The Music in Me

Chapter 7

Leon was gone when I woke up from my nap, but he left a note on the bedside table to let me know he would be back before dinner and that I should continue working on my music. I got out of bed and went to the kitchen to grab a drink. An idea popped into my head as I opened the fridge and saw the groceries; I was going to make dinner for Leon and surprise him when he got back.

Then I remembered his instructions and knew he would punish me if he got back and found out I had spent the time cooking instead of working on my music like he’d told me to. It was hard to decide whether I wanted to be punished or not. Even without the paddles and cuffs, sex with Leon was still amazing. I was still flying on cloud nine from the last orgasm he’d given me, but it wasn’t the same.

Sure, it hurt when he spanked or whipped me, and it wasn’t always comfortable being tied down or made to beg before he allowed me my release, but the orgasms that followed were always mind-blowing. Not better than the painless ones but different in a good way. I had a choice to make. Surprise Leon with dinner and enjoy a night of pain and mind-blowing pleasure or follow his instructions and not have to deal with the pain.

In the end, it was remembering the look of approval in his eyes when I did something that pleased him that made my decision. I grabbed my drink and went to the spare bedroom to work on my music. But I could not stop thinking about my idea, imagining Leon’s face when he walked in to find dinner ready and me waiting for him in the most seductive outfit I could find.

The more I thought about it, the harder it was to focus on my work, and after staring at the blank paper in my hand for fifteen minutes without writing a single word, I gave up and went to put my plan into action.

I looked through the groceries left in the fridge and came up with a meal for dinner. Nothing fancy, just pasta and sauce with some of the leftover grilled steak. With the food taken care of, I went to work on my outfit. Nothing I had brought with me would work for what I wanted to do, so I went to Leon’s bedroom and checked the closets. I found nothing but Leon’s things.

I hit the jackpot in the third closet, and my jaw dropped when I saw all the outfits. There were ball gowns and cocktail dresses, little black dresses, and simple summer outfits. The closet was packed with a dozen different categories of outfits, all from my favorite designers, and every single one looked to be about my size. I felt like a kid as I dug through the closet, putting on each outfit and checking myself out in the mirror.

Leon had said nothing about me not going through his closet, but something told me what I was doing was going to earn me a stroke or two. It left me feeling naughty and gave me a burst of adrenaline as I continued my raid. There were too many outfits for me to try on every single one, but I eventually settled for a white baby doll dress that was so short that I spent a few minutes looking for the bottom half before realizing it had none.

Standing in front of the mirror, I debated the wisdom of greeting Leon at the door wearing something so skimpy and calculated that chances were he wouldn’t wait until after dinner to rip it from my body. I had a feeling he would not be able to help himself and hoped that distracted him enough that he forgot about punishing me altogether. Well, a little punishment wouldn’t be too bad.

Setting the dress aside, I continued my exploration of Leon’s bedroom. There were signs of him all around, from the gray sheets on the bed to the watches and cufflinks on the dresser. The clothes in the closet smelled of him, and I buried my face in them and took a deep breath, locking his scent in my memory.

The painting hanging above the bed was a birthday gift from me three years ago, and I recognized several records I’d given him over the years among the impressive stack next to the record player. There were books on a shelf and a work desk in the corner. It made me realize this was more than just a getaway for Leon. It was his second home, and I wondered how often he came here. And how often he came alone.

A flare of jealousy burned my stomach, and I pushed it away. We both agreed that this was temporary, and I had no right to make such a claim. It didn’t stop me from being jealous but reminded me that I couldn’t do anything about it.

I opened the top drawer of his dresser and found the gag he’d used on me the night before and the pleasure balls. Curious to find out what other toy he had hidden, I looked around the room for them. Under the bed, I found a big leather box and pulled it out. It was unlocked, and my heart raced as I opened it.

