Chapter 10
It’s just after six o’clock when I stroll into the apartment I share with Ellie. Practice was over hours ago, but after teaching Niko some meditation techniques, I spent the next couple hours transforming my office into a tranquil meditation room.
The room turned out pretty amazing, if I do say so myself, and I’m feeling extra energized, even after a ten-hour work day.
Ellie’s in the kitchen making something that instantly has my mouth watering.
“Oh my god, that smells freaking delicious. Please tell me you’ll share?”
Ellie looks over her shoulder and smirks. “Of course. Don’t I always?”
“You do, but your six-four better half eats enough for a small army. I can never be too sure.”
She tosses the dish towel that was hanging on her shoulder at me. “Hey! He is not my better half. I’m his better half.”
I grab a carrot from the veggie tray she put out on the counter and point it at her. “You’re absolutely correct. My apologies.”
Ellie straightens her shoulders, looking more than satisfied, and turns back to the stove to stir what looks like Chinese stir-fry.
“Where is that big ol’ oaf anyway?” I look around the apartment and don’t see any sign of Lincoln anywhere.
She removes the wok from the stove and places it on a potholder. Turning back around, she leans on the counter and brushes her hands on her sweatpants.
“He and Hunter went to see the new Marvel movie.”
Shocked, I drop the celery stick I was about to put in my mouth. “Without you?”
Ellie laughs. “Believe me. I was not pleased at first. I told him I wanted a girls’ night and he said there was no way he was going to Hunter’s again. I believe his exact words were ‘If I have to listen to him talk about that stalker romance book he’s reading for another minute, I think I’ll die.’”
A loud, ridiculous, “Ha!” escapes my mouth and I shake my head. “That boy is obsessed with that series. We were up till midnight the other night reading it together. Taking him to the movies was a good call. Although, I’m not sure even a movie theatre could shut that boy up.”
We work together to plate our dinners, passing the rice and stir-fry back and forth. As soon as we’re satisfied, I turn to make my way to the breakfast nook but Ellie stops me.
“I was thinking we could eat Chinese, drink wine, and watch a classic rom-com like the good old days.” She nods her head toward the living room where I hadn’t noticed Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Lopez paused on the screen.
Giddy that we’re having one of our famous girls’ nights, I let out a squeal. “Eek! Yes, please. This is exactly what I need!”
It’s been a while since Ellie and I’ve had a night to ourselves like this. With her crazy travel schedule, my pop-up yoga sessions I’ve been planning for some cash flow, and her and Lincoln being all in love, we haven’t spent quality time together in forever.
We snuggle together on the couch under our oversized, knit throw blanket, and spend the next half hour eating and swooning over our favorite actor together while we watch the movie.
Ellie leans her head on my shoulder. “Gosh. How freaking charming is he right now?” I look at the screen and the two main characters are dancing together in the middle of the park.
“Yeah, super charming. Too bad he’s engaged.”
I feel Ellie shrug. “It’s fiction. We’re allowed to suspend our beliefs for a little bit. And I’m choosing to believe this is charming.”
Laughing at her, I rest my head on hers. “You’re weird, you know that.”
“I got it from you,” she says while wrapping her arm around me.
Pulling back, mocking offense, I gasp. “Ouch! Are you saying I’m odd, Ellie Montgomery?”
She sits up and reaches for the remote. “I most definitely am. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Ellie mutes the movie and then turns her body, pulling her feet up underneath her so she’s facing me.
“I wanted to ask how everything went today. I think some of our guys are really going to benefit from working with you. You should’ve seen Niko today. His head was not in the game and he almost got seriously injured.”
“What do you mean he almost got hurt?” My voice comes out an octave higher than normal and much louder than I intend.
But there’s no hiding my concern. I heard rumblings from some of the guys that he had a tough practice, but no one said anything about him getting hurt.
Neither did he when we met after practice.
Ellie grabs her wineglass off the coffee table and takes a sip before continuing.
“He’s all right. But he made a mistake that a veteran captain should not be making.
He took a hit that probably would’ve been a lot worse if it was against an actual opponent in a game.
He’s lucky it was his own teammate in practice. ”
I grab my own glass of wine and down the rest of it in one gulp.
He didn’t seem that off at our meeting before practice.
I was the one who got all freaked out. Except…
he did look like he wanted to say something before he left.
Oh my god. Did I have something to do with him being distracted today on the ice? No way. You’re not that special, Sadie.
Ellie’s hand touches my arm, bringing me back to the present. “Hey. What is it, Sadie? You just got all pale. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Reaching across to the coffee table, I set my glass down.
