Chapter 17 The Hotel
The Hotel
We stood in the doorway, the single queen-size bed ominously filling the center of the room, the air around it heavy with implications. Neither of us wanted to move farther into the room it seemed.
Try as I might, I couldn’t tear my eyes off that damn bed. How easy would it be to just climb in there together? What would happen if we were left in such close quarters in a dark, locked room with no one expecting us to be anywhere for hours and me still pretty drunk?
It was a recipe for disaster.
All thoughts of sleep had been driven from my mind as adrenaline slammed through my veins.
“I can sleep on the floor,” I blurted.
Grey shot me a crazy look. “Don’t be silly. I invited you. That makes you a guest. I’ll sleep on the floor.”
“You’re not sleeping on the floor, Grey,” I said.
We looked from the bed to each other and back again.
“Fine,” Grey said. “We’ll share. But I call dibs on the shower first.”
And with that finality, we closed the door behind us.
I made my way to the bed, collapsing on top of it.
The room wasn’t quite spinning, but I felt in serious danger of it doing so.
I really should’ve held back on the drinking.
Grey undid his tie and took off his jacket.
I watched him more for something to anchor my swirling head than anything else.
“Do you need the bathroom before I go in there?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“Okay, I’ll be quick.”
He opened his suitcase on the table in the corner and pulled out some pajamas and dark-blue underwear.
My cheeks went warm at the sight of his undergarments, but thankfully, Grey didn’t notice.
He quietly collected his things and went to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I heard the shower start seconds later.
I lay there on my back, staring up at the ceiling.
I was very much aware of the fact that only a few feet away, Grey was naked and wet.
Blowing air out through my lips, I ran my hands over my face and tried to push the thought from my mind.
But in doing so, I latched onto the memory of tonight.
Of Grey holding me as we danced together, his hands on my hips, pulling me into him.
Once again, I found myself obsessing over the question that so often haunted me with Grey: Why?
Why did he invite me as his date to the wedding? Why did he dance with me? Why did he always look at me the way that he did? It wasn’t fair.
But it also wasn’t like I wanted him to stop.
As much as I protested and tried to lay down lines in the sand, I was just as guilty as Grey when it came to washing those lines away.
Like Grey had said in his song. It was pretty clear that we weren’t just friends.
And though I knew that had larger implications with Carina and both of our lives—I wasn’t sure I cared anymore.
A laugh bubbled up in my chest as I realized I would be going to see my family in a couple of weeks, and they would be the last to know I was into guys. Well, into Grey. Me being into other guys was still debatable since I thought of Grey as more of a force of nature than just a guy.
“Guess I’m going to have to come out,” I said under my breath.
It might have been the alcohol, but the thought somehow didn’t induce panic, more of a sense of assurance.
Because one thing I knew for certain was that Grey wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
Whether that was advisable was another discussion. But I knew I couldn’t just let him go.
Fight for him, a voice whispered in my head. He’s right there. He likes you. And besides, you have to use the restroom anyway. I don’t know why you said you didn’t.
It was then that I realized my bladder was, in fact, painfully full. The shower was still running, though, and I didn’t know how much longer Grey would be.
“He said he’d be quick,” I argued with myself.
But I got out of the bed anyway. Each step I took toward the door felt like a nail in my coffin. I knew if I went into that bathroom, there would be no turning back. Still, I placed one stubborn foot in front of the other, drawn as always to the gravity of Grey.
My head spun from more than the alcohol. I felt like I was held hostage in my own body, unable to do anything but watch and scream at myself to stop. To turn back and lie back down in that damn bed. The bed was safe. It was away from Grey.
But my body didn’t listen. I closed the distance to the door and stopped outside of it. I could still hear the shower running on the other side. I raised my knuckles to knock and announce my presence, but they hovered there.
Am I really doing this?
I was about to turn around and head back to safety when my hand rapped on the door as if of its own accord. It was too late to turn back. There was no way Grey hadn’t heard that.
“Yes?” he said from the other side of the door.
“I have to use the restroom,” I said then, in a hurry, “I can wait, though.”
“If you could wait, then why’d you knock?”
I could hear the laughter in Grey’s voice. But something else was there, something… seductive? Maybe I was making that up.
“Can I come in? I won’t take long.”
“Yes.”
Taking a deep breath, I opened the door. The room was filled with steam. The water was still running, and Grey stood on the other side of the shower curtain. I could just make out his silhouette as he shifted beneath the water.
“I’ll be quick,” I said.
I was true to my word. I finished using the bathroom and walked to the sink to wash my hands.
Being in the bathroom made it seem much less scary than it had on the outside.
It had lost all of its mystery, only leaving the mundane.
What did I think would happen if I asked to take a quick pee?
That Grey would lose all self-control and ravage me?
A guy could hope. I certainly wasn’t brave enough to start anything, even with the alcohol in my system, but if Grey had started things… well, who would I be to stop him?
But he didn’t start anything. He let me leave the bathroom without a word beyond my light “Thanks!” as I left.
I flung my body back down on the bed, cursing myself for the stunt I’d just pulled.
Before I could get too deep into my self-loathing, I heard the shower shut off and the curtain pull to the side.
I froze, heart hammering in my chest. He was getting out of the shower, which meant he would be on his way to the bed.
Trying desperately to pull myself together, I tore the suit from my body and tossed it in the corner.
Flinging my suitcase open, I found my pajamas—well, the drawstring shorts and the old T-shirt that served as my pajamas—and yanked them on.
