Chapter 11
Over the past week, Sophia’s sleep has been slowly improving, which means I’ve been getting more and more sleep as the days go by. The lavender oils and magnesium lotion Sadie gave us seem to be helping, but Sophia still ends up in my bed sometimes.
I need to figure out childcare. My mom has been searching high and low trying to help me find someone, but we still haven’t found one I fully trust.
Will I ever? Not likely.
Luckily, we have an afternoon game today so bringing Sophia to the rink to give my parents a break wasn’t such a hard decision. She won’t be staying up past her bedtime and there’s a childcare room at the rink I can utilize.
Swinging our hands between us, Sophia and I walk across the parking lot to the players’ entrance at the back of the building.
“Why can’t I watch the game today, Daddy? I don’t want to sit in that daycare with all those babies. It’s so boring!”
Again with the “boring” shit. I need to read that parenting book I picked up last week at the bookstore to see how long this phase is supposed to last. I’m over it.
“Sophia, I can’t put you in one of the family boxes without someone from our family with you. You’re too young to be up there alone.”
We walk through the door, and I nod at the security guard who always works our entrance on game days. He holds his hand up to Sophia for a high five and she gives a less than enthusiastic attempt. I mouth, sorry, and continue walking toward the childcare room.
“I still don’t know why Mummo or Pappa can’t come.”
Sophia is not normally this combative or whiny. It’s another new development. I’m left wondering if it’s developmentally appropriate or from her mom being gone for so long. Probably both.
Stopping, I get down at Sophia’s level so I can look her in the eyes. “Rakas, I know how much you love Mummo and Pappa. But you’ve been hanging out with them every day while I go to work. It’s Sunday and they deserve a little break, don’t you think?”
In the most adorable way possible, she taps her finger against her chin, thinking quite seriously about what I’m telling her. “Maybe. They are pretty old.”
I bark out a laugh. “They’re not that old.”
Sophia giggles, and we turn the corner to the room where Sophia will be hanging out today. I’m looking down at her when I see her eyes light up.
“Daddy! Miss Sadie is here! Can I go say hi? Please?”
Looking up, I see Sadie and Ellie standing outside the childcare room talking animatedly with their hands.
“It looks like she’s talking to someone, sweetheart. Let’s give her a minute.”
Sophia’s groan is so loud, it catches the attention of both women, Sadie breaking out into a full-tooth smile when she sees who is responsible for such a dramatic sound.
Sadie lowers herself into a squat and spreads her arms out wide. “There’s my favorite little goat yoga assistant!”
Sophia rips her hand out of mine and takes off in a sprint. She almost knocks Sadie over with the force of her hug.
The moment between the two of them causes my chest to ache. When’s the last time I’ve seen Sophia that excited over…anything? Just another thing to make myself feel guilty about. But she’s happy now, and that’s all that matters. I’m going to choose to focus on that.
Making my way over to the group of ladies, I stuff my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching out to hug Sadie myself, just as she stands up with Sophia on her hip.
“Hey, Niko.” Ellie gives me a little wave which I return with a nod.
“Coach. Sadie. What are you two up to? Wanted to hang with some tiny humans before puck drop?”
Both Ellie and Sadie laugh, but it’s Ellie who speaks again. Why am I disappointed it isn’t Sadie?
“Something like that. Sadie had some puppets and stuff she wanted to drop off for the kids to use.”
I look at Sadie, not hiding my surprise at Ellie’s comment.
Sadie looks at me accusingly. “Why do you look so shocked? Do I not seem like the charitable type?” Her tone is playful with just a touch of sass, and it sends a thrill through me.
Remembering where we are and who we’re with, I push down those emotions and raise my palms in a surrendering motion. “That is not at all what I meant. I was just surprised you owned puppets.”
“We used to have a kids’ yoga class at my studio in Denver.
A lot of the kids were there to try and help with regulating their emotions and behaviors.
I bought some stuff for the class for when a kid might be having a hard time.
You know, puppets to help express different emotions.
Fidget toys. Stress balls. That kind of stuff.
