Chapter Three #2
A short time later, Rafe discovered Juliana, as he’d suspected and hoped he might, at the edge of the pasture fence in a small glen of trees behind the horse barns.
A place where he knew she’d often taken refuge throughout her childhood when escaping one of her mother’s diatribes on her inadequacies.
‘Juliana, what wrong?’ he said urgently as he approached her. ‘What happened to so upset you?’
She didn’t respond, continuing to face away from him, breathing hard, her hands gripping the rail of the pasture fence so hard her knuckles showed white.
Rafe put a tentative hand on her sleeve, his concern intensifying as he felt the trembling of her body.
At first he thought she would pull away, but, to his relief, she allowed his touch.
After several long moments, taking a deep breath, she stilled the trembling and turned to him.
‘Rafe, how good to see you! Sorry for my…unfortunate behaviour. How are things at Thornthwaite? Has Sterling worked out well as estate manager? I hope your taking the time to visit means all is well in train.’
Tacitly accepting her change of subject—for the moment, for he had no intention of leaving Edgerton Manor before he discovered what had provoked her flight—he said, ‘Sterling has been a godsend. Not only does he know the needs of the farms—long unmet, as you know—he’s held in such high esteem by the other tenants that, knowing he now has oversight of the estate, any resentment towards me they might with perfect justification have developed because of Ian’s neglect has been blunted.
True, they were initially skeptical of my assurance that I intended to remedy the deficiencies Taylor allowed, but with some careful management of the capital still remaining, we’ve been able to address the immediate shortfalls in equipment and repairs.
I’m confident that they will continue to work with me, under Sterling’s supervision, to do the hard work to restore the estate’s buildings and increase its production. ’
‘I’m so pleased to hear it. Were you able to coax Mrs Henderson out of retirement to return as housekeeper?’
‘Yes, thanks to your intervention. She recommended that Mason take over as butler and Jane, under her tutelage, continue training as cook. Since I’m the only one in residence and a former army officer used to the deprivations of campaign, she knows I don’t require anything fancy in the way of meals.
She’s brought in two maids and a footman, about all the staff I can afford at the moment.
Not enough to set Thorne Hall to rights as it was in my mother’s day, but we’re making a start. ’
‘Excellent! I appreciate you riding over to offer me a report.’
‘Only what you deserve, after the care you took to set me on the right track. And let me emphasize again, you mustn’t hold yourself responsible for what happened during Ian’s…
illness. I know you did whatever you could to prevent it.
Your careful observations and astute recommendations have gone a long way towards equipping me to begin reversing the decline. ’
An expression of sorrow briefly crossed her face. ‘Thank you for that. Although I cannot help still feeling somewhat responsible. But shall we go in? You can probably safely remain for dinner, as long as you escape before Mama can contrive some way to keep you overnight.’
She turned to go, but Rafe caught her hand, the automatic tingle of response muted by his concern. ‘I’ve given my report. What about yours? What just happened to upset you? Is your mother haranguing you again?’
He thought at first she would put him off again, but giving him a grimace of a smile, she said, ‘Not Mama this time. Father said Carlisle would need gifts to give the hostesses at the house parties he’ll be invited to over the summer and fall, after the ton leaves London.
After having spectacularly failed to marry and now remaining a burden on the household, I should earn my keep by decorating some china plates for him, employing the “only feminine skill I possess,” for otherwise, I was useless.
Useless,’ she repeated, tears sparkling at the edges of her eyes.
‘I know I have a talent for painting and sketching. Even if he and Mama think drawing animals and birds is wasted effort.’ She sighed.
‘Now I’ve broken two of the plates. A fortunate circumstance that you’ve turned up, else I’d likely be sent to my chamber without supper—and provided with four more plates to decorate. ’
‘You do have a superior talent,’ Rafe said, furious on her behalf at the blindness and insensitivity of the family who ought to value her and so obviously didn’t. ‘It’s wasted on china plates. I’m glad you smashed one.’
That provoked a slight smile. ‘Thank you. I’ll use that thought to cheer me as I’m forced to paint half a dozen more.’
‘Must you? Are your…prospects not close enough to fruition to spare you that?’
Her smile faded, such desolation in her expression that Rafe had great difficulty refraining from pulling her into his arms—an attempt at comfort he somehow knew she would resist.
‘My…most promising one didn’t work out,’ she said softly.
‘With enough time, I might be able to turn up a similar opportunity, but… Apparently my sister Agatha wrote to Mama telling her that her nursery-maid has taken ill and she needs help with the children. Although otherwise barely speaking to me, Mama informed me she intends to send me to Aggie as soon as I finish Carlisle’s plates.
With no money of my own, and nowhere else to go, I can’t see any way to avoid it.
Once there… I shall probably be entombed there forever.
Certainly neither of my parents want me back here. ’
Horrified by the prospect, Rafe said, ‘What of your young man? Has he been so foolish as to withdraw his suit? Dishonourable to lead you on if his intentions were not serious!’
She uttered a strained laugh. ‘It was nothing like that! There’s no young man you need skewer on your saber for breaking a promise.’
‘Then what?’ he demanded.
At first, he thought she might put him off again. Instead, abject despair on her face before she closed her eyes, she shook her head as tears began slipping silently down her cheeks.
This time Rafe couldn’t restrain himself. Gathering her close, he held her against his chest. ‘What happened, Mouse?’ he murmured. ‘We’ve always been friends. You know you can confide in me and it will go no further. And I will do anything in my power to help you.’
After a few moments, she pulled away. ‘Very well, I’ll tell you, but you mustn’t laugh.
During Aggie’s Season, I met an older lady while looking through the South Sea room exhibit at the British Museum.
We stuck up a conversation, which led to a friendship, which led to our maintaining a correspondence when I returned to Edgerton.
She, like me, had a great interest in the natural world and enjoyed discussing it.
She admired my sketches and encouraged me to continue my explorations.
When I wrote to her to inform her about Ian’s demise, she invited me to come live with her, as the elderly cousin who has long been her companion does not share any of these interests.
After returning from Thornthwaite, I wrote to accept her offer.
And heard nothing. I’ve just received a reply from her cousin informing me that Lady Fallsham passed away last month. ’
‘I’m so sorry,’ Rafe murmured, too shocked by the nature of her ‘prospect’ to manage more.
‘If I had more time, I could advertise for another position as a companion, if I could obtain funds to do so and find some way to insert such a notice in the London papers. I’d do better fetching and carrying for some older lady than putting up with the spoiled tantrums of my sister’s children.
It would have to be a companion, for even in my desperation, I couldn’t in good faith advertise myself as a governess.
With Mama believing “Book learning is of no use to a lady” and “Gentlemen deplore clever females”, I was never taught more than the basic arithmetic necessary to running a household, to say nothing of more scholarly endeavours.
My skill at the piano is limited and my needlework is such an abomination that, with Carlisle wasting so much of the estate’s blunt, Mama barred me from further use of embroidery thread as a means of economy.
I would have better luck cutting my hair, stealing some of Carlisle’s old clothing and going off as a soldier; I’m a pretty good shot.
But that’s unlikely to happen, either. Options for a female are so limited. ’
Swallowing hard, she turned to pat Rafe’s hand.
‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to burden you with my difficulties.
You have enough of your own, working long hours and saving every penny to put Thornthwaite back in order.
Having cried on your sleeve, I’m better now.
And speaking of better, we should return before Mama can contrive some excuse to declare me compromised. ’
She turned to go, but Rafe caught her hand, his heart aching for her distress, for the bravery with which she pulled herself back from despair and tried to dismiss her nearly hopeless situation.