The Midnight Bakery

Chapter 27

27

Tam

Transferring Jack from the bike and into his chair again was just as ungainly a process as it had been in reverse. Eventually, though, with Beth still hiccupping through her tears, they made it back to the kitchen, where Beth immediately began to make some tea. Tam understood – it was an emotional time for her, and she and Jack needed a little space. After bustling about for a few minutes, she returned to the table with a collection of mugs on a tray and a packet of chocolate biscuits.

‘I’m black and blue all over,’ said Jack wearily, pulling his tea towards him. ‘But I don’t care. My heart feels whole today, Beth, and I can’t tell you how good that is.’

She sniffed. ‘I’m not crying because I’m upset, I’m crying because…The look on your face, Jack. I never thought I’d see it again.’

He took her hand. ‘You have to come out with us next time, Beth. It’s all still there, just waiting for us. It’s tired and broken and overgrown, and in one hell of a mess, but it doesn’t matter. All it needs is time.’

Beth smiled, and almost caught Tam’s eye, but she looked away at the last moment. He took a biscuit, cramming half into his mouth as he reflected on what he needed to say. It was important to get this right.

‘Of course, it also needs a lot of hard work,’ he said, deliberately staring at Beth so that she would know he was looking at her. For so many years now, Beth had had to be the voice of reason, the one who trod the thinnest of lines between being encouraging and being realistic. Tam didn’t want her to take that role any more. They both knew what lay ahead of them but it was important that he be the one to voice her concerns. If they were to make any progress at all, they had to take it slowly and thoughtfully.

‘And I’ll be the first to admit that the amount of work seems overwhelming,’ Tam added. ‘There’s also the issue of how much putting things right might cost. But the bones of the farm are there. Initially, a lot of the work will simply be clearing and housekeeping, getting Mother Nature back in check.’

Jack nodded. ‘And there’s also a huge difference between me sitting on the back of the quad bike and very slowly touring the land, and physically doing the work. Because I can’t, obviously. I know that. But what I can do is plan, and research, and perhaps, with help, do some of the very simple stuff myself.’

Beth opened her mouth and then closed it again, repeating the action before finally taking a sip of her tea. She must have questions threatening to burst out of her ears, and Tam would be the first to admit they didn’t have all the answers – nor even the majority of them – but what they did have was an agreement, in principle, and from there they would begin.

‘The most obvious question, of course, is who exactly is going to do all this work?’ Tam snaffled another chocolate biscuit and grinned at Beth, who blushed furiously.

‘Yes, I know, I know, I’m a boring spoilsport,’ she said. ‘So, thank you for jumping in so I didn’t have to, but these are important things. Someone has to say them.’

‘They do,’ said Jack, his voice suddenly forceful. ‘But you are not a boring spoilsport, Beth. You’re the one who’s kept us going. Kept us going and kept us from going under. You’re the only reason I’m here today. Without you, none of this…’ He broke off, swallowing. ‘I don’t even want to think about what my life would be like without you. Sound of mind might be open to debate, but you’ve kept my body and my heart sound, Beth. All these years…’

Beth’s lip trembled as she gave Jack a look which tugged on Tam’s heartstrings, never mind anyone else’s.

Tam blinked rapidly, clearing his throat slightly. The room was so still, though, it sounded unnaturally loud and he grimaced in apology.

Beth simply smiled and, taking a deep breath, she looked from one to the other.

‘So, who is going to do all the work then?’ she asked. ‘As much as I’d like to help, and I will where I can, there just aren’t enough hours in the day to?—’

Tam leaned forward slightly. ‘I don’t want to be presumptuous,’ he said. ‘Today wasn’t about that. It was about giving Jack a way to get back out on the land, but I’d love to help you with the farm – if you want me to, that is.’

Beth stared at him. ‘Of course we want you to.’ Jack was nodding in agreement. ‘But what about your job?’

‘I’ve been thinking about that,’ Tam replied. He’d been thinking about little else. ‘And I reckon I could work around my shifts. I might even be able to tweak my hours. Summer’s coming and the days will be drawing out, I could potentially put in a good few hours each day.’

