Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
STERLING
“What you saw…” I begin, trying to find the right words to explain away my intense interaction with Harlow as I escort Stephanie to her car. At this point, I’m not even sure that I want to hide anything, especially not from someone I’ve known almost my whole life.
“Is none of my business,” Stephanie replies, eyeing me as she reaches in her handbag for her key.
“It’s complicated,” I admit, swiping a hand through my hair.
Stephanie nods, her gaze soft, her smile gentle as she regards me. She’s been a constant in my life, and whilst her official role has only ever been head housekeeper for my father, over the years she has unofficially been a friend to me, and my mother too. And right now I could really use a friend, because I honestly don’t know how to handle this situation the right way.
I want Harlow, I know she wants me too, no matter how much she protests otherwise, but truthfully, how can we make this work? My father would never allow it, he would go out of his way to destroy me if he found out how I feel about Harlow, let alone if we attempted to have a relationship. Fuck knows what he’d do to her. Whatever relationship they have is one built on bullshit and lies. My father doesn’t care about anyone but himself.
“Is this why you’ve locked yourself away in your studio this past week?” she asks me, sensing my need to talk.
“Partly, yes,” I agree with a sigh, recalling how I spent the time painting images of Harlow, the urge to paint to try and rid myself of my need for her was intense. But like it was back in New York, painting her image has only made me crave her more. Fuck, I know it’s a risky thing to do, but my father has never once stepped into my studio. Besides I keep it locked and I’m the only one with the key. “But–”
“But?” she questions.
“But also because I thought if I gave Harlow some space she’d be more open to…”
What, talk? Accept the attraction between us? Want to have a relationship with me? Feel as desperate for me as I am for her? “...Christ, I don’t know. This whole situation is fucked-up.”
“It’s not my place to tell you what to do, Sterling, but I am assuming you met Harlow before the wedding.”
“Yes.”
“And that you already made a… connection ?” she asks, lowering her voice even though the other staff have already left and there’s no need for her to.
“Yes, we have.”
“And your father and her mother…?”
“Have no idea. They think we met for the first time at the wedding,” I explain, blowing out a breath, “When in actual fact we met months before, around the same time their relationship began. I didn’t know she was Melody’s daughter at the time, and she didn’t know I was the son of the man her mum was dating.”
“I see, that makes things very complicated.”
“Yeah, it does.”
“So how does Harlow feel?” she asks, cocking her head to the side as she glances up at me.
“For the most part, I think she’s scared. Of her feelings towards me, of hurting her mother or my dad, though fuck knows why she gives a shit about what he thinks,” I grumble, wishing she knew what he’s really like. If she did, then perhaps she’d be less inclined to take his feelings into consideration. Feelings that he doesn’t actually have given he’s a cold-hearted bastard.
“I can’t speak for her mother, but I do know that your father wouldn’t appreciate a relationship between you and his wife’s daughter.”
“Tell me something I don’t already know,” I agree darkly.
“So what are you going to do?” she asks.
“Make her mine.”
“But your father…”
She pauses, searching for the right words, her loyalty to my father as his employee, and probably a whole dose of fear, causing her to pause momentarily. He’s fired plenty of staff over the years for doing much less than being honest, ruining their lives in the process too by ensuring no one else will hire them.
“You can be frank with me, Stephanie, we both know what my father’s capable of. This conversation will go no further. Honestly, I could just really use some advice.”
She nods. “I have witnessed many things working for your family over the years, and I’m fully aware of your father’s disposition–”
“His cruelty you mean?”
“Yes, his cruelty,” she soothes, reaching for me and squeezing my arm in acknowledgment. “I guess what I’m saying is that you know the risks if you pursue something with Harlow. He’s a very powerful, influential man, and I know your relationship is already strained to say the least. I don’t want you hurt anymore than you have been by his words and his actions over the years.”
“So what are you saying, that I should just ignore how I feel? That I should let go of the only woman I’ve ever felt such a strong connection with? I don’t know if I can do that.”
