Chapter Twenty-Nine
El
I was surprised my hangover wasn’t worse.
My head had a small, dull throb. Luckily, it wasn’t one of those pounding headaches. With a few ibuprofens that I’d taken from Jett’s medicine cabinet, the headache was gone within a half hour.
It was only six-thirty in the morning, and the world around me was still asleep, while I had tossed around all night, fighting with my own thoughts. I was used to being up this early to study and get ready for my day, but with only a few solid hours of sleep, if that, I was exhausted.
Having to pass Matt to refill my glass of water in the kitchen, I tried not to stare.
His stubble casted a shadow over his face, running across his jaw and above his mouth. Once again, he looked extraordinarily peaceful, his chest moving steadily, a brusque difference to the way he’d been breathing last night.
Even in the dead of winter, Matt slept with nothing but shorts and a small blanket that barely covered him. I’d bet that if I touched him right now, his skin would be sweltering.
I wanted to crawl onto the couch with him, even though I wouldn’t fit unless I was sprawled on top of him.
Wrestling my gaze away, I choked down all the tantalization and finished getting my water. When I laid back down, I was surprised how quickly I passed out.
***
I had no idea what time it was. All I knew was that it was late enough for the winter sun to brightly peer through the windows.
Matt stood near his closet, a laundry basket sat atop his desk chair as he hung clean shirts.
I wondered if he’d watched me sleep the same way I watched him earlier.
He was still shirtless, and my gaze must’ve burned his skin, because he glanced over at me, expressionless.
“Morning,” he said.
“Morning.”
No response.
His attention fell back to his clothes as if I were still asleep, and I’d never felt dumber in my life.
I could not believe how badly I’d fucked this all up last night. Getting hammered and then trying to sloppily kiss him? What the fuck kind of confession was that?
Not to mention him telling me he loved me. And me not responding.
God, I probably made him feel horrible. It was like sixteen years of our feelings got doused in gasoline, and I was the arsonist who dropped the match.
I pushed myself up to sit, clutching onto the comforter at my chest as if it were a shield.
“I lied before,” I blurted out.
“Okay,” Matt said dryly, still refusing to look at me. “About what?”
The admission came fast. “Kamden Kolen wasn’t my first kiss. You were my first kiss.”
That caught his attention.
A plain black tee hung at his side as he scoured my face for any indication that I was lying.
“Really?” he asked.
“Yes,” I quietly admitted through a nod.
The shirt flung behind him, steps brisk before the bed dipped as his hands planted on either side of me and his lips met mine. The kiss was alarmingly and dangerously addictive.
After years of wondering what it would’ve been like to kiss him freely this way, I hadn’t expected it to feel so... natural.
We’d been friends for so long that part of me had expected it to feel weird, wrong. But I was happily mistaken.
Matt kissed me like he’d been starving for sixteen years, and the alchemy between us was undeniable. His mouth meshed with mine in a steady rhythm, and as his tongue swept across my bottom lip, I hummed, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him on top of me.
Hardness pressed into my lower belly. Just as I’d expected, the bare skin of his chest was hot against me, soaking through my t-shirt. The sensation of it all was making me crazed, turning me into a feverish mess beneath him.
Thumbs digging into the waistband of his sweats, I tugged on them, and Matt separated from me just long enough to slide them right off. I choked back a pleased gasp at the sight. He was huge.
With a light tug of my shirt, Matt instructed me to ditch it, and I’d never been so nervous while being so comfortable at the same time. Matt had seen me in a swimsuit plenty of times, but he’d never seen me fully naked.
He was blazing with love and lust; I could see it in his eyes. When my underwear was the last thing to go, that cocktail in his irises became amplified.
He sat back for a moment, admiring me. Biting my lip, a rush of shyness came about as he studied every inch of me.
“You are so beautiful,” he spoke with certainty.
Snagging his wrist, I pulled him back to me. Something about his skin on mine felt so right. Catching a whiff of that cologne I absolutely loved sent me into a frenzy.
When Matt’s hand rubbed between my legs, he pulled away. “Jesus, El. Have I always made you this wet?”
His hand slid across my clit, and I winced through a nod.
