Chapter 13 Post glow
Dex
Waiting for the other shoe to drop is exhausting. Leon is too out of this world and I'm convinced I'll be receiving a text any minute now to tell me he never wants to see me again.
I don't kiss. I don't frot. And I definitely don't cuddle on the couch.
I get fucked then get out, or more often exchange quick handjobs/blowjobs in a seedy bathroom.
For all my gay experience, Leon is turning me inside out.
Not to mention he's one persistent motherfucker and, when he smiles at me, there's nothing in the world I wouldn't give him.
I'm in too deep after two dates and can barely stop the anxiety from swallowing me whole.
I'm one step away from writing Leon's husband in all my diaries, like some fifteen-year-old girl.
Fuck, I don't even know his last name. Not that it's stopped me from hooking up with guys previously.
Leon is so deep under my skin, he might as well live there.
Not to mention, I just had the best sex of my life without even having my prostate touched.
Who even am I? And what has this unicorn done to me?
I can still feel his hand on my nape, while his mouth bruised my lips and his body lifted into mine like he was trying to blend us together.
I have never had that type of intimacy during sex and boy was I missing out.
I can't believe I'm being this guy, but it was really something.
.. magical. The aliens have definitely kidnapped me at some point today and gave me a personality transplant.
I need to snap the fuck out of this before he leaves me, like every other person in my life has.
I jump on the bike and select a heavy incline that will burn my muscles and get me able to finally go to sleep tonight.
At least it's Sunday tomorrow and I don't need to get up early for work.
I already hate early mornings, so I will happily sleep in until 9am on most days.
It doesn't take long for me to tire out, seeing I was already pretty wiped from the mind-shattering orgasm.
If not for the anxiety rolling through my veins, I probably would have fallen asleep on the couch with Leon then and there.
The weirdest thing was, he looked like he also wanted to, but my mind cannot comprehend why this guy is so set on spending time with me and being so damn affectionate.
It doesn't take long for exhaustion to seep through, and I jump off the bike and make my way upstairs for a two-minute shower.
While I rushed to get Leon something to clean with, I didn't bother with myself and the dried cum on my skin is starting to itch.
All cleaned up, I go back to the couch to retrieve my phone from the coffee table and I notice the stains from our joint release marring the couch.
Need to remember to get steam cleaning done the next time I have cleaners over.
I don't have high hopes, so I am surprised to find a text from Leon already waiting for me.
My heart starts beating faster as I open the chat.
[So, what's your coffee order?]
Hello, random. I respond simply.
[Flat white]
[Huh, nice.]
I wait for a follow-up that doesn't come.
[Care to tell me why you're asking?]
[Nope.
Have a good night, beautiful.]
He manages to pull a smile from me and I shake it off before I realize I look like a love-drunken fool. I have to protect myself as best as I can. I leave my phone back down without replying and crawl into bed. Luckily, sleep comes soon after.
Not long after I wake up and sip my coffee, the swirling thoughts of Leon come back.
I can't stop feeling his hard body under me, his big hands exploring my body, and his soft lips trailing my neck.
I'm getting hard again and decide I should take care of it when my phone starts ringing.
I deflate slightly when I see Macy's number on the screen.
I sigh before I pick it up and answer. I know if I ignore her, she'll just keep ringing.
"What do you want, devil?" I get straight to the point.
"Oh my, a lovely morning to you too, my ray of sunshine." I snort loudly at her obvious joke.
"What's up?" I ask again, although I'm no longer in a rush since my dick has started to deflate.
"You, me, brunch, one hour." This gets her another snort and I prepare to (not so) respectfully refuse. She beats me to it, though.
"You will meet me, Dexter, or I swear to God I'll show up to your apartment and stay the whole day by your side. Don't make me go into the HR files again."
"You wouldn't!" I immediately rush out.
"Have you met me?" She asks, and I can picture her perfectly shaped eyebrow raising.
I make sure to give her an exaggerated sigh, so she knows exactly how I feel about this.
"Fine, text me the place. And you're paying!"
"No, no, Mister Money Bags. We'll split it. See you in sixty!" She hangs up before I can get another word in. Fuck my life.
I begrudgingly dress in jeans and a T-shirt and make sure to grab my sunglasses, wallet and phone on the way out.
I most definitely do not want to brunch, but cannot stop thinking it might help to provide a distraction from the Leon situation.
Or alternatively, I could bounce some thoughts off Macy.
I know I'm apprehensive about getting close to people, however I know Macy really cares about me for whatever reason and is probably the closest thing I have to a best friend.
Isn't that just sad? If I could only get all these extroverts to stop adopting me.
The brunch place is right next to the French bistro we went to last night and a pang of longing hits my chest. How can I miss him when I only saw him twelve hours ago?
