Chapter 21
21
Morning arrived too soon. I woke up in bed with Ethan breathing deeply beside me. We had fallen asleep quickly after last night’s activities. And in the cold light of the day, I was shocked at myself. I had let go with Ethan more than I had ever before. And looking at him now asleep, I felt so close to him. But then I remembered sleeping beside Joe for months. Could I ever trust my heart again?
I slipped out of bed, nervous in case Ethan woke up and we would need to discuss yesterday. I of course knew Ethan fancied me. There was no faking the chemistry between us. What we had done together had been hot. So hot. But I didn’t know if his feelings ran any deeper, or whether this had any chance once we left Paris. I didn’t want to make another mistake. It was best to put off any talk of what we were to each other. I couldn’t face being rejected again.
I used the bathroom and got ready for the day, checking I had packed everything ready to move to Juliette’s apartment.
When I went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea, Ethan emerged from the bedroom, also dressed. We eyed each other .
‘Tea? Coffee?’ I asked.
‘I’ll make a coffee,’ Ethan said, walking over. ‘How did you sleep?’
‘Fine, thanks. You?’
God, this is awkward.
‘I did too,’ Ethan said as he started to make coffee.
I finished making my tea and took a sip for something to do, wincing because it was far too hot. ‘It’s kind of sad leaving this place,’ I said, looking around. ‘It’s a lovely apartment.’
‘I’ll have good memories of it,’ Ethan said, stirring his coffee.
‘Yeah?’
He looked over and smiled. ‘Of course. I hope you will too.’
I nodded. ‘Definitely,’ I said, smiling back. I was relieved that he didn’t regret yesterday. I realised I had been worried that he did. I hated not knowing what he was thinking.
‘So, after my course, want to still go home shopping?’ Ethan asked, leaning against the kitchen counter to take a sip of his coffee.
‘I would really like that.’
‘Great. I’ll come and get you from Juliette’s. I need to pack up my things so I can lock up this place before I go to my course.’
‘And I’m going to try to start writing,’ I said, taking a deep breath. My phone call with Carly had scared me. She was right that I couldn’t stay in Paris just for Ethan. I had to try with this book or my career would be over. There was no way I’d make my deadline, but if I could make good headway then I could speak to Gita about an extension.
‘I have no doubt you will do it, Tessa.’
When he said things like that, I felt deep down in my heart that he was very different to Joe. Joe never seemed to care about my writing. If anything, it felt like he saw it as a hobby and not a real job. I just wished I wasn’t so scared that my judgement was screwed up, and that I was wrong about Ethan like I had been about his best friend.
Ethan stepped over to me. ‘When I woke up alone in bed again, I was scared you’d changed your mind about staying in Paris.’
‘No. I want to stay,’ I assured him.
‘It just feels a bit like a dream, this thing between us. It’s hard for me to trust it,’ he said haltingly.
‘Me too.’
‘So, we don’t need to rush anything, right? Let’s keep spending time together here. And see what happens. Can I kiss you?’
‘Yes, please.’
Ethan closed the gap between us, wrapping his arms around me. He gave me a lingering kiss then held me close. I sank against his strong chest and hated that things were complicated between us.
‘I wish we had met first,’ I admitted.
‘Me too. Is there… is there a chance for us, do you think?’ Ethan asked hesitantly as he held me close.
‘I hope so,’ I answered him. I hadn’t felt hope when it came to love since I broke up with Joe, so my heart was beginning to heal.
And maybe these next few days in Paris could help it to heal completely.
Juliette welcomed me to her apartment with a big hug and a glass of wine for us both despite it only just being midday. She showed me into her guest room and I gasped. It was a small but beautiful room decorated in rich creams with a wooden floor, ornate bed and narrow window that had a view across the rooftops of Paris. In the corner was a small writing desk and chair. ‘I found this in Montmartre. It will be nice to see it finally be used for writing,’ Juliette said, gesturing to it.
‘There is no way I can’t be inspired here,’ I said, running my fingers across it. ‘I’d love something like this in my London flat. Ethan is going to take me shopping later to see if I can find any French home décor as my flat is very empty.’
‘French furniture is the best,’ Juliette declared. ‘Get settled. Drink your wine and write. And help yourself to anything. This is your home now. I need to go to the restaurant. You and Ethan come for dinner there, yes?’
‘Sure,’ I readily agreed. ‘I can’t thank you enough for this, Juliette.’
‘You know it is my pleasure. Bon courage! ’ After wishing me good luck, and giving me a kiss on both of my cheeks, Juliette swept out and left me alone.
I quickly unpacked then took my wine and laptop to the writing desk. I picked up my phone and snapped a picture of the set-up, the window behind the desk and the sun shining through it. Then I opened up Instagram.
Staying with my lovely friend Juliette in Paris now. Look at this view I have while I write. I’ll never want to leave.
I posted the photo with that caption then opened up the blank document I had for book three. I took a gulp of wine and started the story with my main character getting on the Eurostar to Paris after having hit rock bottom in her love life.
This was a novel but there was no doubt that part of me was in this character. Like me, my leading lady was about to arrive in Paris lost and believing that love no longer existed. Then she would meet a French man who would show her all Paris had to offer and slowly her broken heart would heal. I knew writing that part wouldn’t be as easy as the start when I knew exactly how she felt. But I also wasn’t quite in that same place any more. Paris had helped already. Ethan had showed me that I didn’t want to let go of happy ever afters.
By the time my character was meant to leave Paris, she needed to believe in love again. She needed to fall for her Frenchman. And maybe decide to move to the City of Love to be with him. I couldn’t fathom taking such a leap of faith after being so burnt by my last relationship, but I told myself not to worry about that. I just needed to start the story and hope that by the time I got to that part, I would be able to write it.
At least the idea of it all wasn’t filling me with the dread it would have done five days ago.
I took a breath and my fingertips found my laptop keys.
And then I started to type.