Chapter 21
Looking at his watch as car lights flashed across his living room wall, Jay noted it was past nine.
He’d been lying on the sofa, watching something explode on television, but he couldn’t have told anyone what the show was about. Swinging his legs off the couch he muted the TV.
It was probably a Duke. Or someone attached to them. They had a way of appearing when you least expected it.
He opened the front door.
The McAllister van idled at the curb, exhaust puffing into the cold night air. The passenger door opened, and Blue climbed out, wearing pink sweats and an oversized hoodie, her hair piled on top of her head in a messy knot.
She reached back into the van, hauled out a large overnight bag, shut the door, and the van drove off.
Jay stayed in the doorway, watching as Blue walked up his driveway toward him. He stepped aside so she could pass.
She stopped in the entryway and let out a breath. “I can’t live in that house with my opinionated brothers for a second longer.”
He leaned one shoulder against the doorframe. “Okay. Well, you’ve got your pick of three bedrooms. Or you can share mine.” He waggled his brows at her. “I’m flexible.”
Her mouth twitched. It wasn’t a full smile. But it was something.
“Come on,” he said. “I’ll show you around.” He didn’t ask what her brothers had done to push her into running to his house. For now, he was just happy she was here, and he wasn’t about to examine that too closely either.
Jay took her bag from her hand.
“You know I could carry that, right?”
“And now I’m carrying it.”
“I’m not letting you look after me because you think you should, since I’m carrying your child, Jay.”
He paused halfway up the stairs and looked back at her. Her mouth was in a hard line, and she met his eyes defiantly, but he saw the panic.
Blue Jay was scared, and lost, and was fighting not to show what she was feeling.
“I’m carrying a bag, Blue. No need to get bent out of shape over a loss of independence. Robyn and Asher taught me manners, and I like to use them wherever I can.”
“Sorry,” she muttered, not sounding at all sorry.
“I’m not the enemy here. Maybe try to remember that.”
He carried on to the next floor and opened the first bedroom door. “Guest room number one. The light is good in here in the mornings. From memory, you hate mornings, so this one is probably not ideal.”
Blue moved past him, walked into the room, and then turned in a circle, taking in the pale walls, closet, and the rich ruby-red wingback chair Zoe had told him he had to have in here.
Jay studied her. She wasn’t fragile, but she was vulnerable, he thought, and tired. Those bags were still under her eyes. But he guessed the stress of leaving the job you loved and then finding out were pregnant after one hot night of sex could do that to a person.
“What happened at home to have you show up on my doorstep?” he asked.
She faced him then. “They won’t stop hovering. They’re acting like I’m made of glass. Or worse, like I’ve ruined my life. Finch and Lynx keep watching me, and Mom is constantly lecturing me. Dad’s the only one who has backed off.”
“And he was the one who dropped you here?”
She nodded. “Finch is using his army training to talk at me in that tone. The one where someone is being supportive but also silently planning your future because clearly you’re incapable?”
“I know all about tone,” he said flatly. Abusive households taught you a lot about it.
Blue blew out a breath and sat on the edge of the bed. “I love them. I do. But I can’t think in that house right now, and I have a lot to think about.”
“We have a lot to think about,” he amended.
She nodded. “So I’m moving in if that’s okay with you?”
He didn’t react immediately. Not because he was shocked. But because something warm and a little scary bloomed in his chest at the idea. Hope.
“How do you know I’m a better prospect?”
“There is only one of you, and I know you’re quiet because I’ve been told by the Dukes.”
He nodded once. “Okay.”
Her eyes flicked to his, as if searching for an answer to a question she hadn’t asked yet. “You’re… okay with that?”
“I wouldn’t have offered that day in the cell if I wasn’t, Blue.
She studied him longer than was comfortable. “You don’t have to do this, though.”
“Blue—”
“I mean it. I know you like your space, your routines and quiet, just like I do. We’ve lived alone for so long, you and I.”
She wasn’t wrong. He liked quiet because there had been so much noise growing up. Quiet meant no one was yelling. Minimal chaos.
And now Blue was standing in one of his bedrooms with a bag and carrying his unborn child. He knew that along with her, there had to come some chaos, but the thought didn’t scare him as much as her leaving now would.
“I can adjust,” he said.
“You shouldn’t have to.”
