24. Tyler
TWENTY-FOUR
TYLER
The agreement I made with Shae was to fly Kylie back to Georgia for all the major holidays. With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I’ve finally forced myself to book her flight. I can’t pretend it wouldn’t be nice to have her here, though. Most of the time, I spend Thanksgiving without family because I almost always have a game the day after.
This year is no different. Our last regular-season game is the day after Thanksgiving, and it’s an away game. I’ve got to be up at the crack of dawn to get on the bus with the team.
Last year, I had a Thanksgiving dinner catered at my place. This year, Zach’s wife is having a big event at their house. Most of the team that has family out of state will be headed to his house, including myself.
But even with all that, I’d love to have Kylie here. It’d be nice to start our own traditions since I missed out on so much when she was a kid. And because of that, her mother wants her home. They have their own traditions. I can’t argue with it.
“Hey, Kylie. I emailed you your ticket info for Thanksgiving,” I tell her one day after work. The girls have a few days left of classes before they have time off for the holiday. Both of them are busy studying for an exam.
“Thanks, Dad.” Then she turns to McKenzie. “Are you going home for Thanksgiving?”
“Um, no. Not this year. My mom has decided to go to my aunt’s house in Kansas. I can’t make it out there this year.”
“Oh no. Are you going to be alright? I know it’s your first year without your dad.” She pauses and gasps, not giving McKenzie a chance to answer. “You should come back to Georgia with me. My mom would love to have you,” Kylie suggests.
I’m proud of my daughter for having such a big heart. I don’t even think she realizes it sometimes.
“I don’t mind covering the ticket cost,” I offer, although I have a feeling McKenzie will decline.
“Thanks, guys, I appreciate it. But I have to work the day after Thanksgiving and the whole weekend, actually. I’ve got to make up for that week I missed.”
Kylie sticks her bottom lip out in a pout. “Bummer. Well, at least stay here with Dad so he’s not alone. I’ll be back on Sunday.”
McKenzie looks over at me, and it seems like the same thought crosses both of our minds. We’re going to be here alone. Just the two of us.
And Kylie has no idea. She thinks she’s innocently suggesting that her friend stay here to keep me company, but little does she know the things I want to do to McKenzie. Kylie would disown me as a father if she found out. I wouldn’t even be able to blame her.
Fuck.
Is McKenzie going to be expecting more?
Am I going to follow through with it?
God knows how much I want her. But if we do this, there’s no turning back. It could fuck up everything.
“Are you sure? I can see if I can crash at one of my friend’s places while they’re out of town,” McKenzie suggests, looking from me to Kylie. She’s just as torn as I am about what we’ve been doing. I can see it in her eyes. Other than a goodnight kiss every night, I haven’t touched her, not the way I want to, at least. I’m still afraid to completely cross that line with her. I’m a fucking coward. I can’t go through with it, but I also can’t walk away.
Kylie waves her off. “No, stay here. You’re cool with it, right, Dad?”
I clear my throat. I could tell her to leave. McKenzie is giving me an easy out. I could take it and shut this thing down now. But I can’t. “No. All good. I’ll be on campus mostly so you’ll basically have the house to yourself.”
McKenzie nods slowly as if I’ve just confirmed what I want to happen. I want her here. I want to kiss her and fuck her. I want it all. “Ok. Well, thank you both.”
“Stop thanking us. You’re basically family now,” Kylie says. “Hey, can we order pizza? I’m starving.”
And with that, the conversation is closed, and it’s decided that McKenzie and I will be staying together alone for a few days.
What could possibly go wrong?
I’m not going to survive this Thanksgiving break.
I know it already, and it hasn’t even started.
McKenzie and I are at the airport dropping Kylie off. She hugs us both and waves until she’s through the automatic doors with her giant suitcase. You’d think she was going for a month rather than four days with the amount of things she packed.
McKenzie and I stand there in silence for a long, awkward moment. Finally, I exhale and ask, “Should we go?”
She nods and we get back in my truck. McKenzie takes the front passenger seat, which was occupied by my daughter moments ago.
