Chapter 61
Chapter sixty-one
Tom
When I was a kid, Jay used to call me King Arthur and say Avalon was waiting for me one day.
I thought he was talking shit, trying to paint the world brighter than the depressing reality we lived in.
Even at that age, I understood our place in the lower class of society.
I told my brother to fuck off. That paradise wasn’t real, and it sure as hell wasn’t meant for me.
But after dying and somehow coming back, I can’t help but think he was right and I just never understood.
Avalon isn’t just a bedtime story anymore. It’s turned out to be my second chance. Waking up on a beach with the rhythm of the waves and two beating hearts. Having someone look at you like you’re the most precious gemstone on earth.
That’s my favorite version of Avalon, but it is more than that.
Avalon is a feeling. It is hope. A safe place to let the wounds bleed, to let them heal in their own time.
And I have to admit, there were moments when I’d thought Yosh loving me was all I needed. But love isn’t the magical cure.
It doesn’t erase the past. It doesn’t undo the damage.
It doesn’t take away the pain.
What love does is sit beside you in the dark.
Love waits and listens.
Love offers you his heartbeat while you chase demons off the beach at midnight.
Love gives you a safeword when the family gets too crazy.
Love stands beside you when you reconcile with your daughter.
Love holds you with the warmth of his body at your son’s grave.
Love gives you a home when you’ve got nowhere to go.
Love does all of that.
But I failed Love. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to.
And I knew Love understood, even if he shut me out at first.
I thought it was because he was done with me and the mess of my life, but I didn’t see he was struggling too.
It wasn’t until we started talking again that I realized it was never about blame, or who of us screwed up more.
It’s life, the wounds of our past and complicated circumstances.
But the thing about circumstances? Sometimes they change. Or you find a way to change them yourself.
So here I am, back at Arcadia with a fucking heavy bouquet of 90 red roses in one arm, a guava in the other, and my heart stupidly hopeful in the middle.
Avalon has been waiting for me and I’m here to claim it.
Nostalgia crashes into me like a wave as I walk into the meditation garden.
My heart pounds like thunder the second I spot him leading his yoga class. They’re all in some weird-ass position on their stomachs, looking like a bunch of seals sunbathing on a rock.
I want him exactly like that, on his stomach, moaning my name while I fuck him into the mattress. And after that… Well, he’s welcome to make a seal out of me.
Yosh moves into the next pose, but his class doesn’t follow his movements. They’re all staring at me instead.
Fuck.
This is it. There's no way back now. Whatever happens, don't act like a total idiot.
Yosh still hasn’t turned around, but he senses something’s off. Confusion must be written all over his face.
Then he turns, raven-black high ponytail catching the light, catching the wind, catching me, right with a sharp pointy arrow in the chest.
Fuck me, he looks absolutely gorgeous.
My lips part, the guava rolling like a bowling ball from my hand, cracking open on the floor.
Shit. So much for not acting like an idiot.
His eyes follow the mess on the floor, then they lift back to mine.
I need to make my move, quick.
“I only packed my toothbrush. My instruments are on their way.”
I step over the guava mess and move closer. We’re only a few inches apart now.
I offer him the roses, one for each day we were apart. His fingers touch my skin as he takes them from the crook of my arm.
“I’m here,” I say, my voice soft. “For good, if you’ll have me.”
He presses the roses to his chest and all I can do is look into those beautiful brown eyes and put everything I am on the table.
Damaged.
Trying.
Hopelessly in love.
My lionheart is his. All I ask in return is that we get to be Love and Sapphire again.
His hand reaches for the back of my neck, kissing the spot between my brows.
I close my eyes, feeling his lips slowly stitch my heart back together.
“Welcome home,” he breathes against my skin.
Those words destroy the dam.
I don’t think he realizes what that word means to me. Having a home. Him saying it to me. To belong, to leave my pack and start a new one with him. It’s everything. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.
He sets the roses on the yoga mat, then my cheek slams against his chest. His strong arms wrap around me, full snake mode.
Tears find their way through my curls. We stay melted into one while the class walks past us.
Kissing. Right. We can do that!
We both miss the first try, bumping noses. We do it messy and frantic, tears and sweat mingling.
I feel a tiny tremor against my ribs and I hold him so fucking tight.
My hands find his face, his hair, anything I can grab to reassure him.
“I’m staying, love. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here with you now. Not leaving.”
