Chapter 9 - Light stalking
Leon
It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining and the sky is bright.
The heat is a bit much already in the morning, but I've worn one of my lighter Polo shirts today and I have a good chance of not sweating through it with the mild breeze that's coming from the east. It's the perfect day to enjoy the sun, the refreshing wind on my skin and a bit of light stalking. God, what is wrong with me?
I've been walking up and down past the same three shops for the last twenty minutes, while keeping an eye on the coffee shop across the street.
Nothing to see here folks, just your average stalker waiting for the guy who turned him down yesterday to appear so he can "accidentally" meet him again.
The thing is, he said he doesn't think it's a good idea.
That means, he could technically change his mind, right?
I could show him how good a friendship with me could be and he would just accept it.
The plan is flawless, except for the fact that neither of us is in kindergarden.
I sigh and turn to look into the reflective storefront glass window for the tenth time in the past five minutes.
Feeling a bit proud of the fact that I actually took the time this morning to put some effort into my appearance, I scan my face and outfit once again and send a silent prayer that I'm not sweating through my T-shirt.
Although that probably has more to do with the anticipation of seeing Dexter again and not the slightly muggy weather.
I'm wearing a light blue Polo shirt that hugs my chest but hangs a bit loose around my hips.
It brings out my eyes while creating a nice contrast with my slightly tanned, golden skin.
If I only had time to go to the beach, my skin would turn a medium caramel color without much effort.
I paired it with navy chinos and some brown swede loafers.
My hair still has a bit of its normal unruly quality, although I did manage to arrange some of the loose strands behind my ears in a somewhat presentable fashion.
It's a good thing, if not paradoxical, that the dragon lady is so lax with the dress code.
Although she always has office-appropriate knee-length dresses and kitten heels, Kaylee has not once asked me to change what I wear to work or tried to enforce a suit-only policy.
While I was used to changing in a suit after games, even in college, at the request of our traditional coach, it wasn't something I really felt comfortable with.
I really don't know what it is about the man who is still virtually a stranger, the one with the piercing eyes and a deep voice that makes me a bit weak in the knees.
The moment I hugged him yesterday was like the heavens broke and sang down on how right it felt to have him in my arms, even though he was stiff as a board.
I released him before turning into creep territory, although that was the last thing I wanted to do.
My friends from college always joked about me being a hopeless romantic, since I jumped head first into both my (albeit short) relationships before Jen and devoted all my spare time to my partners and making them feel happy and prioritised.
They laughed that I was always the guy leaving the house with a bouquet of flowers, or spending hours planning the perfect dates.
To be honest, I didn't mind them ribbing me, since I never felt the comments were actually malicious or ill-intended.
Guess college guys couldn't wrap their heads around a romantic relationship when all they thought about was their next hook-up.
The weird thing though, was that despite throwing myself headfirst into the romance, I never felt quite so drawn to the girls I dated as I do to Dexter.
I wasn't lying to Ryan when I told him my interest in Dexter was not of a sexual nature, but I can't ignore the zap that goes through my body when I have his eyes on me, or the attraction I feel in his proximity.
He really is the most attractive man I've ever seen and has me questioning a few things about myself.
I have always thought I was straight, since I felt mild attraction to women and nothing towards men apart from an appreciative glance here and there.
It definitely never crossed my mind to check out my teammates when we were all changing in the locker room, but that might have been the unspoken rule to grant your peers the privacy they deserve, where there really wasn't much to be had. Sexual attraction had not come as easily to me as it seemed to come to my college friends. Even when I wasn’t in a relationship, I preferred chilling to spending hours grinding against someone on a dance floor at a random party.
Ryan, being the most chill person ever, never bothered much with it either and, despite the fact that I knew he hooked up now and then, he was happily content with chatting me up in a corner about the most recent NHL superstars and their season stats.
That was back when we both thought we would end up playing in the big leagues together.
Ah, the joy of ignorance and how I miss it.
On what is likely my hundred-thirtieth lap on the sidewalk that I'm probably making a hole in, I sigh and get ready to turn back to the office.
As lax as Kaylee is with the dress code, I'm sure she's wondering why it's taking me thirty minutes to get coffee from the place that is a two-minute walk from the office.
Maybe this was a crazy idea to begin with, if not bordering on insanity.
It's clear that Dexter is a very confident guy and, judging by the blatant flirting on our first night, he probably has his pick of guys waiting to throw themselves at his feet for a chance of his attention.
He definitely wouldn't give the time of day to a guy that likes to cuddle on the sofa and wants to be his very confused friend.
As I turn to leave, I see a flash of shiny black hair slicked back turning the corner opposite me.
He's walking too fast to look as graceful as he does, like he came out of a Broadway performance and is about to take a smoke in the adjoining alley.
I only give myself a second of doubt before lunging to the street, almost carelessly avoiding incoming traffic to make sure I don't miss him.
As luck would have it, no other person has had a chance to walk in between the two of us and I confidently plant myself in line behind him while I slightly bend my head to say, "Fancy seeing you here. "
"Leon." He says in a succinct tone, while angling his head slightly to the side, like he is hoping it's not actually me behind him, ambushing him this early in the morning.
Dexter's entire back goes rigid and I'm once again struck by how stupid my plan is.
If I could only get him to relax enough to let me in, I could make him see how good it could be for us to become friends.
