Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Autumn
I was surrounded by racks and racks of white tulle. At my feet was five-inch-deep pink carpet and when I looked up, all I saw was sparkling crystal. This must be what it was like to live inside a cloud. Or heaven. Or unicorn throw-up.
“I don’t even know where to start,” Hollie said. “Maybe I should just buy something online.”
“Don’t you dare,” I replied. “You can’t buy your wedding dress online. I think it’s illegal or something.”
“Prison’s got to be better than spending the entire afternoon trying on a million dresses. And I can’t believe I dragged you here. I’m sure you have much better things to be doing than babysitting me.”
It was typical of Hollie to feel bad about trying on wedding gowns.
It was my job to get her to enjoy herself today.
I’d make it happen if it killed me. “Are you kidding? I get an excuse to day drink.” I took a seat on the cream velvet chair in the ginormous dressing room suite, as the sales assistant called it, and sipped from the glass of champagne they’d poured us when we arrived.
“And I get to watch my sister look beautiful. What could be better?”
“You’re a good sister,” Hollie said.
“You’re better. Now go into your little hidey-hole and try something on for me to ooh and ahh about.”
One of the assistants swept in like she was on wheels, carrying an armful of clouds.
“Just pick out any one of them and take it behind the screen,” she said as she added dresses to the rack in front of us. “And then I’ll come round and help you get into it. We’ll quickly get a feel for what you like and don’t like.”
“I would be happy to wear my jeans. Or elope,” Hollie said.
“This is exciting, Hollie. Just think, a couple of years ago, you would never have thought you’d be in some fancy boutique in Knightsbridge, picking out wedding gowns to wear when you marry the man of your dreams.”
“I’m being a Debbie Downer, aren’t I?” Hollie asked.
“Yep. Knowing you, you’re just feeling bad for feeling happy.”
“It’s just so much,” she said, disappearing behind the screen. “And of course I’m happy, but you’re right, I do feel a little weird. Not only did my dreams all come true, but they were surpassed. I never thought this could be my life.”
“So enjoy it.” I knew she was sighing, even though I couldn’t hear it. “You worked so hard for so many years, Hollie.”
“I just hope you don’t think I’m rubbing it in your face,” she said.
I laughed. I loved my sister but she was ridiculous.
“How could I ever think that? You spent your entire life making sure I could have a better future. You sacrificed your own happiness over and over. And it worked. I got my degree. I’m in London.
Okay, I’m not quite a career high-flyer like you, but it will happen eventually.
And in the meantime, I get to look after the cutest little girl and .
. .” I could feel the blush start to rise in my cheeks and I knew I had to change the subject before Hollie emerged in her dress and spotted it.
“In September I’ll start my job. Before that, I’m going to travel across Europe.
You and me, we’re just at different stages. ”
“You always put an Autumn spin on things.”
“I’m being honest. Life is good, Hollie.
I’m happy. You’re happy. Mom and Dad are actually working.
I graduated college and we don’t have to worry about the electric bill or how we’re going to last until Friday with half a loaf of bread and a carton of eggs.
” The weeks where we didn’t have enough food to eat were the toughest when I was going through college.
It would always get Hollie down. There were a few months in my freshman year where it happened more weeks than it didn’t.
During those times, I spent a lot of time over at my boyfriend’s place.
I never told Hollie it was because there was always a slice of leftover pizza in the fridge.
Or at least some ramen noodles. That way, Hollie got what we had to herself and didn’t have to worry about me.
“We need to enjoy how far we’ve come, and you need to enjoy today. ”
“Okay, I’m coming out. Are you ready?”
“I’m always ready.”
She emerged from behind the screen like a princess in some kind of movie. I half expected cartoon birds to start singing and animated squirrels to join in with the harmonies.
“Wow,” I said as she stepped onto a podium in front of floor-to-ceiling, three-way mirrors. “You look really beautiful.” It was a proper princess gown, and she would look right at home in the pages of a glossy magazine.
“This is crazy.” She shook her head. “But I do like it. I didn’t expect to like such a big skirt, but it works.”
“It really works,” I said, so happy to see her fairytale coming true. “It’s like you’re going to a ball.”
“Is it too much?” She turned from side to side, keeping focused on the dress as it swished with her movements.
