38. McKenzie
THIRTY-EIGHT
MCKENZIE
Two months later
It’s officially time to put the last four years behind me. I’ve worked my ass off at La Vista University to get to this point, and none of it was easy. Between shifts at Alessandro’s and late night and early morning studying, nights spent sleeping in my car and sneaking around to shower and finally losing my father and getting my heart broken. I feel like I’ve gone through enough chaos for a lifetime.
I sit impatiently in the crowd, waiting for my name to be called so I can walk across the stage. I almost opted out of walking, but my mom and brothers insisted that I do it. Since all of them bought tickets and are currently sitting in the crowd, I felt like I didn’t have much of a choice. Plus, I’m proud of myself. I deserve this.
My row finally stands, and we make our way to the stage. My name is called, and I take a deep breath before I walk across the stage to accept my diploma. My family cheers loudly for me as I shake the dean’s hand.
I blink back tears, and I know they’re a mixture of happy and sad tears. I’m happy that I made it this far. I’m sad because I wish my dad could be here to see it. I know he’d be cheering the loudest for me.
I don’t look into the crowd. My heart can’t handle not seeing Dad there.
So, I take my seat again and watch the rest of my class graduate.
When the ceremony is over, I wade through the crowd until I find my family. My mom is crying, of course. All of my brothers take turns hugging me and telling me how proud they are of me. I always forget what an incredible support system I have. Since I’ve been on my own in college, I’ve felt like it was me against the world. But every time I’m back with my family, I remember how much I’m loved. I certainly need that reminder right now.
“We’re going to head back to the hotel and let you finish up here. But we’ll meet you at the restaurant for dinner, yeah?” Matty says. I’m so grateful they were all able to come and spend the day with me.
“Ok, sounds good.”
Matt’s smile fades as his eyes move over my shoulder. I turn to see what made him turn cold so quickly.
I suck in a breath.
Tyler.
We’ve texted a few times over the months, but nothing meaningful. I’ve been careful to avoid him. Seeing him makes it feel like someone is squeezing my heart in my chest.
“What are you doing here?” Matt asks in a tone that very much says Tyler is not welcome. I’m too shocked to see him again to say anything, but it’s very obvious that my brothers are not happy with his presence. I eventually had to tell them all what happened. Thankfully, they didn’t rub it in my face.
“I’d like to talk to McKenzie if that’s alright with her,” Tyler says.
“It’s not alright,” Chris says.
“Chris,” I snap, finally finding my voice.
“Boys, McKenzie can speak for herself,” my mother says. She starts pushing my brothers away. “We’ll see you in a bit.” I’m not sure if I’m happy or terrified that they’re all leaving. Every single one of my brothers shoots Tyler a death stare before they leave.
Then it’s just me and Tyler surrounded by the rest of my graduating class.
“Hi,” he says as he puts his hands in his pockets. He looks good in his black slacks and gray La Vista polo, but I can tell he’s nervous.
“Hi,” I say back.
“Congratulations.”
“Thank you. I can’t believe it’s finally here.”
“You’re going to do great things.”
“I hope so.” There’s a pause. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
He rocks on his heels, looking more nervous than I’ve ever seen him. “I wasn’t sure if I should, but I wanted to talk to you about something and it needed to be in person.”
“Ok. . .” I say slowly.
“Kylie and I had a long talk the other night. She’s staying at La Vista for her senior year, but she’s asked to live in an apartment off campus instead of with me. Which, of course, I agreed to. But she also said she wants me to have the space to find my own happiness, and if that includes you, she’ll try to be open-minded.”
I suck in a breath as he continues.
“You are my true happiness, McKenzie. You have given me so much patience while I’ve figured things out with Kylie. Patience I know I don’t deserve. But I want to try to make that up to you. So, I’m hoping you’ll give me a real chance to be the man you want.”
“I-I don’t understand. What does this mean?”
“It means I’d like to take you on a date. I want to start over. No sneaking around. Me and you. In public. If you’ll have me.”
Me and you. It’s what I’ve been dreaming of. But now that he’s here, standing in front of me, it still doesn’t feel real. Will this work between us or would I be setting myself up for heartbreak all over again? Is Kylie really ok with this? I’ve already ruined what we had. I’d hate to make it even worse.
“Can I think about it?” I ask.
Hurt flashes through his eyes, but he quickly nods. “Of course. Take all the time you need.”
“Thank you. It’s what I wanted for so long, but I’ve got to make sure I’m making the right decision. . . for both of us.”
“I understand, Kenz. You can tell me to go kick rocks, or we could take things as slow as you want.”
I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck in a hug. He hugs me back and holds me tight. I’d almost forgotten how good it felt to be in his arms. I quickly kiss his cheek before stepping back and walking away.
I can’t figure out if walking away is the best or worst decision I’ve ever made.
