Chapter 31
DANI
Tonight was perfect.
But I still can’t shake the feeling that maybe it wasn’t supposed to happen.
After nearly three years of no sex, experiencing that again was so freaking good! And to have Tyrell be the one to pleasure me… well, it wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be. If anything, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Which is probably why I’m freaking out.
Because Atlas has always been my one and only.
But that’s not the case anymore, and shouldn’t it feel weirder than this?
But it really was perfect.
If I could play that scenario out any other way, I couldn’t find a better version. Doing it with Tyrell on that stage was sexy and sweet and erotic and…
I flop back down on my bed with a sigh, my arms splaying wide as I grin up at the ceiling, only to have that uncertainty butt into me again.
My smile fades, my stomach twisting as I pull my phone close and reread my texts with Tyrell.
He is a sweetheart.
And I didn’t plan on sleeping with him tonight.
That worry that I’ve moved too fast skitters through me again. Why can’t I just revel in what happened? Why can’t I just enjoy it?
Because you have a ghost sitting on your shoulder, hovering behind you, around you.
Snapping my eyes shut, I squeeze them tight and try to shake those thoughts from my brain. But I can’t.
Atlas has been with me for so long now.
I’ve clung to him, loving the idea of his ghost keeping me company. But now it’s just weird.
What if he was watching Tyrell and me on that stage?
I jolt up into a sitting position, fisting my curls and shaking my head. “No, please. Don’t go there, brain. Please.”
Did I hurt his feelings?
He’s gone! He has no feelings!
Logic is begging me to listen to reason, but my heart and chest hurt so bad right now.
I press the heel of my hand between my boobs and quickly stand up, pacing the small space from my bed to my chest of drawers and back.
Gripping my phone, I wonder about calling my sister. I need to hash this out, but…
I glance at the time. It’s way too late. She has kids now. All of my siblings do. But Shante’s twins are only five, and life is so hectic for her. She’s back working full-time, and sleep is a precious commodity. I can’t go calling her at 1:04 a.m. She’ll kill me.
“Go get some tea.” I order myself out of my room, desperate for anything to quiet this restless itch in my chest.
I try to work in stealth mode, not wanting to disturb anyone else in the house. Tobin woke up sick this morning, which is why Jed wouldn’t cover my shift at work tonight. He wanted to stay home and look after him. And who knows where Nix is. She might be at her boyfriend’s place for all I know.
Filling a mug with water, I wince when the microwave door opens with a loud pop! I bite my lip and gently place the mug inside before pressing the buttons, which all sound like alarms at this time of night.
How badly do you really need tea?
Glancing over my shoulder at Nix’s bedroom door, which is shut up tight, I press Start on the microwave. I need tea. I’ll just stop the microwave when there’s only one second left so it doesn’t do that loud beeping thing.
It whirs in the quiet room, and I tiptoe across the tiles, pulling out a chamomile teabag and teaspoon.
Watching the countdown on the microwave, I open the door just before the time is up and nearly spill hot water all over myself when Nix’s bedroom door flings open and she strolls out in a pair of boxer shorts and a tank top with shoe-string straps that’s way too small for her.
Her belly button is on full display, and I glance at the glinting stud she got herself for Christmas.
I would never get my belly button pierced, but it really suits her.
“Hey.” She raises her chin at me.
I cringe. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”
“Nope. I was watching a movie on my laptop.”
“Oh yeah? Which one?”
She shrugs. “I’m just working my way through my annual Batman binge.”
“Which version?”
Her eyebrows wrinkle like I’m insane for even asking that question. “The Christopher Nolan ones. They are the only ones worth watching.”
I snicker. “I’m sure some people might disagree with you on that—”
“Well, they’d be idiots. The Dark Knight trilogy is by far the best. It’s classy, it’s dark. It’s all the things Batman should be.”
“Okay.” I nod, not really wanting to get into it with her.
I don’t watch a lot of movies. I’m more of a doco girl, but Nix will never let me hear the end of it if I admit that I’d rather watch an hour and a half of real-life facts about ancient Egypt than sit through two hours of some guy in a cape beating up deranged bad guys and…
whatever else he does. “So, no boyfriend tonight?” I dunk my teabag a few more times before squeezing it against the side of my mug.
“Nah. He’s getting all stressed about exams and wants a few days to focus on studying.” She pouts, but her lips quickly rise into a grin. “He’s promised to be free this weekend so we can hang out.”
“Nice.” I nod. “How’s your studying going?”
