Chapter 41
A gentle shake rouses me from my slumber. I groan and open my eyes to find a face peering down at me.
“Baby doll, we’re here. Do you want me to give you a piggyback up to bed?” His voice is a soothing whisper.
“No, it’s fine. I can manage. I don’t want to inconvenience you by having you carry me to bed. But thank you.”
“It’s no trouble at all. You’re as light as a feather. I’d be happy to carry you up.” He steps out of the car, taking my hand in his, and leads me toward the doors.
He turns his back to me, arms extended, waiting for me to climb onto him. I slide out of the car and clamber onto his back. His arms secure my legs, lifting me higher to prevent any chance of slipping.
I rest my chin on his shoulder, my arms wrapped around his neck for support. My eyelids feel heavy.
As he carries me across the driveway and into the house, the cool night breeze brushes against my skin, causing goosebumps to rise.
“Thank you, Knox. You didn’t have to,” I whisper, not because I’m trying to keep our conversation private, but because I’m too drained to speak any louder. I’m surprised I can even form a coherent sentence.
“Anything for you, baby doll,” he replies, turning his head so I can see his profile. I lean in to kiss his cheek, and I feel him tense slightly, his breath hitching.
But that’s just because of the awkward position he’s holding me in, and my movement doesn’t help.
“For you, carrying me. When you didn’t have to.”
“Thanks, baby doll. And I wanted to. You look exhausted.” He carries me into my room and squats down so I can reach the bed without any sudden movements. My vision is blurry, my eyes keep closing, but I hear him chuckle above me.
“What?” I ask, not bothering to open my eyes. “Nothing. Here, let’s get you tucked in. I know I can’t do it like Annie does, but I’ll have to do for now.”
I slide under the covers, pulling them up to my chin, and tuck one hand under the cool side of my pillow. I snuggle into myself, seeking warmth, and feel his lips press against mine.
They linger, a soft and warm kiss that instantly fills me with warmth. Then, a kiss on my forehead. Am I dreaming?
“Goodnight, beautiful. Sleep well.” After that, I lose the battle to stay awake. I slip into a deep slumber, so deep that I don’t remember dreaming.
I wake to stillness around me. It’s still dark outside, but I’m wide awake. I toss and turn, trying to fall back asleep. Well, that’s what you get for falling asleep so early, Alex.
I roll over to check the time on my phone. It’s 3:56 a.m. Great. I groan and decide to head downstairs to make myself some hot chocolate. That usually helps me sleep.
After changing out of my dinner clothes and into a jersey, I reach the kitchen and pour some milk into a pot to bring to a boil.
I search for some cocoa powder and find some. The marshmallows are already out from the kids’ activities earlier. They won’t mind if I borrow some.
Cupping a steaming mug of hot chocolate, I grab a blanket and head outside onto the deck. I can faintly hear the voices of teenagers on the beach, having fun.
Sipping from the mug to keep warm, I pull the blanket around me and draw my knees to my chest, settling comfortably on the outdoor corner sofa.
The sliding door from the kitchen opens, and I’m greeted by a shirtless back and a pair of red boxer shorts. He turns around and faces me.
“I knew it was you,” Knox beams at me, sitting next to me and pulling the blanket over his own legs. He places his arm around the back of the seat.
“How’d you know it was me?” I ask.
“Because I can smell that from upstairs,” he says, pointing at my hot chocolate with a grin. I can feel his skin brushing against mine intermittently.
I hold out the mug to him. “Want some? I made too much for just me.” He takes the mug from my hand after I warn him it’s hot.
He winks. “Of course I want some. This is hands down the best recipe there is!” His smile makes him look like a five-year-old.
He sets the mug on his lap, holding it with one hand, while the other arm wraps itself around me. He starts to pull me closer, and I let him.
Pulling the blanket up further for both of us, he adjusts it and rests his arm across my shoulder.
We sit in silence for a while until I spot a couple holding hands, kissing, and fooling around, making the girl scream every so often. I smile to myself, remembering a time when Drew and I were just like that couple.
I shake my head to clear the thoughts and take a sip from the mug on Knox’s knee.
“Don’t go back to him,” he says after a moment of silence.
“Drew... he doesn’t deserve a girl like you.”
“A girl like me? What do you mean?” I ask, irritation creeping into my voice. What does he mean, a girl like me? Am I that repulsive?
He released a long sigh, his eyes closing momentarily before reopening to meet mine. “A girl who gave him everything and got nothing back. You didn’t expect anything in return except his love.
