Chapter 25
Willow
‘It’s not a big deal, Willow. I will be absolutely fine.’
Willow tried to suppress her feelings as she made herself focus on Jake’s words. She knew he was confident about his job, but this sounded scary. More scary than usual and it annoyed her that he was being so flippant about it.
She had been surprised when he had called her so soon.
After ending things, she had half expected Jake to go silent on her, but instead he had rung her and apologized for his reaction before.
He wanted to stay friends. He admitted that he hoped that Willow would change her mind in time but was happy to respect her wishes as they stood.
All he wanted was to stay in touch. Willow didn’t have the heart to say no.
Besides, she felt it would be fine as long as he didn’t overstep her boundaries.
She really didn’t need any more confusion in her life.
Regardless of this, and whatever state they were in, she didn’t want to see him hurt. She still cared deeply about him.
‘All these extra shifts must be taking their toll. I know you love the experience, but you need to look after yourself too,’ she said. ‘Please be careful.’
She was sure she could hear his shrug on the other end of the phone. She wondered if he was pulling that face that he always used to when he thought Willow was talking too much or making a terrible point. It always used to annoy her when he did this. She guessed it didn’t matter anymore.
‘It really will be OK,’ he continued with relish. ‘I’m with the best team. Imagine what my posts will look like …’
She bit back her irritation and tried to focus instead on getting ready for work as she listened to him drone on.
This had been the first phone call she had received from Jake all week.
Instead, she had been sent a few scrappy messages and links to his uploads.
It seemed to Willow that she was very much bottom of his priority list right now.
She wasn’t his girlfriend anymore, so she could hardly complain, but the truth was, it hadn’t been much better when they were together.
Willow did wonder wistfully why he still insisted on keeping in touch anyway. Was it just to show off, or did he really miss her company?
She didn’t mention this. She didn’t want to come across as needy or pissed. But it was hard to keep the frustration out of her voice.
‘Maybe you should just focus on the job, not the social media potential …’ she said pointedly. ‘You are there for a reason …’
‘I can do both, Will! My followers want to see my day, and this is going to be a day like no other. I think I’ll get a few more thousand followers easily. I’ve already gained so much attention from my collab with Alex.’
‘Sounds good …’ She focused on brushing her hair and ignored the niggly feeling that bit at her – the internal voice that kept whispering inside.
All he cares about is his online life. It’s not even real.
Had anything been? How much of their relationship had been a facade?
As Willow rubbed cold cream into her skin, she began to wonder.
Even when they were younger Jake had always wanted to show a public persona, a clear message to the world that they were strong and had a perfect relationship.
She racked her brain to try and remember the last deep and meaningful conversation they had had. She was coming up blank every time.
The reality was, she had been unhappy with Jake for so long and now she could see that she really was better without him.
‘Jake, I need to go …’ she said. It was a lie.
‘Yeah OK. Be sure to have a look later. I’ll be posting updates.’
He hung up the phone quickly. Willow stared blankly in the mirror, knowing that she needed to focus on her makeup but having no motivation to do it.
It was Sunday and she wasn’t planning to open the wagon today.
Instead, she wanted to take a walk around Honey Springs.
Her reflection looked tired and drawn. She hadn’t slept well but that was because of another guy.
Willow sighed at her reflection. How was she getting things so badly wrong with Lucas? Once upon a time, they had been so close they could practically read each other’s minds.
Now he was like a stranger to her.
A stranger that she couldn’t stop thinking about.
Before she headed into the town itself, Willow walked over to The Diner. She had two reasons to do so. First, she had cash to pay for the ice she borrowed and second, she needed to speak to Lucas.
She couldn’t let things carry on like this.
It was just before nine, so The Diner wasn’t open yet either but that was usual for Sunday.
Willow knew Lucas tended to only open for a few hours over lunch, but she was still hoping he would be up by now.
Willow rapped gently on the door. It was hard to tell from the windows if anyone was awake as the blinds were still tightly drawn.
She took a few steps back and stared up at the apartment above.
