37. McKenzie
THIRTY-SEVEN
MCKENZIE
It’s over.
I know it before I even see Tyler sitting at a small table in the back of the coffee shop. He’s got a hat on with his head down when I walk up. He looks so defeated.
When he looks up at me, I freeze, and my heart shatters into a million pieces. The pain in his eyes confirms everything I suspected. Even before he sent me the text last night asking to meet up, I knew. I knew Kylie wasn’t going to forgive us, especially not me.
“McKenzie,” he says, his voice quiet like he’s scared to even say my name.
I pull out the chair across from him and sit. “Tyler.”
“Thanks for coming.”
“Let’s not drag this out any more than it needs to be,” I say. As much as I’d love to sit here and talk to him forever, there’s only so much suspense I can take. The longer I sit here, the harder it’s going to be for me not to cry. And I will not cry in front of him today. I won’t.
He sighs. “Kylie came home last night.”
“That’s great.” I’ve reached out to Kylie several times, but I haven’t gotten anything back. She’s avoided me on campus, and I didn’t want to push her if she wasn’t ready to talk to me. But I’m glad she’s going home. I know Tyler’s been worried about her.
He nods. “But she had one condition of coming home.”
“You can’t see me anymore.” I say it so he doesn’t have to. I’m proud of myself for keeping my voice strong when I know I’m on the verge of tears.
He nods again.
“I get it,” I say. I would never expect him to pick me over his own daughter. Although, I suppose I kind of hoped for it. Which is stupid. I wouldn’t want to be with a man who picked a woman over his own child.
“I wish. . . I wish it was different. I wish there was something I could do,” he says, his voice cracking.
“There’s not. This is what it is. We were doomed from the start, and I think we both knew that.”
“My feelings for you haven’t changed. I still love you.”
I shake my head. “Don’t say that to me. Don’t make this harder.”
“I’m so sorry.” He reaches out to grab my hand, but I pull back quickly.
“You had an impossible decision to make.”
“McKenzie—”
“I should go. Thank you. . . for everything.” I stand and turn from the table. I hear him call my name, but I don’t stop. I’m not mad at him. I understand why he had to do this. But my heart can’t take sitting there with him for one more second.
I was stupid to think this would ever go anywhere anyway. All the talk about marriage and kids and our future together was just a pipe dream. Now, all those little dreams are crushed.
I walk out of the coffee shop and back to my car. I manage to drive away before the tears start falling, and I let myself crumble.
Two weeks later, I’m on my way to class just like every other day. I’ve had my breakdowns each night, but I can’t afford to stop my life because of a broken heart. I’ve got two months until graduation. Two months of working my ass off until I’m free and can get out of this place where everything reminds me of what I’ve lost.
This has been the worst senior year ever from my dad, to Tyler, to Kylie. I keep losing. So, I try to keep my head down and get through this semester so I can get the hell out of La Vista.
Kylie rounds the corner of the hallway where my class is. It’s the first time I’ve seen her since the incident. Her eyes go wide when she notices me, but instead of walking past me like I expected, she actually stops in front of me.
“Hi,” she says flatly. There’s no happiness in her tone like there used to be when we talked.
“Hi.”
“How are you?”
“Um, I’ve been better. How are you?” It feels weird to be talking so formally to her.
“I’ve been better,” she says.
“I. . . I’m so sorry about everything, Kylie.” I don’t know what else to say. I don’t have the right words to explain how sorry I am for hurting her.
“I know. I’ve talked to Dad a few times about it now. I believe that you two didn’t mean to hurt me. But just because you didn’t mean to, doesn’t mean you didn’t. . .”
“That was the very last thing we wanted to happen.”
She nods and then pauses for a second before asking, “Do you love him?”
I swallow my surprise and answer truthfully. “So much.”
She nods again. “I still can’t really wrap my head around everything that happened. And I’m definitely not ok with it. But maybe. . .” She sighs. “Maybe give it time. This is all too weird, but I don’t want the two of you to be miserable because of me.”
My eyebrows raise. “Are you saying—”
“I’m not saying anything other than I need time,” she interjects quickly. She doesn’t want to say she might be ok with her dad and I dating, and I get that.
I nod. “Right. Yeah, ok.”
She looks around the hallway to make sure no one is listening to our conversation. “I know he loves you, and I know he’s hurting right now. But I’m also hurting. Everything feels so messed up.”
“Yeah. I understand.”
“If it’s any consolation, he still sleeps in your room at the house. He thinks I don’t know.”
My heart aches for him. To hold him one last time. To kiss him and make all the pain go away. But I can’t do that, so I blink away the tears threatening to drop.
“Do you think we’ll ever be friends again?” I ask.
She shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“I’ll take that over a straight no.” I give her a small smile, and she gives me one back.
“I gotta go.”
“Yeah. Of course.” I step to the side and let her pass.
That was one of the most confusing conversations I think I’ve ever had, but it leaves me with more hope than I’ve had in the last two weeks.
Hope might be the thing that finally breaks me, though.