We’re silent as I drive back to the house. There’s a heavy tension between us, neither of us knowing what to say or expect for the coming days. I didn’t know how to bring it up or what to say. To be fair, we don’t usually have much time alone and the time we do have, I hold her or kiss her while we talk about other things.
I don’t have many true friends these days. Since my football days are over, I’ve thrown myself into coaching. Sure, I have my assistant coaches, but they work for me. I wouldn’t necessarily confide in them like a friend. But McKenzie is different. We talk about our families and our lives outside of the house. In the past few weeks, I’ve told her about my time playing football and how I felt like such a failure after I got injured. I told her that I hated having to retire when I did. I’ve never told anyone those things, not even Kylie. But it felt good to get all that off my chest; McKenzie just listened and let me talk.
But we never brought up what happens when Kylie isn’t here. Or what happens if we cross the invisible line we’ve drawn.
“So, what are your plans for tomorrow?” McKenzie asks.
“I’ve got practice in the morning, and then I’ll head to Zach’s for Thanksgiving dinner. His wife is hosting for the team this year. You’re welcome to come.”
“That’s ok. I’m going to make my own little Thanksgiving dinner.”
“I would stay with you, but if I don’t show at Zach’s…” People will talk.
“Don’t worry about me, Tyler. I’ll be fine.”
This is her first holiday without her father, and she’s not going to be with any family. Her grief is still raw, yet I have no doubt that she’ll be fine. She’s one of the strongest people I know. I was worried after the first few nights I held her. I could hear her silent cries in the middle of the night. But those nights aren’t as frequent anymore. She holds herself together even when she doesn’t have to.
I admire her. When I retired from football, I drank myself into a stupor for at least a month straight. McKenzie, on the other hand, feels immense pain but continues to go about her life with a purpose.
“I know you’ll be fine. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t rather be with you.”
I see her smile out of the corner of my eye. I love it when she smiles. I love it even more when I’m the one making her smile.
When we’re almost to the house, my phone rings. It’s one of my players, Luke.
“Hey, Coach,” he says, his voice filling the speakers in my truck. “Sorry to bother you, but my hamstring started hurting after practice today, and it keeps getting worse. I’m not sure what I should do.”
“Shit. Alright. Let me make some calls. Can you get back to the field house so we can take a look?”
“Yeah, I can be there in twenty.”
“I’ll meet you there.”
“Ok. Thanks, Coach.”
I hang up and make some more calls to the team medical staff and ask someone to meet us at the field house.
When I pull into my driveway, I’m not ready to tell McKenzie goodbye just yet, but I’ve got to take care of this first. Maybe this is the universe’s way of keeping me away from her.
“Sorry. I hope I’m not too late getting home tonight,” I tell her before she gets out of the truck.
“It’s ok. Take your time. We need Luke for the game on Friday,” she says. She’s smiling, but I can see the disappointment in her eyes. Hell, I’m disappointed, too. But football always comes first for me. Always has. She should know this now before we do anything we can’t take back.
“Hey.” I stop her from getting out and lean over to kiss her. “I’ll see you tonight.”
She nods, and then she’s gone.
I’m home way later than I’d hoped. After the team doctor examined Luke, we had to get the PT out to the field house to help us. Hopefully, he’ll be better by Friday.
McKenzie is asleep on the couch when I walk in.
Shit.
I was hoping she’d still be up.
I crouch down in front of her and run my fingers through her hair until her eyes flutter open.
“Hey,” I whisper.
She gives me a soft smile. “Hey.”
“Let’s get you to bed.”
She nods and stands groggily from the couch. She’s already in her oversized T-shirt that she sleeps in. I’ve come to really love this shirt on her, but I also wouldn’t mind seeing her in one of mine.
“I made dinner. There’re leftovers in the fridge,” she says with a yawn when we get to her room.
“Thank you, baby.”
I should eat. I’m fucking starving. But the only thing I want to do right now is to be with her. So, I strip down to my boxers and climb into bed next to her, ignoring my growling stomach.