Chapter Thirty-One
Cash
Rose was talking to Mimic.
Earlier, she’d walked off outside to talk to Valhalla. Then, I’d watched from the bar stool I sat on, as her and Mellie bonded over shared trauma on the couch across the room. Even encouraged her to spend time with her brother without me. But I hated it all.
I wanted to be there with her. Wanted to protect her from everything. Sadness, trauma, pain, guilt, herself. The thought of her feeling anything but joy and happiness made me want to burn the world down.
This was new for me. Rachel was happy. All the time.
She never showed anything but a smile. I realized now how unhealthy that was.
She’d battled alone, and I hated that for her.
It broke my heart thinking about all the times she must have been lost in her head, believing she couldn’t share what she was going through with anyone.
Haizley had helped me understand why Rachel didn’t tell me she was sick. Rachel was right. I would have treated her differently. I would have wrapped her in bubble wrap and kept her from living her life on her own terms.
I thought about what Rose told me about meeting Rachel. Rachel never said a word. I remembered when the flower shop opened. Remembered her bringing home flowers and putting them all over the clubhouse.
King hated it.
I think that was partially why she did it.
She loved to rile him up. Especially about Grace. Rachel and I talked about the two of them often. She couldn’t understand why neither of them could get their heads out of their asses long enough to see that they loved each other.
All that time, she was doing the same goddamn thing. Burying her head in the sand. Thinking she had to handle everything on her own while still taking care of the brothers in the club. And the old ladies when they started coming along.
I wasn’t the only one who mourned her death. Grief was a shroud over the entire clubhouse those first few weeks. Everyone missed her laughter, her sass. There was no one to call us out on our bullshit because even Beck was in pain.
And I had made it worse.
“There’s some heavy thinking over here,” Haizley said as she climbed on the stool next to me. The prospect dropped off a rum and coke, and she held it up, staring at me while she waited.
With a sardonic laugh, I lifted my glass of whiskey and tapped it against her glass before downing the rest in one gulp. Archie was always quick to refill a glass when he worked behind the bar. The kid was sharp. Observant. He’d make a good brother.
“Thinking about Rachel.”
Haizley was quiet next to me. I knew she wouldn’t say a word until she needed to say something I didn’t want to hear.
“All this shit with Rose reminds me of the battles Rach fought by herself.”
“It was her choice to make, and she had her reasons. Whether we agree with them or not.”
I knew she was right. But it didn’t erase the fact that she felt like she couldn’t lean on me. That she couldn’t trust me.
“Her choices had nothing to do with you.” I eyed Haizley without turning. I swear the woman could read minds. “They were about her. What she wanted. Not what she felt you couldn’t give her.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do know that. You let me read her letter. Those were her words, Cash. She didn’t want you to carry her burden.
Not because she didn’t trust you. But because she loved you.
” She swallowed her drink and then turned to look at me.
She wanted my attention before she continued, so I turned my head.
“Kytten isn’t any different. None of us old ladies are.
We love you guys so much, and we know you already have so much on your plate that we don’t want to pile on more.
Not because we don’t trust you. But because we know you.
We know you’ll take it from us. You’ll try to fix it for us, but it’s often something we have to fix ourselves. ”
I studied the woman as she took a sip from her drink. “What are you hiding from your old man?”
She chuckled. “Nothing anymore. The man reads me like a frickin’ book.
” She looked out over the room, then turned back to me.
“The point is, no one wants to burden the people they love. Even Amber. She could have come to me. Instead, she ran. She’s out there somewhere hurting, but she won’t let anyone help her.
She feels like she has taken so much from you all already. ”
“That’s bullshit.”
“It is. But it’s how she feels. We can’t reason with emotion.
The heart has no room for facts. All we can do is tell our loved ones every day how much we love them.
And be there when they are ready to lean on us.
Kytten knows that now. She’ll still struggle.
Maybe for the rest of her life. But we’ll teach her how to trust us and lean on us when she’s hurting.
And when she falls, and someday she will fall.
Maybe not all the way down, maybe she’ll just stumble.
We all do. But we’ll be there to pick her back up.
Just like when we find Amber and bring her home.
We’ll rally around her and hold her up, reminding her how much she is loved. ”
Haizley leaned over and kissed my cheek. She took her glass and strolled over to the couch where Sam sat watching TV with Tank; Charlie asleep on his lap.
“Church, brother,” King whispered as he walked past. I downed the rest of my whiskey and nudged the glass toward the edge, letting Archie know I was done. I pushed off my stool and turned to the double doors.
We didn’t wait long before the officers and Sypher gathered in church. Including Blade.
“What the fuck are you doing here? Go home,” King ordered.
“Can’t. Beck ordered me to come here. Melissa and Pippen are over there with her. She said as long as Amber was missing, I needed to be here.” He shrugged and took his seat.
I looked at Sypher. “Pippen didn’t want to come?”
He shook his head. “He’s too worried about his sister. Said he didn’t want to hear what we didn’t have. He’d rather cuddle the baby than get upset that we still had nothing. I swear these women keep having babies and he’s gonna want another one.”