Was I crossing a line? It was hard to tell, but I was too curious to stop now. I gasped when I saw the toys in Leon’s box. There were cuffs and restraints, floggers and whips, ball gags and blindfolds. Nipple clamps and pleasure beads, jeweled plugs, and multiple vibrators. I didn’t recognize some toys and couldn’t figure out how they would be used. Leather, wood, metal, and silicone. It was clear Leon loved variety, and I realized he was keeping a lot from me. He was going to use these things on some other woman, and again, I was almost consumed with jealousy.

It wasn’t fair that I was only getting three days with him, and for an instant, I explored the possibility of extending our arrangement past the agreed date. Why stop at three days when we had the rest of our lives to explore this path he’d put me on? I knew it was because he was my manager and friend, and when we left this cabin and returned to the world we left behind, that was all we were going to be.

Perhaps it was because Leon didn’t do long-term relationships, and I knew I would not be the one to break that streak. Or it was because I had not gotten over my breakup with Anthony, and I was not in the right place to start a new relationship.

I snapped back to reality with a shake of my head. I knew I had gone too far into the rabbit hole when I was thinking of a relationship with Leon. I was smart enough to know better. Returning to the plan, I continued checking out the items in his sex box. Finding a hidden compartment, I pushed it open and saw a leather choker with silver buckles and a guitar pick hanging from it.

I recognized that pick instantly. It was the one I played my first big concert with. I’d given it to Leon as a gift, and a slow smile spread across my face as I ran my fingers around the pick. The words “Daddy’s Girl” had been engraved on it, and it felt like a full-circle moment to see a gift I’d given him be made into something for me. And yes, this choker was mine. I didn’t care what Leon said. I planned on taking it with me when I left. A small reminder of the weekend when I was his girl.

Decision made, I took the choker and closed the box before pushing it back under the bed. The dress and the pair of heels I’d chosen for the occasion also came with me. I bathed and got dressed, then sat in the living room, reading a book to pass the time as I waited for Leon.

I dozed off and was woken up by a noise at the door. Jumping to my feet, I quickly rearranged my dress and fluffed my hair. I heard the noise again and realized someone was knocking on the door. I wondered why Leon was knocking on the door and assumed he’d forgotten his keys. Moving closer to the entrance, I unlocked the door and opened it.

“Anthony!” I squeaked, shocked to see my ex standing in front of me. “What are you doing here? How did you find me?”

“Hey, Kira,” Anthony said, holding a bouquet and flashing that trademark smile at me.

As a teen, that smile was the first thing I saw every morning when I woke up, flashing at me from the poster of my favorite boy band. Anthony was the lead singer of his band and they’d released a couple of hits when I was a teen. That was a long time ago. Anthony was no longer the star he used to be, but that smile was still as sexy now as it was then. Maybe even more.

It was that smile aimed my way at the after-party of an award show that had captured my attention. We spent the whole night talking and laughing, and he asked me out a few days later. I fell in love pretty quickly and was too blinded by my feelings for him to notice the things going on right under my nose. Everyone knew he was cheating on me long before I did, and I probably would have remained in the dark if his last affair had not been exposed by the media.

His smile didn’t make my knees weak and my insides melt like it used to, but I was ashamed to admit that a part of me still tingled.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him, forgetting what I was wearing.

“It’s Leon, isn’t it?” Anthony asked as he took in my outfit. “You’re fucking Leon.”

“What?! I don’t…” I coughed and spluttered. “That’s none of your business,” I finally blurted out. “You shouldn’t even be here.”

“How can you do this to me, Kira?” he said, his bottom lip quivering. “I didn’t want to believe it when I saw the pictures.”

I jerked back. “What pictures?”

“The ones of you kissing him this morning.” He shook his head. “I always knew that bastard had his eyes on you. Sick fuck…”

“Shut up!” I snapped. “Talk like that about Leon one more time and I’ll rip your head off.” He took a step back, and I saw fear in his eyes. I didn’t care. “How did you get those pictures?”

“We still share a cloud account,” he said quietly. “The pictures were uploaded, and I saw them.”

I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. “That’s how you found me.”

He nodded. “Your locations were tagged in them. I almost didn’t believe it. I know you hate the countryside.”

