Chapter 22 Tyrell
TYRELL
She pops to her feet as soon as she sees me coming, and I’m relieved she’s taken those heels off. I could tell they were hurting her feet when she reluctantly slipped them back on under the table.
Shit. She looks pissed.
And I deserve it.
I was a total dick tonight. But how do I explain my behavior?
The idea of trying to justify myself forms a quick rock in my throat. It’s impossible to swallow down, and my steps slow the closer I get to her.
Shit, this is bad.
Do I play it cool?
Pretend like nothing was off tonight?
“Hey.” I try to smile at her the second I’m within range and figure that yeah, playing it cool is definitely the safest option.
“Hey.” She spits out the word, all short and clipped and…
Shit, shit, shit.
I messed up tonight.
So fix it!
“Rhys seems like a nice guy.” Those idiot words are out of my mouth before I can stop them, and it’s instant regret.
Her eyebrows pucker, her frown deepening and…
Oh fuck. Please don’t cry.
“I’m sorry,” I quickly blurt. “I didn’t mean to be a douche. I don’t even know why I was acting like a grumpy asshole.”
Yes, you do. Just tell her!
I clear my throat. “And—”
“Shut up.” She shakes her head, crossing her arms and sniffing. “I don’t get it.”
I’m not sure exactly what she means, so I bite my lips together and wait her out.
“I mean, we’re going on all of these stupid dates to try and find me the right guy, and then we find one who’s actually amazing, and you act like…” She flicks her eyes at me, her gaze searing the flesh off my bones. “You act like a cantankerous old man.”
“I didn’t mean to—”
“Poor Vicky! Who knows what she’s saying to her aunt and uncle right now.”
I cringe, rubbing the back of my hair.
“I just don’t know if I can do this anymore.”
It’s like a punch to the gut… and I can’t keep denying why that is.
My heart starts to race, pounding through my body like an army marching to its doom.
After a heavy sigh, she mumbles, “I’m wondering if we should just… drop this whole thing.”
“Don’t say that,” I croak. “I’m gonna find you the right guy.”
“Atlas was the right guy!” she snaps. “And he’s dead.”
The words slash through me, and I’m a wounded warrior, swaying on my feet as I watch her nostrils flare, her expression buckling for a second before she pulls it back into line.
“And Rhys was nice. He was awesome.” She clears her throat, her arms tightening around herself like she’s not telling me something.
My insides revolt, but I force myself to keep it locked down. She deserves better than me complaining about her finding a decent guy.
I’m such an asshole.
Gritting my teeth, I look away from her, squeezing the back of my neck and reprimanding myself for not being a better friend.
Stop acting like a dick!
“So, you gonna go out with him again?” I shove my hands into my pockets and tip back on my heels, my heart now marching right down to my knees.
“Yeah, maybe,” she mutters, then flicks her arms in the air while this acidic cloud of smoke fills my chest. “I just don’t get it, you know?”
I don’t actually know but decide that giving her the space to rant is the best option, so I don’t try to work it out.
“I mean, did you not like Rhys? Was there something wrong with him?”
That cloud turns to a toxic gas, and breathing becomes nearly impossible. All I can manage is a short shake of my head.
“Is something else going on with you? Is that why you tried to screw up this date?”
I wince and shake my head again but still can’t find the words I need.
She tuts, rolling her eyes. “This is useless. If you’re not gonna talk to me, then this debrief is a waste of fucking time!” she growls. “Just forget it. I can work this shit out on my own!”
With a huff, she flicks her arms up, then goes to storm away.
Don’t let her leave! Tell her the truth!
Panic clutches me, and I snatch her wrist before she can go.
“He wasn’t me,” I whisper.
“What?” she snaps, turning to frown at me.
My heart’s now jumped up into my throat, pulsing right next to that boulder that’s stealing all of my volume.
But I’ve said it now, and I’m gonna have to say it again.
Turning to face her properly, I rub my thumb across her smooth skin and admit once more, “He wasn’t me.
That’s what was wrong with him. That’s what’s wrong with all the guys you’ve been dating.
” I give her a pained frown and say it one more time, so there’s no way she won’t get it. “None of them are me.”
Her lips part, her eyes going wide like she’s on the verge of freaking out.
I don’t know what to do.
I’ve said it.
This secret I didn’t even fully realize I was harboring is out there, and I better fucking do something with it.
Letting go of her arm, I reach for her face instead, tracing the shocked lines of her expression, my thumb skimming her lower lip as I fight the urge to kiss her.
Would she even want me to?
This is Atlas’s girl.
Atlas is dead! He’s not here anymore. You are!
But would she want me?
I’m nothing like him. How could she be in love with a guy like Atlas and then want a guy like me?
I can’t stop touching her, though. Now that the pads of my fingers are tracing her delicate skin, I never want to stop. I love the shape of her face, those big, beautiful eyes, those luscious lips.
I… I want to kiss them. To taste her. To…
She still hasn’t said anything.
