Chapter Twelve
El
Jade’s phone had gotten stolen.
From start to finish, it sounded like she had a shitshow of a night.
But between the violent hangover, missing phone, and the lecture we gave her, I assumed Jade learned her lesson.
At least, I hoped so.
After our first week of classes, I was already feeling like the world was on my shoulders.
I knew I wasn’t going to have the chance to ease into law school.
My professors were wasting no time getting things started, and I was in for a long semester academically.
I was practically diving into an empty swimming pool, directly onto concrete.
In addition, I’d decided to join the club dance team at Cedar. Auditions were next week, and even though I felt prepared, I was still anxious. I had no idea what level the other dancers would be at, and I hoped I could keep up.
After I shared how I was feeling, Matt insisted we had a night with no schoolwork or responsibilities— just relaxation. When I tried to take a textbook out of my backpack, he gave me so much shit until I reluctantly put it away.
He had no idea how much I genuinely appreciated it though. We were only a week into the school year, and I was already working myself sick. I constantly felt the need to be productive, to be doing something every waking second.
I’d always been this way. Time and time again throughout my life, I’d been praised for my drive. It was why I was able to graduate from UIUC in just three years. But I struggled with slowing down, with taking the time to let my mind and body rest.
Matt’s room was always clean when I came over— well, clean for a college-aged boy. As in, things were always picked up off the floor and he had a small air freshener plugged in to fight off any remnants of post-hockey sweat stench.
Even though the room probably hadn’t been dusted or vacuumed in weeks, maybe even months, it was still one of the cleanest rooms in the house.
For the most part, Matt was a minimalist, with just a bed, desk, nightstand, and hamper. No TV. No dresser besides the tiny one tucked into his closet. No bookshelf. But the room was meticulously decorated.
A black and silver Cedar U tapestry hung behind Matt’s bed and other hockey-related décor littered the walls. The newly framed team photo from the championship tied everything together.
Matt and I were slumped beside each other in his bed, each holding a glass of white wine.
Even with the sound of the boys screaming the lyrics to a song that I couldn’t quite make out in the living room, it was so calm and still as we laid here, breathing in sync.
“You’re sure you don’t wanna go hang out in the living room?” I asked.
“Nah,” Matt shook his head. His chocolate brown eyes fell over to me, impish grin appearing. “You know, sometimes I prefer peace and quiet too.”
Inevitably, I couldn’t hold back my playful smile. “If your goal was peace and quiet, I feel like my house would’ve been a little better for that.”
A husky chuckle rolled off his chest. “You’re right. Next wine night will be at your place.”
“Deal.” When the boys started screaming out “We Are the Champions” by Queen, clear as day, it reminded me of the night we celebrated their win.
That was such a remarkable night. It might’ve been one of my favorite nights I’d spent with Matt.
“How are you guys feeling about the season starting soon?”
Suddenly, it was as if Matt couldn’t look at me while being so honest. He studied the ceiling, staring at it like was well-acquainted with it, like he did this often.
“Nervous,” he admitted. “Practice has been going alright, but... I don’t know.
I feel like we’ve all been a little off without Lane. ”
In an attempt to bring the conversation back to a lighthearted place, I teased, “Is Crew chopped liver?”
Matt’s lazy smile reappeared, and I was taken aback by the rush of dopamine it gave me.
“No,” Matt laughed, “of course not.”
Playfully, I tapped his arm. “I’m just messing with you. I understand though. Lane was a big part of the team. But he wasn’t the entire team.”
“I know, it’s just—” Matt cut himself off, letting out a gruff sigh. “We just won a national championship and now, only six months later, we’re ranked sixth going into the season? All because we lost two key players? It’s getting us in our heads.”
I took Matt’s wine glass out of his hand and placed both of ours on the nightstand beside me. Turning to face him, I watched as Matt’s head fell to look at me, worry and seriousness swirling around in his irises.
“Even though Lane and Crew are gone, each and every one of you is still a champion. You guys know exactly what you’re doing. You’ve just gotta give yourselves some time to adjust,” I said.
Matt’s eyes lit up in the slightest, such a small flicker that if I hadn’t been staring directly at them, I wouldn’t have noticed. His gaze lingered across my face, studying me, and when his eyes landed on my lips, my stomach dipped.