“Shows how much you know about me,” I said dryly. “What do you want, Anthony?”

“It’s been three months, Kira. Don’t you think you’ve punished me enough?”

“Punished you?”

He moved closer to me. “I messed up. I made a terrible mistake and hurt you. I’m sorry…”

Having him so close to me reminded me I was standing in the doorway in a seductive outfit with the lights shining down on me. “I don’t care,” I said, stepping back to close the door. “Leave me alone, Anthony. I’m done with you…”

He grabbed the door and pushed himself inside the house, allowing it to close behind him. I turned and glared at him.

“Get out, Anthony. I don’t want you here when Leon gets back.”

“He’s not right for you, Kira. I know you’re doing this to get back at me, and I don’t blame you, but I’ve learned my lesson…”

“I’m not doing anything for payback, you arrogant jerk.”

“Why are you sleeping with him, then?”

“That’s none of your business. We’re no longer together.”

“Don’t do this, Kira.” He moved closer and offered me the flowers in his hand. “I made a mistake…”

“Three mistakes,” I reminded him, sounding as bitter and angry as I felt. “And those are just the ones I know about.”

“Fine. I made a lot of mistakes, but I’ve learned my lesson now.” He took a step toward me, and I backed away. “The past three months without you have been hell, Kira. It’s like the whole world became dull and gloomy. I was stupid for cheating on you, and if you take me back, I’ll never do it again.”

“Forget it,” I replied, still backing away from me. “You lost me the moment you decided I was not enough for you. I loved you,” I hissed, surprised to feel my eyes welling with tears.

“I know you did, babe,” he said, coming to a stop after successfully backing me to the wall. “And I know deep down you still love me. Three months, Kira. I can’t take it anymore. I’m sleeping on my cousin’s couch, barely eating, and missing you every day. I’m ready to come back home, baby.”

He sounded truly remorseful and looked beaten down. It was hard not to pity him, and he must have sensed my resolve weakening because he had moved even closer.

“I’ll do anything to show you that I’ve truly learned my lesson,” he said, raising the flowers like a peace offering. “I’ll go to couples counseling with you. We’ll have all the date nights you want. I’ll even stop going to the club with the boys.”

All of these were things I’d asked him to do in the weeks before we broke up, back when I thought we still had a chance to salvage our relationship before a picture of him leaving a hotel with his side piece was splashed across the media.

“Really?” I asked, more out of shock than anything.

“Yes.” He nodded, taking my response for a concession. “I will even forgive you for sleeping with Leon.”

I whipped my head up, stunned by his audacity. “You fucking…”

The door swung open, and Leon stepped in. He saw the both of us, and I saw him jerk back in shock. Shoving Anthony back, I stepped away from him.

“What’s going on?” Leon growled, and I had never seen him look so furious. “What is he doing here?”

“He just showed up…”

“I came to see Kira,” Anthony said arrogantly, pushing himself to his full height and meeting Leon’s gaze head-on.

“Yeah?” Leon moved toward Anthony, his body held tightly like a predator about to pounce. “And I’m guessing the man in the bushes with the camera came with you?” he asked, raising the camera in his hand.

Anthony, recognizing he was in danger, slowly backed away. “I don’t know anything about any cameras. I just came to talk to Kira…”

Leon did not stop, and I knew I had to do something, or he was going to hit Anthony. I jumped in front of both of them and placed my hand on Leon’s chest.

“Please…”

Leon stopped but continued glaring at Anthony. “Get out!”

“I came to see?—”

“I don’t care.” He interrupted Anthony. “I said get out.”

“You don’t get to decide that. Kira can see who she wants to see. Tell him you want me to stay, Kira,” Anthony said to me.

“I own the fucking place, so I decide who stays,” Leon growled, and I felt his chest vibrate under my hand.

He was holding himself back for now, but I could tell he was very close to launching himself at Anthony. I was surprised to feel the intensity of the fury emanating from him. He’d never been a fan of Anthony and hated him even more after he broke my heart, but this felt different. It felt personal.