His mouth curved slightly. “I’m going to have a baby, too, Blue. Adjustment is happening whether we want it to or not. So maybe this will help us learn to deal with what’s coming.”
That got a real smile. She then stood and walked past him into the hallway toward the next bedroom. This one had white walls, a hideous painting that looked like Sadie had drawn it, and a bed with pastel coverings Zoe had made him buy.
She walked out of that bedroom and went to the next room. His room. She opened the door and stared inside.
“My room, and you’re welcome to share it, like I said.”
“I don’t think so. That’s how we got into this mess,” Blue declared, stepping in to get a better look and clearly not giving a damn that it was his private domain.
He had a huge bed, with a patchwork quilt June Matilda had given Jay because she and the quilting club had made it for him.
When she’d arrived at his door and handed it to him, she’d just said it was a gift made with lots of love just for him and that she hoped he felt it when he slept under it each night.
Jay had stuttered out a thank you, his throat tight with emotion. She’d just smiled and patted his cheek, then left. To this day, he wasn’t sure why they’d made it for him, but he treasured it.
“Nice quilt,” Blue said.
“The quilting group made it for me.”
She looked over her shoulder at him. “You must be special, then, because they don’t do that for just anyone.
I know my dad got one when they heard he’d been sick.
Then Red and Dee’s middle kid because she got bullied at summer camp.
Then there was Larry Limpet’s wife, but to be honest, I think that was just because she was married to him,” Blue added.
“True. Can’t have been easy.”
She looked around his space and saw how he liked to live. No clothes lying about the place, closet doors closed, nothing on his side tables except for a lamp and a book.
“Are you one of those freakishly neat people?”
“Not freakishly, just normally neat,” he corrected.
“I’m neat, but maybe not to this level,” Blue said, waving him out of the doorway so she could leave his room.
He could feel her starting to relax the more he talked to her. The more she walked around his house.
“It’s okay. I’ll give you a couple of days to pick up your game,” Jay drawled.
“Haha.”
It was the last bedroom, the one closest to his, she chose.
Slightly bigger, this one had an en suite, which, had he been thinking clearly, he would have known would have been the best option for her.
It also looked down into the yard below, which tomorrow would offer her more light and a view of his office.
White walls, another big bed, this one draped in some kind of homespun spread, and Zoe had put way too many pillows on it.
“I would like to have this one please,” Blue said, walking into the room.
Jay followed, and set her bag on the floor.
“It has a nice vibe.”
“All right, then, hippie girl, this is the one you’ll sleep in.”
She turned slowly. “Are we going to talk now, Jay?”
“About what?”
“Boundaries. Rules. Contracts. You real estate types love contracts, even if that’s only your part-time job, and I have just forced myself on you.”
“I do love a good contract.”
She crossed her arms. “Well?”
He leaned against the dresser and did the same. Jay thought for a minute before speaking and kept his eyes on her the entire time. Blue wasn’t the type to blush or squirm. She just stood there looking right back.
“Okay. Boundaries,” he said finally. “You’re here because you need space and time to work through stuff, namely what you want to do going forward and when the child arrives,” he continued.
She nodded.
“I want you to know I’m not doing this out of obligation, Blue. I want you here with me.”
She blinked.
“I’m doing it because it makes sense. We can get used to the idea of a baby together.”
Something flickered in her eyes then. Something that looked suspiciously like relief. “You’re not going to try to… I don’t know. Turn this into something it’s not?” Blue said.
He understood the question and knew some of her tension was coming from the idea that he’d want more from her. They’d only had one night. One reckless, unexpected, hot night that had detonated their casual friendship into something far more complicated.
“I’m not pushing for something neither of us wants,” he said quietly. “I also want you to have space because I like my own too.”
“I know, and this may not work out, Jay, and I can always move out again.”
“It may not, but for now, let’s see where it takes us, okay?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
He left the room then and returned with fresh bedding, and between them, they made up the bed.
“Have you eaten?” Jay asked when they were done.
“Does consuming candy I found in my bag on the journey here count?”
“No.”
She sighed. “Then no, I haven’t.”
“Come on.”
They went downstairs, and Jay moved through the kitchen automatically. It was equipped with everything he needed. Clean, smooth lines in white counter tops, and cabinetry, with deep green appliances Zoe had said made everything pop—whatever the fuck that meant.
Blue took a seat at the island.
