Chapter 20 - Memories #2
“Hey,” he says softly, “No pressure, baby. I promise they’ll love you.
I told them on the phone a week ago that I’m dating a guy and got the whole coming out thing out of the way, they know they’re meeting the guy I’m dating and that he’s very important to me.
” He declares as he takes my hand in his and starts to kiss the back of my palm softly.
“I know, it’s just a lot when you’re doing this sort of thing for the first time.” I say, before I double back. “Wait, you came out to them already?”
“Yeah, I didn’t want you walking into an awkward situation. Not that I thought they would be anything but accepting. But I wanted it out of the way and they’re really excited to meet you.” He says between more kisses.
I let out a rough exhale. “No pressure… right.”
“Nope, none. Dex, I promise you, it will be just fine.”
“Those sound like famous last words.” I try for a small joke to lighten the mood.
“Look at me.” He demands and I get lost in the beautiful blues. “No matter how this goes, nothing will change between us. So what if the first impression isn’t great, we’ll chalk it up to nerves and try again. I don’t care about any of that Dex, because I love you.”
So I didn’t dream it then. God, it feels too good to hear.
And I’m inexplicably at ease. He’s right, nothing will change if they don’t like me.
Although I would really prefer they do, it’s not like we’re in high school and they can forbid Leon from seeing me again.
Not that they sound like the type of people who would do that.
“Ok. I can do this!” I tell him with as much conviction as I can muster.
“Fuck yeah, you can baby! Let’s roll.” He finally puts the car in gear and starts to pull out of the spot.”
“Leon?” I ask once we’re out on the road.
“Yes, baby?”
“I love you too.”
We make it to the house with five minutes to spare, even with Leon stopping by a flower shop on the way to get his mom a nice arrangement.
He was a bit disappointed that they didn’t have daffodils, seeing that they’re not in season and this small shop wasn’t able to import from one of the bigger warehouses that manage to grow them year-round.
Apparently, they are his mom’s favorites, but he settled on some yellow roses, which he said are a close second.
As we get out of the car, he hands me the bouquet with a wink and starts walking towards the front door.
The house itself looks really nice and cozy, despite being quite big at three floors and a garage annexed to the side.
The lower structure consists of a few rows of grey stone, building into white-painted wood for the rest of the house.
I can see large, beautifully shaped windows that sit on the sides as we make our way up the small steps onto the large porch.
I can already see Leon playing around here when he was younger, all happy and content, his skin getting more and more tan in the summer sun, before going to the river to take a dip on the hotter days.
Might be something to share with him in the not-so-distant future.
He’s knocking on the door shortly after, before pushing the door open and walking into the foyer.
Guess small town folk don’t lock their front doors.
Or maybe it’s because they were expecting us.
We’re taking our shoes off when a small woman peeks out from one of the rooms, wearing paint-stained overalls and a giant smile.
She’s insanely tiny compared to Leon, although probably still a bit taller than Macy.
Her hair is very light blonde, but her eyes are the same shade as Leon’s, and I can see the same beautiful smile spread through her face.
Leon immediately goes to hug her while I stand awkwardly behind him, getting myself ready for a soft handshake, when his mom just pushes past and hugs me with the same ferocity.
To say I wasn’t expecting it would be an understatement, but I snap out of it quickly and return the hug, then hand over the flowers with a small smile.
“So nice to meet you, Dexter. We heard so much about you!” She says, in a warm voice, with a soft British accent.
I’m about to say Mrs. Something when I realize I never asked for Leon’s last name. Fuck, I’m in love with the guy and I only know his first name. Way to fucking go, Dex. Although with the amount of talking that Leon does on a regular basis, I’m surprised he hasn’t mentioned it.
“Very nice to meet you as well.” I recover with.
“Call me Alice.” She says, and I’m very thankful for the prompt. I would normally be polite and call her by her last name, if I had any clue what it was. I need to pull Leon over pronto and ask him, since I still need to meet his dad. Imagine calling him Mr. Leon’s dad, like it’s middle school.
A large man appears from behind another door and my breath stalls. Despite his light brown hair and darker eyes, he’s a carbon copy of Leon. Or rather, Leon is a carbon copy of him. I can feel my heartbeat lodged firmly in my throat. Doctor Sciend.
I never asked for his last name, stupid fucking Dexter.
Maybe it’s fine, maybe he doesn’t recognise me. It’s been almost sixteen years, surely he’s had many more patients and forgot all about me. The glimmer of hope fades rapidly as I look into his eyes and am met with recognition.
“Dexter Hayes!” He says, seemingly as stunned as I am. “My God, it’s amazing to see you!”
I’m hearing him, but not really. The moment he said my name it was like I was plunged underwater.
The pressure is building in my lungs and I can’t pull in any oxygen.
I can hear Leon like he’s in a vacuum, asking how we know each other, looking beyond confused.
But I can’t answer him, because I can’t breathe. He will find out.
The logical part of my brain tells me I’m likely hyperventilating and need to calm down, I need to take a breath and maybe drink some water.
But I’m frozen in place, irrationally wanting to dive further into the drowning sensation, with all the memories starting to swirl around in my brain, taking over all rational thought.
Might as well go ahead and drown myself now, since his dad will tell him everything I didn’t want him to ever know.
How I was so weak, when I found my parents dead from an overdose when I came home from school one day.
How I was brought into the psych ward, after they found me hours later, frozen in place just like I am now, with my pants drenched in piss.
How I cried a whole day about how I’m never going to see them again.
How I threw a fit and they had to sedate me since I wouldn’t stop screaming and shouting, wanting to go back to the abusive shits that never took care of me.
How I turned catatonic for a week before Dr. Sciend pulled me out of it.
How he made me feel he would always be there for me.
How he also left and I never saw him again, like everyone else in my life I ever cared about.
I have to do something, I have to move right now.
Leon is pleading at me with his eyes to explain, but I can’t.
This was all for nothing and he’ll soon see me like the broken thing I always was.
The only thing I learned over the years was to survive and as Leon stretches his hand to grab mine, I finally manage to pull in a breath and move.
I dodge his hand and watch as his eyes fill with heartbreak.
But I can’t do this right now. It’s better like this, he’ll be happier for it once he knows the truth and doesn’t want anything to do with me.
My feet move on their own, away from the object of all my desires, for the first time since meeting Leon, as I slip back into my sneakers and open the front door to get away. I manage three little words before I make my escape.
“Have to go.”