There was a rasp in his voice as he spoke so gently, the corners of his mouth rising. “Thanks, El.”
I pretended like the sound didn’t affect me. “Of course,” I replied. “Stop doubting yourself.”
“I appreciate it,” he expressed, almost in a whisper before his voice was brought back to its normal, teasing sound. “Now gimme my wine back.”
Through our laughter, I complied. Matt downed the rest of his glass the second it was back in his calloused hand.
When my phone buzzed between us, I glanced at it, brows creasing inwards as I stared at the screen. “That’s weird.”
“What?”
“Dalton Edwards just sent me a friend request on Facebook.”
Matt’s features creased, his disbelief matching mine. “Dalton Edwards?” he echoed. “Like from high school?”
“Yeah.”
“That is weird,” Matt agreed, staring off for a moment. “Wasn’t he your first kiss?”
“No,” I chuckled. “Dalton Edwards wasn’t my first kiss.”
Matt frowned, disbelief replaced by utter confusion. “Really? I thought he was.”
“No. C’mon, Matt. You know who my first kiss was.”
You don’t know who my first kiss was.
Matt’s beautifully teasing grin made lying to him all that harder. With a quick shake of his head, Matt surrendered. “If it’s not Dalton Edwards, then I have no idea.”
Forcing myself not to look away, I fed him the lie, the same lie I’d been insisting was the truth for eight years. “My first kiss was Kamden Kolen.”
My first kiss was you.
It made my heart ache how easy it was, how quickly he believed it.
I hated lying to him, especially about something that at this point seemed so small and stupid, but for some reason, I’d never been able to get myself to tell him the truth.
It was almost like admitting that one part of it all, that one tiny fragment of our story, would be like opening a door to admitting everything, and I wasn’t ready for that.
“Ah,” Matt nodded in remembrance, “Kamden Kolen. I forgot about that guy. My first kiss was—”
“Dana Martin,” we said at the same time.
His smile was so alluring that it was like a magnet, trying to pull me right in and I was struggling to maintain my distance. As a law student, I was used to painful concentration, but this was a whole new level of focus.
“You remembered.”
I raised a brow. “I remember you telling me about it a million and one times when we were twelve.”
“Oh yeah,” Matt snickered.
He’d been so proud all those years ago, explaining every detail while we were hanging out during his dad’s fortieth birthday party. I remembered the story vividly because it made me upset to hear it.
Matt and Dana had been “dating” for just three weeks that summer, and since they lived in the same neighborhood, they decided to meet up at the playground.
No one else was there at the time, just them two. Dana sat at the top landing, near the slide. Matt sat next to her, and they talked for a while before he finally just went for it.
The funny thing was— I’d bet money I remembered the story better than he did.
When he told me all about it back then, he’d asked if I’d had my first kiss already. I was honest then. More honest than I had been in the last five minutes.
I told him the truth. I told him no, that I hadn’t had my first kiss yet.
Wrestling with my own thoughts, I pushed all the memories out of my mind. With a troubled breath, I glanced at the time. One a.m.
The boys had finally settled down, the only noise coming from beyond the door being the TV in the living room.
“I should probably get going,” I said.
Matt scoffed lightly. “Are you crazy? You’re not going anywhere. You’ve been drinking.”
I scoffed back, smiling through it. “I haven’t even finished two glasses and I live right down the street.”
“Don’t care.” Matt stood, heading straight to his closet. Before I knew it, a shirt was hurdled my way, landing atop my head.
“Hey!” I laughed.
“If you want pants, feel free to grab some but I know you usually just sleep in a shirt.” Uncovering my face, I lifted a brow at him as I patted down my hair. “Not that I’ve seen anything,” he assured me. “I just... know that about you.”
I loved how well he knew me, just as much as I despised it. Right as Matt opened the door to leave the room, I stopped him. “Matt.”
“Yeah?” he glanced over his shoulder, eyes so delicate that it made me melt.
“Um,” I nearly lost my train of thought. “You know I can sleep on the couch, right? You don’t have to give up your bed every time I’m here.”
Matt smiled, biting his lip for a moment. “Now you’re really talking crazy,” he said. “Get some sleep. Goodnight.”
I gave a light nod. “Night, Mattie.”