Chapter 5
‘Oh God, that’s better.’ Jessie slumped into the chair, moving the baby onto one knee and hauling her toddler up onto the other. ‘I feel like an elephant that’s swallowed a hippo.’
‘It’s a good idea to rest whenever you can at this stage.’ Hope gave the other woman her warmest smile. ‘It’s nice to meet you, Jessie. I’m Hope and I only joined the team four weeks ago, so we haven’t had the chance to meet before now.’
‘I didn’t think I’d seen you before, which is weird as this one will be my third baby in four years.
’ Jessie raised her eyes to the ceiling.
‘I know, I’m mad, but unfortunately, I’m also the most fertile woman in Port Agnes.
Ryan only has to look at me and I’m pregnant again.
I’ve told him he’ll have to start wearing two condoms or just move into the shed. ’
Despite the laughter accompanying Jessie’s words, there was a hollowness to her tone and she looked exhausted, which wasn’t surprising given all she had to contend with.
‘You’ve certainly got a lot to deal with; do you have support at home?
’ Sometimes midwifery felt as though it overlapped with social work, especially when Hope was working in the community, and the questions she asked weren’t always confined to the pregnancy.
As long as the conversations concerned the wellbeing of the mother-to-be or her unborn child, Hope was confident they fell within the remit of her role.
‘Ryan is great when he’s at home, but he works almost fifty hours a week.
Our mums help as much as they can too, but they’re both still working and I don’t like to ask them for help too often, so…
’ Jessie gave a small shrug, which looked as though it took up the last of her energy.
‘One thing I know for sure is that I’m not taking any chances in the future.
After Iona was born, I didn’t get the contraceptive implant straight away, because I thought there was no way I would be doing anything like that until after my six-week check.
And I was right, we didn’t. I had the implant put in at the same time as my check, and I was told we needed to use condoms for a week, just to make sure, which is exactly what we did. ’
‘But you got pregnant anyway?’
‘Uh huh, turns out I’m in the tiny percentage of people that’s happened to.
’ Jessie let go of a long breath. ‘We talked about Ryan having a vasectomy after Iona and Jacob were born, but we weren’t sure we were done.
We’d always wanted four, part of me still does.
It seems like the perfect number, doesn’t it? ’
Hope couldn’t resist a small smile, thinking about her own family. ‘I’m one of four, so I’m a bit biased, and I’d have to say yes to it seeming like the perfect number, but I’ve never had to put in any of the work that goes with it.’
‘True, but despite all the hard work, I bet your mum still thinks it’s the perfect number.
’ Jessie stroked the top of her baby’s head.
‘I feel awful now, but when I found out I was having this latest one, I wasn’t sure I could go through with it.
Iona had terrible colic and Jacob still wasn’t sleeping through the night either.
So it’s going to be three for us. Ryan’s already booked in for his vasectomy and I’m going to have the implant straight away this time too.
Belt and braces. Although right now I think total abstinence sounds like the most likely scenario.
I’m too knackered to brush my hair some days, let alone anything else.
Today I could barely even bring myself to get dressed, I just feel so exhausted. ’
‘You’re clearly doing an amazing job all the same; Iona and Jacob both look like they’re doing very well, but I need to make sure you’re doing okay too and I’m going to start by running checks on your blood pressure and urine.
I’m also going to order some blood tests for you, in case you’re anaemic.
It would be perfectly understandable if it’s pure exhaustion, but we need to make sure there’s nothing else going on. ’
‘Is it wrong to hope I might be put on bed rest for a couple of weeks?’ Jessie gave another hollow laugh.
‘I knew this was going to be really tough, as soon as I realised I was pregnant again. I was so worried about being able to cope, I tried to pretend to myself I’d got it wrong and that it wasn’t happening at all.
I didn’t even tell Ryan for the first three months, because I kept hoping something might happen to stop things and, like I said, I wasn’t certain I could go through with it.
I wasn’t sure I could do anything to stop it either, though, at least not actively.
Burying my head in the sand was the best I could do, but then I finally went to the doctor and got sent for a scan.
