Chapter 31
ROWAN
“Oh, honey!” Mari exclaims. “You’re a natural!”
I’m not sure what natural talent there it to strategically dropping off bowls of food in random areas of Luna County, but apparently, Mari thinks I’m the best at it.
Hey. A win is a win at this point.
Since I haven’t been sleeping much, I’ve been using the extra time to feed the feral cat colonies in the morning with Mari. Some places are harder to reach than others, especially if it means hopping a fence to reach the feeding area.
Sometimes, colonies decide to take up space on private property. It can get complicated quickly, especially if trespassing is involved.
This week, I’ve learned some people get pissed if a stranger shows up with bowls full of kibble to leave out for the feral cats.
Those same people have learned that I truly do not give a fuck.
“Some people just don’t understand how cat colonies work, no matter how much you try to explain it,” Mari sighs. “Blair and Piper worked to trap that entire colony so they would be fixed! Those grumps don’t understand the time and money that we put in to keep it under control!”
“Oh, they do now,” I assure her. “I made sure that asshole understood exactly what was going on.”
By asshole, I’m referring to the middle-aged man on a walk that tried to yell at me for refilling the giant bowl of water we leave for the small colony behind the library.
He didn’t like my reply, but my message was received.
Now, I’m giving Mari a ride back to her house before heading to the packhouse to work on Blair’s secret project.
“Oh, honey, you didn’t threaten him, right?” Mari asks.
“No. I made it clear that he doesn’t get to bother you or any of the other volunteers again. That’s it. And then I called him an ignorant asshole.”
“Oh. Well, you’re not wrong,” she laughs. “That same man shows up all the time to yell at us. I’m sure Blair will appreciate your chivalry.”
At the mention of my scent match’s name, I tense, and my hands grip the steering wheel tightly.
Blair.
Omega.
Feeding the colonies is one of the few things that keep me sane.
I’m doing something productive instead of just being consumed with thoughts of my scent match.
It physically aches to not be with her.
The mysterious flu symptoms affect all three of us, and besides making me physically miserable, they also make me feel like I’m losing my goddamn mind.
My inner Alpha has destroyed his cage, and primal anguish pump through my bloodstream.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Mari says, patting my arm. “She’ll come back. She has to. She loves you.”
I grit my teeth.
Love doesn’t begin to describe the way I feel for Blair.
And I highly fucking doubt she loves me.
“I’m not so sure about that, Mari,” I mutter.
But the older woman doesn’t take the hint. “Of course she does! She wouldn’t be so terrified if she didn’t. That girl has a huge heart filled with love but isn’t sure how to give it away yet. She’ll come around.”
I want to believe Mari. She’s witty with a wicked sense of humor and a strong opinion on everyone she knows.
That doesn’t mean her assessment of Blair is accurate, though.
“What makes you so sure of that?” I ask, keeping my voice neutral.
Mari’s confidence gives me something akin to hope, and I don’t want it.
Blair has rejected us. She’s rejected me.
Any shred of hope will only make me go insane.
“That’s how our girl is. She’s scared of her feelings for you, honey. I have never seen her happier than with you and your packmates.”
I don’t believe Mari, as much as I would like to.
“You’re a good man, being patient with her,” she continues.
I scoff. “I’m a fucking coward. I should go after her,” I admit.
“Nope. It would only push her away. Giving her time to figure it out is exactly what she needs. She’s like a feral in that way. If you try to grab her she’ll just squirm away.”
“Are you comparing her to a cat?”
“She’s got a feral heart, after everything she’s been through. It takes time and patience, and you’re giving her that.”
Time and patience are eating me alive, though.
“If you say so,” I mutter.
“You have a feral heart, too,” Mari says fondly. “Just a different kind. But two feral cats make the best bonded pairs, honey.”
“Maybe I’ve finally lost my mind, but that actually kind of makes sense.”
“Good! That’s why I’m here.” She ruffles my hair, and I almost smile. “And to bug you and your brother to drive me around town.”
“We’re happy to do it,” I promise her.
Ryland has been joining us for the past week, but today, he’s getting a head start on the project for Blair.
It’s the only other activity that’s keeping us sane.
It’s not done yet—it won’t be done for a while—but it’s at least presentable if she wants to see it when she comes back in a week.
If she comes back.
Maybe she won’t ever come back. Maybe she’s decided you’re too much and doesn’t want some emotional weirdo in her life.
The insecurities and negative thoughts come in waves.
I’m supposed to let them pass by me, just accept them and move on.
But some days it’s really fucking hard.
By the time I pull into Mari’s driveway, my heart is racing and my palms are clammy.
As if she notices my discomfort, she gives me a sweet smile.
“It will be okay,” she says. “Remember, both of you have feral hearts.”
I nod slowly, as if I know whatever the fuck that is supposed to mean.
I stay in her driveway until Mari closes her front door, then glance down at my phone to see a text from my brother.
Travis just texted me. She’s back and on her way to the packhouse.
The tires screech as I peel out of Mari’s driveway.