Chapter 6
Ididn’t even remember falling asleep on the couch.
After our conversation last night, Princess and I talked about everything between the past and the future.
We poured glasses of wine, listened to music, and laughed about the old days back in Detroit.
The last thing I remembered was passing the blunt to her while she nipped at me over sharing the throw blanket.
I didn’t move immediately or even open my eyes for that matter. I heard Yana and Princess in the kitchen behind me, voices low with sizzles coming from the stove. The house smelled like coffee and butter. I heard Yana laugh.
“So, y’all fell asleep on the couch together this time, huh? Didn’t make it to the bed this time?”
Princess sighed, then, with a tone I hadn’t heard from her in years, she snapped. “Girl, you doing way too much. Stay out of grown folks’ business!”
There was a pause, followed by some banging from pots and pans being taken out of the cabinets. Then I heard Yana’s voice, small and soft.
“I’m sorry, Mom. What’s wrong?”
The edge of Princess’s voice cracked. “Nothing,” she said too fast. “I just got a lot on my mind. But you don’t need to be talkin’ to me like that either.”
“I said I was sorry,” Yana repeated gently. “You been like this all morning. You keep snapping on me. I know something is wrong.”
I heard the scrape of a chair, then footsteps that crossed the kitchen. A cabinet closed, and then there was the open and shut of the refrigerator door. Silence followed a second after.
“I just got work stuff.” Princess exhaled, then continued. “Deadlines are coming up. But that has nothing to do with you. I apologize.”
“Okay,” Yana replied. “But next time, can you please not bite my head off?”
“I’ll try.”
Something in that exchange made my heart smile. It was the way Princess circled back and apologized for whatever transpired before I caught the end of it. She took accountability without excuses. She was a good mother. I was sure she always had been.
It made me flashback and think about my own mother, before she got sick, before she even had my sister, when it was just her and me, before my stepfather came into the picture and changed the temperature of the house. Then the love began to come with rules, fists, and fear.
I remembered how loud our laughs used to be when it was just us. It felt so safe. I never questioned whether I belonged there. That all disappeared after him.
I hated when my mind drifted straight to the worst parts.
For a long time, I hated to even visit Detroit because the memories grew louder with each mile I drove deeper into the city.
The way the rage poured out of me the day I snapped and fought back, I ended up locked up for it. I almost lost Princess behind that.
I sat in that cell with split knuckles and sore ribs. I kept telling myself that I would never be him. I turned that promise into music.
The song I wrote after was raw and angry.
It bled from my brain onto the paper the same way my nose had.
That song became the one shot I needed to get to the top.
It was the same track that ended up on the soundtrack for Princess’s movie, the same movie that brought her back into my life like a circle that finally closed.
“Oh, yeah, Mom, forgot to tell you.” Yana’s voice sliced through my thoughts. “Me and Diego are planning to go to the movies this weekend when we get back.”
Diego is a boy’s name. I sat straight up.
“Who the hell is Diego?”
There was a moment of silence. Then they burst into laughter.
“What’s funny?” I asked and stretched my arms to the ceiling. “That’s that motherfucker that be on Dora the Explorer, right?”
Princess walked into the living room, shaking her head.
“That’s her boyfriend, fool.”
“Boyfriend?” I scoffed. “Since when she got a boyfriend? She not allowed to date until she thirty-two.”
Yana followed behind her mom with her arms crossed. She rolled her eyes and teased, “You so dramatic.”
“I’m protective,” I corrected.
They both laughed again. That moment felt easy and normal. It felt like that was how it was supposed to feel every day. Then I heard my phone beep.
The blanket fell to the floor as I sat up, reached over the table, and grabbed it. There were messages and missed calls from the label, a few artists, and, of course, Kam with my schedule for the day—sessions, an artist flying in, and label meetings.
I sighed, stood up, and shuffled to my bedroom. I texted Kam when I reached my bathroom and grabbed the toothpaste.
Me: Yo, who flying in today again?
Kam: The one singer from that Instagram reel.
Me: Oh, yeah.
After I brushed my teeth and rinsed my mouth, I remembered what else I needed to ask.
Me: What’s up with the brand deal with that black owned clothing? How is that looking?
Kam: It’s set up for next week. I emailed you the day before yesterday.
I didn’t respond. Instead, I just hopped in the shower and got dressed, my mind back on passive income and how I could find different ways to slow down working. After the conversation with Princess the night before, I was even more determined to do whatever it took.
When I was ready, I walked out into the living room to say goodbye.
“You out?” Yana was sitting on the couch, stuffing her mouth with fruit from a bowl in her lap.
“Yeah, I’m out. What y’all got planned today?” I responded. I grabbed my keys and wallet off the table and stuffed them into my back pocket.
Yana, with a full mouth, responded right away. “We goin’ to the nail shop if Mom hurries up!”
I heard Princess yell out from the guest room, where she still had her luggage. “Girl, the nail shop ain’t goin’ nowhere! I will be ready in a minute!”
I smirked. “Y’all just text Kam and let him know you need a driver—”
“I already did.” Yana cut me off. “He will be here in a hour.”
With a strawberry pressed to her lips, she smiled.
The way the sun shone on her face cast a golden glow across her brown skin.
Even at just sixteen years old, she looked angelic, like a little fragile china doll that made me want to protect and cherish her more than anything else I’d ever had in my life.
I couldn’t help but shake my head at how much she looked like my mother when I caught certain glimpses of her.
“Aight then.” I chuckled. “Call me if y’all need me.
” I turned, walked down the hallway and out the door.
The sun began to shine, and the air felt like it was beginning to get warmer.
When I stepped into the car and turned it on, I revved up the engine.
I pulled out of the driveway slowly, like I was in no rush to leave, like the L.A.
traffic wasn’t going to begin soon. When I reached the street, I glanced in the rearview mirror at the house. For a moment, I had forgotten.
I had forgotten that Princess and Yana didn’t live with me.
I’d forgotten that this wasn’t our everyday life yet, that we weren’t a family the way I wanted us to be.
In that moment, I realized that that was only borrowed time, and suddenly, real life tapped me on the shoulder and reminded me that I still had somewhere I needed to be.
I exhaled, turned onto the street, and let the radio drown out the anticipation of the day that I could wake up to them without a squeezed in session or business meeting.