Chapter 10 - In the Park
Dex
I'm a stupid, stupid man.
I've called myself many hurtful things in the past, but never stupid.
The one thing I had absolute confidence in was my intelligence.
Dexter Hayes, who easily aced Math and Econ and got a scholarship to a good college, after working his ass off in high school while bouncing between foster homes.
The college student who worked two part-time jobs and paid attention to nothing else apart from schoolwork to make sure he got a high paying job, in order to never toy the line with poverty or hunger ever again.
Yes, Dexter Hayes was a gloomy asshole, but at least he was a smart guy.
Turns out, nope, Dexter Hayes is most definitely not a smart guy.
He wasn't a smart guy this morning when he decided to still go to get coffee, knowing there was a chance to run into Leon and should've avoided it like the plague.
He is most definitely not a smart guy now as he walks towards Madison Square Park to meet a straight guy on a platonic date, a straight guy that has featured front and center in all his fantasies the past few weeks.
Dexter Hayes, as it turns out, is decidedly fucking stupid and should go jump off a cliff.
My feet definitely don't seem to care about my inner turmoil, however, as they slowly and deliberately carry me towards my unicorn, like seeking a beacon in a storm.
In a complete role reversal, Leon confidently and (honestly) quite cheekily asked me on a dinner date this morning while I stood there gaping like an idiot, trying to make my throat swallow.
All common sense has left the building today, apparently.
I'm just going to let him down gently. Yes, that's it.
I don't need friends and definitely not to pine over Leon.
Leon, who is straight. Although he's really giving me mixed signals and my poor heart can only hope.
But hope for what? He'd never be with a guy like me.
He's all sunshine and rainbows and happy smiles and I'm, well, me.
I shake a breath and slow my pace. I'm almost there now, but consider turning around.
Nothing good can come of this obsession.
It's just insta-lust and will fizzle away, it really is not my fault that the universe decided to drop the perfect specimen in my lap, like he was made for me or some shit.
No, foster kids from Queens do not get their prince charming and happy ever after.
As I turn around, I run into a massive chest and sway while strong hands steady me back on my feet.
A low chuckle sounds near my ear and shivers go down my spine.
I know him even without opening my eyes, I know the feel of his strong hands that sends an electric current through my skin.
I can feel the heat from his palms even through my shirt.
And I especially know his ocean breeze scent, combined with something sweet like peaches.
Opening my eyes slowly, I see his insistent gaze on me and thank him mentally for holding me up, since my knees would surely give out before I pull myself together.
My inner sub decided to make an appearance now and I can't seem to shake it off.
His eyebrows are a bit arched in a semi-frown, but he's wearing an easy smile.
The second thing I notice is his shirt, which brings out the color of his eyes.
This close, I see swirls of topaz and aqua in his sky blue eyes.
They slightly darken and his pupils blow as he drops them to stare at my mouth. And I stop breathing.
Jumping back a step, I start the monumental task of pulling myself together and steadying my breathing.
My confidence is all fake right now, but gosh am I using every drop of it.
Leon looks momentarily stunned that I leapt from him, but recovers faster than me and approaches slowly.
I notice he's holding a take out bag filled to the bring with wrappers and a couple of bottles.
I open my mouth to say I was leaving and don't want to do this, but he beats me to it.
"Before you change your mind, I have mini sandwiches and artisan elderflower soda.
The park is just in front and we're already here, might as well let me feed you.
" He gets out quickly and starts walking towards the park with all the confidence in the world, without even checking if I'm following.
What planet does this guy come from? I've been the confident guy in hook-ups countless times, but I never felt this inexplicable draw.
They could walk away anytime and I wouldn't have given two shits about any of them.
Fuck, I whisper under my breath, then Fuck Fuck Fuck since a single fuck wasn't enough. I'm apparently giving all the fucks today. I set a brisk pace and catch up to him in a few seconds, then clear my throat and get ready to give him the speech I was preparing earlier.
"So, not gonna lie, I was actually bailing when I smashed into you earlier." I start with.
He interrupts before I can continue, "Yeah, figured. I was actually walking right behind you the past couple minutes."
"You... what?" What the fuck? Is this guy crazy?
"Didn't want you to leave before I had a chance to say my piece, but was also curious if you would bolt. Have to say, you do not disappoint." He says with a wink.
"Well... uhm… I have reasons for bailing. Good reasons!" If I could just explain them in a calm, logical manner so we can end this awkward interaction.
"I'm sure they're perfectly valid reasons. The thing is, Dexter, I think it could be really nice for us if you gave us a chance."
I blink at him slowly and realize we stopped walking again. Us? A chance at what?
"You're straight, Leon, and I don't want you as just a friend." See, there, how are you going to argue with that, big guy?
He just shrugs. He just fucking shrugs and starts walking away again, aiming towards a bench at the side of the little pond thing in the middle of the park, next to a bronze statue of some guy. Am I losing my mind?
He plonks on the bench and pats the seat next to him, while I slowly and cautiously take a seat, watching him like he's an alien.
That would certainly explain the gravitational pull I feel towards him.
As usual, silence is not his forte, so he starts talking again while I'm left to mentally recover from the most confusing gesture of the century.
"So here's what's going to happen. I am going to pull out these adorable ridiculously tiny sandwiches and share them with you.
While we eat, I'll tell you some things about myself and you can start reciprocating at any time.
Then, we can circle around the park and if you're not bored of me yet, I'll walk you home.
Sounds good?" He explains his plan oh so cheerily.
I'm only able to nod past the knots in my throat while I take him in and question how my life got to this point.
Leon proceeds to carefully distribute tiny sandwiches and launches into what will become a thirty-five-minute monologue about his life.
He has a big family with twelve cousins on his dad's side alone, and a couple back in England that he doesn't know that well.
Twins run in the family and there are three sets, two of only boys and one formed of a boy and a girl.
Out of the two sets of boy twins, one is comprised of identical twins and Carter, one of the identical twins is gay.
He's the reason Leon joined LGBTQ+ as an ally in college, once he heard his cousin was bullied in high school for a bit before he spoke up.
Apparently, he was a shy kid, completely at odds with his very high-strung identical twin, and it took a while for him to talk about the bullies.
Leon suspects Carter's twin, Liam, was the one who actually resolved the situation for him, but is not sure of how it all went down exactly.
He loves both Carter and Liam the most out of all his cousins, partly because they were born in the same year and they grew up together.
Even if he didn't tell me they were his favorites, by the way Leon is glowing with unbridled joy when he talks about them, I would have easily guessed.
The other gay cousin he mentioned is the first child born in the family out of all his aunts and is eleven years older, so while Leon really likes him, they didn't get to bond much growing up.
He currently lives in Seattle and only comes down once or twice a year for major holidays.
Out of thirteen of them, there are only three girls and Leon is bummed that they are all older than him.
He tells me he would have loved a sister-type cousin growing up, but all the cousins close in age with him are boys.
He does have a great relationship with his aunt Lacey though, who's the youngest out of all his dad's sisters and a bit of a black sheep in the family, since she's the only one to not want kids.
I strain to feel the inflection in his voice to figure out his stance on that, but cannot quite work it out.
I think it's safe to assume Leon also wants a big family, given how beautifully he tells me stories about the "clan", as he calls them.
I want to blurt out the question, but I keep it within myself, not sure what I would even do with the answer either way.