“He didn’t give that to you. I knew he wouldn’t. You’re the kind of girl a man needs to fight for, the kind whose attention doesn’t come easily. You’re feisty yet sensitive.
“You’re the kind who doesn’t give a damn but at the same time, you do. You care for others without expecting anyone to care for you.
“You’ve built so many walls around yourself that when they finally come down, it’s the most beautiful thing in the world.
“You’re the kind of girl who deserves more than to be cheated on. You’re worth it, even if you won’t believe a single word I just said.”
I stared at him, shocked by his words. I had expected this conversation to go in a completely different direction, one that would have me storming out in anger.
“Ha! You’re right about the last part. That’s not me. Wait—You knew he wouldn’t? How?”
“I saw him flirting with another girl the last time you brought him to New York.” “Why didn’t you say anything?” My voice was tinged with hurt and disappointment. If he had told me, I could’ve stopped him from cheating on me.
“I know you’re thinking that if I had told you, he wouldn’t have cheated on you. But that’s not the case, Alex. It was his choice to cheat on you.
“He would’ve done it regardless of whether I had told you or not. I never liked the guy anyway. I’m glad you dumped him. He never deserved you. You deserve so much better.”
“Knox, he might not have cheated if we had talked about it. But then again, he might’ve cheated regardless. It would’ve saved me time and a lot of pain—”
“Please don’t get upset, Alex. I hate seeing you upset. He doesn’t deserve any of your tears.”
“I’m done crying over him. He never loved me. I was just an object to him. Like most guys. I was going to marry Andy, but I think she’s going to marry Kyle... so that’s gone out the window.”
I laughed to myself, feeling his gaze on me as I kept my eyes on the beach. I traced a finger down the side of the cup sitting on my knees, following the line of dried hot chocolate.
The sound of waves crashing in the distance reminded me of how much I missed my granddad.
“You’ll find someone to marry, baby doll, trust me. Any guy would be lucky to have you as a girlfriend and wife.”
“Pfft, I’ll just marry Adam and become a cougar. I just don’t care anymore. And now I get so much more attention from guys. I’m so awkward, it’s usually Andy who gets the attention.”
“You’ve always been awkward with guys, nothing new there. You just didn’t have any... practice.”
“Thanks to you, spreading rumors about me and making jokes about the way I looked. I already had my own father telling me that I didn’t need another person to confirm that I was in fact ugly and disgusting.”
“Hey—” he said softly, pulling my chin around so I was looking up at him. “I never spread rumors about you, but I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I just—
“None of the guys in high school deserved to have you, and believe me, a lot of them wanted you. As for your father, he’s not coming anywhere near you. I won’t let him.
“But man, was I really that mean in high school?” He winced at my honesty.
“No guys wanted me in high school, Knox. Who would want the quiet, nerdy tomboy who got stabbed by her own father and whose mouth got her into so much trouble? “Come on. And yes, you were that bad in high school. Did you know about the girls?”
“Well, I always liked nerdy girls. I actually find them quite sexy!” I rolled my eyes and looked back at the beach. “What girls?”
“See! You were too busy focusing on the guys you all had no idea about the girls....”
“What did they do?” He abruptly asked, sitting up straighter in the seat.
“It’s in the past now, it doesn’t matter.”
“Tell me, Alex!” He demanded. I sighed and looked at him, contemplating whether to tell him or not. The seconds ticked by, and I could feel the anger rising in the body beside me.
“Fine, you remember the time when you couldn’t find me one night and Tori told you all that I was at a sleepover at her house for the girls in our year?”
“Well, I wasn’t there. I don’t even think there was one.”
“There was... never mind. Where were you?”
“Well... they texted me from Hannah’s phone saying I was to meet her in the toilets when school was finished...”
“Well, they locked me in there the whole night and took my phone and put it in my locker. So I couldn’t message anyone, but it wouldn’t have been useful because it was on twenty-three percent when they locked me in....”
“Fuck... are you kidding me? Why didn’t you tell me? Or Kyle? A side note though, only you would remember exactly what percentage your phone was on.”
“I just wanted to leave it and not talk to anyone about it. My confidence got lower and lower, and I stopped talking to you and Kyle because you were friends with her.
“When I knew she’d be in our house, I wouldn’t come home until she left. Hannah was the only one who knew about it, not even my mom knows about it...”
“Jesus, Alex, I—I don’t know what to say,” he stammers, his free hand raking through his hair and across his face in disbelief.