Chapter 9
“Dude, I don’t think you’ve hit the net once today. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Connor takes his helmet off and wipes his head with a towel. He’s looking at me like I’ve grown three heads, trying to understand why I’m the worst player on the ice right now.
I take a long sip from my water bottle then slam it against the boards into the holder that’s attached. “I don’t fucking know, man.” I rest my stick against the boards and lean down on it, trying to get my head on straight.
Except, that’s a bald-faced lie. On top of everything going on with Sophia, lack of childcare, and running on only a few hours of sleep, our damn yoga instructor has infiltrated my brain and turned it to mush.
The meeting between me and Sadie replays through my mind while Connor stares at me. What the hell spooked her so much she felt the need to kick me out of there?
An elbow jabs me in the arm, snapping me out of my Sadie-induced haze. “Let’s go, Cap. Wake the fuck up.” Connor hops onto the ice for a line change and I follow suit.
We’re playing a three-on-three scrimmage, trying to prepare for any overtime situations we might have before playoffs.
We need every point we can get so we finish at a higher seed, and winning in overtime is a hell of a lot better than going to a shootout.
As annoying as Mack can be, I never want to put my goalie in that situation, no matter how exciting it may be for the people watching.
Connor shoots the puck to me just as I’m crossing center ice. The puck hits my stick but my head is still turned toward Connor and where the puck came from, and not focused on the six-foot-five defenseman, who lowers his shoulder and tosses my ass through the air.
My ass hits the ice first, followed by my back and head. “Fuck,” I groan and lie still for a moment as I try to catch my bearings. It was a clean hit but I wasn’t paying attention and our big-ass Russian defenseman made me pay for it.
Rolling over, I tuck myself in and get in the turtle position, attempting to hide my embarrassment. I should know better than to take a cross-ice pass without seeing what’s coming first.
I hear someone’s skates digging in the ice before they come to a stop next to me, shooting snow toward me that I feel land on my neck. I take another second to stay in my shameful shell and then climb to my feet.
I’m surprised to see Coach Ellie standing next to me and not Connor. I thought for sure he was about to give me hell for that one.
“You good, Niko?” She’s standing with her chin on top of her gloves that are resting on the knob of her stick.
I dust the snow off my jersey and pants, while she continues to scrutinize me. “I’m good, Coach.”
She lowers her stick to the ice but keeps her eyes on me. “Not to be an asshole, but you don’t look good. You’re gonna get yourself seriously hurt if you can’t figure your shit out. You need to take the day?”
Instinctively, I shake my head. I’ve never missed a practice for anything that wasn’t injury related. I’m sure as hell not going to miss one because I can’t fucking think straight.
“No. I’m fine. I’ll do better.” I look around and see the rest of my team has retreated to the benches. Lincoln is on his way over to us now. Just what I fucking need.
He stops just in front of me, next to Ellie, and gives me a nod. “That was pretty freaking ugly, Niko. What the hell is going on?”
Ellie gives me a sympathetic look, but quickly replaces it with indifference. She is a badass but she also cares more about the players than any other coach I’ve ever had.
Turning my attention back to my head coach, I nod at Lincoln. “Sorry, Coach. Just a rough night.”
He eyes me skeptically, “You sure that’s it?”
“Yes, Coach.”
We stare at each other until he finally picks up the whistle hanging around his neck and signals the guys to come circle up. Before they reach us he looks back to me. “I hope that’s it. We need you at your best, Captain. I’m counting on you.”
The rest of the team joins us as Lincoln goes over the next set of drills we’ll be doing.
As captain of this team it’s my job to make sure everyone is set and ready to perform. I need to figure it the fuck out. These guys depend on me. And I sure as shit am not gonna let some brown-eyed beauty keep me from doing my job.
After the shittiest practice of my career, I take the world’s longest shower. I’m the last one in the locker room, so I take my time getting dressed. My plan is to head straight home to Sophia and spend some quality time with her.
Except, as soon as I step out of the room, there’s a five-foot-two ball of happiness waiting for me on the other side of the hallway.
