Chapter 23 Dani
DANI
Tyrell kissed me.
He kissed me, and it was…
Aw man, it felt amazing!
His lips on mine were just…
And the way he croaked out his confession, all soft and husky and…
“He’s not me.”
Those words traveled right through me, igniting parts of my soul that I didn’t even know were dormant. But the second those whispered words registered, I felt this ping in my chest.
I mean, sure, I was shocked.
I never expected to hear something like that from Atlas’s best friend.
How long has he felt that way? Always, or is this a new development?
I’ve spent the past twenty-four hours obsessing over it, trying to recall every interaction from high school and read into it. Did those shy smiles he used to give me mean more? Was he harboring these secret feelings all these years?
Does he feel as guilty over the kiss as I do?
“You shouldn’t feel guilty,” Jed replies.
Oh shit, did I just say that out loud?
I bulge my eyes at him, and he smirks. “You know I’m right. I don’t want to be cruel or anything, but Atlas isn’t here anymore.” Lightly touching my shoulder, he ignores the guy at the bar, waving to get our attention, and softly whispers, “He’s dead… and Tyrell is very much alive.”
I frown, muttering, “I wish I hadn’t told you,” before moving around to plaster on a smile and serve the man impatiently waiting for a drinks order.
I didn’t mean to spill my guts to my roommates, but they happened to be walking into the apartment as I came running toward it. I must have looked like a wreck, because they bundled me between them, walked me up the stairs, and made me confess every detail of the date.
And like the weakling I am, I spilled everything… from how perfect Rhys was to how imperfect our kiss was to… to Tyrell blowing my mind with his mouth and tongue and body and sweet, sweet confession.
“He’s not me.”
Ugh, those words are going to ring through me forever. The way he said them. His husky, deep voice, so vulnerable.
“Thank you,” the man clips, taking the two beers and turning back to his table.
I watch him go, jumping when Jed appears behind me like a stealth ninja and whispers, “I still don’t get why you ran away. That kiss sounded perfect. And it’s Tyrell. I mean, come on, girl. He’s—”
“Atlas’s best friend,” I grit out.
“That’s not it. And you can’t keep bringing a dead guy into the equation.”
I give him an appalled frown.
“I’m sorry if that sounds harsh. I’m not trying to hurt you, but you need to face up to reality.”
“What do you think I’ve been trying to do!” I hiss, forcing another smile when a customer walks past the bar. “Can I get you anything?”
“No, I’m good for now. Thanks.” She smiles at me, throws Jed an appreciative look, then walks down to her friends at the other end of the bar.
“You want to know what I think?”
“No.” I snatch the towel off his shoulder and start wiping down the already clean bar.
“I think you’ve been desperately trying to move on, and nothing’s really resonated with you until last night. That kiss hit you right in the feels, and now you’re scared shitless because for the first time since losing Atlas, falling for someone else is a very real possibility.”
I go still, my entire body frozen by his confronting words.
“Dani,” he whispers. “Girl, you know I love you. And I want to see you happy. This is what this big move was all about. And happiness is now within your grasp. Snatch that shit and skip into your sunset.”
“What if it doesn’t work out?”
Jed lets out a soft sigh, and I turn to see him shake his head.
“Life is all about uncertainties. I can’t tell you if it’s going to work out or not.
But I can tell you that you’ll regret it if you curl into a ball and spend the rest of your life trying to protect yourself from pain.
Because all that’s gonna cause you is a different kind of pain.
A lonely, miserable pain, and I don’t want that for you. ”
My stomach churns, my fingers digging into the dish towel.
“Do you want that for you?”
“Of course not,” I rasp. “I just…”
“Need to stop thinking so hard.” He squeezes my shoulder, his booming voice rising with a bright cheerfulness. “Hey, what can I get you tonight?”
I shuffle away from him while he servers another customer and am kind of relieved when two giggling girls skip up to the counter and put in a drinks order. They’re underage, and that uses up my time—a great distraction from my Tyrell problem.
Tyrell.
He passed on my number to Rhys. I got a text from the guy this afternoon, asking when I’d like to catch up again. I told him I was really busy for the next few days and needed to check my schedule at work. I told him I’d let him know… and I still haven’t.
Because Tyrell passed on my number, which means he totally accepted my rejection last night and… Dammit! Why does that sit so ugly in my chest?
I don’t want to catch up with Rhys again.