‘But that would mean you’d be working almost every hour of the day,’ said Beth. ‘And hard, physical work at that. I’m not sure that’s fair. I mean, we couldn’t even pay you, Tam. I wish we could, but we barely keep our heads above water now as it is.’

Jack sighed in frustration. ‘She’s right, Tam. I can’t ask you to take all this on. I feel so much better from just being outside all day, and being able to see our land, its potential, is the icing on the cake. It’s given me renewed determination to make something happen here, but it’s too much to ask of you – you’d end up being exhausted. The work would begin to feel like a chore, and you’d come to hate it. It’s the very worst thing that could happen.’

Tam’s heart sank like a stone. After everything they’d accomplished today…but even as he opened his mouth to argue, he knew that what Jack had said made sense. He was letting his own desire run away with him.

Up until today, their conversations about the farm had been just that – discussions about ideas and plans. None of them were based on the reality of what lay beyond the yard gate, and without this, they might as well be meaningless. He’d seen for himself how much work there was to do, and he knew how hard that work would be. His job at Chawston House wasn’t physically tiring, but sleep was hard to come by at times and spending hours at the farm as well would tax his body to its limits. He’d be in real danger of falling at the first hurdle, and if he did that then all Jack and Beth’s plans would fail. Again. It would break Jack’s heart, and it would be Beth who would be left to pick up the pieces. There was no way Tam could do that to either of them. As much as it hurt him to push aside his own dreams, he knew he must, for everyone’s sake. He shook his head.

‘Sorry, I was letting myself get carried away by this place. And you’re right. No pun intended, but it’s never a good idea to run before you can walk.’

‘We will find a way to make this work though,’ said Jack, his warm smile showing how much he understood Tam’s disappointment. ‘I’m convinced of it, but it’s important to take our time and not rush in. For now, maybe we should just focus on something small. Getting even a tiny aspect of the farm up and running would be a huge achievement.’

‘But you’re still welcome here any time,’ put in Beth. ‘Come and make plans with Jack for a few hours and help him work out what’s feasible. He’d love that. We both would.’

‘I really would,’ agreed Jack. ‘Help me keep the dream alive.’

Tam glanced at his watch. It was probably the best solution all round, and he brightened his smile. ‘In any case, I reckon the quad bike will need a fair few adjustments if it’s going to be viable for the longer term. I could come and have another tinker, perhaps.’

Jack shifted in his chair, moving his weight from one side to the other and wincing as he did so. He rolled his eyes. ‘A little more padding, maybe?’

‘I’ll put it on the list,’ said Tam, grinning. ‘I really ought to get going now, and leave you two to the rest of your afternoon.’

‘But you haven’t even had any lunch,’ exclaimed Beth. ‘Chocolate biscuits don’t count.’

‘They do with the number I’ve eaten,’ replied Tam. ‘And it’s no problem. I’ll get dinner when I’m on shift tonight.’

‘Rubbish,’ replied Beth. ‘How about a fat bacon sandwich before you go? Bacon and egg, even?’

There had been no way Tam could pass up crispy bacon and oozing, drippy egg, but he was paying for it now. He practically had to run down the road to get to Chawston House on time. Tam had never been late yet, and he wasn’t about to start now. Today would not be a good day for that to happen.

As it was, Trish caught him by the door as soon as he entered, looking unusually flustered.

‘She’s done it again,’ she said, clearly exasperated. ‘I told her we didn’t have time, but she never listens, and you know what Enid is like if we rush her. She won’t be happy, and it’s completely unnecessary. We could move her tomorrow when we’ve got more time and then everyone will be happy. You know, I think she winds the residents up on purpose, just to keep us on our toes.’

Tam blinked, surprised by the force of Trish’s words. She was usually so calm. In fact, he couldn’t remember ever seeing her so riled before. He also had no idea what she was talking about.

Trish’s face softened, no doubt in response to his blank look. ‘Sorry,’ she said, shaking her head in irritation. ‘It’s Donna. She’s convinced herself that Enid and Roberta aren’t getting on and wants to swap their rooms around. And she wants it done before Roberta’s daughter arrives so that she can prove she’s resolved the situation before she complains.’