I don't have any experience with relationships, but would have thought it takes longer to establish such a strong connection with a person.
Even though Leon is insisting on taking me out on dates, we're not even officially dating.
It's not like I can call him my boyfriend. Do you even want to? Fuck, all this shit with messing with my head. I see Macy already sitting, sipping her mimosa leisurely and join her. The server comes quickly to take my order of a veggie frittata and I sink into my seat. With the amount of steak we ate last night, I’m feeling something on the lighter side.
"Something's changed." Macy says immediately and she's definitely using her devil powers again.
"Nothing's changed." I say firmly with a tight poker face on.
"We both know that's not true, but you can keep lying if you want." She bats her eyelashes innocently at me.
Fuck it.
"I got laid last night." I say with the straightest face I can muster.
"Ha! I knew you just needed someone to take that stick out of your ass." She beams at me.
"Technically, he didn't go anywhere near my ass." I deadpan. This is going great and I realize I can have some fun when her nose scrunches.
"Geez, it was just an expression." She exhales slowly. "But I'm happy for you, you look lighter, somehow."
I snort at her before narrowing my eyes. "If riddled with anxiety suddenly means lighter, sure."
"Why are you anxious? Did he do something you didn't like?" She says hastily and I need to steer her clear before she goes on a killing spree.
"No, nothing like that. It was actually perfect. Hence the anxiety."
"I don't follow." She puffs, annoyed, so I give her an eyeroll.
" I like him." I explain.
"Still don't follow."
I swear she's just being obnoxious on purpose at this point.
"I really like him. Which is a problem, because I'm not the guy people fall in love with and take to meet their parents.
I'm the guy they fuck and never see again before going on to find their perfect partner.
And I don't want him to leave me, Macy. Which is fucking ridiculous since I don't even really have him.
" I drop my gaze to the table, not wanting to meet her eyes.
Her voice softens, "Oh Dex, I really wish you didn't put yourself down like that. Has he given you any reason to feel this way?
My mouth lets out an involuntary sad laugh, "No, Leon's been amazing.
He's attentive and caring and seems to really like me, for some reason. He even bought me flowers, for fuck’s sake.
And then kinda, sorta made love to me, I guess.
He's obnoxiously chasing me and wearing me down and I swear I don't understand it.”
"Wait, Leon? The guy you couldn't stop thinking about?" She asks with a gasp.
"The one and only." I already fucked up, might as well go all in.
"Ha, so my matchmaking powers did work!" She starts beaming again.
"Not helping, Macy. I'm in serious shit."
"Well, I don't really see the problem, babe." She grabs my hand over the table. "He sounds just as smitten with you as you are with him. Maybe don't overthink this one and just see where it goes?"
"Not in my nature." I tell her firmly.
"If you want him, Dex, you're going to have to try." I know she's right, but I want a magical solution to fix my anxiety.
"He texted me after." I blurt out.
"Good! See, he's already doing all the right things. Have some hope Dex, you're due some good luck."
If only.
The food comes, so we move on to work gossip.
I'm thankful for the distraction, even though it's full-on bitching for the next hour, mainly at Charlize.
Seems the pixie-devil powers don't work on the emo chick.
It would be interesting to me, but I couldn't be asked right now.
All I want to do is go back to bed and sleep for twelve more hours.
Luckily, she lets me go around midday and I happily stroll back to my apartment. I get lost in work and things that need doing around the house, my mind only taking me back to Leon about a dozen times. Honestly, I expected it to be worse.
Maybe I do have it in me to let go a bit.
If he leaves, I can't stop him, but if I don't even try, I definitely won't get to keep him.
Is the heartache worth it? I already know I don't want to be without him.
I couldn't stop thinking about him before we slept together and now I'm bordering on full-on obsessed territory.
The conclusion comes easily, I can still protect my heart and keep some distance, but I do want to try.
If there is even a small chance of having Leon in my life I'll take it, in whatever capacity he's offering.
Having made what now seems like the easiest decision of my life, I can breathe easily again.
He's worth it, if only for the limited time he will be in my life. I'll treasure it for as long as I have it.
Errands done, I settle on the couch with a smile on my face. Maybe I won't have it cleaned after all. Ok, disgusting. I'm definitely having it cleaned, but I'll invite Leon over soon again. I like his smell all over my apartment, it's giving real caveman vibes, but I'm going with it.
The word Boyfriend comes to mind again. Think I'll ask him the next time I see him.
I pick up my phone to text him, but I still want to play it cool.
It's only been like seventeen hours since he left my apartment, so I decide not to.
I settle to watch Vikings again while daydreaming about my perfect unicorn.