But she hasn’t moved away either.
She’s just gazing up at me like she can’t believe what I said.
But it’s true.
Now that it’s out there, I know it’s true. I’m going ahead and falling for this woman. I didn’t mean to. It happened before I even realized, and now that I’m finally acknowledging it, I better fucking make it count.
As I gaze down at her mouth, my heart starts to thunder between my ears.
Do it, man. Just do it!
I lean in, slowly inching my way into her space. The tip of my nose reaches her first, and I brush it against the side of her cheek, moving to the straight line of her nose.
Her breath fans across my skin.
I’m going slow, giving her every chance to reject me. But she’s not.
Whether it’s curiosity or desire, I’m not sure, but her lips are right there.
Another shaky breath punches out of her, and I wonder if I should pull away, but there’s no stopping this now.
My lips skim over hers, a delicate, tentative touch.
She sucks in a quick breath before I apply a little more pressure.
Our lips meet… and stay connected.
I hold my position, giving her every chance in the world to pull away…
But she doesn’t.
So I lean a little closer, shuffling forward one step and threading my arm around her waist.
Tipping my head, I hold that kiss, and then something magical happens.
Her trembling fingers touch my neck, her thumb skimming my earlobe before she parts her lips and deepens the kiss.
My tongue acts of its own accord, brushing against hers with a gentle swipe. I can’t be demanding about this. Part of me wants to grab the back of her head, bury my fingers in those spiral curls, and take what my body is craving.
But I don’t want to scare her off, so I force myself to keep playing it slow, drawing out this tender kiss, a thrill racing through my body when her tongue slides against mine once more—a slow, easy exploration that’s sending my insides into chaos.
Fuck, she feels good.
I can’t help a soft moan as I pull her a little tighter against me, my fingers curling into the skirt part of this sexy dress.
She rises up to her tiptoes, her tongue lashing mine again, like she’s about to let go and throw herself into a make-out session…
But then she pulls back, pausing like she’s trying to decide something, before shaking her head and then lurching back even more.
Pushing her hand into my shoulder, she holds me at arm’s length yet curls her fingers into my jacket.
It’s like she can’t decide if she wants to pull me in or push me away.
I search her face, silently asking what she wants. Half of her is cast in shadow, the light over the park not enough to highlight her full reaction, so I hold my breath and try to figure out what to say.
But she speaks before I can. “I have to go.”
“Dani,” I croak.
“No.” She shakes her head, wrenching out of my arms. “I have to…” Her steps falter as she walks away.
“Please, can I at least… walk you home?”
“No.” She shakes her head again, picking up her pace. “I just… I have to…” With a soft whimper, she snatches her heels off the park bench and starts running.
I watch her go, tracking her movements until I can see her safely on the other side of the road. Her apartment is just around the corner. I’m confident she’ll make it there without a problem, especially at the pace she’s running.
“Fuck,” I mutter, gripping the top of my head, suddenly swamped by guilt.
I can feel Atlas’s presence all around me, like a shroud covering me from head to toe.
“I’m sorry, man,” I murmur.
As usual, I don’t hear any audible answer, just a feeling.
He’s pissed. He’s pissed with me because I kissed his girl.
“I’m sorry,” I say, a little louder this time.
“I couldn’t help it. I just… I hate the idea of her falling for someone else, you know?
And I swear, I didn’t even know I felt this way.
And I definitely didn’t feel it when you guys were together.
I swear, okay? I promise you, I never went after your girl.
But… hanging out with her lately has been…
” I glance up, wincing at the night sky.
“I didn’t mean to do it. But she’s awesome.
I get why you were so hung up on her. I mean, I think I got it then, but I really get it now.
” I sigh, palming the back of my head and staring down at the ground. “What should I do?”
I don’t expect an answer, yet still feel disappointed when one doesn’t come.
Why do I keep talking to him?
Why do I keep trying to have these one-sided conversations?
Why do I feel so damn guilty when he’s not actually here!
The idea hurts, like someone’s poking this festering wound with the tip of their sword.
“Why am I even stressing?” I mutter, kicking the grass with my shoe. “She doesn’t want me anyway.”
I spin with a heavy sigh, my mind watching her run away from me over and over again as I shuffle to my car and thump into the driver’s seat.
Why waste my time on guilt when nothing’s going to happen between us?
“Shit!” I thump the wheel.
I promised Atlas I’d look out for her, but I’ve gone and fucked it up.
Tipping my head back, I let out a frustrated groan that turns into a full-blown yell that bounces off the windows of my car and right back to me.
I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do now.
Should I try and see Dani again?
Is there even any point?
She’s probably gonna start hanging with Rhys, and I’ll be leaving soon anyway.
“Just fucking drive home and forget about this whole damn thing.”
I start the engine with a growl and squeal away from the curb, my insides filled with buzzing, irritated bees… and I have no fucking idea how I’m supposed to eradicate them.