36. Tyler
THIRTY-SIX
TYLER
It’s been two weeks since Kylie walked out of my house and hasn’t come back.
She’s been careful to only come by when she knows I’m not there. While she hasn’t responded to any of my attempts at communication, her mother has made sure to tell me what a fucking idiot I am over and over again. Like I need that reminder right now. So, at least I know Kylie is talking to someone.
But Kylie has finally agreed to come home to talk. I asked for fifteen minutes of her time, and she responded with a simple ‘Ok.’
I’ll take what I can get.
I gave her a time and hoped she’d come. I’ve been sitting at the kitchen table for almost twenty minutes when I finally hear the front door open. A few seconds later, Kylie walks into the kitchen. She looks just like she always does in a cute outfit, her hair perfectly done. She’s my Kylie, only without the smile she usually has when she sees me.
“Kylie.”
She doesn’t say anything, just takes a seat across from me and clasps her hands in front of her like we’re in a meeting or something. I shouldn’t feel this nervous to have a conversation with my child, but here we are.
She raises her eyebrows at me, clearly ready to get this over with.
“I’m sorry,” I say lamely. I’ve gone over what I want to say a thousand times but none of it comes out.
She scoffs. “Sorry for what you did, or sorry you got caught?”
I shake my head. “No, I never wanted to keep this from you forever. We wanted to tell you. We just weren’t sure how.”
“Because you know it’s wrong.” She doesn’t phrase it as a question.
“I. . . I understand why it seems wrong, but McKenzie and I have a connection that I’ve never had with anyone before.”
“You’re telling me there isn’t a woman your own age in this entire world that you could find a connection with?”
“Kylie, I’ve dated plenty of women. I’ve tried. I was fine being alone. And I certainly wasn’t looking for a girlfriend or anything right now. But then I got to know McKenzie, and I wanted more. I should’ve told you sooner. I know that. But I was being selfish. Figuring things out. I handled it badly.”
“No shit.” She shakes her head. “She needed a place to stay. You took her in.”
I think she’s forgetting that she’s the one who brought her in. Not me. But now is not the time to bring any of that up. “I know. But everything that happened between us was consensual. I didn’t use McKenzie for anything like that.”
“Are you still seeing her?” she asks.
“I’ve only seen her once since you left, and it was brief.”
“Let me rephrase. Are you going to keep seeing her?”
“I’d like to,” I admit.
“What’s holding you back? You clearly don’t care about my feelings.”
“We do care, Kylie. You are the most important person in my life. You always have been and always will be. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“How am I ever supposed to trust you again? Either of you? You were going behind my back for God knows how long with my best friend. I don’t see how you could do that if I was so important to you.”
I sigh. “I was scared, Ky. I just got you back and have loved that we were rebuilding our relationship. And then there’s McKenzie, who is getting to know me on a different level. She listened, and I started falling in love with her without even realizing it. It just felt right being with her. But I knew I was risking everything by crossing that line with her. You, my job, my life as I knew it. It was terrifying.”
“But you still did it?”
I nod. “I’m willing to risk everything except for you. I don’t care if I get fired. I don’t care if I’m never able to coach football again. But I do care if you walk out of my life.”
Her brows furrow. “You’re willing to give up football for McKenzie?”
“Yes.” The answer is simple. I would walk away today if it meant I got to be with McKenzie every day for the rest of my life.
“You wouldn’t even give up football for Mom.”
“Kylie, your mom and I were never a good match. Yes, I loved her as a person. She’s a great mother. But I was never in love with her. There’s a big difference there.” Kylie was so young that she doesn’t remember how hard Shae and I tried, but in the end, we were hurting everyone by trying to force something that wasn’t there.
“So. . . you’re in love with McKenzie?”
“Yes.”
She sits back in her chair and studies me. It sets me on edge. It’s like she’s trying to determine if she believes me. This might be the hardest judgment I’ve ever gone through, and that includes my NFL career, where people felt like they could bash me for having an off night.
“I’m not sure what you want from me, Dad. I don’t think I’ll ever be ok with you dating someone my age, especially not someone I thought was my friend.”
“She still is your friend. And nothing has to change. We can just be exactly how we were.”
She shakes her head. “No, we can’t.”
I hang my head, feeling so defeated. Everything was too good to be true. I was too happy. I knew it would eventually come crumbling down. “Ok. I’ll end it. If I do that, will you come back home?”
Her eyebrows raise in surprise. “You’re going to end things with her?”
“You’re asking me to pick between you and her. Of course, I’ll pick you, Kylie. You’re my daughter, and I want you back home.”
I was hoping this conversation would go a lot differently. I thought Kylie would see and understand that what McKenzie and I have is more than just physical. But I should’ve known that wasn’t going to happen.
“I’m not moving back in here if McKenzie is living here.”
“She moved out.”
“Like for good? I thought she was just staying somewhere else for a few days.”
I nod. “She was looking to move out at the start of the semester, but I told her no. Selfishly, I wanted her here. But after everything that’s happened, she found somewhere else to live.” I shrug it off even though I hate it. “It’s for the best.”
“Ok. . . well. . . great.”
“Yeah,” I agree, even though none of this feels great. I can actually feel my heart start to fracture, and my stomach is in a fucking knot. But I know I have to do what’s right for my daughter.
“I guess I’ll come back home then.”
“Ok.”
“Ok,” she repeats.
And that’s that. I’ve got my daughter back, but I’m going to lose the love of my life.
Kylie left for her afternoon class and came back after with the bag that she had at Jake’s. I get us dinner, and we sit in the kitchen. It’s awkward. Neither one of us really knows what to say. I try to talk to her about Jake and her classes, but she gives me one-word responses. And not a single smile.
She’s mad.
I’m heartbroken.
Nothing about this situation is good right now. I know that I broke what we had and that it’ll take time to fix it.
Neither one of us mentions McKenzie. The weight of what I have to do sits heavily on my soul. I asked McKenzie to wait for me, and now I’m going back on my word. I can’t ask her to wait indefinitely.
She’s going to hate me, and maybe I deserve it. She sure as hell deserves better than me.
After dinner, Kylie locks herself in her bedroom while I lay in McKenzie’s old bed and toss and turn. I finally work up the courage to text McKenzie and ask her to meet me for coffee in the morning at a little place far enough away from campus that we hopefully won’t be noticed.
She agrees almost immediately. In my gut, I know she knows what’s going to happen.