. Maybe she’s questioning it right now because of what happened, but when she pushes you away, she wants to know you’re coming back. Put yourself in her shoes for a minute. You’re a voyeur, Ry. You get off on watching. Watching her. The scars will be messing with her head.”
“I don’t care about the scars. She’s fucking beautiful.”
“But she does.”
“I’m an asshole.”
“No, you’re not. You have your own damage right now, Ry. You almost died in the space you worked so hard for. You’ve been putting everything into looking after Aspen, but who’s looking after you?”
“I don’t care about me. I just feel like she’s slipping away from me, and I won’t fucking survive if I lose her.
Do you know how much of a scumbag I am? There were moments in the hospital when I was angry at her.
Angry that she had so little regard for a life that matters more to me than anyone in the world.
I’d die a thousand times over for her to stop her from feeling the way she does now. ”
“You’re a Dominant,” Dalton says with such clarity. “As much as she has the nature of a submissive, you have the heart of a Dominant. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you need to step up and lean into your instincts. What are they telling you?”
“That I need to break through her shell. To make her realize that this changes nothing. In fact… no, it changes everything. She’s the one. I know with absolute certainty and a clarity I’ve never had.”
“Then you need to make her see that.”
“How? She doesn’t want me anywhere near her.”
“What do you do when a sub isn’t going to be rewarded with sex?” Flex asks. “Dominant 1-0-1.”
“Compliance, no matter what.”
“Bingo. I know you want to give her space, but the opposite is what will bring her back to you. Make her comply. It doesn’t need to be anything harsh or sexual, but you need to enforce the boundaries of your Dom/sub relationship.”
“He’s right,” Dalton agrees. “When my mom died and I went off the rails, it was Naddie who brought me back. She forced me to dominate her. At the end of the day, they have all the power in this dynamic. It may seem counterintuitive, but by dominating her, you’re going to be giving her back the power.
She has no control over her injuries. She needs to feel secure with you. ”
“Thanks, guys. I’ve been feeling like I need to push it, but I was afraid of making it worse. I value your opinions, especially as Doms.”
Now I know what I need to do.
“Is there anything we can do to help the process with Dulip?” Flex is always thinking two steps ahead.
“Find me a new premises. There’s no saving the building.”
“I’m on it.”
“Thanks. I need to make things right with Aspen before I think about anything else.”
“We’ve got you, bro.”
The rest of the night goes by with more lighthearted conversation, and it’s just what I needed.
The air in the apartment is heavy with the weight of the fire bearing down on us every minute of every day.
It’s then that I realize I might have to go to extremes to bring Aspen back from wherever she is right now.
I need to dominate her completely, just long enough to bring her back to me.