Or selfishly, just for me. I try to project a confidence I don't feel as I lean down again, so close I can smell his cologne, fresh mountain air, something like spicy smoke and violets.
It makes my head dizzy for a second and I take a long inhale before I continue.
"What a coincidence, isn't it? Two days in a row! You should have coffee with me." I say with conviction that I'm pulling straight out of my ass.
"Hmm... coincidence. Funny how we seem to work close to each other, yet managed to not run into one another for over a month before yesterday and, coincidentally, again today.
" He's now fully turned to me while ignoring how the line has formed to go around us and is sending me a small glare, which makes him look so cute, I envision a tiny feral kitten hissing at me.
"Have coffee with me." I stay firm and try not to let him intimidate me out of my newfound and mostly fake confidence.
As expected, Dexter's answer is "Can't, have to get back to the team.
" But this time, he makes no move to turn around, which makes me equal parts ecstatic and sad that I don't get to feel his wrist in my hand today.
Given a sliver of hope, I angle more into his space and don't miss the way his Adam's apple bobs on his next swallow.
I immediately want to put my hand out and touch his throat.
"Have dinner with me." I say quickly before I lose his interest again.
Dexter's eyebrows cruise his hairline and I'm almost as shocked as him with my very straightforward request. It's like when you're weighing between two options and decide to flip a coin to decide, but when the coin is flying through the air, you know exactly what you wish for without needing to see the outcome.
Apparently, being put in the unnerving spotlight of Dexter's eyes on mine, all my true desires come blurting out.
"I…" he starts, but stops to swallow. I think I have him and rush for something to say to push the hesitancy away from his voice.
"Sandwiches and a walk in the park. You can flee at any time if you wish to. 6pm in front of Madison Square Park." I don't phrase it as a question, but hope he can feel the implied question mark at the end of my sentence.
He takes long seconds to reply and just when I think I lost him, he mumbles "6:30".
I wait for him to say more, but realize I should take the win and start to slowly back away from him with a giant grin.
It physically pains me to stop myself from enveloping him in another hug with how excited I am, but I will do nothing to risk his reluctant acceptance of our park date.
I smile and yell "See you later!" before I hightail out the door and into the busy sidewalk, but like being pulled by giant puppet strings, I give one more glance over my shoulder to find him still watching me with a perplexed expression in the same spot I left him.
I walk into the office, coffee forgotten and, despite the real chance of receiving a tongue lashing from Kaylee for disappearing over forty minutes this morning, I can't bring myself to care about anything apart from the prospect of spending time with Dexter.
My stomach flutters with butterflies and my cheeks hurt from smiling, while I start thinking about how to make this date so memorable that Dexter will never want to leave my side again.
Before I can talk myself down from being a creepy guy again, Kaylee steps out of her office to deposit some paperwork on my desk and swiftly steps back into her office.
Seems by nothing short of a miracle, she didn't notice how long I was gone and is probably engrossed in her work.
I need to get a move on if I want to leave the office in time for this afternoon, but am too filled with glee to sit still.
I know I need to get this out of me before I burst, so I go through the rolodex of my closest people, which is no surprise composed of Ryan and my close family.
Mulling it over, I pull my text chat with Ryan after I decide that coming out to my family as "interested in a guy, but can't explain why and please don't ask for details" won't be good enough.
Ryan is the chillest guy I know and will calmly listen without judgment.
Before I can overthink, I pop him a quick text.
[He said yes!]
Ryan replies almost instantly, probably having finished earlier with morning skate.
[Who is he? And yes to what?]
[The guy I told you about, Dexter, from the most embarrassing night of my life that you think will turn into a funny story in the future. I ran into him at the coffee shop yesterday and again today and asked him on a date tonight and he said yes!]
Bubbles appear and disappear a few times, like he is typing and starting again. I look insistently at my phone, willing his message to appear on the screen.
[I feel like you skipped a few steps in your story. Why would you want to have dinner with him and why would he say yes? From what you told me previously, you were both mildly uncomfortable in each other's presence and I don't think I get what the endgame is here.]
I huff in annoyance. Why is he not getting this?
[The endgame, Ryan, is to be friends with the guy. I like him and want to get to know him. Plus there's a tiny chance I find him attractive, so maybe I want to look into that.
You're really bursting my bubble here.]
I wait for a very long time again for his reply, thinking over in my head if I even want to read it. While I'm still convinced he's not judging, I don't want his smooth logical thinking to cloud on my parade.
[Oh… wow. I guess I didn't realize that was something you were looking for.
Uhm, I have no expertise in this, but knowing you I'm going to give my unsolicited opinion anyway.
Seems like you're jumping into things without really thinking about it and it sounds a bit unfair to the guy and to yourself.
I know you usually go all in, but maybe take a step back on this one?
You know how I said it would be good for you to learn to take things a bit more casually?
Maybe this is a good opportunity to get to know him first before taking him on a date. ]
As suspected, my mood is completely deflated and I sit limp in the office chair while I swivel left to right.
He's not wrong, judging by my level of excitement at the prospect of a simple walk in the park.
Was I hoping for a chance to touch him again?
Yes, of course, but I was going to see how the night went on first. I don't even know what I want to come out of this.
I start typing a final text to Ryan, before putting my phone down and trying to muster even a drop of the excitement I felt earlier while picturing Dexter's amused face from when we had our first drink together.
[I'm not going all in, we decided on a walk in the park this afternoon and will try to get to know him. Will let you know how it went later.]