Chapter 37
DANI
What did he just say?
It might be my post-sex brain that’s cloudy, but I’m sure he just said, “Move to Dallas with me.”
He said it like a question, but it’s really a statement, right?
Move to Dallas with me.
Holy shit.
He’s serious.
I study his expression. His brown eyes are rich with vulnerability, his lips dipping with this sweet concern, like he’s cautiously anticipating my reaction.
Oh shit. What do I say?
It’s pretty fast, right?
Really? He’s lying naked on top of you right now.
But there’s a big difference between having sex with someone and moving to another state with them!
Do I want that?
Do I want to shift my life again?
What’s in Dallas for me?
Tyrell! Tyrell Jackson will be in Dallas.
I can’t move my entire life for one human being.
You moved for Tobin when he invited you and you didn’t know anyone in Nolan. That’s worked out great.
Yeah, but this is different.
Dallas.
I don’t even know if I’ll like Dallas.
“Uh…” Tyrell lets out a disappointed sigh. “Sorry, it’s too fast, right? Too soon.” He rolls off me, staring up at the ceiling, and I curl into his side, resting my hand on his chest and trying to figure out what to say.
I don’t want to reject him.
But…
“Why are you asking me?”
“Huh?” He turns his head on the pillow, obviously surprised by the question.
I swallow and splutter, “I mean… why? Is it because you don’t think I can handle Nolan on my own? You want to protect me?”
“No.” He shuffles around on the bed so we’re lying face-to-face on our sides.
Taking my hand in his, he plays with my fingers, kissing the tip of my index before turning my heart to putty.
“I’m asking because the thought of leaving you is killing me.
Maybe it’s selfish, I don’t know.” He sighs.
“But I’ve been wanting to find a woman for a long time, and I can never seem to get past a second or third date. ”
“We’ve only been on one official one.” I frown.
He snickers, his smile so beautiful it knocks the breath of me.
“We’ve been hanging out for weeks, and I’ve been falling.
I just didn’t know I was. And now I’m here.
With you. Like this.” He lifts my fingers to his lips again, gently kissing them.
“And I don’t want to be anywhere else but with you.
And I’d offer to stay, but my family really needs me right now, and so my next best solution is to take you with me.
” His eyes fill with that sweet vulnerability again. “If you want to.”
I open my mouth, part of me desperate to scream Yes!
But another part of me is just not sure.
Where would we live?
Would we move in with his family?
I don’t know if I want that.
But you want him. You can’t deny that.
I do.
Yet the idea of moving everything for a guy is a lot.
I made my entire world about Atlas, and when he died, I was completely lost. I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be. What makes me happy.
I don’t know if I want to rearrange my life for someone else. Even though I’m confident Tyrell would never OD on any kind of substance, what if something else happened to him?
And what if we moved in together and it didn’t work out?
This all feels too much.
My heart starts to race as my mouth continues to goldfish.
“It’s okay,” he whispers, leaning in to kiss my forehead before rolling onto his back and tucking me against his side. I rest my head on his shoulder, splaying my hand over his hard pec and feeling kind of bad.
I think I’ve hurt his feelings.
“You don’t have to decide anything right now, and if you don’t want to come, it’s okay. I’ll, uh, just… I’ll make sure I come up here on the regular, and we can do long-distance, right? Unless…” His words trail off, and I have to move onto my elbow so I can see his face.
Oh shit, he looks gutted. “Unless what?”
“Unless this was just a… short-term thing for you.” He swallows, and my heart starts to crack.
“I didn’t know what this was going to be.
I’ve been trying really hard not to plan my life out too far, you know?
” I draw a circle on his chest with the tip of my index finger.
“I used to have such massive dreams, and I’ve learned the hard way that life often has other plans.
You just have to live one day at a time. ”
He nods, his lips pursing as he obviously wrestles with disappointment.
Shit.
“I… I really like being with you.” I haphazardly stick a Band-Aid over this conversation, trying to soothe the obvious wound I’m creating. “And I’ll think about Dallas, okay? I really will.”
He turns to me, and I’m wondering if he’s about to say, “Don’t worry about it.”
Will he rescind that offer? Have I just made an idiot move?
But instead, his lips curl into a smile. “Only say yes if you want to, okay?”
“Okay.” I nod, appreciating the freedom he’s giving me, but still hating the underlying disappointment of my lackluster response.
“Hey.” Pressing a kiss to his cheek, I rest my nose against the side of his face and promise him. “I will seriously think about it. I really enjoy being with you. And… I think I’m falling too, which is a little terrifying, you know?”
He turns to me, his eyes lighting with soft hope as his lips curl up at the edges. “I know.”
Cupping his face, I brush my thumb over his lips before kissing him and hoping I’ll have an obvious “feel good” answer sooner rather than later. These past few days… weeks… with Tyrell have been uplifting for my soul, and I don’t want to lose what I’ve got going with him.
But uprooting my life to move to Texas?
Taking our relationship to this next level so fast?
I’m just not sure.