Chapter 12 It’s Fine, Everything Is Fine
It’s Fine, Everything Is Fine
“Someone’s in a better mood,” Kellan said when I walked into our apartment that evening. “You get laid or something?”
He was sitting on the couch in nothing but his boxers. His right leg was propped up on the coffee table next to a pizza box, and he held a PlayStation controller in his lap. On the TV screen, he was murdering zombie hordes.
“God, can you please put on some clothes?” I grabbed a shirt off the floor. A quick smell check told me it was good enough. “Especially if you’re talking about me getting laid.”
“Why? Does it turn you—hey!” he yelled in surprise as I launched the shirt at his head where it blocked his view of the screen. By the time he’d reached up to remove the article of clothing, he’d already been killed. “Thanks a lot!”
“Maybe you’ll learn to dress yourself,” I said.
Kellan glowered at me as he tugged the shirt over his head. “There, happy?”
“Better.” I set down my school stuff and joined him in the living room. “So, I have some news.”
“Uh-oh.” Kellan sat up and tossed aside his controller. “What did you do?”
I scoffed. “I didn’t do anything.” I paused for a guilty beat then, “Grey did.”
“I think I’m going to need a drink.” Kellan got up and stalked to the kitchen. “You want a beer?”
Before I could answer, I heard the hiss of two bottles opening. I waited until he came back into the living room, handed me a bottle, and sat back down before continuing our discussion.
“All right,” Kellan said with a hefty sigh. “What is it now? I thought things were done after the barn party.”
“I thought so too.” I took a swig of my beer, hoping for a bit of liquid courage before the oncoming interrogation.
Kellan glared at me.
“Don’t look at me like that. I really did.”
“Okay.” Kellan held up his hands. “I believe you.”
“But he found me while I was working on homework today.” I took two more gulps of beer. “He said he wanted to be friends.”
“I’m confused. Didn’t he also say he had a crush on you?”
“Yes, but we’ve decided it would be best to try just being friends,” I said. “He’s not leaving Carina. I refuse to be a sidepiece, so it’s either leave each other’s lives completely, or be friends and stop thinking we’ll be anything more than that.”
“I need something stronger.” Kellan downed his beer then went back to the kitchen. He returned with vodka and a shot glass.
I watched him toss back a shot. “I think you’re being a little dramatic.”
“Ethan, I love you like a brother.” Kellan leaned forward to stare intently into my eyes. “And as a brother, I have to say this will royally fuck you in the end.”
I frowned. Knowing he was coming from a good place was the only thing that kept me from snapping at him. I knew it was risky, playing games with my heart, but I’d done the work to lay down ground rules with Grey.
The sound of the lock turning in the door alerted us to Josh’s arrival. He appeared in the doorway, looking disheveled with his glasses askew. He took one look at Kellan and me in the living room then marched to the fridge for his own beer before tossing his backpack into the corner and joining us.
“Everything good?” I asked.
He’d grabbed two beers for himself, which would be one thing if Kellan had done so, but Josh rarely drank on school nights.
“Just regretting every decision I’ve ever made.” Josh downed his first beer in seconds. He set the empty bottle on the coffee table. “School’s kicking my ass. How about you?”
“Grey and Ethan have decided to be ‘just friends,’” Kellan said before I could muster the words.
“Oh,” Josh said.
It was so small and feeble, I almost felt bad for the guy.
“Pour me a shot, will ya, Kellan?”
Kellan obliged him, and Josh drank the vodka, pulled a face, then chased it with more beer.
“You guys, it’s not that serious,” I insisted.
“Ethan, no offense, but are you stupid?” Josh’s voice was already a bit thick from the alcohol. “There’s no way this ends well.”
“It’s like if you were on a sinking boat and decided to poke more holes in it to stay afloat,” Kellan said.
“How will getting closer help you get over Grey?”
They looked at me expectantly.
“Guys, I’ve got this” was all I could think to say. “We’re both adults. We can exercise self-control. It’ll be fine.”
Kellan and Josh exchanged worried looks.
“And if it isn’t?” Josh asked.
I hated hearing the concern in his voice. I hated even more that his concern might be warranted.
“Well, then I was already going to lose him.” I took a swig of beer. “I might hurt more in the end, but it’s not like I’ve been okay these past few days either.”
“That’s why we’re worried,” Josh said gently. “Do you want to go through that every time you two call it quits? Isn’t that going to just prolong the pain?”
I was quiet for a long moment. Truth be told, I’d had similar fears all day, but we were assuming the worst would happen.
“There’s always the possibility things will work out,” I said softly.
I couldn’t keep the frail hope from creeping into my voice.
What would “work out” even look like in this situation?
Kellan sighed. “Yes, but how likely is that?”
I shrugged. I wished I could show them what I saw. I knew that I seemed crazy to them at this point, me going on and on about Grey and the ways he’d messed with my head. Surely they had to think I was a masochist. If only there was a way to show them…
I bolted upright. “Kellan, Josh,” I began.
Their looks of alarm would’ve been funny under other circumstances. Right now, they felt a bit condescending. Like they didn’t trust the words that would come out of my mouth.
“What if we all hung out with Grey? Since we’re friends and all, you could see for yourselves that everything is fine.”
A hefty pause followed before either Kellan or Josh dared to speak.
Finally, Josh opened his mouth. “I think that might actually be a good idea.”
“I’ll do it, but you have to promise me one thing,” Kellan said. “If I see any red flags, you’ll either call it off… or you won’t talk to us about Grey again.”
I gulped. That felt like a lot of pressure to put on one encounter. What if I messed it up somehow? Or what if Grey did? Would it be best if I told Grey that Kellan and Josh would essentially be evaluating our new friendship? No, that sounded crazy the moment I thought it.
But I could see Kellan wasn’t about to waver.
I would have to accept his one condition if I wanted him to hang out with Grey.
So, despite every cell in my body wanting to reject Kellan’s stipulations, I nodded.
“Deal. If you think that this is just some game to Grey, then say the word, and I won’t speak to him again. ”
“You swear,” Josh said. “Because you’ve said something like that before, and it didn’t exactly pan out.”
“You’re right, and I swear.” I crossed my heart with a finger. “For real this time. If Grey messes up, we’re done. We won’t even be friends.”