Chapter 27
Little Rock, Arkansas
Ella set up an appointment with a counselor in the office Lynn had recommended.
In the meantime, a tepid peace descended over Ben and Ella’s relationship.
Both of them seemed to be walking on eggshells around each other.
Ben continued to drive to Des Arc on the nights he could.
Sadly, those nights were fewer and further apart.
Ben worked crazy hours, killing himself on the campaign trail and working on his final senior project at night.
That involved a ridiculous amount of writing and editing.
The night before their first therapy session, Ben was set to return to Little Rock. Then all hell broke loose.
Ella found herself at their first marriage counseling by herself.
She was nervous walking into the therapist’s office which was housed in a doctor’s complex in West Little Rock.
The walls were all painted a soft gray. It reminded Ella of a dentist’s office, only without that dentist’s-office smell.
Being their first appointment of the day, Ella was the only person in the waiting room when a tall, lanky man in his mid-thirties with a massive man bun opened his office door and called her name.
Shaking his hand, she said, “I am Ella Carrington,” then followed him into his office.
“Jeff Daniels. Nice to meet you. Make yourself comfortable. I was under the impression this was a couples session. Will your husband be joining us?”
Looking down embarrassed, Ella said quietly, “No. Ben was held up. I tried to reschedule, but you did not have anything for a few weeks. I work in Des Arc, and it is hard for me to get away. I thought I would come today anyway and see if maybe we could get started on figuring out some of our issues.”
Jeff gave Ella a comforting smile and motioned for her to sit in one of the chairs in front of his desk. She chose the one closest to the window, and he sat next to her.
“Before we get into all that, let me explain how I usually like to work with couples. I prefer to meet with both partners on the first visit to get a sense of what they expect to accomplish from therapy. Since your husband, Ben, right?” Ella nodded.
“Since Ben can’t join us today, why don’t we start with what you hope to accomplish with couples therapy.
But before you launch into that, I must ask you something, and I hope it does not offend you.
How old are you? You look entirely too young to be married, much less expecting a baby or in couples therapy.
If you find that question too intrusive, you don’t have to answer.
I just think knowing your age might enable me to help you better. ”
Ella gave a small laugh, “I am not offended. People have been asking me about my age my whole life. I am twenty. I am from Napa and graduated from Cal Poly Tech in December.”
“Twenty and already graduated college? Wow! That is impressive.”
Ella shrugged. “Thanks.” She did not attempt to explain that she had a super high IQ or that she graduated high school at sixteen. When Ella did not offer any more personal information, there was a short lull in the conversation.
Shifting in her seat, trying to find a more comfortable position to sit, which is not easy at seven months pregnant, Ella began to wonder if Ben had been right about coming here. Maybe it was a waste of time.
Clearing his throat, Jeff looked at Ella and said, “Okay, since we have gotten that awkward question out of the way, let’s move on. Tell me why you are here. Why did you and Ben decide you needed couples therapy?”
Ella gave a short bark of a laugh. “Ben did not decide anything. I sort of did not give him a choice in the matter. We have only been married since December. We should still be in the honeymoon phase, but if you haven’t figured it out already, we have done everything out of order.
Our whole relationship has been a struggle—from sneaking around to an unplanned pregnancy, nothing about our relationship has ever been easy. ”
Jeff could see the strain Ella’s words were having on her.
Wanting to better figure out how to help her and Ben address their issues, he asked, “So you have come here to find a way to make your marriage more manageable. To reduce the day-to-day struggle? Because if that is your goal, I can certainly help the two of you with some coping strategies. But I have to be honest. Marriage is hard, and having a good marriage takes work.”
For a moment, Ella did not say a word. When she did respond, she said, “I totally get that marriage takes work. I may only have been doing this a few months, but I learned that real quick. No, the reason I insisted that Ben and I talk to someone is that we are having a hard time figuring out the direction of our lives. Not to toot our horns, but we are both pretty accomplished people. We both had very specific futures planned out for ourselves before we met. Figuring out how to mesh our very different life dreams into one has proven impossible so far. I know we are young, but we love each other. We want to be together. Ben wants a life here in Arkansas. I never saw that for myself. I have been laser focused on getting my grad degree from Michigan and returning to Napa to work for a gold-star green winery. We can’t figure out how to make it all work without one of us having to give up everything for the other.
