Chapter Five #3
‘Because early last spring, Eric was killed in an accident. Ian was distraught. Not only had he lost the person he loved most in the world, he’d lost all chance, he believed, of being happy.
Now a man grown, he felt he might never encounter another of similar nature.
Someone with whom, though he could never share so deep a love, he could at least quietly develop a relationship in which he could safely be himself.
Now that he’d inherited, as Earl, his movements were watched and commented upon whenever he left Thornthwaite.
If his true nature were discovered, the shame and infamy of it would destroy the reputation of both him and the family.
Nor could he bear the thought of the humiliation I would suffer as his wife.
His initial grief for Eric grew into a despondency that became ever deeper.
When he fell ill, I think he truly saw death as the only way out of what for him had become an impossible situation.
His demise would free me from the possibility of disgrace, he told me.
And he believed you would be a better guardian of the estate, able to provide sons to carry on the family name as he could not. ’
She paused, and when she began again, her voice dropped to little more than whisper.
‘He would have been like other men if he could have. I know his…preferences tormented him, but we can only be who we are. I hope what I’ve revealed won’t make you think less of him.
I’ll be furious with myself for stumbling into revealing his secret, if it does. ’
‘It’s…a lot to take in,’ Rafe admitted. ‘But knowing the truth does make many puzzling factors clearer. Ian was my brother. I can’t pretend to understand his inclinations, but it’s not my place to judge them, either.’
He made a wry twist of the lips. ‘After all, I know only too well how devastating it is to lose the one person who holds your whole heart. How hard it is to try to pick up the shattered pieces of your life and move on. I was lucky enough to have the army to carry me away to another place. Nothing like the gunfire of an approaching enemy to focus the mind on other things.’
‘Like survival,’ she said drily.
As all the shocking revelations settled in his mind, Rafe looked at Juliana with new appreciation.
‘How kind and understanding you are indeed! To stand by and protect Ian to such a degree. Had the tragedy of Eric’s death not intervened, you would have kept his secret, carried his burdens and allowed him to live his best, happiest life. ’
‘As he would have done for me as well, remember. He’d never have pushed me to become the conventional wife I could not be.
We would both have been content, Ian relieved at knowing he’d done his duty, protecting the family name from disgrace and overseeing the estate until it passed to you and yours, while still being able to remain true to who he was. ’
‘It seems both my brother and I experienced emotional trials by fire. And you’ve stood by—to rescue us both.’ He took her hand and kissed it. ‘Shall we honour Ian by pledging a solemn vow to live our lives trying to make each other as happy as we can? As spouses, friends and lovers?’
She stared at him intently for a moment before slowly nodding. ‘Very well. I pledge my solemn vow to seek your happiness as your wife, friend and lover.’
Feeling the warmth of affection for her welling up, he kissed her cheek. ‘And I pledge my vow to you in return.’
After reaching up to give him a brief hug, she sat up. ‘I suppose we’ve lazed about long enough. There must be a thousand tasks that need working on. We should get started.’
He shook his head at her. ‘So industrious! But it’s your first day as a married lady. I couldn’t fund a holiday to London or a sojourn at a spa town, but I can at least declare this a day of leisure for you to do whatever you like.’
She gave him a provocative look. Laughing, he said, ‘That, too, of course. But is there anything else?’
She tilted her head, as if considering. ‘I’d like to take a long, leisurely ride about the estate, along the forest all the way to the river.
I haven’t been able to explore as I’d wish the last few years.
My visits here were spent with Ian or visiting tenants and Mama has become more vigilant about preventing me from riding around Edgerton as I used to when we were children, when we all watched out for each other.
I had Baxter pack my sketchbook when she gathered my things; I’d like to do some sketching, too. ’
Before he could speak, she laughed. ‘Not a very exciting prospect for a veteran soldier, used to the excitement of skirmishes in foreign lands! You see what a dull wife you’ve married.’
‘Foreign lands are interesting, but the excitement of skirmishes is vastly overrated. I’d be happy to ride out.
I’ve been through most of Thornthwaite, but haven’t explored the woods between the two properties for years.
Before you go, though, I’m famished. Shall we dress and break our fast before we order the horses? ’
She smiled. ‘I’ve an appetite to satisfy, too.’
Rafe felt a rush of heat. Did she make that double entendre intentionally? She’d been a virgin, but the love play from last night and her recent revelations showed she was no innocent. Deciding to take a chance and reply in kind, he said, ‘I hope to satisfy…all your appetites.’
She gave him a roguish smile, confirming that she had intended exactly what he’d guessed. ‘Then I shall be a very contented wife.’
‘And I a contented husband,’ he replied, feeling the happy truth of it deep in his bones. This ‘convenient’ marriage showed promise of being far more fulfilling that he’d ever imagined.
Strangely reluctant to leave her bed, Rafe made himself hop up, grab the banyan he’d cast onto the floor and toss it on. ‘I’ll leave you to Baxter’s care and see you in the morning room.’
Juliana rose, naked, and walked over to embrace him. ‘Thank you. For making our wedding day perfect. And our wedding night even better.’
The sight and feel of her lithe body pressed against him and the lingering kiss she gave him nearly dissuaded him from leaving after all. He had to force himself to remember that her body was still growing accustomed to the uses of passion and needed time to recover.
‘It was perfect for me, too,’ he told her, feeling awe and a tenderness blossom within him as he recognized the truth of that assurance.
‘I’d better let you go, then.’ She walked over to claim her robe, her slender hips swaying, her breasts gently bouncing, and donned the garment without haste.
Rafe marveled again at how unselfconscious she was about her body, seeming completely at ease to appear nude before him, even in the full light of day.
At the same time, making no attempt to seduce or entice, as if she had no idea how powerfully her artless sensuality moved him.
Perhaps she didn’t know.
That prospect was as arousing as it was surprising. Sternly he told himself he would have to wait until later to satisfy the desire she roused so readily. But his mind couldn’t help sharing his body’s enthusiasm about how passionately responsive his quiet little wife had turned out to be.