Chapter Five #2
Her breathing accelerated as she arched upward to him, moments later, and writhed as her climax overcame her.
Leaving his fingers within, he leaned up to capture her cries in his mouth.
Then, lay back on his pillows and cradled her against his chest, listening to the sweet sounds as her gasping breaths slowed and steadied.
He held her as she dozed, filled with tenderness and a masculine pride of knowing that he’d satisfied her. He still burned for his own release, but that could wait.
A few moments later she woke on a long sigh. Propping herself on his chest, she looked down at him with wonder. ‘Oh. My. I never observed anything like that in nature.’
He chuckled. ‘I’m no naturalist, but I understand that some such stimulation can occur in other species.’
‘But…you are still just…stimulated.’ He jumped, suppressing a groan as she moved her hand to caress his rigid member. ‘Is it not time for you to be fulfilled?’
His body, already hard, quickened further. ‘If my lady so desires.’
‘She does.’ Rolling to her back, she urged him over her, wrapping her legs around him as he entered her hot, slick passage. Groaning, no longer able to control passion too long restrained, instead of a slow, steady build of momentum, he found himself thrusting wildly.
By now he was too far gone in ecstasy to notice much, but she seemed to be encouraging him, lifting her hips to meet his thrusts, grasping his neck and pulling his head down for an endless kiss as he moved within her.
She cried out again as he reached his own peak in a towering, body-and-soul-shattering intensity of release.
Afterwards, as they lay together in the contented haze after lovemaking, she snuggled against his shoulder with a sigh. ‘Ah, had I known how delightful this could be, I might have pressed Ian harder for a wedding.’
‘Minx,’ he reproved, suddenly, possessively glad that wedding had never happened.
‘Though I wouldn’t have pushed him, not really. Not when I knew—’ She stopped suddenly, eyes widening in alarm, then pasted a smile on her lips. ‘It was delightful, husband. Can I tell you how contented I am to be your wife?’
‘Gladly.’ But something tickled the back of his mind, something about his brother. ‘You wouldn’t have pressed Ian because he was so…distressed those last months?’
She gazed at him for a moment. ‘You…truly don’t know?’
‘Know what?’
She sat up, looking troubled—though to his delight, seeming entirely unconcerned that her movements caused the bed linens to fall to her waist, presenting him with the delightful view of the pert breasts he’d so recently tasted, whose pale skin still showed the marks of his passion.
Forcing his thoughts back to his brother, said, ‘What about Ian should I have known?’
She sat for a few moments staring distractedly into the distance. ‘I suppose I cannot now claim there was nothing?’
‘There must have been. For you to regret having mentioned it now. For him to have been so “distressed”. Can you not tell me?’
She remained silent while, both concern and curiosity now fully aroused, he checked the impulse to press her further. She would tell him, or not, but he must not try to force it from her.
Finally, shaking her head, she said, ‘I suppose it is not a breach of his confidence to tell you now, with him gone. I know you loved him, too. But you must promise not to reveal what I tell you to anyone. And you must doubly promise that whatever I say, it will not alter the love you had for your brother.’
Rafe shrugged, puzzled, alarmed and unable to imagine what she could be so reluctant to reveal. ‘Ian was my brother, and I did—do—love him. Nothing you could tell me would change that.’
‘Very well—if you promise.’ She heaved a sigh, her forehead puckered as if she weren’t sure how to begin.
‘Go on,’ he coaxed.
‘Ian…was not like most men. He didn’t find women…appealing.’
It took a moment before her meaning penetrated. Shocked, Rafe said, ‘He was a molly boy?’
‘Never call him that!’ she said sharply. ‘One doesn’t choose who or how one loves—as we both know well!’
A vision of Thalia flashed into his head, provoking another swift, fleeting stab of the pain from which he’d thought himself long ago recovered. Pushing away the image, he focused on putting together the clues Juliana had given him.
‘I never guessed…never even imagined,’ Rafe said slowly, shaking his head. ‘How could I not have known?’
‘Ian loved you and cherished your opinion. He would have wanted to keep the truth from you, more than from anyone else. It would have destroyed him to have you think…less of him.’
‘How did you know?’ he demanded, torn between angry and aghast that she seemed to have known his brother so much better, it turned out, than he had.
‘Whenever I could escape the house, I wandered the fields and forests, observing the wildlife, sketching and collecting specimens. Remember the little fishing hut, down by river that separates Thornthwaite land from Edgerton? We all played there as children, even Ian, though he was not much for fishing and preferred exploring the banks for interesting rocks.’
‘Yes, of course. He’d slip away from our long riding expeditions, too, and hide away there, reading his books.’
‘Exactly. While at Eton, Ian met another student with whom he shared…much in common. He often accompanied Ian to Thornthwaite on school breaks and continued to visit here frequently even after they left university.’
Searching his memory, Rafe pulled out a name. ‘Eric Dickson? I always thought their friendship an odd pairing. I recall Eric being enthusiastic about joining us for the riding, hunting and sports Ian disdained.’
‘Perhaps. But they also shared a deep love of literature and painting. And…a deep love. More than just a platonic one, as I learned one fall after you’d left for the army. I’d gone to the fishing hut to collect a gathering basket I’d left there and discovered them…being intimate.’
Rafe swallowed hard, still having difficulty getting his mind around that revelation. ‘You must have been shocked.’ He certainly was. ‘What did you do?’
‘Ran away, initially, uncertain what to think. Sheltered from life as I’d been, I hadn’t previously known such things were…
possible. Ian sought me out few days later, after Eric’s departure.
Apologetic, miserable, he wanted to explain.
He said he knew he must have lost my respect and affection but begged me to keep his secret. ’
‘And you promised to do so?’
‘Of course, and until this morning, I have. I also assured him that my…discovery did not alter the affection and esteem in which I’d always held him.
How could it? From my own experience, I knew that we are what we are.
Years and years of Mama haranguing me, criticizing, correcting, couldn’t turn me into a perfect young lady like Aggie.
The daughter she wanted me to be. How could I fault Ian for being who he was? ’
She exhaled a little sigh, then continued, ‘He also confided that he’d dreaded being married to Aggie and had been enormously relieved when she found another husband.
We agreed then and there that bowing to our parents’ desire for us to wed instead would work well for us both.
Ian would be spared having to marry some unknown female, forcing himself into an intimacy that repelled him and having to constantly pretend to be something he wasn’t.
Making a respectable marriage would free me from my family’s control and let me continue to be who I was as well. ’
‘But…you were willing to accept a mariage blanche?’ Rafe asked, frowning.
She shrugged. ‘I was a bit sad to abandon the idea of children, but that was the only disadvantage. I’d gain a safe and comfortable position while also being able to protect a friend about whom I cared deeply.
Ian could continue to discreetly see the person he loved; I could enjoy my sketching, my studies and oversee Thornthwaite, a task that Ian didn’t much enjoy, to ensure that it would pass to you and your heirs in good form. ’
Rafe’s frown deepened. ‘It still wasn’t a fair bargain for you! You deserved more—passion as well as companionship.’
She shook her head. ‘I never expected passion. I wasn’t the sort of girl to inspire it, as my mother always told me.’
‘I think we’ve just proved her wrong about that,’ Rafe said acidly.
Juliana smiled and touched his lips with a gentle finger. ‘Thank you for that. But, not knowing then what I know now, it would have worked…’
‘So why didn’t it? I can see why Ian might have been distressed before you discovered his secret.
But secure in the bargain you’d made—however unfair to you I think it—knowing you would protect him and permit him to continue with his…
relationship, why did he fall into such a despondency that you never married? ’