Chapter 22
chapter twenty-two
gabe
Cesar
Do you have plans this Christmas?
Gabe
I’ll be working.
Cesar
On Christmas?
I was leaving the deli where I stocked up on cold cuts and rye when I saw her. Luna sat at a table with a boy in front of the Pizza Shack.
Kai Walker. He’d been in my class last semester. From my angle, I could only see his profile, but I could tell he was grinning at her while she laughed.
My steps slowed.
Earlier, she’d said she had a study session with her friend Chloe. She hadn’t mentioned anything about dinner, much less a date. Why would she, though?
Realizing I was staring, I tore my eyes away from them and strode across the street to the corner parking area.
Kai. He’d been one of the more participative students in his class, and he seemed to have an ever-ready smile. Compared to the other boys I’d seen with Luna, he had a wholesome air to him, like she could easily introduce him to her friends and family and be sure that he would charm them.
They were just eating together. It didn’t equate to them dating—and if they were, why not? Like Luna, Kai was a junior. That put him at twenty, twenty-one years old.
A shudder ran through me. That period of my life felt like decades ago. Back then, I hardly visited this part of town because the establishments here drained my budget faster than it took me to prepare a sandwich at home.
Something that I, ironically enough, did to this day—and also still alone.
The realization needled me as I drove home and fixed myself a club sandwich. My ears rang with the silence, so I switched on some music, only to recognize the song as one that Luna had sung along to on our road trip.
How could it have been just four months ago? It felt like a year had passed since we’d sat together in my car, Luna mouthing the lyrics and eventually singing out loud, arms outstretched, eyes closed. She didn’t hit the right notes, yet I couldn’t tell her to stop because she poured so much emotion into it.
At the end of the song, she’d burst into laughter and told me to sing with her next time.
Next time couldn’t come soon enough.
Fighting the impulse to check my phone, I ate my sandwich as I skimmed through the latest edition of Journal of Finance . My food could have been cardboard and mulch for all I tasted.
Finally, my phone pinged. I picked it up so fast I embarrassed myself.
Luna
Hyping myself up to study macroeconomics Tell me again why you volunteered to study more than you have to??
I’d asked myself the same thing these past couple weeks, and I gave her the same answer I repeated every time?—
Gabe
To finish what I started. Do you need help?
Almost immediately, dots appeared on the screen as she typed. Then they disappeared, and my phone rang instead.
I grinned. “You couldn’t text a reply?”
“Calling is easier,” she said with a laugh that sent a lightness through me.
I’d missed that sound. “Is this you procrastinating?”
“Maybe. But also I needed to check if it really was you who texted me.”
“What do you mean?”
“You offered to help me study. Doesn’t that go against your morals as a professor or something?”
My brows pulled together. “Why would it? I don’t teach macroeconomics. In fact, it’s a separate department.”
“But you minored in it.”
“Which makes me a good resource,” I said. “It’s not unlike you getting a tutor.”
“I guess I’ve just gotten used to keeping you separate from my school life.”
“Is that the real reason why you didn’t take me up on the loan?” It still didn’t sit well with me that she’d chosen to take on student debt when I had given her a much better alternative, and so had Jason.
“I meant what I said about wanting to do this on my own. But also, I didn’t want to complicate things with you, especially since you always stressed that line between us as student and professor. I didn’t want . . .”
Her voice trailed off, and I waited for her to continue, not wanting to presume to know what she was thinking.
“I didn’t want to owe you anything,” she finally said. “And I never want you to think I’m using you for your money or your position.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Now more than ever, I wanted to turn back time and knock some sense into my past self for my mistaken assumptions about Luna. I’d never made a worse judgment call in my life, and all I wanted to do was set things right.
But how could I when she wouldn’t accept my help?
“Are you mad?” Her voice came out soft, hesitant.
“No. I wish you’d let me help, but I understand wanting to do things on your own,” I told her. “And just to clarify the matter—I never thought you were using me, Luna.”