“Omelet okay?” he asked. “Are there any no-nos when it comes to food for you? I read you’ll get cravings—”
“Really just a love for chocolate and saltines at this stage, but the latter is more out of necessity. I am not a vegetarian like my mom and dad anymore. The McAllister siblings went to the dark side.”
“Nice.”
“I love Whoppers,” she said. “I had to limit myself to three per week in New York, and now I can’t get them here.” Her sigh was pitiful.
“A standard Whopper?”
“No, bacon and cheese,” she said.
“Nice. But we have burgers here, so that’s something at least.”
Jay worked as she talked about food and what she loved and didn’t love. He told her he ate pretty much anything. Something else he’d learned as a child.
It felt good having her here. Not awkward, but comfortable now, which was weird, as he usually hated the idea of anyone in his space for long periods.
He plated the food and slid it in front of her. She looked at it like it might solve something bigger than hunger.
“Jay, I’m as scared as you are about becoming a parent.”
He wasn’t sure where she was going with this, but her next words confirmed he wasn’t going to like it.
“But I want to say that you’re not your father,” she added quietly.
He’d told her at boy’s night that his parents weren’t good people. In fact, she was the only person he’d ever told that to. It was his past, and he liked to keep it there, usually.
“I know that,” he said evenly.
“Do you?”
He met her gaze then. There was no pity there. Just truth.
“I’m nothing like him and never will be,” Jay vowed. “I’m trustworthy and—”
“I know,” she interrupted him. “That’s why I’m here.”
That hit harder than anything else had tonight. She trusted him. With herself. With their child.
“I need you to not feel trapped into this, Jay. The child, having me here—”
“I don’t.” The words came out sharper than Jay intended. He exhaled slowly. “I’ve spent my whole life making sure I could walk away if I needed to from anything I did.”
“And?”
“And I don’t want to walk away from this, Blue.”
Her fingers tightened slightly around her fork. “This isn’t… us,” she said carefully. “We’re not a thing.”
“I know. We’re friends, and that’s the best place to start,” Jay said.
“Agreed.” Blue took a large bite of food, her white teeth flashing, and he felt an uncomfortable surge of heat fill him. “This is good, thank you.”
“Welcome.”
“We had a night, Jay.”
“Yeah.”
“That doesn’t mean—”
“I know what it doesn’t mean, Blue.”
Silence again.
He pushed off the counter and moved to sit opposite her.
“I’m not asking for more than you’re willing to give.”
“Good.”
In fact, he had no idea what he was asking for, but he plowed on. “But I’m not pretending this is nothing either. The baby changes everything between us, Blue.”
“I know,” she whispered.
“Okay, then,” he finished. Then he got up to make himself coffee because, let’s face it, he wasn’t likely to get a good night’s sleep anyway.
“If I snore, you can’t evict me.”
“If you snore, I’m charging rent.”
“You’re not charging me rent anyway?” Blue frowned.
“We’ll work the logistics out, Blue, but not tonight,” Jay said. “You want anything else?”
“No, thanks.” When she finished eating, she stood and then rinsed her plate and loaded it into the dishwasher, which was more than Dan had ever done.
“I’m tired, Jay. I’m going to turn in.”
“Okay.”
She hesitated. Then stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him. He froze for half a second, then slowly wrapped his arms around her. Carefully. Like she might break. She didn’t. She fit. Jay closed his eyes and just held her.
Her cheek rested against his chest. His chin brushed the top of her head, and he thought he could get used to this.
“Thank you,” she murmured, releasing him. He missed her in his arms immediately.
“For carrying a bag?”
“For being you.”
He leaned down to kiss her. It was just meant to be a comforting, brief brush of lips, but with that single touch he remembered what they’d shared.
“Jay.” Blue whispered the words against his lip’s long seconds later. “That will complicate everything.” She stepped back out of his arms.
He nodded. “Go to bed, Blue.”
She turned and walked away without speaking again.
Blue was someone he’d known for years. A friend, and the mother of his child, and maybe—he cut that thought off.
One step at a time.
Jay turned off the kitchen lights and headed upstairs.
The door to her room was slightly ajar, but he kept walking to his. After a shower, he lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling.
For the first time in a long time, he wouldn’t sleep here alone. Someone else was in his house.
Blue Jay McAllister was unpacking her life into his… for now.