“Fuck.”
My palm trailed across his stubble as he kissed me again— soft yet firm. Reaching down between us, I grabbed his shaft, and he let out a rough groan against my mouth.
If I thought I was in a frenzy before, that sent me even further over the edge.
Matt’s hand covered mine, guiding himself to my opening.
I paused. “No condom?”
“Hell no. If we’re doing this, then we’re both going to feel every bit of it.”
The trust between us was too strong to give any rebuttal, and I nodded, prompting him to slide effortlessly inside me.
My breath immediately hitched as he filled me, and in just a few strokes, I realized that even with how deep he already was, he wasn’t entirely inside me.
Matt rocked into me slowly, as if he was afraid he’d break me.
I’d only had sex with a small handful of people in my life, but none of them had ever looked at me the way Matt was looking at me right now.
There was so much heat in his eyes, so much passion with each stroke. His gaze didn’t leave my face, eyes glued to mine like he was staring into my soul. The intensity was so much that it was hard to breathe. We’d barely started, and my lungs were already burning.
Two hundred and forty pounds of pure muscle covered me as Matt filled me entirely, reaching so deep inside me that I whimpered through the pleasurable pain. His lips slammed against mine as if he wanted to taste the sound, and I gave him what he wanted, earning a groan that I desperately swallowed.
I’d always wondered what Matt would feel like, but I never imagined he’d feel this good.
Matt’s mouth dove for the delicate skin of my neck, murmuring against it, “You feel so fucking good, Princess.”
That sure as hell was going to be on repeat, rent-free in my mind for the rest of my life.
“Matt,” I breathed, eyes clenched shut, “I love you.”
He paused inside me, throat bobbing. His brown eyes, beautifully on fire, never left my face. “Say it again.”
My stomach dipped. It was an unbelievable moment to say the words out loud after all this time. “I love you.”
But Matt still didn’t move, halted deep inside me, making me want to drive my hips upward. I let out a quiet whine.
His eyes searched all over my face. “Do you love me or are you in love with me?”
I didn’t hesitate. “I’m in love with you.”
Eyes fluttering shut, his smile made my heart palpitate. A light kiss branded my forehead. “I’m so in love with you, El.”
The relief when he started rocking into me again was catastrophic, and with each thrust, I was getting sent closer and closer to the edge.
I was trying to stay quiet, but it was growing harder to. When my moans began saturating the air, Matt’s mouth found mine, devouring them all.
I pulled away just enough to speak against his lips. “Matt, I’m coming.”
“Come for me, Princess.”
I came undone beneath him, nails digging into his back as he drilled into me harder, stronger.
“El,” Matt moaned, “you’re soaked.” Suddenly, I was empty.
Matt, hardly out of breath or breaking a sweat, was on his knees above me.
“Flip.” Apparently, he took the small pull between my brows as a rebuttal.
He hovered over me, his voice a carnal warning.
“El, I’ve been waiting my whole life for this.
So, I’m sorry but I’m gonna fuck you how I want. Flip. Over.”
Yes, sir.
I didn’t think I’d ever been so turned on in my life. I was on my knees in seconds, my face in the pillows. Huge hands took up the base of my hips as Matt pushed himself inside me again. He praised, “El, you’re dripping.”
The sensation was too much. I was screaming into the cotton, shaking on my knees as Matt made me finish again.
Somehow, he still wasn’t done. He had the stamina of an athlete and it sure as hell was showing now. This time, Matt flipped me on his own, no patience for any hint of a refusal. He didn’t hesitate to fill me again.
“I’m almost there,” he promised.
“Come for me, Matt.”
“Are you still on birth control?”
I nodded.
His voice was getting breathy, wavering. “Can I?”
Biting my lip, I nodded again. If it was anyone other than Matt, I would’ve refused.
His hands planted on the bedframe with so much force that I thought it would break behind my head. Warmth spilled into me, and the sound of our moans mixing together was music.
I watched Matt ride through his orgasm before collapsing beside me, smiling. “I’m so fucking in love with you. Fuck, I’ve been holding it in for sixteen years.”
I rolled into him. “I love you, Mattie.”