‘But I spoke to Fiona the day before yesterday,’ said Tam. ‘And I doubt very much she’s going to complain. She laughed once I explained about her mum and Enid pinching each other’s biscuits as soon as backs were turned. In fact, she said it’s just the kind of thing her mum would do. Apparently, she’s always enjoyed “being cheeky”, as she put it.’

‘They’re both as bad as one another,’ said Trish. ‘Just two old ladies who delight in causing trouble. They might grumble about it, but secretly they probably both live for the excitement.’ She shook her head. ‘But what do I know? I’ve only worked here eleven years.’

Tam gave her a sympathetic smile. ‘So where are we moving Enid to?’

‘Eleanor’s old room. Which Enid will hate because it’s too cut off from what’s going on in the lounge. Sorry, Tam, but would you mind giving me a hand?’

‘Sure, let me take my coat off, and I’ll be on it.’

Trish touched his arm. ‘Thank you,’ she mouthed and rushed off.

Eleanor’s room had been empty for just over a week now and Tam hated to see it so forlorn, stripped of everything that had made it hers. Her daughter had been in for her belongings the day after she died and since then it had lain, cold and impersonal, until needed by a new occupant. They could put as many people in it as they liked; to Tam it would always be Eleanor’s room. He stood in the doorway for a moment, thinking of better times. Eleanor would have understood how he was feeling.

Trish wasn’t the only one up against the clock, however. Tam had only fifteen minutes to go before his review meeting with Donna, and although it had already been explained to Enid, several times, that she was moving, if she decided she didn’t want to go at that precise moment, that time could disappear in the blink of an eye. He hurried back down the corridor, praying that Enid would prove willing.

Half an hour later, his meeting over, Tam stood outside the door to Donna’s office, swallowing hard. He had no idea what he was going to do. He, and all his paltry belongings, had hitherto been balanced precariously on a very small rug, and now even that had been pulled from under him. There’d been a complaint, Donna had told him. Well, not a complaint as such, but it had been brought to her attention that he’d been sleeping in his car and didn’t actually have anywhere to live. She had a duty of care, blah-blah-blah…She hoped he understood. So, no permanent contract for Tam. No job at all, in fact.

Dazed with shock, he walked down the corridor and through the lounge as if none of it were really there. None of it mattered anyway. There was only one thing he wanted to do.

‘Tam!’ Trish’s voice carried loudly over the hubbub of background noise as she hailed him from across the room. ‘Wait a minute.’

He slowed his pace, but only slightly. Trish would have known what was due to happen today. She had known for a while now. How long? Hours? Days? A week? And she had said nothing. In fact, it might have even been her who had told Donna he was homeless. Instead, Trish had begged for his help this morning and then let him walk into Donna’s office completely ignorant of the fate which was about to befall him. He had no wish to talk to her.

‘Tam, stop, please…’

She caught up with him quicker than he expected, a sharp tug on his sleeve pulling him to a halt.

‘I know you’re angry, Tam, and you have every right to be, but please just listen to what I have to say.’

Tam stood silently waiting, eyes closed against her empty words.

Trish touched his arm. ‘I’ve agonised over whether to say anything to you or not, but I didn’t because I was still hopeful that we might not be in this situation at all.’

‘We? Forgive me, Trish, but how are we in this situation?’

‘I’ve made a formal complaint about the way you’ve been treated,’ she replied, colouring at the harsh tone in his voice. ‘And they have to respond to it. There’s still a chance they might overturn their decision.’ Her lips thinned into a hard line. ‘It might take a few weeks to resolve, but if they found in your favour, you could come back.’

Tam shook his head. ‘I appreciate it, but it doesn’t change anything. Even if they do change their minds, I don’t want to work for an organisation that has to be bulldozed into expanding their tiny minds. I’m so tired of having to explain who I am to people who don’t care. I’m done here.’

‘But what are you going to do?’

‘Go home. Well, when I say home…’ He let his sentence dangle, knowing it sounded bitter, but he was past caring. ‘I’m sure I’m owed some holiday, or sick leave. Maybe even compassionate leave… If not, tough.’ He made a derogatory noise. ‘I don’t really care either way, so I’m leaving now. I’m sorry if that makes you short-staffed for the rest of the evening, Trish, but that’s Donna’s problem, not yours. Perhaps this is one you should let her handle.’

