Chapter 10 - In the Park #2
Leon speaks in an excited manner, but makes multiple pauses to give me openings to contribute to the conversation.
If only he knew, I couldn't get a word out even if I wanted it.
I'm hypnotized, stuck to this point and not wanting to move for eternity, only wanting Leon and his honey voice and his bright eyes on me forever, while he looks like the happiest guy in the world to be sharing finger sandwiches, with me.
He moves on from his family and talks about playing hockey in college, about almost winning the Frozen Four one year due to Ryan, his best friend from college who apparently (and to no one's surprise) got drafted to the Hunters, then helped Leon with his internship when he was figuring out what he wanted to do.
I can feel a tinge of sadness, like the memories he's recounting are bittersweet, but he recovers quickly when he moves to his job and what he's working on.
He tells me about his boss, who sounds like a perfectly reasonable woman, and a gala he's organizing.
He's beaming with pride when he mentions this is his project essentially from start to finish and his boss is only supervising.
I can tell how much work he put into this and when he says the cause is for a foundation that assists with stroke prevention, my heart skips a beat.
Besides the things I learned about Leon during his monologue, I also learned a few things about him on my own.
Like how his eyes wrinkle when he giggles at a particularly embarrassing part of a story, or how his left arm seems to have a mind of its own, gesticulating wildly in the air when he gets excited about telling me something in a rush.
How he lets out little puffs of air between sentences, like he cannot wait to start another one.
But what I specifically noticed is how his body morphs with the bench when he relaxes, right arm draped over the top, hips slightly curved in the gap, one leg raised on the bench with the ankle trapped behind his other knee.
I can see traces of his pecs in his almost too-tight shirt, strong wide biceps with just a hint of dark ink coming through, peeking from the sleeve.
From what I gather, it has to be a shoulder tattoo that dips down his arm, but I cannot tell any details or shape from it.
My most favorite thing I noticed about Leon however has to be how he's inching closer to me the more he talks, and I wonder for a second if he feels the same pull as I do, but I push that perilous notion down quickly.
While I have no doubt Leon could talk indefinitely, he slows down with his last story and is piercing me with his eyes, begging silently for me to join in.
I struggle for something to say that might impress him.
I have no family worth mentioning and I don't want to bring the mood down with my sad childhood.
He's hopefully waiting for me to give him something and while this would be the best time to get up and walk away, like any sane person should, I cannot bring myself to put a stop to this.
I want Leon, even if it's only for a few more stolen moments, on a park bench, on a hot summer afternoon.
"That was a lot. I don't think I've spoken that many words in my whole life." I say with a light chuckle.
"You'll get used to me." Leon says, beaming at my barely there contribution.
"I don't... I can't understand what you're hoping for here.
I do enjoy your company, but like I said, I have no interest in being your friend, Leon.
I can see the inevitable moment coming, where I make you uncomfortable one way or another, because I won't be able to pretend I'm not interested in you. "
"Dex," He says on a heavy sigh, using my nickname for the first time. "Let me worry about it and let's just roll with it. Come on, I've given you enough to write my biography, tell me about yourself."
I consider pushing again to stop the madness, however I decide I could just go with the flow and let myself be someone else for one afternoon.
Someone who could be with Leon on a date and not worry about the outcome.
So I launch into telling him about myself, while I keep it light and don’t delve into the tragedies of the past. I tell him about work and the fantastic team I'm leading, about Richard and his mentorship, about how Macy introvert-abducted me into her extroverted atmosphere and let him know it was her bright idea for me to go to the bar the night we met.
When Leon chuckles and says Macy sounds like his kind of person, my heart gives a tight squeeze that seems to resemble something close to jealousy, but I quickly resign to the idea that Leon will likely end up with a perky Macy type and the picket house with the rowdy happy kids and yappy dog in the backyard.
He will definitely be the type to build the housetree and install the trampoline, to fire the BBQ on warm sunny days such as this one and invite the whole neighbourhood to the party.
Dexter, who likely got a pity invite from Macy, finds a spot in the shade and secretly still pines over Leon, many years in the future.
He asks questions and his gaze never wavers, listening intently to everything I give him.
He hangs on every detail and takes it in with the enthusiasm of someone who bought tickets to a show.
If only my stories were half as interesting as his.
But there's only so much snark and sarcasm people can take before they push you away.
My armour that protects me from the world has also given me exactly one (annoying) friendship that I can count on.
Maybe it would be good to keep Leon, even though he can't give me what I really want.
As I finish my acceptable talking points, Leon rises from the bench and shakes his leg like it was asleep.
I wonder why he didn't move before. He disposes of our trash in the recycling bin closest to us when he cocks his head in a silent question.
I get up as well and we start walking through the park in easy chatter, while I decide to tell him about the highlight of my day, which has become my 10am coffee fix.
He sprinkles in more stories from work with a bit of small talk here and there.
Before I know it, I'm directing him towards my apartment through the streets and we make it there just after the sun goes down and the street lights come on.
Leon shifts nervously on his feet and steps so close that our chests are almost brushing.
"Can I give you a hug?" He asks in a shy tone.
I nod briefly before strong arms engulf me.
The hug is different from the other ones, where he was either lifting me off my feet or keeping me from falling to my knees.
This hug is new but feels familiar, like I've been feeling it all throughout my life.
I let my head fall slightly on his shoulder while I encircle his surprisingly small waist. One hand rests along the small of his back, while I use the other to stroke lightly along his spine, making Leon shiver against me.
He whispers, "Have dinner with me again," so close to my ear I can feel his hot breath, my skin instantly breaking into goosebumps.
I want to scream YES, but instead very different words come out. "Why do you want this?"
"I don't know." He answers, continuing after a beat of silence, "I don't want to stop, though."
I start pulling away, mildly disappointed that he couldn't give me an answer to satisfy the burning questions, but as I turn my head from his shoulder his lips brush mine, soft as a feather.
The world tilts and I would think I imagined it if not for the burning sensation on my lips, where his barely made contact.
Leon seems unaffected as he straightens his posture, not letting me go and asks me more firmly again to have dinner with him.
All I manage is a weak "Okay" while he beams at me and starts making plans out loud.
I'm confident I'm not retaining any of this information with my ears ringing and I angle my hips further out to make sure he doesn't feel my raging hard-on.
With the way he's still holding me, I cannot even adjust myself without him noticing and that's a sure fast way to freak out the straight (straight?
????) guy who's hugging me. In a move as graceful as I can manage, I extricate myself from the hug while Leon's left arm has started doing cartwheels in the air again, and he frowns slightly at my daring dalliance.
"So, I'll text you once I book it in?" He asks as I realize I was really spacing out.
"Uhm... what?"
He frowns again. "The restaurant, dinner, 7pm.
But since it will be a Saturday I can't guarantee the booking, so will text you to let you know if we need to go somewhere else.
Give me your number." He pulls out his phone while looking insistently at my pocket.
I sure hope the black suit pants and low street lighting are helping to cover the outline of my erection.
I pull out my phone while performing a methodical thumb adjustment that will hopefully do the trick, then unlock it for Leon as I watch in continuous disbelief at how he saves his number in my phone and vice versa.
"There, I'll text you." He finishes proudly.
"Right." Is all I can manage to say.
"Okay, see you tomorrow!" He grins and walks backward before turning the corner towards the subway.
I only allow myself to sit in stunned silence for another second before I rush inside, desperate to take care of myself.