“Does she know?” Stephanie asks, looking at me pointedly, and I know she’s referring to my synesthesia. She’s the only member of staff that’s aware of my condition.
“No,” I shake my head.
“Why? Don’t you think it’s important that she does?”
“It won’t change how I feel about her,” I protest.
She gives me a sympathetic look. “Sterling…” she warns, and I know where she’s going with this.
“You think she’d reject me, is that what you’re getting at?”
“No, that’s not what I think at all, but your synesthesia is an integral part of who you are. If you’re not willing to share that side of yourself with her, what makes you think that the risk of forming a real and lasting relationship with her is worth the cost of your father’s wrath if you can’t, at the very least, be completely honest with her?”
“I know you’re right, but my synesthesia isn’t my most pressing concern. My father and his reaction is. I don’t know what he’d do if we were to pursue a relationship, but I do know it wouldn’t be good.”
“Herein lies the problem,” she muses.
“So what do I do?”
“Sterling, you’re a grown man, and you will come to the right decision in your own time. I think, perhaps, you need to really decide if the consequences of your actions are worth the risk. Is Harlow worth it?”
“Yes,” I reply instantly, because despite everything, I know that she is. “This isn’t just a sexual attraction, Stephanie.”
“I wasn’t suggesting that it is. I just think that you need to be certain of your feelings, your intentions, and the consequences of your actions.”
“I am.”
“Then I guess you have your answer…” Her voice trails off as she takes my hand in hers and squeezes it gently. “But you need to remember that this isn’t just about you, you have to consider Harlow’s feelings too. Not only that, you have to consider how your father, and her mother will treat her if you were to commit to a relationship. Do you really want her to experience his cruelty like you have on countless occasions over the years? You know how hateful and vindictive he can be.”
“Of course I don’t want–” I begin, but she cuts me off with a shake of her head.
“Not wanting her to experience your father’s cruelty, and having the ability to prevent it are two very different things, Sterling. Just think about this some more, okay?”
“So what you’re saying is we both have to forgo any kind of happiness just in case my father turns on us both?”
“I’m afraid, Sterling, that’s exactly what I’m saying, because you know as well as I what he’s capable of.”
With that, Stephanie gives my hand one last squeeze before opening the door to her car and sliding into her seat, leaving me reeling.
After my conversation with Stephanie a few nights ago, my resolve to make Harlow mine has wavered. Not because I feel any differently about her, but because Stephanie’s warning about my father hit home. This isn’t just about me, and I’ve been going back and forth for days now trying to figure out what the fuck to do.
The truth is, whilst I’ve learned how to handle my father over the years, Harlow hasn’t. She has no idea of the lengths he would go to to fuck us both over. Do I really want her to find out?
“Fuck,” I mutter, pushing off my duvet cover as winter sunlight streams through a strip in my curtains, dust motes dancing in the air around me as I stand.
Reaching for my phone on my bedside cabinet, I notice that it’s almost midday and I’ve missed several calls from Dalton, and a few from my father. Deciding that the last thing I want to do is speak with my father, I hit the dial on Dalton’s number. He picks up within seconds.
“Sterling, I’ve been trying to reach you for fucking hours!” he shouts down the line.
“Good morning to you too, arsehole,” I grumble, regretting my decision to call him back. Knowing him he’s got himself into some kind of shit with a woman, and can’t call Drix like he usually does to get himself out of it.
“Lia’s in hospital. Daisy too,” he bites out.
“What?” I exclaim, tensing.
“Lia’s cunt of an ex turned up at their house this morning whilst Drix was out, he hurt Lia. Drix called me to let me know. I wanted to go to the hospital and check on her and Daisy but he fucking warned me away, Sterling.”
“How badly is Lia hurt?”
“I don’t know much other than she’s going to be okay. Drix got there in time, beat him to a pulp. Called the police on the bastard. He’s been arrested.”
“Good.”