I don’t want to divulge that I’m worried I had something to do with Niko’s poor performance.
I also don’t want to dive into my own trauma with Ellie again, so I choose to vaguely explain what’s been going on with Niko at home.
When I come to think of it, his lack of sleep probably did have something to do with him being unfocused at practice. It might’ve been the exact reason.
“Niko told me something before practice that might’ve caused his lack of concentration.” It’s not my story to tell, but I’m also part of the Bobcats staff now so it’s literally my job to make sure they’re healthy and safe.
Ellie looks taken aback by my statement for a moment, but then she nods and urges me on. “Okay. Is he okay? Is it Sophia?” Worry lines crease her eyes as she waits for me to respond.
“He asked me for some help with meditation. I guess he’s not getting much sleep lately. He told me a little bit about what’s going on with Sophia. He’s actually really hard on himself in regards to being a parent.”
Ellie nods, letting me know she’s listening, but doesn’t interrupt me so I keep going.
“Well, I told him that just because he’s a successful athlete doesn’t mean he can’t have struggles like every other parent. He asked how I knew so much about parenting, and I mentioned I basically raised my siblings.”
Ellie finishes her wine and sets it down on the coffee table. “You don’t usually like to talk about your family, even with me. You keep that part of your life pretty close to the chest.”
“I know.”
We sit together in silence. Both of us are unsure of what exactly that means. I’m the first to crack when I blurt out how I panicked and shut down.
“Which is exactly why I shut down and pretended I had to leave for a meeting. I basically kicked him out of my office. Before you give me hell, I know. It was dramatic and uncalled for. You know what it’s been like for me with my family and relationships.
They all end up getting rid of me. I’m never enough.
Not for my parents. Not for my exes. I think I panicked because Niko was so easily able to get me to open up, and I was afraid of what I might do or say next.
And I definitely don’t need him figuring me out and deciding I’m not worth his time or friendship. ”
Ellie squeezes my hand reassuringly. “Sadie. Niko is not that type of person. And those people from your past are all wrong about you. They’re small-minded and, quite frankly, stupid for not embracing how amazing you are as a person. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
I bury my own face in my hands to hide from my own shame. “I hate that I still let those people control my emotions sometimes.”
Ellie pulls my hand away from my face. “Look at me.”
I shake my head like a petulant child and refuse to open my eyes.
“Sadie.”
At Ellie’s tone, I peek my eyes over my fingers and she’s giving me her best supportive smile.
“You are not the reason your parents are not in your life. You’re also not the reason your past relationships haven’t worked.
They didn’t understand you. They, especially your parents, are blinded by what they think success is.
Don’t sell yourself short. And don’t group Niko in with any of them. That’s not fair to him. Or you.”
At her words, I sit up straight and nod. “You’re right.”
“I know.” Ellie shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly.
“Shut up.”
We both laugh and ease back onto the couch cushions. I look over to Ellie, who is staring off into space.
“I waited for Niko after practice.”
Ellie turns her head to look at me. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. I felt bad about shutting down and not helping him. He does have a lot going on. It’s my job to help him and that’s what I want to do. During practice, I ran out to the store and got a few things for him and Sophia that should help with their sleep. Hopefully.”
Ellie reaches over and squeezes my hand. “That was really sweet of you, Sadie.”
I shrug. “It’s my job.”
She shakes her head at me. “No, Sadie. Going to the store for one of the players is not your job. You did that out of the kindness of your heart.”
I let the words hang between us. Ellie must sense that I don’t want to talk about it anymore and she leans over to unmute the movie.
Neither of us say another word about the Niko situation throughout the rest of the movie, but I can hardly concentrate on what’s happening on screen.
Something about Niko and Sophia calls to me.
I can’t quite explain it. Maybe it’s the fact that I know what it’s like to pour from an empty cup, even if I was only a kid while doing it.
Or maybe it’s the fact that I know what it feels like to be a kid without a parent.
Mine didn’t physically leave like Sophia’s did, but they were just as absent—especially with me.
I’m fully invested in making their lives easier in any possible way that I can. Whether that be buying them sleep aids or hanging out with Sophia during a game. I want to help them.
Ellie is right, though. I shouldn’t have shut down like I did. Niko can read people and he’s definitely not judgmental like my parents. It’s what makes him such an amazing captain. That’s all he was doing in my office before practice.
Reading me like a damn book.
Playoffs are in two weeks. The end of the season will be here before I know it. All I have to do is get through the next couple of months without losing my cool every time I’m near Niko.
How hard could it be?