I want to spend more time with Ty.
Except I don’t, because Jed’s right—it’s freaking terrifying.
But as hard as I try not to think about him, I can’t stop. He dances through my brain for the rest of my shift, and I’m exhausted by the time closing rolls around. We always close up earlier on Sunday nights, and it’s just after ten as Jed and I walk to his car.
Thankfully, he hasn’t mentioned another word about Tyrell. All I want to do right now is go home, have a really long, hot shower, then curl up in bed and sleep so I don’t have to think anymore.
Curl up into a little ball and try not to feel, you mean?
I scowl at the irritating taunts in my brain and glare out the windshield.
Jed still hasn’t started the engine, and after a long beat, I turn to him and snip, “Can we go, please?”
“Are you sure you want to go home?”
“Yes!” I give him an emphatic look.
He snickers, starting the engine and teasing me. “You’re not gonna be able to sleep.”
My reply is a threatening growl, but unfortunately, next to this big lug, I’m more like a chihuahua than the threatening bear I want to be.
“He’s the one who lights you up, girl.”
“Shut up,” I warn him.
“He’s the one who puts the biggest smile on your face.”
“Stop talking.”
“He’s the one who made you feel something when you kissed.”
“Jed!” I slap my thigh.
“Look, I know you don’t want to hear all this stuff. The truth sucks sometimes, but this truth doesn’t. This is a good, happy, beautiful truth that you’re denying yourself out of fear. No good decision has ever been made out of fear, and I can’t sit silently by while you ignore all your feelings.”
I cross my arms, slumping back in my seat and clenching my jaw.
“If Tobin was here, he’d be saying exactly the same thing. Except louder. And faster.” Jed grins. “And with a lot more sass.”
I snort, shaking my head and fighting a soft snicker.
Jed lets out a sigh, and I can’t think what to say next.
He’s right. Tyrell liking me, wanting to kiss me… being really good at it… those are all beautiful truths, and I can’t even understand why I’m denying myself.
The fear thing is probably correct too.
Dammit. I had no idea I was so transparent.
My eyes start to burn as I glare out the window, not even paying attention to where Jed’s driving until he starts to slow and work his way through a part of town I don’t recognize.
“Where are we going?” I whip around to look at him.
He works his jaw to the side, quietly murmuring, “Don’t hate me.”
“What?”
“I’m doing this because I love you.”
“Jed, what the hell?” I snap.
Turning onto a street full of houses, he heads about two-thirds down, then pulls to a stop outside an old Victorian-style villa. There are a bunch of cars parked in the driveway and lights on in four of the windows.
“Where are we?” I grit out.
Jed releases another slow sigh, then points at the house. “That’s Football Frat.”
My face bunches into a frown while my stomach drops out my ass.
“That’s where Tyrell lives, and if he’s home right now, I think you should talk to him.”
“I’m gonna kill you,” I whisper. “You won’t see it coming, and Tobin will totally forgive me when he finds out what you’ve done.”
Jed laughs, the sound low and rumbly. “It was his idea. He texted me just before closing. Told me we have to do our girl this favor.”
Whipping back to face him properly, I can feel my throat swell, my nose starting to burn as I clutch his arm and practically beg him, “Take me home. I can’t do this.”
Cupping my cheek, he gives it a gentle pat. “Yes, you can. You need to. This is eating you alive, and you need to clear the air.”
“How?”
“Just tell him how you feel, why you bailed on the kiss. Tell him that you like him and it’s scary.”
I let out a shuddering breath, the jumping bugs in my stomach starting to settle into a low, vibrating hum that I can feel all the way down my legs.
“You need to do this, Dani. So, get your ass out of my car and go get yourself this man.”
Unbuckling my seat belt for me, he pulls it around my arm, then leans across and opens my door for me as well.
“You’re really not gonna take me home, are you?”
“I’ll wait five minutes in case he’s lost his damn mind.”
I nod, my breaths kind of punchy.
“You can do it.” Jed lightly pushes me out the door.
I land on my feet, giving him one more agonized frown before tugging my sweater down and forcing my legs to move.
Having no idea what I’m gonna say, I start to tremble as I walk up those front steps, then turn to look back at Jed.
He leans out his window, giving me a big thumbs-up and a cheerful smile. Easy for him. He’s in a loving relationship.
Which is what you want too, right?
So go and make it happen for yourself.