“You didn’t think you were gonna sneak out of here without coming to see me, did you, Cap?” Sadie’s smile is soft. Kind. Much better than the grim line on her face she left me with earlier.
Walking slowly, I stop a few feet away from her and lean against the wall opposite her. “I wasn’t sure you’d still be here. I don’t usually take this long after practice.”
Sadie eyes me suspiciously, but doesn’t say anything.
“It’s not a problem. After kicking you out earlier, the least I could do is wait for you now. Come on. Let’s go chat about meditation and what we can do to get our captain some good sleep tonight.”
I follow Sadie into her office, and she seems much calmer than she did earlier. She’s making eye contact with me again, and it immediately puts me at ease. When I left her earlier, she was looking anywhere but at me. I don’t know what spooked her, but I never want to do it again.
Once we’re both seated on the floor, I lean back onto my hands and wait for her to take the lead.
She mirrors my position, much more relaxed now and then she dives in.
“It sounds to me like Sophia is struggling with all the changes happening around her and finds comfort in being close to you.” I nod along as she talks because she’s spot on.
“There’s nothing wrong with that. If anything, it tells me how good of a father you are. ”
Always doubting myself when it comes to parenthood, I shake my head. “I’m not sure about that.”
Sadie doesn’t miss a beat. “I am. She comes to you in the middle of the night because you’re her safe place. You said it yourself, she sleeps just fine once she’s near you.”
The realization strikes me all at once and for the first time, I believe the compliment being thrown at me. I sit up, then run a hand through my hair that’s grown out a bit at the moment.
“I guess when you put it like that it makes sense. I want her to feel safe but I also need to sleep.”
Sadie nods, then stands to grab something from her duffle bag that’s against the wall. “I ran out while you guys were practicing and grabbed a few things that might help.”
She scoots her mat closer to me so we’re side by side, and then starts handing me various items out of a beige tote. The first is a box with a picture of an oval-shaped object I think I’ve seen at my parents’ house before.
“That looks familiar, what’s that?’ I ask while pointing to the box.
“This is an ultrasonic diffuser. I got you some lavender essential oil to use with it. The lavender has a variety of beneficial effects including helping to improve sleep quality and it can also reduce anxiety.”
I’ve definitely heard that lavender can help with sleep but I’ve never really believed in that kind of stuff. I’m willing to try anything at this point, though. The mention of anxiety has me curious. I look up to Sadie and see her watching me.
She reaches into her bag and pulls out an identical box to the one I’m holding.
Sadie must sense the confusion in my expression because before I can ask, she explains. “I think both you and Sophia can benefit from using one at night.”
She reaches into her bag again and this time she pulls out a tube of lotion.
My eyebrows raise in confusion. “Lotion?” It seems like a very odd gift for someone having trouble sleeping.
“This is magnesium lotion. You put it directly on muscles that normally feel tension, like your neck, shoulders, legs. Both you and Sophia can apply this before bed, and it’s known to promote good sleep too.”
The fact that she’s thinking about Sophia settles inside of me—warm, and a little unnerving.
Before I can think too much into it, Sadie is handing me something else. “I also got you some lavender roll-on oil. You can rub this on your pulse points before bed and even before your meditation sessions to help calm down and reduce stress.”
Taking the small tube from her, I place it next to the other items on the floor. “Sadie, you didn’t have to get all of this. You could’ve made a list for me. It couldn’t have been cheap. How much do I owe you?”
Sadie waves me off. “Don’t even worry. I used the team card because this is a work-related expense. Word on the street is that our captain was struggling out there today.”
Her voice is teasing, and it has me chuckling. “Yeah, I was definitely not at my best on the ice.”
Sadie seems to be contemplating something as she chews on the inside of her cheek. Before I know what’s happening, she’s popping up and grabbing something from a plastic bin that was definitely not in here before practice.
Without any warning, she launches a cushion at me and it smacks me right in the chest. I hold it up and look at her in question. “What’s this for?”
She sits across from me on her own cushion and a playful grin tugs at her lips.
“That is for your first meditation session. It’s time you learn how to relax, Cap.”