Chapter 28
28
‘What are you doing?’ Juliette demanded from the doorway of her guest bedroom. I had sent her a message after Joe had walked me back to her apartment and told her I was planning to leave Paris today. She had rushed from Cinq to catch me, and I had heard her throw a disgruntled greeting to Joe, who was waiting for me in the living room.
‘Um… packing my things,’ I said, pausing as I folded a T-shirt into my case. I was becoming a pro at packing at this point.
‘But why are you leaving? I thought you wanted to stay!’ Juliette said, shaking her head.
‘Things have changed,’ I replied, going back to the task in hand. ‘You and Ethan have lots to sort out and I need to do the same in London.’
She leaned in closer. ‘Don’t tell me you mean you and that man in there,’ she said, practically spitting the word ‘man’. ‘Ethan told me he saw you kissing!’
‘It’s complicated,’ I said, lowering my voice in case Joe could hear us. ‘I was with Joe a long time, we lived together, I loved him. He is sorry, he’s not with the other woman any more… ’
‘But what about Ethan?’
‘What about him?’ I snapped back, my heart aching at the thought of him. ‘He didn’t try to stop me leaving. He has future plans that don’t involve me. We hardly know each other after all.’
‘ Non . That’s not true. I’ve seen you together,’ she argued. ‘You’re making a mistake getting back with Joe.’
‘You’re just like my friend Carly. Can everyone stop telling me what’s best for me please?’ I threw my hands up in the air. I was so confused. Everyone seemed so sure I was doing something wrong all the time. Was it any wonder I was terrified of making another mistake?
‘What about your writing though?’ Juliette asked.
‘I have spent enough time here to be able to write the book. There is no way I’m going to make my deadline anyway so I need to speak to my publisher.’ I bit my lip; that thought was terrifying. I wanted to put it off for as long as possible. The same way I wanted to avoid any more decision making. ‘Paris has been fun but this isn’t real life. I can’t stay on holiday forever.’
‘I thought you liked it here,’ she said quietly. I could see our conversation was upsetting her but I didn’t know what to do. I was just as upset by the thought of leaving but how could I stay and watch Ethan and her make their dreams come true and know I wouldn’t be part of it?
Ethan doesn’t want me to stay anyway.
Him walking away from me earlier would hurt for a long time, I knew. There was nothing left for me in Paris.
‘I’m sorry, Juliette. I am so grateful we met.’ I zipped up my case and pulled it upright. ‘Maybe we’ll see each other again sometime.’
Juliette came over and gave me a tight hug. ‘Do not forget you are amazing, okay?’ she said softly into my ear. ‘You deserve to be loved for exactly who you are. ’
A lump lodged itself in my throat. I gave her a quick squeeze back, fighting the urge to lie down on her guest bed and cry. ‘Thank you for everything,’ I choked out before grabbing my things and leaving her.
‘Ready, baby?’ Joe asked, jumping up from the sofa when I walked through.
‘Yep,’ I said, trying to smile.
‘Got us all booked on the next Eurostar. Let’s go home.’
I followed him out, glancing behind me before I walked out of Juliette’s front door, a wave of sadness washing over me. I couldn’t stay here now that Ethan and I were over, but it was a wrench to leave at the same time.
‘You’re doing the right thing,’ Joe said, seeing my face. He led me out of Juliette’s building and into a waiting taxi to take us to the train station. Joe was always confident and decisive. It was nice to just let him organise everything so I didn’t have to think. I ignored the prickling feeling in the back of my mind that being with someone who didn’t want you to think wasn’t a good thing.
As we arrived at the station and had all our documents checked for the Eurostar, I looked at my phone. There was nothing from Ethan. He clearly didn’t care that I was leaving, I almost sent a message to Carly to tell her I was heading home but decided I couldn’t face it. She would want to know why and I knew she would be like Juliette and think I was crazy to be leaving with Joe, for even entertaining the idea of trying again with him. So I was a coward and put my phone away.
We soon boarded the waiting train. Joe stowed our bags and we sat down next to one another.
‘I am so happy you’re giving us a second chance,’ Joe said, reaching over to squeeze my thigh.
‘I didn’t say that,’ I corrected him. ‘We have a lot to talk about. ’
‘You’re coming home with me; that’s enough to show me that you do still love me. We are meant to be. So why did you decide to come to Paris on your own?’
‘I needed a change of scenery,’ I told him. The train started up then and I looked out of the window as we left Paris still bathed in sunshine. I had felt like Paris had been good for me but now I wasn’t so sure. It suddenly seemed like I was back to exactly who I was when I had first sat on the Eurostar fleeing London. I crossed my legs so that Joe’s hand slipped off my knee.
‘I’m glad you got it out of your system. I was so shocked when Ethan said you’d come on our trip. I thought, that’s not like my Tessa…’ Joe grinned at me. ‘Now you’re back where you belong.’
I forced out a smile and Joe pulled out his phone to check his emails. I leaned back in my seat, glad of the silence. I should have felt happy that Joe wanted me back, that I was going home. But I couldn’t feel it. I told myself to shake it off. My chapter in Paris was over. Like I said to Juliette, it had just been a holiday. Holidays have to end after all. I needed to focus now on the future.
Turning to Joe, I said, ‘I have started writing my next book. I’m setting it in Paris but?—’
‘Sorry, baby, I need to just focus on this for a bit. Why don’t you read or something?’
I didn’t answer but I reached into my bag and pulled out my Kindle. On the way here, I hadn’t been able to read the book my publicist Stevie had given me, First Impressions by Liv Jones, because I’d felt so betrayed by love. I thought about how Ethan had been reading my book in Paris. Joe didn’t even want to hear about my writing. I believed in love again but I knew that was thanks to Ethan and not the man sitting beside me. Everything felt all upside down suddenly. I shut out the feeling that things had gone completely wrong and tried to lose myself in someone else’s love story.