“You know that’s not how we usually deal with shit like this, Sterling. We don’t get the police involved, we handle this kind of thing ourselves.”
“Drix made the right call. The last thing he needs right now is to go to prison for murder.”
“I would’ve killed the cunt.”
“Just calm down, okay. Take a breath.”
“Don’t tell me to fucking calm down. Daisy is in the hospital, Sterling!”
“Did he hurt her as well?”
“No, she was upstairs locked in a room with Toby, but he told me she’s pretty shaken up. I should be there.”
“Because Drix is your best friend…”
“No, arsehole, because Daisy is going to be my wife !”
“You sound like you care,” I say, wincing at how that sounds. He might fuck around with women, but I know that he wouldn’t want to see Daisy hurt.
“Of course I care. She’s my best friend’s sister. She’s my… Fuck! Fuck !”
“I think, for now, you need to respect Drix’s wishes. Just give him time.”
“He’ll never forgive me for this.”
He doesn’t need to tell me what Drix won’t forgive him for. We’re both well aware that Drix hates the fact that he’s going to marry Daisy.
“Then maybe you should reconsider,” I offer.
“No.”
“No?”
“I’m marrying Daisy. It’s happening whether he likes it or not. Besides, we’ve already signed the contract. There’s no backing out now.”
“You want your inheritance that badly?”
The line goes quiet. “You don’t understand,” he eventually says.
“You’re right, I don’t. What gives?”
“Look, I gotta go. I’ve got things to do. Thanks for calling back.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Call Drix, he’ll talk to you. Make sure they’re okay, will you?”
“I can do that.”
“Good–”
“Dalton?” I interrupt, preventing him from hanging up.
“Yes?”
“Take care of Daisy. She’s a good person.”
I can hear Dalton mutter something under his breath, before his voice sounds down the line. “I will.” With that he hangs up.
“Goddamn it,” I exclaim, scrolling through my contacts until I find Drix’s number, pressing the call button. It rings a few times before he eventually answers. “Drix, I just spoke with Dalton. How can I help?”
“You can keep Dalton away from the hospital. I don’t want him here, Daisy doesn’t either.”
“He’s concerned, Drix.”
Drix heaves out a breath. “I can’t have him here right now. I’m too fucking angry.”
“I get it. How is Lia doing?”
“He hurt her, Sterling. If I’d taken any longer to get there he might’ve killed her,” he replies, his voice cracking.
“But you did get there in time. She has you now, Drix. You’ll never let anyone hurt her again.”
“I swear to fuck, Sterling, I wanted to end him. I’ve never felt more rage in my goddamn life. Who beats on a woman like that? FUCK, I should’ve killed him!”
“He’ll go to prison for a long time, Drix,” I soothe, trying my best to reassure him. “Lia and Toby need you to be present in their lives, not behind bars too. You did the right thing.”
“He better hope he does,” Drix grinds out.
“Do you need me to do anything?”
“I appreciate the offer, but I’ve got things covered.”
“And Lia and Toby, are they–”
“Staying with me forever. I’m not letting them go, Sterling. I love them so fucking much.”
“I know you do. Is Daisy okay?”
“She’s shaken up, but she’s stronger than people give her credit for. She’ll be okay.”
“And this marriage?”
“Is still going ahead. Daisy and Dalton signed the contract that Carl drew up a few days after your dad’s wedding,” he says, confirming what Dalton had told me. “He’s released me from my obligations and I feel like a cunt for it. Daisy wouldn’t back down, and Dalton is too much of a selfish prick to put a stop to this.”
“He’s your best friend, Drix,” I remind him, though I get it. Drix is extremely protective of Daisy, and we all know what Dalton is like.
“He was my best friend,” he cuts out. “Daisy is doing this out of her love for me, Lia and Toby, but Dalton? We all know money talks where he’s concerned, and Carl won’t let him see a penny of his inheritance unless he marries and gives him an heir to carry on the family name.”
“I didn’t think they’d actually go through with it. I’m sorry, Drix.”