So far, the only person being expected to give up anything has been me.
My goal is for us to figure out a way to work through this maze without either one of us totally resenting the other one.
” Ella looked pleadingly at the counselor and asked, “Do you think you can help us? Or are we as doomed as it feels like we are?”
Jeff was silent for a moment, then he answered her question.
“Well, I never promise anything. The truth is that in therapy, I provide you with the tools, resources, and space you need to help yourselves. If you are both willing to put in the work, are committed to the process of self-discovery, and share a willingness to see things from the other person’s perspective, then yes, I can certainly help you.
So what do you think? Do you think you two are willing to do that? ”
Ella immediately nodded. She believed that both she and Ben would do whatever it took to find a way to be together and support each other’s dreams. “Yes, I believe we are. Ben, too, even though he is not here today. I promise you he will be here for the next appointment.”
Jeff gave Ella a strange look, then smiled and said, “Well, in that case, why don’t you tell me a little about yourself and how you ended in a place you never saw yourself being.”
Without missing a beat, Ella asked, “Do you mean pregnant at twenty or living in Arkansas?”
Jeff laughed and said, “Both.”
For the remainder of their hour together, Ella told Jeff about her life growing up in Napa and her deep love for soil conservation and her commitment to soil sustainability.
She briefly touched on her and Ben’s courtship, but Jeff asked so many questions about her education and interest in her chosen field that she really did not go into a lot of detail about how she and Ben met or how they got together.
She figured that would be a discussion for their next session.
She ended the session explaining how much she loved her job in Des Arc.
She shared how it had helped her fill the hours Ben was away and offered a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to run a field study, something that was unheard of for someone without a master’s degree.
At the end of the session, Jeff suggested that because he had met with Ella individually, it would probably be best if he met with Ben alone before they came back together for a couples session.
As Ella left, she booked Ben an appointment for the following week, and Jeff gave her some homework to complete before she came back in two weeks for their joint session.
She was to list all the things she loved about Ben, including the traits and attributes she admired in him.
Ella left feeling lighter and more hopeful than she had in weeks.
Later that night, as Ella recounted her session with Jeff to Ben over the phone, she said, “I really think this guy can help us. Oh, and I set up an appointment for you next week on the third. I got the first one of the day again since you said that works best for you.”
Ben replied, “Hmm, I am not sure that will work. I have a pretty tight schedule next week.”
Ella, who had been floating on the good feeling from earlier in the day, felt her anger flare.
“Benjamin Carrington, you listen to me, and you listen well. You will be at that appointment, or I will be on the first plane back to Cali once this study is done. Do you hear me? This is our future. Do you understand me?”
Ben, who had only been half listening as he worked on his grad project while they talked, growled, “Gessh, Ella. Chill out. I will go. Stop making such a big deal out of it.”
“It is a big deal,” huffed Ella. “It’s our life. Our future. And John’s future.”
Shocked at Ella’s response, Ben tried to console her. “Seriously, El, chill. I understand. I will be there. Just calm down. Getting so upset can’t be good for you or the baby.”
Huffing again, Ella replied, “The baby is fine. I will take care of him. You just make sure you are at the therapist’s office next week.”
Feeling his own anger rising, Ben replied, “I said I would be there. Drop it. Let’s talk about something else.”
Ella, who had been really enjoying her nightly phone call with Ben, was suddenly exhausted. “I am really tired. I am going to get off and go to bed. I will talk to you tomorrow.”
Ben could tell he had royally pissed off Ella, so he tried to make peace. “I am sorry I upset you. I love you. Go get some rest. I will call you tomorrow. I would come there, but I really need to work on my project.”
“I get it. Remember, I have done my own fair share of senior projects. Keep working. I am fine. I will see you on Friday. I love you. Good night.”
“Good night. Love you.”
As tired as Ella was, she lay in bed that night worrying about what would happen if Ben backed out on the appointment.
She had taken Lynn’s advice and given him an ultimatum.
She prayed she did not have to follow through with it.
She was not sure she would have the strength to walk away from him if he refused to go.
From such a high earlier in the day, she was now more worried than she had ever been.
She fell asleep praying Ben would be the man she thought he was.