“Let me talk to him,” I whispered. My answer surprised me, and he frowned in confusion. “I’ll hear what he has to say and send him away. Please,” I added, knowing I was asking a lot of him. “I promise this won’t take long.”

He looked at me and nodded, then faced Anthony. “If I see one fucking picture of her anywhere, I’ll find you and rip your fucking throat out. Nod if you understand.”

Anthony nodded mutely, and Leon shot me one last look before walking to the kitchen. I waited until he was gone before I turned to Anthony.

“Get out,” I hissed at him, raising my hand to stop him before he could say a word. “I don”t care what you have to say. I broke up with you because I was done with you, not to punish you. Leave me alone.”

“Please,” Anthony begged, and he looked like he was about to cry. “I fucked up, I know, but don’t punish the both of us for my stupidity. I made you happy once, Kira. I know I can do it again.”

He looked forlorn, and a small piece of my broken heart felt for him.

“Remember when we would stay up all night talking about the future? I’m ready to give you all those things, Kira. A house with a picket fence and a yard for our kids to play in. We’ll get the dog and the SUV.”

“You said I was silly for wanting all those things.”

“I was wrong. They are not silly dreams, and if you take me back, I promise to give you everything you’ve ever wanted.”

I paused, not because I wanted him back but because saying no meant accepting that it would be a while before I got my dream.

“It’s over,” I finally said. “We’re done, Anthony. Stop sending me messages and emails, and stop following me.”

“Kira…”

“Leave me alone, Anthony. I don’t want to have to get a restraining order,” I said. It finally clicked that I was serious, and we were done.

“Fine,” he said, slowly backing away. “You’re not ready to forgive me, but you can’t be mad at me forever. Have your fun with Leon, and when he’s done with you and throws you aside like he does everyone else, I’ll be waiting for you.”

“Fuck you,” I said, hurt by the truth in his words.

He left, and I heard a car drive away a few minutes later. Taking a deep breath, I walked toward the kitchen. My plans for the evening were ruined, and I didn’t know what to do next. All I wanted was a hug from Leon.

I found him standing over the sink and nursing a glass of wine. He didn’t turn around when I walked in or acknowledge my presence in any way.

“Anthony’s gone,” I said.

Leon nodded and took a sip of his wine. “I know.”

I cleared my throat and moved closer. “I made dinner.”

“I noticed.”

He turned around, and I expected the anger. I didn’t expect him to also look hurt.

“What I’m trying to figure out is what exactly your plan was. You knew I was coming back soon. I said it right there in my note.”

I squished my brows. “I don’t understand.”

“One more day, Kira. You couldn’t wait one day before inviting your ex to my cabin?!” he snapped, and I jerked back.

“You think I invited Anthony here?”

“I walk in to find him all over you while you are wearing a fucking dress I bought for you. You let him put his hands on you while you had my collar around your fucking neck.”

“No…” I shook my head frantically and rushed to his side. “You’ve got it all wrong. I didn’t invite Anthony here. He just showed up.”

“Bullshit. How did he know where to find us?”

It hurt that he didn’t believe me, but not as much as it did knowing I felt betrayed by me. “The pictures I took this morning,” I said, looking down at the ground. “They were backed up online, and I forgot Anthony and I still shared an account.”

He looked at me. “You didn’t invite him here?”

“I didn’t. I was shocked when I opened the door and found him standing there.”

“You didn’t check?”

I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight. I thought it was you and got excited.”

“I have my key, Kira. Why would I knock?”

“Don’t think I didn’t ask myself that.” I gave him a small smile. “It’s my fault he came here, and I’m sorry for that, but I promise you, I didn’t invite him here, and I was trying to get him to leave when you arrived.”

“Didn’t seem like it,” he said.

That stung, but I swallowed the pain. “I messed up, I know. How about we just agree that I deserved to be punished for what I did and move on,” I suggested, smiling hesitantly.

He didn’t return my smile. “Not interested.” He picked up his wine glass. “I’m sorry, Kira, but I think this was a mistake.”