A pang of uncertainty twisted through her. Was this even a good idea?
There didn’t appear to be any movement inside, so Willow started to move away, but then the door suddenly swung open.
Lucas was standing there.
And he looked like shit.
His thick hair was a mess on top of his head. He looked like he had seen better days. His face was deathly white, and his dark eyes looked sunken, with gray smudges shadowing them. He was dressed simply in a white shirt and jeans but was barefoot and his shirt was undone, revealing his toned chest.
Willow had to look away. Something fluttered deep inside her.
She remembered how she had run her hand across his chest. How Lucas had thrust his body against hers, grazing her neck with his teeth. Her breath caught in her throat. How did that all seem so long ago?
‘Oh …’ she breathed. ‘Is this a bad time?’
He ran a hand through his hair. ‘I’m sorry – I thought it was Janice, that she forgot her key again.
I asked her to come early and help clean up the place …
’ He stared down, suddenly aware that he wasn’t fully dressed, and gripped his shirt together.
‘Come in, please, we’re just running a bit late this morning … ’
‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea,’ Willow said politely. If Lucas was in this state, how bad was Mia? She could smell the stale beer on him from here; it was clear they had been drinking last night.
She held out the dollars she had in her hand. ‘I just wanted to give you some money for the ice and the utilities this week. We can sort out something formal maybe and set up automatic payments, but I hoped this would be OK for now?’
Lucas took the money slowly. ‘You didn’t need to worry. There’s no rush for this.’
‘I don’t like to owe people,’ Willow said politely.
The awkwardness was still there between them like a heavy weight. It was crazy. Only days ago, they had been almost ripping each other’s clothes off. Now it was like there was an electric fence dividing them that buzzed with anticipation but also warned them off each other.
‘I also wanted to say I’m sorry. About yesterday. I should have known,’ she whispered. ‘I feel terrible about it.’
And then, quickly, she turned and left. Hoping that he didn’t call her back, that he didn’t ask her to stay a little longer.
But she was still bitterly disappointed when he didn’t.
The early morning hummed with quiet promise; mist clung to the edges of the evergreens and drifted lazily over the mountains and forested foothills, creating a soft, golden light.
As Willow walked onto the main street of Honey Springs, she allowed herself to be open to the sounds around her – the clatter from The Diner as she left it behind, the hum of Rachel’s radio playing from the general store and the ravens circling and calling overhead.
The air was fresh and layered with scents of cedar and damp earth from the rainfall overnight.
Willow took large lungfuls of air and allowed herself to relax in the moment.
After all, this was why she was here – to chill and rediscover herself.
She only wished she could push aside her confusing thoughts about Lucas and Jake.
They were not helping keep her mind calm.
Willow took some photos of the landscape and posted them on her accounts. She had also taken a photo of The Diner, as it looked so pretty and quaint in the developing light. She added the image to her online accounts too.
So lucky to be next to this legend of a business.
If you come to Honey Springs, you have to come by – The Diner’s cheesecake is not to be missed!
Willow knew it was only a small gesture, but she hoped it might make up for her forgetfulness yesterday. She wanted to show Lucas that she cared.
As Willow walked, she took in the sights around her. Things she had enjoyed as a kid: the playground, the small patch of green where they used to play baseball, the bookstore. Willow lingered outside the closed bookstore for a moment, peering inside.
She had always loved this quaint little place with its cluttered bookshelves spilling over. When she had been much younger, she had come here eager to explore the used books section that took over half the space. She didn’t read so much now, which was a shame.
In the back was the game room. Willow remembered that Greg and some other kids from school used to spend all their time there playing all sorts of board games and made-up stuff.
It had sounded kind of geeky at the time and Willow remembered that Jake had been pretty scornful about it, but now she could see it would be cozy and probably lots of fun.
Willow sighed as her gaze drifted towards the little road where her grandma had lived.
She couldn’t face heading down there again; just thinking about it made her stomach shrink a little.
Willow missed her so much. Suddenly, she could hear her grandma’s voice in her head, as clear and sweet as if she was standing right beside her.