“Yeah, pretty good. I think.” Her little pixie nose wrinkles. “Kind of hate studying, so it’s probably a case of me needing to do a shit ton more but hoping I can just wing it during finals week.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Well, that’s, uh… one strategy.”
She grins, her cheeks flushing red before she narrows her eyes at me.
“What?”
“I don’t know.” She tips her head, studying me closely, like she’s a sniffer dog at the airport and senses something is off.
I ping up straight, scratching my collarbone and trying to look unaffected by her assessment. “Okay, well, I’m gonna—”
“Wait.” She points at me. “Something’s different.”
“Nope,” I lie, grabbing my mug and spilling hot tea over the side of it. I hiss, quickly wiping my hand.
“Run it under cold water,” Nix tells me.
“No, I’m good.”
“What is up with you?”
“Nothing.”
“Something is definitely up.” She turns on the tap and starts muttering, “Making tea at one in the morning and trying to distract me, asking about studying and—” She gasps, her eyes bulging as she grabs my hand and shoves it under the cold water.
“Did something happen with you and Ty tonight? Oh my gosh, it was good, wasn’t it?
You’ve got this glow about you. Oh shit!
Did you have sex with him?” She practically yells the last part, and of course within a second, Jed and Tobin’s door is popping open, and I’m soon surrounded by curious roommates.
I glare down at the girl who is still holding my hand under the cold spray.
She gives me an unapologetic smile until I nudge her away from me and claim my hand back.
Drying it off, I let out a sigh when Jed leans his elbows on the kitchen counter with a bemused smirk and Tobin gives me a red-nosed smile.
“You should be back in bed,” I mumble, hanging the dish towel back up. “We can discuss my love life in the morning.”
“Your love life?” Nix’s laughter is sparkly and filled with delight. “You totally slept with him!” She gives me a friendly slap on the butt.
“We need details.” Tobin sniffs, taking a seat next to Jed and letting out an involuntary groan.
Jed steadies him and Tobin sighs, resting his head on Jed’s shoulder.
“Seriously, dude. This germ-fest of yours should not be in the kitchen.” Nix wrinkles her nose. “Take your snot back to your own room.”
“Hey.” Jed gives her a sharp look. “Leave him alone. He just needs to get out of the space for a minute. I’ll take him back to bed soon.”
“What, so you can get sick too?” Her disgusted look remains firmly intact.
Jed gives her a deadpan stare. “I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.”
“Whatever, dude. You’ve been hanging out in the germ zone all freaking day. You’re gonna get sick.”
“He is not.” Tobin’s blocked nose and croaky throat make him sound funny.
“My man is as strong as an ox. He hasn’t been sick once since we got together.
As long as you don’t count the food poisoning incident, which I still blame my mother for.
That woman should not be allowed to cook Thanksgiving meals. ”
“She was trying to be nice.”
“She was trying to impress you, and it was an epic backfire,” Tobin argues.
Jed laughs. “She’s a sweetheart.”
“Yeah, well, the fact that you forgave her won you some major brownie points. I think she likes you more than me now.”
“No way. You’re her precious boy.” Jed kisses Tobin’s forehead, then turns back to me.
A rush of heat floods my body as I carefully pick up my mug and wrap my fingers around it. Blowing on the hot tea, I take a sip and wonder if I can just walk to my room without confessing anything.
“Not a chance.” Jed reads my mind, his lips rising into a smirk. “Spill, girl.”
I huff, throwing a side-eye at Nix before getting it over with. “Fine. Tyrell and I had sex.”
“Was it good?” Nix bounces on her toes. “I bet it was fucking amazing! He is so hot.”
“He is hot,” I have to admit, my body buzzing just thinking about how divine he felt inside me.
“Bet he’s sporting himself a freaking Excalibur in those pants of his,” Tobin croaks.
“Guys,” I quickly reprimand them. “I am not talking to you about Tyrell’s penis!”
Tobin lets out a hoarse laugh that quickly turns into a coughing fit. He splutters into his elbow while Jed rubs his back with a wince.
“You good, baby?” he softly checks once Tobin’s done.
Nix is now on the opposite side of the room, staying as far away from Tobin’s bugs as possible.
“So, it was good, though?” she calls from armchair by the window.
I sip my tea, giving myself another minute before answering them. I have to. I need someone to talk to, and since I can’t wake my sister, I should probably just tell these guys everything.
Chewing my lip for a second, I finally let out a sigh and say, “It was amazing. I haven’t had sex in a really long time, and I didn’t plan on it tonight. But I’d just locked up, and we started dancing, and I just couldn’t resist him.”
“Wait.” Jed holds up his hand. “You did it at Offside?”
I blush.
“Where?”