“Daisy’s due to move in with Dalton this weekend. Their engagement party is the week after, and their wedding is going to be arranged for a few weeks after that.”
“That soon?”
“Yeah, that soon.”
“Fuck, man, that’s tough.”
“Daisy insists she has her own reasons for marrying Dalton…” Drix pauses, then sighs heavily.
“Want to talk about it?” I offer, sensing there’s more to this that I don’t fully understand.
“It wouldn’t be right. I don’t want to break Daisy’s trust.”
“I understand. Just know that I’m here for you if you need me.”
“I appreciate that.” Drix says. “How are things with you and Harlow?”
“Hey, you don’t need to worry about me, you’ve got enough going on,” I reply, palming the back of my neck in agitation.
“Listen, I could use the distraction right now. Lia is having an x-ray done on her ribs, and Daisy’s sitting with Toby whilst I wait to speak with the doctor, so what gives?”
“Things are complicated.”
“I bet. Have you talked anymore?”
“I want to, but every time we’re alone together things get… heated ,” I explain.
“I see,” he muses. “That intense, huh?”
“Yeah, it’s been that intense. Truth is, I’ve spent most of the time avoiding her. I gave her space last week thinking that’s what she needed, but then as soon as we were alone together the other night… Well, put it this way, I can’t fucking control myself.”
“I get it.”
“You do?”
“Listen, I knew early on that Lia was the woman for me. I fell hard and fast. So, yeah, I get it. I’m assuming that you’re struggling with the fact that she’s now your step-sister?”
“Not so much that,” I admit. “Because, frankly, I couldn’t give a fuck that our parents are married. It doesn’t alter what’s happened between us or how I feel about her.”
“But?”
“But Harlow’s struggling with it all, and there’s the added complication that my father is a bastard. We all know that he would go out of his way to ruin both our lives if we pursued anything.”
“Yes, I imagine he would…” Drix pauses, then clears his throat. “Do you want my advice?”
“I’d appreciate it, yes,” I reply hoping he can give me some clarity.
“Almost losing Lia has made me realise that fighting for someone you care about is the only thing that matters,” he continues. “I thought that Lia and Toby would be better off without me, I was so fucking wrong, Sterling. I can’t even begin to imagine my life without them in it.”
“So, what are you saying?”
“If you think you can make this work with Harlow, and you’re as serious about her as you seem to be, then find a way to be with her. After that, find a way to deal with your dad.”
“I wish it were that simple.”
“Mate, nothing worth having is ever easy.”
“Did you just quote Theodore Roosevelt?” I ask, smiling a little when I recognise the familiar saying.
“Pretty sure I just quoted Hubert Hammer,” Drix replies, chuckling as he recalls his late father. “Then again, Dad did have an obsession with the American presidents.”
“Yeah, he did, didn't he?” I reply, smiling at the memory of Hubert, and his many quirks. Like Ben’s father Walter, Hubert was one of the good ones. He adopted Drix and Daisy when they were kids and showered them both with love and affection that neither of them received from their respective birth parents. It was a fucking tragedy when he died.
“Though I’m pretty sure that Dad would have a few choice words to say to Dalton about this sham of a wedding,” Drix grumbles.
“Pretty sure he would’ve had a few choice words to say to Carl too,” I add.
“Yeah, he would’ve,” Drix agrees.
“Well, I’d better let you go. Thanks for the advice, Drix,” I say.
“You’re welcome. I guess I’ll be seeing you at the engagement party then?”
“I didn’t realise the invites had been sent out?”
“They haven’t yet as far as I’m aware, but I don’t need one. I’m there regardless. I might not agree with what’s happening, but I’ll be going to support Daisy.”
“Then I’ll be there too… Oh, and Drix?”
“Yes?”
“I know that Dalton has a reputation, but he might surprise all of us and do right by Daisy.”
Drix releases a bitter laugh. “The only thing that will surprise me at this stage is if Dalton calls off the wedding, and we both know that’s never going to happen.”