Instead of going back to my apartment to get ready for dinner like I’d planned, I drive straight to my mom’s hotel. I need someone to talk to who will see things from all sides.
When I knock on her door and she opens it to let me in, the tears start falling.
“Tell me what’s going on, honey.”
We sit down on her bed and I go through everything Tyler said to me. How he wants to try this for real and how Kylie wants him to be happy.
“Isn’t that what you want?” she asks when I’ve finished my recap.
“I don’t know. What if we end up right back where we were? I don’t think I can handle going through this again.”
“You, my dear, can handle anything. You are one of the strongest people I know, and I’m so proud that you’re my daughter. You know, better than anyone, that you don’t need a man to be happy. But if you want him in your life, you can’t think about the what-ifs.”
“I don’t want to hurt Kylie any more than I already have, either. And I know the boys will be pissed.”
She sighs. “Did I ever tell you how your dad and I got together?”
I wrack my brain trying to remember if I’ve heard this story, but I come up empty. “I don’t think so.”
“He was engaged. I was the other woman.”
I gasp. “Mom!”
“I know. I know. I’m not proud of that. Both of our families were disappointed. Rumors spread around our little town. It was not a good time. After he ended his engagement, we decided to take some time apart and make sure our relationship was something we both wanted.
“Almost six months later, we ended up in the same place at the same time and realized we wanted to be together. The rest is history. We married and had five beautiful children. I don’t regret my decision one bit, even though I was certainly judged by people I grew up with. Your grandmother didn’t talk to us for almost two years. It wasn’t until after Chris was born that we all came together and moved past everything that happened.
“And in the end, who cares what other people think of you? I know you want to make sure Kylie is ok, and I love that you have such a big heart. But it’s ok to be selfish every once in a while. It sounds like Coach Danvers is willing to take the risk. If you want him in your life, you might have to run the chance of hurting someone else’s feelings.
“It’s a tough decision but one you need to make.”
I swallow down all the emotions running through me right now and wipe a tear from my cheek. “I can’t believe I didn’t know this story.”
“Because that part of our story didn’t define our relationship. Your father and I were meant to be. We knew that, and we weren’t willing to risk our happiness just because some other people were upset.”
I take in what she said, but there’s still something weighing on me. “Do you think Dad would be disappointed in me?”
She shakes her head. “Not at all. You were everything to him, McKenzie. Now, do I think he would be happy about the age difference between you and Coach Danvers? Probably not. But I think he’d eventually get over it if he saw that you were happy.”
I don’t think I realized how badly I wanted to hear that. I miss my father so much. Most days, I try not to think about it because it makes my heart hurt so much. But lately, he’s been popping up in my head and my dreams more than usual. He was always my biggest cheerleader, and I wish I had him here so he could tell me that I was going to be ok.
But I suppose my mom knew him better than anyone. If she thinks he’d be happy for me, then that’s what I need to believe.
“Are you happy?” Mom asks.
“No. But I think I will be.”
She smiles and rubs my back. “Good.”
Later that evening, just for the hell of it, I try to call Kylie again. My calls and texts have gone unanswered for months, but I know I need to try one last time.
To my surprise, she answers. “Hello?”
“You answered,” I say dumbly.
“Yeah, well. I’ve realized it takes more energy to hold a grudge. And I figured you’d want to call after Dad talked to you.”
Ok, at least I know she’s aware of what’s going on. “So. . . you are ok with this?”
“No,” she says quickly. “It’s weird as hell. But I’ve seen how unhappy my dad has been over the past few months. I truly believe he’s in love with you, and I don’t want to stand in the way of his happiness anymore.”
“Kylie—” I start to interject, but she cuts me off.
“I think I needed to know that he would pick me. And he did. Maybe it was selfish of me, and I’m sorry if it hurt you. But I needed it.”
“I don’t think it was selfish at all. I think you had every right to ask him to do that.”
“Yeah, maybe. But anyways, I’m going to move out to give us some space. I think that’ll help us both heal. And I want him to be happy, McKenzie. Even if that means the two of you are together.”
“I’m sorry, Kylie. I truly am. I hate that I’ve lost your friendship, and I know we’ll never get back to the way we were. But I hope one day, you’ll allow me to be a part of your life again.”
“Maybe,” she answers noncommittally, and I guess I’ve got to be ok with that.
“Well, thanks for taking my call,” I say, knowing there’s nothing left for me to say. She’s already given me more than I deserve, and I know she needs time.
“Just. . . go easy on him, please. He’s really opened up to me these past few months, and I truly want him to be happy,” she says before she ends the call.
It may not have been the conversation I hoped for, but it still feels like a weight has been lifted off me.
I open my messages and scroll to the thread I have with Tyler.
McKenzie: So, when is our date?