Chapter Three
Somewhere
The Darkness
Wandering
To be one hundred percent honest, Graham wasn’t quite sure where he was, but everything around him looked incredibly familiar. As he took the time to scan the area, it hit him.
Oh, hell.
Yeah, this was all familiar.
It also had to be a dream because this place no longer existed. This place was a figment of his memories to a time when he’d been happy and alive.
This was his past.
What he was seeing was the shit apartment that he and D’Artangnan had off-base while they were both still serving their respective countries.
Seeing it hurt in ways he couldn’t express. There had been so much love here that it crushed down on him, reminding him of the seven and a half years since this time.
They’d gotten this tiny little place because they both wanted to be able to carry on their relationship without anyone being any the wiser. The only way they could do that was to move off base.
HERE.
This tiny, cheap little apartment had been their hideaway, where they had been free to continue their relationship—in secret.
Now, he knew it was a dream because this apartment had been a long time ago, and a place he’d hadn’t thought about in just as much time.
Was that because he was dead?
Had he won and taken that plunge off the cliff?
Had he managed to finally get the courage to end his life so that he could be out of pain?
God.
He hoped so.
That’s when something caught his attention.
It appeared that Graham wasn’t alone in the apartment. When he heard him whistling emanating from the other room, he knew that he most definitely wasn’t free from the memories and pain.
Not.
Even.
Close.
Here came more torment.
When the door to their shared bedroom opened, in came the most gorgeous man he’d ever seen in his whole life. D’artangnan Graves stole his breath now, just like he always did then.
He had the deepest blue eyes, and the blackest hair. He wore it in that familiar Marine fade that all the men on base had who were American.
The dimple in his chin charmed him, despite it also breaking him too.
He was in his American fatigues, and it was clear he was coming in from duty.
As he did, Graham was helpless to let this torture play out in front of him.
“Hey, babe,” D’Artangnan said, grinning at him. “I missed you,” he admitted.
God.
He knew that feeling.
In that moment, Graham hoped this wasn’t Hell because this had the makings of it.
Graham hoped he wasn’t going to be forced to relive the happy moments with D’Artangnan over and over again for eternity.
That was torture.
And to start with this one…
Yeah, he remembered this moment.
It was one of the last ones they’d shared before he told him if he walked out of his life, he could never come back, and it was over.
It was the morning of January twenty-eighth.
Oh, God.
What did he do to deserve this?
Why did the universe hate him so much that he’d be forced to relive this?
This was his last moment of happiness in seven and a half years.
When D’artangnan jumped onto the bed, he grinned wickedly at the man.
“Still in bed?” he asked. “I would have made you coffee had I known.”
Graham said nothing as the memory played out in front of him, and he was trapped in it.
D’Artangnan continued.
“I had to stop in with my CO briefly this morning, and sign some things,” he stated. “I thought for sure you’d be up and making me breakfast after last night’s performance. I do believe you called it Earth moving.”
Oh, and it had been.
This man knew his way around his body, and he’d made him cum so many times, it should have been illegal. D’Artangnan was masterful in bed, and he was the reason no other sexual experience mattered past him.
He’d been the ONE.
The ONLY.
Sadly for Graham, he was trapped in that dream, or better yet, that nightmare. Whoever was making him relive this memory, he couldn’t break free and wake up from it. This was the last thing he wanted to relive.
This moment.
Graham played along.
It wasn’t intentional, since he couldn’t control it, but the words came out of his mouth, and they were the same ones he’d said seven and a half years before.
“Well, I don’t like when I wake up alone. You should probably fix that and stay in bed with me, D.”
The Marine grinned, and took control.
Instead of arguing that, he took his mouth in a kiss, and the whole time, Graham’s heart broke.
This was the last time they’d made love.
This was the last time they’d been together before it went horribly awry.
This was it.
The beginning of the end.
In a few hours, he was going to leave, and he wouldn’t see him again for a long time.
For years.
The kiss was nuclear, and it felt so real that Graham fell into it with all of his being. D’Artangnan’s mouth against his felt like heaven.
That’s how he knew he was dead.
This had to be purgatory, and he was trapped in it until the powers that be judged him and sent him right to the hottest level of hell for being a horrible person.