She sighed. “Good. I’m glad.”
“If anything, I’m the one using you for social media advice.”
Her laughter eased the tension in my body. “Anytime. I’m still waiting for your post, you know.”
“We’ll see.”
“By the way,” Luna said. “There was another reason why I called.”
Her slow delivery prickled my skin. I straightened my back. “What is it?”
“You know how Jason’s coming here for finals in December?”
“Yes.” He’d already scheduled dinner with me two days after his arrival.
“So, he and Ate called when I was on my way home.” She sounded breathless, and I predicted what she’d say next. “He’s booking me a flight to Manila! We’re flying out together after we finish all the school stuff.”
Her excitement had me smiling, even as the implication of her news sank in. “That’s great, Luna,” I told her.
“Right? It’s his early gift to Ate, so our family will be complete for Christmas. Can you believe it?”
It was a genius move on Jason’s part—a sure way to please not just Tala, but their whole family. I had to give him credit for that. “Easily. He could hire a private plane and fly you wherever you wanted.”
“Ha! If only he didn’t care about his carbon footprint,” she said, laughing. “I’m so excited. It’ll be our first time all celebrating together in . . . what is it, eight years?”
“I’m happy for you. That’s motivation to get through finals.”
“Exactly! What about you, any plans for Christmas?”
None now that she’d be away. “I’ll use that time to continue my research.”
She inhaled sharply. “But it’s Christmas! You have to celebrate.”
“I’ll have cachaca and takeout. It’s fine.” At her prolonged silence, I added, “Luna. I’ve celebrated Christmas on my own for years. This is nothing new.”
“You can’t spend the holidays working . And your thirtieth is coming up.”
Hearing the concern in her voice, I said the first thing that came to mind. “I’m planning a trip to Miami.”
“Really? That’s great! Hitting the beach and getting your nightlife on?”
“Of course.” Looked like I had some arrangements to make. Hopefully, the good places wouldn’t be booked this close to December.
“I’m glad to hear that,” she murmured. “Maybe we can catch up after we both get back?” The unmasked hope in her voice settled deep in my chest, warming me from the inside out.
“I’ll help you cook.”
“Just bring the cachaca and we’ll call it even.”
I pictured the mischievous grin on her face, and I smiled too. “Nice try.”
“I’m almost twenty-one.”
“Good for you. You can try it when you actually are twenty-one.” Which would be in six more months.
Not that I was counting.
“I’ll hold you to that,” she said.
“Go ahead.”
We fell into a lull of silence, giving me the perfect opening to ask her about Kai. Only, our friendship didn’t entitle me to inquire about her relationships, platonic or not. So I settled with asking, “Are you sure you don’t want my help with macro?”
“Right now, I just need to get into my notes, but I’ll text you if there’s anything I can’t understand—if you’re serious about the offer.”
“I wouldn’t have mentioned it if I wasn’t. Message me anytime. I’m staying up too.” In addition to my research, I had to tackle the unread emails from my clients.
But I’d drop all that if Luna needed me.
“Thanks, Gabe. Good luck over there.”
“You too. Bye, Luna.”
After we hung up, I didn’t return to my readings as I should have. Instead, I contemplated my disappointment at Luna’s news. It shouldn’t have mattered if she was here for Christmas because it wasn’t as though we had made any concrete plans. Besides, I needed that time to clear my backlog, both with my dissertation and my clients.
And yet—I had been looking forward to noche buena with Luna.
The thought unsettled me.
Was I regressing? Maybe the surplus of work had disrupted my judgment. Now not only did I have to finish a mountain of readings, I had to book myself a trip to Miami too.
I didn’t even like that city. But I’d told Luna I would go, and I wasn’t backing out of it when she was clearly excited for me.
When I’d begun to care what she thought, I couldn’t tell. It took up more brain space than I had to spare, yet I couldn’t imagine going through this immensely hectic period without Luna.
I couldn’t disappoint her.
So I added Miami to my to-do list.