Chapter 19 Backstage at Your Show #2
Sighing, I turned my full attention to her but didn’t speak. I refused to incriminate myself for a crime that, quite frankly, I hadn’t committed. So I waited for her to continue.
“Grey’s been seriously hurt in the past,” she said, fire in her eyes. “He’s been through some things that no one should have to deal with.”
I thought about what he’d told me back in the hotel room but remained silent.
“Part of my job as a good partner is making sure that he doesn’t get hurt like that again.” She eyed me up and down. “Ever.”
Red anger flashed before my eyes. Is she implying that I’ll hurt Grey?
How would I even begin to go about doing that?
Isn’t it obvious that I’m in way more danger of getting hurt than he could ever be?
I didn’t say any of that. I didn’t even express the venom I felt toward Carina in that moment.
“Don’t worry,” I said, somehow managing to try consoling her.
“I won’t hurt him.” I turned to watch Grey onstage and released another sigh.
“You probably think I’m just his dumb girlfriend,” Carina said. “But I’m not. I know he has feelings for you.”
“Does he?” I tried my best to keep my voice even despite my racing pulse.
Shit. How do I get out of this? It was quite literally the worst-case scenario—being confronted by the girlfriend about an emotional affair that I was all-too-eagerly taking part in.
Sure, we hadn’t been physical, but a huge “yet” was attached to the end of that statement.
“And you clearly have feelings for him,” she pressed on, intent on making me fess up.
I refused to give in. “Does it really matter if I do? It doesn’t change the fact that you two are together.”
Carina narrowed her eyes. “What would you do if I weren’t with him anymore? Would you date Grey? Would you fuck him?”
I blinked at her, too stunned to come up with a clever response. Those questions were the very last I ever would’ve expected from her. I realized in the back of my mind that Dreamscape had finished two or three songs on their setlist during our conversation.
“Or,” she said. “Would the game be over for you? You’d have won, right?
You’d have the campus celebrity to yourself, and where’s the fun in victory?
After the win, you’d have to work at maintaining a relationship with someone who is very much committed to his dreams. Can you be okay with sitting on the sidelines and supporting him through that? ”
“These are a lot heavy questions.” I couldn’t begin to come up with adequate answers to half of them.
I’d never been with a guy before. I didn’t know how any of it worked.
I didn’t think I would get bored with Grey once I actually had him.
But what do I know? Every girl I’d ever dated had been a series of chase, catch, and release.
No one had kept my interest, and I’d never wanted a relationship enough to consider what I was doing to the other party in those situations.
But Grey was different. I felt more strongly for him than I had ever felt for anyone in my life. I wouldn’t lose interest just as I finally got him, would I? Now that Carina had incepted the seed of doubt into my mind, I began to worry.
“These are questions you have to think about,” Carina said. “Grey would be risking a lot to be with you. Especially if you left.”
Why is she talking like she doesn’t even consider herself an obstacle in this situation? Does she plan to step aside and let me have a go at her boyfriend? What kind of relationship do they have?
Many times over the past few months, Grey had hinted that he and Carina might not be what they appeared to be on the surface. This conversation was doing a lot to confirm his words. Not that I could exactly tell what that meant.
The song changed again in the background of our conversation. It was now the song he’d played at the wedding.
“Just Friends,” I reminded myself of the song’s name. How ironic, given the conversation at hand.
Frustration welled in my chest, threatening to spill out of my mouth in a flurry of words.
Instead, I walked to the service bar and poured myself a shot of vodka that actually filled about half the red Solo cup.
I threw it back, and it burned away the feelings in my chest, leaving a comforting warmth in its wake.
I was beginning to think I shouldn’t have come tonight.
The relief brought on by the liquor was short-lived, however, and soon I began to spiral.
I was growing tired of Grey’s games, of not knowing exactly where I stood.
I shouldn’t have to endure Carina giving me cryptic warnings and veiled threats.
She shouldn’t be hinting that she would step aside for me to get with Grey. And Grey shouldn’t be allowing it.
He doesn’t know, I told myself. He was onstage. There was no way he could have known Carina would ambush me.
The song’s words reached me where I stood, frozen in my thought.
“Make me wish that I was smart enough to know right.
Didn’t I give staying away a try?”
I knew he’d written the song for me. I looked past where Carina still stood to Grey onstage. He was singing his heart out, his expression one of complete earnestness.
“I don’t want this thing to end,
But it’s clear that we’re not just friends.”
Maybe Grey was just as helplessly drawn to me as I was to him. Maybe that was the cause for every stupid frustration that had occurred these past few months. We were both fighting our better judgments and losing. Didn’t I give staying away a try?
I sighed and walked back to Carina.
“I’m not playing games here,” I said.
She looked up at me in surprise. As if she hadn’t expected the conversation to continue after I’d walked away.
“I don’t want to ‘win’ anything. And I’d never just leave him. So, yeah, I guess that’s all I have to say. I don’t know the answers to all your questions. Hell, I have a lot of my own. But I care about him, and I’d do anything in my power to avoid hurting him.”
She stared at me for a long time after that, contemplating what I’d said. So long that Dreamscape played through another song. Finally, she broke the silence between us. “I believe you.” She sounded almost resigned.
And with that, we turned our attention back to the concert, back to the boy we both cared for as he played his guitar.