When D’Artangnan broke the kiss, he stared into Graham’s eyes.
“Well, I’m here now. Want to roll around and have some fun with your man?” he asked, pulling the sheet down his body to reveal his morning wood, and his muscle-corded bare thigh.
When he saw the tattoo, D’Artangnan ran his finger over the scrolling print of that capital D, and it sent chills across Graham’s body.
God.
Graham wanted to change the outcome of this so that he never lost this man. He’d never realized what he’d had until it was gone, and now, he wished there was some way that he could undo that moment in their past, so they could have a future.
THIS.
FUTURE.
As he stared up at D’Artangnan, he looked into his eyes and in them, Graham saw pure unadulterated love. No one had ever loved him like this man had.
And he knew that to his soul.
“You know that I’m never saying no to that, Lad. I love being in bed with you. I was made for you.”
Sadly, he knew that was the truth.
Graham had been made for him, and only him. He’d had a life with D’Artangnan, and he had one without him. The former was much better than the latter.
They might not have had a penny to their names, and they were trapped fighting rich men’s wars, but they were doing it together.
As soulmates.
“Perfect,” D’Artangnan admitted, as he began kissing the man’s neck to pepper the morning lovemaking with some foreplay.
Only, Graham had to know.
“So, where were you?” he asked. “It’s Sunday, and you’re normally off duty. What did the CO want?” he asked, curiously.
As he was teasing his earlobe, D’Artangnan couldn’t tell him that.
What he’d signed up for was something that would set them both up for their future. They’d be able to buy a great house, and some nice cars.
They’d get a jumpstart in their futures, and all he had to do was dedicate a single year to the cause to get one hell of a payout.
What was the cause?
Well, he was going to play bodyguard to powerful people and get paid well doing it.
This was for Graham, and their chance to have a life outside of the military. If it wasn’t classified, and he was allowed to tell anyone, he would be spilling his guts.
Only, how did he tell the man he loved he was going to have to leave him the last six months of Graham’s tour to go under and become someone else.
Michael.
The Archangel.
Even to him, it was weird, but it was necessary. To be the ‘Hand of God’, you couldn’t have the world knowing who you were. D’Artangnan Graves would die, and in his place, Michael would be born.
God.
He wanted to tell him in the worst way, but as a Marine, you kept classified—classified. Graham wasn’t an American soldier.
He was a foreign entity, and this gig was too sweet to risk it.
“Like I said, it was just some paperwork. You know how the US military is. There has to be a paper trail for EVERYTHING.”
Graham fought to change the dream.
He fought to alter this past reality.
“Is it to become an Archangel?” he asked, not sure how the hell he knew that. He’d never heard of it before, other than when his parents forced him to church as a wee lad, but here it was in his mind.
When he asked the question, it clearly caught the man off guard.
And his eyes went huge.
“How did you know…?” he began, staring incredulously at him.
Graham kept going, using what he knew in his head, and changing the path they’d taken.
If he didn’t, they would fall apart. The irony was that he had planned on proposing that night at dinner. It was their anniversary—of sorts. They’d been together three years that weekend.
Graham knew it was time to get married, and to make that moment count.
So, he kept digging into his mind, not sure how he found this information, but he’d let it play out.
“Did you sign up for duty to be an Archangel?” he asked again, as he could hear the words in his head as if they were being whispered there for him. “For us?”
D’Artangnan grinned.
“Babe, I’m not supposed to talk about it. It’s classified work, but they are going to pay me so much money. We won’t be poor and have to live in a place like this. We’ll be flush. I’ll take care of you! We can have a big house, and…”
Tears filled Graham’s eyes.
God.
This is how it could have gone had he told him about it. Had he just clued him in, or had he trusted that this was really love, they would have made it.
They would have survived this turning point—instead of going to Hell in a handbasket over anger, suspicion, and lack of trust.
Why hadn’t he just done this the right way?
For them?
Graham focused on his Marine.
“For me?” he asked, going there. “You’re doing all of this for me?”
D’Artangnan nodded, and he took Graham’s face in his hands.
As he stared in his eyes, he was honest.