‘Oh, I will, don’t worry. Donna is very aware how furious I am. I hope you know this had nothing to do with me,’ she added. ‘You explained the reason why you’d been sleeping in your car so I know it was only a temporary thing. I gave you my word I wouldn’t say anything, so I don’t know how Donna found out.’

‘Except it wasn’t temporary, Trish. I think we both know that.’ Tam sighed. ‘It doesn’t much matter now anyway.’ He turned to go.

‘It does matter, though,’ said Trish. ‘Of course it matters, and the way I feel now, I’ve a mind to come with you.’

Tam softened. ‘Trish, you can’t do that. The residents here love you. What would they do without you?’

‘They love you too, Tam. Please stay, we can work something out.’

He shook his head. ‘Thanks for everything you’ve done, Trish, I appreciate it. It’s been nice working with you.’

Trish opened her mouth to reply, but instead she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. ‘You too,’ she said. ‘And I mean that. Keep in touch, and take care of yourself, won’t you?’

Tam dipped his head and walked away. He was pretty sure that Trish stood watching him, but he didn’t look back. He turned the corner into the corridor where Eleanor’s room lay and stood on the threshold for a moment, looking around for one last time. Everything was different now. The chair was in the wrong place, the bedlinen was new – too modern for Eleanor who, if it didn’t have roses on it, didn’t want to know – and the picture hooks were bare of all the joyful family photos she had so loved. He got on well with Trish, but it was Eleanor who had made his time at Chawston House so enjoyable. There really was no reason for him to stay. He collected his coat from the staffroom, and without a backward glance, silently pulled the front door closed behind him.

The car park looked different at this hour. It had a purpose to it, a life that was missing at the tail end of the day or in the early morning, and he was unused to there being so many cars. He stood next to his own, pondering what to do with the hours which unexpectedly lay ahead of him. But, as usual, there was very little choice. He could either sit in his car and read, or maybe listen to some music, or he could do what he did on his days off, which was to visit any one of the few places where you could linger, unchallenged, for a reasonable period of time without the need to spend any money. The library had been his salvation on more than one occasion, but it wasn’t open today. Unlocking the car, he dumped his bag on the back seat and, straightening, zipped his jacket up to the neck. He would head for the river before it got dark.

It was always beautiful there, and Tam did his best to let the gentle ripples of water calm his soul, but even the blackbirds calling from the tops of the bushes didn’t move him like they usually did. His head was full of crashing thoughts, too many to single one out and make any sense of it, so he walked until dusk had fallen. Then he turned slowly back into town where he nursed a solitary black coffee in a run-down cafe for another hour.

After that, there was nothing else for it but to head back to his car. With the sun gone the air was rapidly becoming colder and he climbed into the front seat, laying his head back against it. He wouldn’t get any dinner now he’d left his shift early, and although his stomach was beginning to growl with hunger, he didn’t regret what he’d done. He sighed heavily as the same parade of thoughts began their march around his head. He just couldn’t understand how Chawston House could have found out about him. Granted, someone from there might have seen him in his car, in the same way Trish had, but he didn’t think another member of staff would be so cruel as to dob him in. What did it matter to them? A member of the public then…? A concerned citizen? But again, it made no sense to Tam why anyone— His thoughts crashed to a halt. It suddenly made a great deal of sense…

He scrambled from his car, slamming the door hard enough to make the vehicle rock, and then took off at speed, anger fuelling his every step.

Fifteen short minutes later, he reached his destination and knocked on the door in front of him.

‘Tam…’ He was gratified to see the look of surprise on Chris’s face. ‘Did you want to come in?’

‘No, I’m fine here.’

‘Okay…but at least come into the hall if you’re not staying, it’s freezing with the door open.’

‘Nice and warm in there, are you?’ asked Tam. ‘Got a nice little fire going?’

Something in Tam’s tone must have registered with Chris because his expression instantly changed from wary to downright uncomfortable. ‘I do, as it happens. But like I said, you’re welcome to come in.’

Tam wasn’t about to give him the courtesy of an answer. They stared at one another for a moment, silent in the dark, empty street.