“Absolutely not. You are beautiful. The dress is beautiful. You’re marrying one of the kindest, richest, most handsome men in London. It’s all great. You just need to allow yourself to enjoy it.” Whatever happened, she’d never have to worry about being hungry again. That was to be celebrated.
“I need to try on more though, right?”
“Absolutely. I want to stay here until I’m properly buzzed.” I raised my glass at her and she stepped off the podium. “Have you decided on a date yet?”
“Well, I wanted to ask you about your plans over the summer. Do you know where you’re going or when you’re leaving?” she asked as she headed behind the screen to change.
My stomach churned. I didn’t want to think about the summer. It was too far off. “It’s months away.”
“It will be June in two weeks. And you’re off at the end of July.”
My stomach stretched and contracted like it was limbering up to sprint out of my body. Just six weeks. “I’m sure I’ll get around to it at some point.”
Hollie stuck her head around the screen. “You must have thought about it. I mean, you were so excited to have the entire month of August to travel.”
Did I need the entire month off? “Yeah, I’m still excited.
It’s just a way off, that’s all.” I was happy with the now.
I didn’t want to think about the future.
I spent the day with the most amazing kid, hanging out, seeing London, getting to see how the British did things.
And then in the evening . . . For the past couple of weeks, in the evening, Gabriel would come home and we were together.
He’d make love to me in his workshop. Or on the kitchen table.
In front of the fire. We’d talk. I’d make him laugh with my ridiculous stories of life back home.
He’d make me swoon with the way he talked about his daughter.
My life was good.
Close to perfect.
I just wished I could tell my sister. But she wouldn’t approve and would tell me every reason why he wasn’t right for me. And I didn’t want to hear it.
Gabriel was a good man. Kind. And thoughtful. He was serious, but he seemed to like me poking fun at him. Yes, he was older, but did that matter? And okay, I had a job starting in the fall that meant I wouldn’t be his daughter’s nanny, but until then?
Gabriel was right for right now.
“Where do you think you’ll start? You still wanting to go to Seville? Maybe Paris would be a good starting point because you can just take the train over.”
“Yeah, probably Paris,” I replied, wondering whether Gabriel and Bethany would maybe come with me. Even if it was for a few days. Gabriel said he’d been to Paris a lot. Maybe he could show me around.
But I wasn’t going to suggest it. Gabriel and I had an unspoken policy about not planning for the future. We didn’t talk about next week, let alone six weeks from now.
Hollie stepped out in the second dress. It was even more beautiful than the first, if that was possible.
“It’s so glamourous,” I said, taking in the fitted corset and sweeping fishtail.
“It looks great. But it’s not as comfortable as the other one,” she said, stepping up to the podium with a shuffle and a hop.
“It makes your ass look incredible,” I said, and Hollie turned around and tried to look at the back view over her shoulder.
“I’m not sure a good butt is worth not being able to breathe. What do you think?”
“I think not breathing is a compromise too far,” I agreed.
She nodded and tentatively stepped down from the podium and headed back behind the changing screen.
“Dexter is pushing me on the date, but I want to make sure it doesn’t interfere with your plans,” Hollie said. “Could you put together some kind of itinerary and let me know as soon as you can when would be a good time?”
I laughed. “You’re insane. This is one decision where I refuse to let you put me first. You can’t plan a wedding around plans that haven’t been made, or a person who isn’t the bride. Set your date and I’ll work around it.”
“What if you’re in the middle of Russia at the time we’re supposed to be getting married?”
“Well firstly I’m not planning on going to Russia, and secondly, I’ll come back.” I wish we could get off the subject. There was so much to enjoy about life right now. I wanted to soak in it for a little while.
“I don’t want to be responsible for dragging you away from something fun. Can’t you just come up with a plan?”
“Okay,” I said. I wasn’t going to win this battle.
Hollie didn’t know how not to put me first. I would have to start looking into what I was going to be doing this summer.
“I’ll look into it.” I needed to pull up my big girl pants and start planning.
My right now wasn’t going to last forever, and I needed to embrace the future.
I’d spent my entire life dreaming of travelling around Europe, and I wasn’t about to be sad about the fact my dreams were going to come true. I just wouldn’t allow it.