I thought the childcare workers here might have a use for them since I don’t at the moment. ”
This woman keeps surprising me in the very best way.
“That’s amazing.”
She waves me off, while somehow still managing to hold my child on her hip with her other arm. “It’s nothing. I took a class in children’s mindfulness. I learned some pretty cool stuff.”
I scratch the back of my neck. “Sounds like a class I should take.”
It’s a simple statement, but both Sadie and Ellie know the words hold way more weight than they probably should. Both women look at me with concern in their eyes, but neither say anything to make me feel even worse about my confession.
Luckily, Sadie changes the subject and looks at Sophia.
“You excited to be here for your dad’s game today?”
Sophia starts twirling a strand of Sadie’s hair in her fingers, and I instantly feel jealous. What does that say about me? A man jealous of his own four-year-old.
I’m afraid it doesn’t say anything good.
“Kind of. I wish I could be out there to see him play, but I have to stay here and watch it on the TV.” Sophia points to one of the tunnels that leads to ice level.
Ellie gets a phone call and excuses herself, but Sadie turns to me in question.
“She’s not allowed to watch the game in person?”
I cross my arms over my chest and rock back onto my heels. Feeling all types of nervous as Sadie questions me.
“Kids aren’t allowed in a family box without an adult. There’s not enough employees here to take her up there. Something about ratios, I think.”
Sadie nods and then glances from Sophia to me. She bites on her lower lip, and I instantly want to know what it tastes like.
Fuck.
“I don’t want to overstep. But what if I hang out with Sophia during the game so she can watch you play?”
Sophia starts bouncing up and down in Sadie’s arms.
“Can I, Daddy? Please, please, please, please.” She claps her hands together at each “please,” and I reach out to steady her in Sadie’s arms.
“Careful, baby girl. I don’t need you jumping out of Miss Sadie’s arms and hurting yourself.”
Sadie lowers Sophia to the ground and Sophia immediately attaches herself to my leg. “Daddy! Please let me watch in person today. I don’t want to hang with the crying babies.”
I ruffle her hair with my hand before squatting down. “How about you go color over there at that table so Miss Sadie and I can talk for a minute?”
Sophia clearly doesn’t want to leave, looking back and forth between me and Sadie. I’m about to use my “dad voice” when Sadie squats down next to us.
“It’s okay, Sophia. We’re just going to have a boring grown-up conversation. Do you think you could color me a picture? I need something to hang in my new office.”
Sophia’s eyes light up. “Oh my gosh, yes! I have the perfect picture for you.” She runs over to the table next to the daycare and pulls her coloring book out of her backpack. I see her grab a marker and once she’s busy working, I look back to Sadie.
“You don’t have to do that. I’m sure you have work to do.”
Sadie shakes her head and laughs quietly to herself.
“What’s so funny?”
She looks up at me and puts a hand on her hip. “You are what’s so funny. I wouldn’t have offered to hang out with her if it wasn’t something I wanted to do. The team doesn’t need my services until after the game. You know that as much as I do. So are you going to let me help you or what?”
This fiery side of Sadie has my dick twitching in my slacks.
“Yeah, Sadie. I’m gonna let you help me.” My tone comes out a tad flirty, causing Sadie’s eyes to widen.
“Sophia, you’re going to hang with Sadie today.”
She abandons her markers and coloring book, running full speed into me. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. You’re the best daddy in the whole world.”
Apparently, all I needed to do to become the world’s best dad is allow my daughter to hang out with the most thoughtful woman I’ve ever met. Damn. If I knew that, I would’ve done it sooner.
I rub her back and give her one last squeeze before pulling away. I take her hands in mine and look her in the eyes. “When I’m on the ice, Miss Sadie is the boss. You do as she says, okay? Can you promise me that?”
Sophia nods vigorously, overcome with excitement. “Yes, Daddy. I promise.” She throws her arms around my neck and gives me one last squeeze before breaking away from me to grab Sadie’s hand.
“Miss Sadie, this is going to be the best day ever.”
I stand with a smile on my face as I watch the two of them walk away together holding hands.
For the first time in months, I can breathe.