‘Oh, hang on a minute.’ Chris’s face grew suddenly animated as a thought occurred to him. Something he no doubt hoped would ease the conversational difficulties. ‘Another letter came for you today, I’ll just go and fetch it.’

He left the door open, disappearing back down the hallway and, without his bulk standing in the way, Tam could feel the warmth from the house seeping towards him. He wasn’t the sort to wish ill on anyone, but vague thoughts flitted through his head – like how much he would love to drag Chris from his complacent, smug life and lock him out of his house – see how he liked a night in the cold. Except that people like Chris would never have to suffer like that – there’d always be someone, somewhere he could take advantage of.

‘Here you go.’ Chris attempted a jovial grin which Tam would have dearly loved to wipe from his face. ‘Not working today?’ he asked.

Tam silently shook his head.

‘Day off then. Been up to anything nice?’

‘Nope, no day off.’ Tam stared at him, hoping Chris could feel his seething contempt. ‘In fact, I was there earlier. I had my review meeting today, the one where they should have appointed me to permanent staff now that my probationary period is over. But you know what, Chris, they didn’t do that. Instead they… I believe the kind term for it is “let me go”. Sacked. Terminated. Call it what you like. I don’t have a job any more.’

Chris’s face registered shock. ‘Mate, that’s awful. I don’t know what to say…’

Tam regarded him coldly. ‘No? How about I’m sorry?’

‘I don’t understand… I…’

‘Don’t you? Are you sure about that, Chris? Because the funny thing is that when my boss explained that she’d had to fire me on account of me being homeless, I wouldn’t have given the question as to how she came by that information much thought. Not until she mentioned that it would have been far better for me if I hadn’t lied to them in the first place. If I hadn’t given them a false address when I started. And as soon as she said that, I began to wonder…Because how would they know that, Chris? How could they possibly find out when no one else knew, apart from you? I thought you were a bastard before, but now…’ He turned away in disgust. ‘I don’t even have the words for what you are.’

Chris’s face grew hard. ‘It was an easy mistake to make.’

‘A mistake? Is that what it was?’

‘Yes!’ Chris glared at him. ‘I was trying to do you a favour. A letter came and it looked important, so I dropped it off at the care home. I didn’t know she was your boss when I spoke to her…’

‘What did you say, Chris?’ Tam’s tone carried a warning.

‘I can’t really remember,’ he replied, looking flustered now. ‘But maybe I did mention you didn’t actually live here, I don’t know.’

It was all beginning to make perfect sense to Tam.

‘Oh, I think you do know, Chris. I think you remember exactly what you said.’

‘So what if I did? I’ve done you a favour, mate, but you’re so pig-headed you can’t even see it.’

‘You’ve done me what ?’

‘A favour. I asked you before to come and work for me, well, now you can. It’s a proper job, Tam. You wouldn’t have to degrade yourself any more, you could do something you enjoyed. Get back to how you were before.’

Tam closed his eyes, more angry than he could remember being in a long while. ‘I don’t believe this. How could you even think I’d be remotely interested after what you’ve done? Once was bad enough…’ He shook his head furiously, clenching his fists by his side.

‘You and your stupid pride,’ muttered Chris. ‘For heaven’s sake, man, can you not see where it’s got you? Nowhere, that’s where, and with nothing .’

‘I have my honesty and my integrity. They might be nothing to you, but they’re the only things that have been keeping me warm at night.’

‘See? That’s exactly what I mean. You say those words like they’re the holy grail, Tam, but it’s bollocks. They’re meaningless when you have nothing. I’m offering you a real job. A job with good pay, solid prospects. A job which I know you’d give your eye teeth for. Back in the game, doing what you love.’

‘Don’t you dare kid yourself you’re helping me, Chris. Not when the truth of it is that you’re talentless. You don’t have it in you to run a business. Look what happened when you were left to your own devices the last time. I trusted you, Chris, and I’m not about to make the same mistake again. You only want me on board because you know you’ll fail without me. There’s nothing altruistic about this. Just selfish need, same as always. I’m just gutted I never saw it before until it was too late.’

‘You’d be mad to pass this up.’

Tam’s mouth gaped open. ‘Or surprisingly sane,’ he hissed, and walked away.