I’d just made it back to the bed and positioned myself to look as nonchalant as possible when Grey opened the bathroom door. He stepped out, and my jaw dropped.
Somehow, while watching him pull out his clothes, I’d completely missed the fact that he hadn’t grabbed a shirt as well.
Now, he stood in the tiny hall outside the bathroom, his hair damp and hanging into his eyes—eyes that stared directly at me.
My gaze lingered on his for a second before breaking away to take in the rest of him.
Light streamed from the bathroom, falling across his chest, catching the tiny flecks of water still there.
The lighting defined the lines of his abs, shrouding the low points of his skin in shadow.
Then there were the sweats. I stifled a gasp when my eyes landed below his waistband because I could see his bulge, on display in the sweatpants. They left very little to the imagination. I might as well have been staring at him naked. I gulped.
“You okay?” Grey asked, approaching the bed.
I nodded. “Just a bit drunk still.”
“I see.” He paused for a long moment before saying, “We should probably go to bed, huh?”
“Yeah.”
He awkwardly joined me on the bed, lying next to me under the comforter. A second later, Grey reached over and turned the light out, plunging us into darkness. And in the darkness, my mind reeled.
I tried to play it cool, but my breath kept catching in my chest. My throat was suddenly dry—so dry that it stung a bit to swallow. My tongue felt fat and clumsy in my mouth, like it’d been replaced by a thick piece of rubber.
The heat of Grey’s body radiated across the small space between us, and I desperately wanted to close that distance, to cuddle up to him, to kiss him, anything to stop the yearning in my chest.
But I didn’t. I couldn’t even say something with my dry throat and rubber tongue.
And sleep was nowhere to be found. My skin buzzed with electricity caused by Grey’s very existence.
He was there. Right there. If I just stretched my fingers, I was sure I would brush against him.
I couldn’t bring myself to do it. So, instead, I stayed where I was, my chest writhing in agony.
“I’m glad you came,” Grey said in the darkness. “I have a hard time being alone around people.”
“Really?” I said, genuinely surprised. “I thought you’d be used to people, what with the band and all.”
Grey gave a dry laugh. “You’d think, but as the band has gotten more popular on campus, things have gotten more… complicated.”
“Too many people trying to jump your bones?” I teased.
A long silence stretched between us, so long that I wondered if my joke had hit too close to home. I was beginning to think Grey had fallen asleep until he finally spoke again.
“Actually, kind of.” He took a shaky breath. “A little over a year ago, I had an overzealous fan break into my apartment.”
Cold dread pooled at the base of my spine. It was both a relief and a distraction from the sensations I had been feeling—even if the emotion wasn’t a particularly pleasant one. “What happened?” I asked.
I could feel Grey’s shrug. “She came in while I was sleeping. Apparently, she’d been the head of my fan club ever since the band started getting popular at Redmond. Well, I was getting a lot of fan letters and DMs and stuff at the time, and she had sent me some that I’d never gotten back to.”
My eyes widened in the darkness. “So, her solution was to break into your apartment?”
“Yep. She took some of my things. Demanded to know why I didn’t message her back. She was pretty, and it’s not like I was dating anyone, so there was no excuse, in her mind, that I couldn’t date her.”
“What the hell? She thought that’d work?”
Grey gave a short laugh. “I think she was suffering from a severe mental break. But still…” He didn’t finish his sentence.
In the lingering silence, I could feel that he was downplaying just how traumatic it had been to have a crazed fangirl break into his apartment.
“Sounds awful,” I said. “I’d probably be weird around people too.”
“It wasn’t the first time things got weird,” Grey said. “Lots of people after concerts just want to get a handful of you. To touch you no matter how much you don’t want to be touched.”
“Jesus, does that still happen?” I’d never been backstage at one of his shows. He’d only ever caught up to me afterward. There could have been plenty of time for harassment in the interim. I wondered how much I’d missed.
“Not so much anymore,” Grey said. “Things calmed way down once Carina and I started dating. I guess, when I was single, everyone thought they had a chance with me. But once I was taken, people realized I wouldn’t suddenly fall in love with one of them.”
Ouch. I hadn’t expected anything he told me to hurt, but that last sentence did.
I wouldn’t suddenly fall in love with one of them.
I wasn’t just some random person to him.
I knew that. He likely wasn’t even talking about me.
But why does my heart ache like he just said that he would never fall in love with me?
Grey yawned loudly. “I’m getting sleepy,” he said, rolling onto his side.
In the dark, I couldn’t tell which way he was facing, but I assumed it was away from me.
“Good night, Ethan.”
“Good night,” I whispered back. “See you in the morning.”
I rolled onto my side, facing away from Grey.
For some reason, tears welled in my eyes once again.
Even though Grey had acknowledged that we weren’t just friends, he’d basically just said that he was staying with Carina.
Oh, I guess that’s the reason I’m crying.
Sleep was nowhere in sight. Thankfully, I didn’t have to hide the tears from anyone this time.
I just let them slide quietly onto my pillow.
Time passed, but I had no way of knowing how long I cried.
My phone was on the other side of the room.
Then I felt a movement behind me—then across my chest.
I froze for a second before realizing that Grey had wrapped an arm around me.
And just like that, I melted into him. Tears dried as quickly as they’d formed.
I didn’t think about the implications of him holding me in that bed.
I didn’t think about much of anything. My brain was tired, and my body relaxed.
Before I knew it, I’d fallen asleep in Grey’s arms.