Chapter Forty-Three #2
“Don’t say that you don’t,” I cut him off, shocking myself from standing my ground so strongly.
I’d never talked back to my dad, ever. Never went against his word.
Never disobeyed. I was a Daddy’s Girl, through and through.
Had been my whole life. But if there was ever a moment for me to go against his wishes, it was now.
“I see the way you look at us when we’re together.
You don’t approve and I don’t get why.” Starting to choke up, I caught myself replacing my weight, nervously rocking around.
“I’ve always been on your side. Even through everything with mom, I was always on your side. Why can’t you be on mine?”
He sat, dumbfounded for a minute, before swallowing, giving a light shake of his head. “El, I am always on your side. You’re my daughter, and I love you. I just want what’s best for you.”
“And I love you too, but when it comes to Matt, I don’t care what you think, Dad. I love him, and I’m going to be with him whether you approve or not.”
I didn’t wait for a response. I stomped out, leaving him with that.
For some reason, I felt good walking out of the house, refreshed even. I didn’t think twice about the way I left the house, didn’t regret what I said at all.
I’d been bottling everything up for so long, and even though these were things I’d been slowly releasing in therapy, confronting both of my parents initiated a growth in me that I otherwise, probably never would’ve gotten.
For the time being, I pushed the encounter with my dad out of my head, focusing on having quality time with Lo.
After spending hundreds of more dollars on blue baby clothes and cute knickknacks for the baby’s room, Lo and I were heading home from the mall.
I didn’t tell her about either of the encounters I’d just had with our parents.
Talking to Lo about the weirdness that had been lingering between us throughout the years had been my top priority today.
I wasn’t sure if it was the anxiety from that impending conversation that had caused me to dive into all the shit with my mom and dad, but I had needed to confront both of them. Badly.
I might’ve needed this more.
Tapping my foot along the floor of her car, I let out a heavy breath.
“Hey, um,” I stared out the window as Lo drove, “I’ve been wanting to ask you something.”
“What’s up?”
Truthfully, there were so many things I wanted to ask that I didn’t know where to start.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant before Christmas?”
Her response was immediate. She shrugged casually. “I just figured I’d tell everyone at the same time.”
I wasn’t sure why that hurt so bad.
“I just...” I shook my head, losing my wording for a moment. “I just feel like we aren’t as close as we were when we were young.” The brisk moment of silence made me shift in my seat, and I fell victim to the sudden pressure on my chest. “Do you agree or?”
I watched Lo’s seatbelt slide across her baby bump as she squirmed around in the driver’s seat. “I mean, maybe?”
I stopped beating around the bush.
“We’ve drifted apart since the affair.”
She slammed on the breaks as we neared a red light, a strained breath leaving her. While her eyes were stuck on the road, mine were stuck on her, and I waited impatiently for anything at all.
“Maybe you’re right,” she said.
“We hardly talk. Or see each other outside of family gatherings. We don’t tell each other things anymore.
We’re just not close.” Pausing, I thought my tears had been done for the day, but I was wrong.
One fell. And then another. Within a minute, it was like a torrential downpour.
“It hurts me,” I confessed. Lo’s eyes glossed over, and I caught the massive swallow she made, her foot lightly pressing on the gas when the light turned.
Voice lowering to a whisper, she said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t even realize.”
We’d been inseparable until the affair. She’d always preferred mom, and I always favored dad, and it seemed we had chosen sides without realizing it.
“We’ve never really even talked about what happened,” I pointed out. When we entered our neighborhood, Lo pulled over, shoving the car into park so she could give me her attention.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.
I surprised myself by saying, “Yes.”
Folding her hands over her Belly, Lo sighed, eyes flicking to the roof of her car. She still drove her Jeep, the same jeep dad had bought her. The one we’d find refuge in all those years ago, fleeing from our own home.
“Okay,” she said quietly. “I guess I always understood why Mom did what she did. Not that it was right, but I sympathized with her, I guess. But I know,” she paused, closing her eyes, “I know you didn’t see it that way.”
“No,” I admitted. “I didn’t. And I know Mom was always your favorite, but we didn’t have to grow so far apart.”
Lo nodded. “You’re right. I am sorry. I truly didn’t realize it was even happening. Being honest, I was hurt too when I found out you and Matt were together.”
“Why?”
“Same reason as you. I just... assumed that was something you’d confide in me for.”
It wasn’t fair to make her take all the responsibility. We were both to blame. “I’m sorry,” I said.
She blinked away tears, a light smile touching her lips as she gripped my hand and gave a strong squeeze. “From now on, let’s make more time for each other. And tell each other things. I would love to be close again like we were growing up.”
“Yeah,” I nodded with a smile. “I agree.”
After such an emotionally charged day, a fluid wave of peace washed over me.
It was the first steps in strengthening my relationships and repairing our family.
It wasn’t going to be perfect from here on out, I knew that.
But we had to start somewhere, and even with the way I left things with my dad, relief was still all that I was feeling.
“I love you, sis,” Lo said.
“I love you too.”