“You can share ours,” Ghost said with a smile.
“Mellie’s pregnant?” Gunner asked, his eyes fixed on his sister’s old man.
“Not yet. But I’m working on convincing her.”
Jesus, not sure we needed a baby here as crazy as him and as smart as Mellie. The kid would take over the world by the fifth grade.
“Alright, do we have anything?”
The doors opened, and Val and Bane walked in. “Our invite got lost in the mail I guess?” Bane asked as he glared at King.
“Last time you were here you said you wanted no part of this,” King answered as he leaned back in his chair, unaffected by the malice in Bane’s voice.
“She’s my fucking daughter.”
“Then sit down and shut the fuck up.” King looked to Nav and Sypher. “Anything?”
“Not yet,” Nav said, the defeat in his voice apparent. I looked over at Sypher. Neither one of them knew what to do when there were no cameras for them to hack into.
Amber couldn’t be found with a computer. We needed good old-fashioned boots on the ground.
“I had Brandy call Jonah. Wanted to make sure the Death Dogs hadn’t gotten their hands on her. He confirmed she wasn’t there. He’s been all over the clubhouse out there and no new women,” King shared.
“That doesn’t mean they haven’t got her somewhere else,” Gunner pointed out.
“No, but we have to work with the information we’re given,” I reasoned.
“I’ve got something,” Jack said, looking at his phone. “I’ve got someone in Sydney who was at the bar when she came in. Said she saw Amber talking to a guy.”
“She?” Colt asked. “Your old lady know your contacts are women?”
Jack grinned at Colt. “In fact, she does. My woman trusts me.”
“As far as Mimic can throw you,” Blade mumbled.
“Fuck off,” Jack countered. “That kid is fucking scary. The more I get to know him, the more I want him with Charlie every fucking second. After what happened last year, as long as Mimic is with her, I can stop worrying about her.”
“Can we stay on fucking track?” Bane growled. “What about the fucking guy?”
“Nothing. Terry said Amber left alone,” Jack confirmed.
Every lead we had was a fucking dead end. Amber had disappeared.
“This isn’t the first time we’ve lost her,” Sypher said, his eyes on Val.
Val took a deep breath and nodded. “We lost her for five years last time. I can’t go five more fucking years not knowing where my daughter is.”
“What happened last time?” Bane asked.
“After we got her out of the hospital in Louisiana, I set her up in Chicago. She got a job working at a coffee shop,” Sypher explained.
“Everything was fine until one day she up and disappeared. I didn’t know she had left the area because her bank account was still being used.
She checked in regularly, and there were no red flags, so I never traced where she was calling from. I trusted her to tell me the truth.
“She had pulled out a large sum of money, but I assumed she was buying a car or something. I monitored the account and when I realized the money was dwindling faster than it should, I hacked into it and found one of the girls she worked with was using the account. When I questioned her, she said Amber took off and asked her to use it so no one knew she was missing. The girl must have called her because I never heard back from her after that.”
Sypher looked over at King. “We didn’t know where she was until Dante and I came here in December. She had found her way here and stayed.”
“As a fucking club whore,” Bane growled, glaring at King. If looks could kill, my president would be deader than Abraham Lincoln.
King leaned forward. His eyes locked on Bane; his stare equally deadly.
“She’s not a fucking whore. You were here for months.
You ever see anyone mistreat her? See her sucking a brother off in the bar?
Amber was her own woman. She made her own fucking rules, just like every girl that lives here.
She’s treated a hell of a lot better than what I heard about how the Soulless Sinners buy off their whores for a month at a time. ”
Bane stood, followed by King.
“August, please. This isn’t helping,” Val said, placing her hand on his arm. Bane shrugged her off and stormed out of the room. Val turned an icy stare in King’s direction. “Can you please not piss him off?”
“I will not be disrespected in my own fucking house. Amber, like the other women who live here, is treated with nothing but respect. She works for the club. If she chooses to sleep with a brother, that is her choice. It has never been fucking required. And I will not let that asshole say otherwise.”
“The guys that are out should be back soon. The next group will be going out. Let’s all get some sleep and meet back in the morning.”
“Cash is right,” Gunner agreed. “Emotions are high. We’re all worried about her.”
King slammed the gavel down on the table without a word.
Val was the first to leave, followed by the officers.
Sypher stayed with Nav; the two of them would probably be on their computers all night hacking into traffic cameras, looking for the tiniest breadcrumb that might lead us some fucking direction.
I was gonna find my woman and take her to bed.
When I found her in Mimic’s room, the two of them were curled up together sleeping. As quiet as I could, I moved to the side of the bed and slipped my arms under her. When I lifted her, Mimic shot up and pulled a gun on me.
“Easy, brother, just taking my woman to bed.”
“Sorry,” he mumbled.
I walked to the open door, but before I stepped into the hall, I turned when I heard Mimic’s voice.
“Cash? Protect her.”
“With my life, brother.”
He settled back down as I pulled the door closed.