There was no denying it after that. You can’t hide a baby forever, can you? Especially not from the father.’
‘No, you can’t.’ A lump had formed in Hope’s throat and, as much sympathy as she felt for all the challenges Jessie was facing with her young family, the emotion that welled up inside her wasn’t for the expectant mother in front of her.
It was for an even younger mother, who’d desperately tried to hide her own pregnancy, and an equally young father who’d never been told about his child.
Every time Hope had a shift in the maternity department at the hospital, she felt on edge, desperate to find an excuse to visit the mental health unit, or to hang out in the hospital restaurant, or coffee shop, in the hope of spotting Joe Carter, her biological father, who had no idea she even existed.
Yet she’d done nothing about actively seeking him out, because how on earth were you supposed to start a conversation like that?
Never mind whether it was the right thing to do.
Maybe if she hadn’t known that Joe and his wife were struggling to conceive, and that it was breaking their hearts, she’d have felt differently.
Except she did know, and she had a horrible feeling her existence might cause Joe’s wife even more pain.
In fact, she was almost certain it would.
Did that mean he didn’t have the right to know?
She still had no idea what to do about the situation, but right now she needed to focus on doing what she could to help Jessie.
‘Will you be able to ask for a bit more help from your family when the baby comes? I know you don’t want to rely on other people, but you are going to need support.’
‘Mum is going to take a couple of weeks off work when the baby arrives, then Vanessa, my mother-in-law, is going to have the following two weeks off, so I’ll have help in the short term.
Jacob is starting nursery in a couple of months’ time too and that will help, but we can’t get free childcare for Iona until she’s three, because right now there’s no way I can work the sixteen hours a week I’d need to do to qualify for it.
So I’ll be juggling the two little ones and getting Jacob to and from nursery, but I’ll manage, won’t I?
Unless I win the lottery, I’ve got no choice, even if the thought of it does terrify me when I think about it too much.
Anyway, some women have triplets and have to cope with all three from day one, don’t they? ’
‘They do.’ Hope gave Jessie what she hoped was a reassuring smile.
She could have added that as undeniably challenging as it was to have three babies at once, having three very young children with different and conflicting demands was arguably every bit as hard.
That was the last thing Jessie needed to hear right now. ‘Have you heard of Little Acorns?’
She could see from the blank expression on the other woman’s face that Jessie had no idea what she was talking about, even before she shook her head.
‘It’s a group run by volunteers three mornings a week, in the village hall in Port Agnes.
’ Hope opened a drawer and pulled out one of the leaflets that been given to everyone in the team at the midwifery unit.
Anna had called a staff meeting so that they could all be briefed by the charity’s founder about its intentions and who might qualify for their help.
‘Apparently Barbara, who heads it up, taught at the primary school for more than thirty years and set it up when she retired. I thought it might help with Iona.’
‘Not Barbara James?’ Jessie widened her eyes even further when Hope nodded. ‘Oh, she’s lovely. She taught me when I was there, and Ryan, but we can’t afford to pay for any extra childcare, otherwise I’d send Iona to the same nursery as Jacob.’
‘That’s the amazing thing about Little Acorns.
It’s all free and the women who run it are volunteers.
All they ask is for a bit of help with fundraisers to pay the costs of hiring the hall.
Barbara set it up to help families who need more support with childcare than they can access elsewhere.
’ Hope didn’t miss the doubtful look that crossed Jessie’s face.
When things sounded too good to be true, they usually were, but not in this case.
‘They have to have all the same checks as any other nursery staff, so you can rest assured on that front, and they’re all well qualified too, including some other former teachers.
One of our midwives, Frankie, who’s retiring this week, is going to be volunteering there too. ’
‘It’s not that I’m worried about the staff.
It all sounds great, like the kind of miracle I’ve been praying for, in fact.
All I want is a few hours a week when I can focus on the new baby and get into a bit of routine with stuff at home.
I just can’t believe there’ll be any space for Iona somewhere like that. ’
‘As luck would have it, they’ve only just started up, and Barbara asked us to help spread the word to parents we thought might benefit from their support. I think she’d be delighted to hear from you.’