I tell him that over and over. He needs to hear it. He’s asked me so many times. For some reason he was really scared I was not coming back. But I kept reminding him of the promise I made to the mermaid pool: I’m ready to belong here, on Avalon.
I swipe my index finger over the spotless granite. Yosh shivers like I just committed a crime.
“Don’t do that,” he says over his shoulder, taking a carafe of ice water from the fridge.
“Love, I know you’re into the whole white-and-sterile aesthetic, but this is a kitchen, not an operating room. One pot of pasta Napolitana and you’ll implode.”
“They’re switching the countertops next month. Until then, absolutely no cooking.”
I throw my hands in the air. “Fine, your house, your rules. But you take care of the food.”
He gets that twinkle that betrays he knows something I don’t.
“Actually,” he says, closing the fridge with his hip, “I’ve been thinking about that idea you had. It is indeed more convenient to stay at Palm Oasis during the week.”
“That so?”
He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “Tiffy’s not thrilled about it.”
“I can imagine,” I smirk. “Is she very mad at you?”
“Ugh. She called me—and I quote—maldito traidor.”
I almost choke on my first sip. “She called you a traitor?”
He swallows his water and does this helpless little hand-flip, like, I know, right?
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to drag you into trouble with her. When I asked you to stay at Palm Oasis, I didn’t think about Calvin. I just thought it’s my place too, so of course you can stay there.”
“It’s okay. It’s on me. I knew exactly what I was doing when I needed to get out of Arcadia.” He shrugs. “And honestly, living with Calvin wasn’t that bad.”
“Now that surprises me.”
“He’s mostly in the basement anyway, so the house is pretty quiet. Sometimes he brings a girl, but he only lasts, like, two minutes, so I put on my headphones and play my favorite album of yours.”
The corner of his mouth twitches. “The girls usually drink tea with me afterwards while he’s passed out.”
I snort. “Cozy.”
“Calvin and I actually had some serious conversations about Heatherfell. It felt good, talking to someone who gets it.”
I throw my arms over his shoulders.
“Yeah, I get the traitor thing now. Bonding with Cal and his one-night stands.”
“First of all, we’re on an island. Everyone’s exes are everywhere.”
His hands find my hips, stealing a quick kiss.
“Tiffy’s friends with a guy I slept with, and every time he comes over I want to duck behind the nearest palm tree, but I always offer a polite smile.”
“Oh, not your signature pager scheme?”
He scrunches his face in a way that is a distraction at its finest.
This is why I tease, because he always ends up giving me that stubborn little smile and those beautiful shy eyes that betray how flustered he actually is.
He tries to punch me but I grab his wrist and pull him closer.
He lifts the other hand, pointing a finger at me. “Second, there’s this girl, Regina. Calvin’s brought her home four times in the last two weeks, so… not exactly a one-night stand anymore.”
I let out a whistle. “Look at that. Our Callie Coconut catching feelings.”
Yosh rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling now.
“Anyway. You’ll have the music studio there, and Arcadia is fifteen minutes instead of one and a half hours.”
“You wanted a house in the middle of nowhere.”
“I know, but hey, we’re close to Starlight Beach! We can come here on the weekends, go surfing, barbecue, stargazing at night.”
“Ahh, so your house is a shag pad.”
Yosh looks at me in confusion. “Uh what?”
“Shag pad. Place to fuck. I mean, we can’t call this place Villa Crumble Aparté anymore as the crumbling is over.”
I look around for the so-many-th time. The kitchen and living room are one open space, all flowing together just like he said he wanted when he explained the plans to me.
Large stone tiles on the floor, healthy green plants in every corner, pastel crystals and salt lamps on shelves and cabinets. Purposely arranged, because apparently you shouldn’t put certain stones together and others work better in pairs of two, or even three. That’s what he explained to me once.
The best part of the room though? The TV corner with the comfiest-looking beige sofa I’ve ever seen. I can already picture him curled up against me, head on my shoulder, my hand in his hair and everywhere else, while the movie keeps playing and we just see the beginning and maybe, the end.
He made a home.
For the first time in his life he’d told me. And in all honesty, the second I’d walked in, it felt like mine too. Even if I’m still learning what home means, he’s teaching me how it feels.
But I’d felt it long before the renovations. Probably because we’d already made so many memories here.
We’d demolished the shed and cooked in the garden. We’d stumbled over bottles of paint, kissing. We’d fallen asleep under the stars.